Krystal's line from her blog really resonated with me:

"Isn't amazing how an emotion can cripple your soul so much, make your mind work in ways it never thought it could..."

Yea, it is amazing.

It's amazing how uplifting it is, to remember your anniversary, and the fact that you've made it this far despite all the shit you've been through.

It's amazing how much it hurts when, for example, you realise your boyfriend forgets your anniversary.

It's amazing how much it hurts when he can't even remember the correct number of years that you've been together.

It's amazing how it really hurts when he thinks that you *enjoy* having to *punish* him because he forgot.

It's amazing how it really, really hurts that he thinks it's no big deal that he doesn't remember, and that he doesn't see what the big fuss about dates is all about.

It's amazing how it kills you to think that he could be so flippant about something so important to you.

Yes, an emotion is amazing, all right.

It can cripple you, all right.

It can lift you up on high hopes, only to send you crashing to the ground in the end, your heart pierced by the extremely tall and sharp flagpole that you were so unlucky to fall on.

Why does it affect me so much? Because I don't know how else to get the measure of this man.

His way of showing he cares is not like any other guy that I've heard of, or seen.

He doesn't call me. He doesn't SMS me. He doesn't ask me out for dinner after work. Most times when I've tried to call him, I don't get an answer. Most times when I've tried to ask him out, he can't make it.

When we first started out, he didn't even bother to call me out, until I got him into the habit of going out every Sunday. Mondays to Saturdays, I don't communicate with him.

He didn't remember my birthday at first, or even care, until I grumbled about it.

Our first Valentine, he said he had to stay at work. Our second Valentine, he said he wanted to dine with his parents. This while 100s of boyfriends around the island were frantically making dinner reservations. This while I had said that we could even go to a coffeeshop, just as long as we managed to meet.

I keep telling him, I feel like a Batam wife. As if I'm some woman there for his entertainment after work, as a respite from his real wife or something. As if he's not interested in the commitment to make this relationship work. As if I'm just something to entertain himself with.

Some days, I know that what I just said was terribly unfair. Other days I wonder why I seem to be making all the effort and why can't he just do a few simple things to make me happy.

Everyday, I wish I didn't have to feel this way. That the crippling thoughts won't just crash down on me one after the other and leave me unable to think clearly and rationally.

2 months after the disaster that was Valentine's Day, I got this from him on our 2nd anniversary.

It's just so hurtful that it's not funny.

Dates are important to me. Anniversaries are important, because they remind us how it was when we got together.

It reminds us that we made a choice to get together.

It congratulates us that we've made it this far together.

He can't see why it's so important. He asked me why are they so important to me, if they are just dates?

I want to ask him, how can they be so unimportant to you?

And also, again, why can't you just remember it if it was so important to me? Is it that hard to remember a date?

*Haiz* I don't know. I don't know why I think of all these questions. I don't know why I even have to.

But before I go, I want to remind myself of the better things. The things that show he cares for me.

He still bothers to come out on Sundays for me. If he didn't want to come out, he could have just went out with his parents instead.

He NOW remembers my birthday, after mixing it with Juls' birthday, and bothers to DO something. [remember the insecty bag?]

He patiently shops around with me, and even picks out things that I might like or that might look good on me.

He goes places that he normally would not, like Sentosa, East Coast, and even West Side Story, simply because I wanted to.

Even when I made him miss a boat to Bintan with his friends, he waited for me with my luggage and made no complaint about having to go early the next day, or paying for the crazy-huge taxi bill I chalked up.

He pays for taxi rides, lunches, dinners, teas, movies and never asks for payment, but just accepts what money I remember to give him.

He remembers things that I like and do, even when he can't understand why on earth any person would be interested in it.

Even when I goof up like some plebeian in front of his parents, he still sticks up for me. [even when his mother offers me facials and slimming treatments :S ]

[I think that list was a good move. I feel better now after typing all the good stuff down]

In the end, I suppose the good stuff always comes with the bad.

Every relationship is a bed of roses. When you lie in it, you smell the sweet perfume, but you also feel the thorns.

But if we want to ever smell the perfume, then that's the price we have to pay.

*Sigh*

At least if we make it past this one, we'd be able to make it to a 3rd anniversary, which will hopefully be better.

At least whatever happens, we still choose to be with each other.

And hopefully, we'd both be stronger after it.

According to Krystal's blog, I'm supposed to write 6 weird things about myself on my blog, and then tag 6 other people to do the same thing.

Where do you want me to start? I have no idea which of my seemingly-normal habits could possibly consider me an entry into the Woodbridge chalet, but, well, here goes......

1. I started reading manga at 12, starting with Detective Conan. 14 years later, at the age of 26, I'm still reading manga, Detective Conan in particular, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, online comics like Megatokyo and Applegeeks....... Literature that is, in other words, written for an audience that is at least 10 years older than I am. And I think they're written a whole lot better than literature for people my age.

2. The most comfortable sitting position on a chair is one where I have either one or both legs on the seat of the chair, as opposed to on the floor. The back should be leaning on one of the arms, or on the back of the chair, and the entire body should assume the firmness of muah chee and simply melt into the chair. A good book should be in hand, a large glass of iced lemon tea in the other, and a large pack of potato chips on the stomach.

3. Oh yea, I'm also capable of eating nothing but a pack of Ruffles and a can of iced lemon tea for lunch on holidays when I'm too lazy to walk out.

4. I have the most eclectic mix of music I know in my MP3 player. My collection ranges from classical, to lounge, to chillout, to mandopop, to jazz, to swing, to j-pop, to rock, to well, Justin Timberlake.

5. I believe that $2000 is better spent on a ticket to London than on a LV bag. Even if I only get to stay in London for a weekend.

6. I also believe that no matter how dire the situation, there is always a way out of it, if one would only take the effort to think things through. If you are stuck in a bad job, you can make it better. If you are stuck with a bad boss, you can find ways around her, if you know what to say. If you think your life sucks, you can and should be thinking of ways to make it better. Optimism or naivete? That depends on whether you think I'm weird.

Tagging: Slayer, Quetzal, Yenn, and er, any other people who read this blog?

A recent conversation I had with Reiko made me very pissed off.

[although my short temper was also due in part to the horribly crowded NATAS fair that I trounged through in search of tickets to Athens, but that's another story...]

We were discussing our superior again, and some issue ongoing at work. [to prevent any of the people in that workplace finding this blog, no details, sorry.]

She described to me some of the things that that superior had done at work, and frankly, I was aghast. Aghast at some of the things that person had said, aghast at some of the things that person had done. I asked why hadn't anyone ever stepped forward to actually tell the superior of some of the problems going on at ground level.

"You think anyone dares? Last time, someone tried to tell her and then... [description of downfall of said person]."

"And then there was... [another description of the sad fate of another fallen soul]"

"And then..."

"Last time..."

Aiyah you get the idea lah.........

The most head-shaking part about the whole thing though, was not the fate befallen on these people, but rather the willingness of all the other sheep in the office who were simply willing to accept their lot and let it be that.

It seems that this person has created such an aura of holy terror around her, as described by said colleague, that now no one dares to touch her with a ten foot trident.

And everyone else is either willing to accept it, or leave.

An attitude I find 'typically Singaporean'.

In such a situation where things are not to our benefit, we either:

Accept it, stay in the same situation, and grumble endlessly about our hard lot in life, or
Leave the place for assumably greener grass elsewhere.

Not many people, it seems, are willing to take the calculated risk of actually doing something to improve their current situation in life.

Like this place: It is a fact that a lot of people are unhappy about the decisions made in this place. It is also a fact that people still accept the unhappy decisions, and then grumble about it to their colleagues, in a half-resigned manner, as if, "What can I do about it?"

Not many actually start thinking about what they can actually do about it.

And then things get to a stage where it becomes utterly unbearable, and then you lash out and fight, only to get knocked down.

I get irritated by this kind of attitude. Because when things don't go your way, and you don't do anything about it, your only recourse is to complain to your colleagues. Who can't do anything for you anyway, so what's the point? Other than letting off steam, that is......

*hai* The whole idea of the civil service is starting to get me down. I keep thinking that I need to start other options just in case I decide to quit, but the workload just piles on, leaving me either no time to do this, or too tired to do this.

I need a good kickstart......

Lately a friend n I, let's call her Reiko, were talking about our P.

I heard from Reiko that someone in the staff had gotten in trouble with the P for something trivial, hairstyle or shoes, I think. Duh

Apparently the P had gotten worked up enough to threaten the staff with an extended probation. "I can delay your confirmation if I want! I can extend your probation!" [I'm not sure of the exact words, having heard this from a third party, so don't quote me on this]

My friend was thus, out of concern, trying to tell me to 'take care of myself' by making sure my hair was tied during work hours, and that I was wearing the appropriate footwear and everything, lest I suffer the same fate as aforementioned colleague.

Now I'm not trying to comment on anything about the P or her abilities. What struck me was the perceived power that was held in the superior's hands.

If I could ask a question to any of the staff with the same line of thinking, I think I would ask, "Why are you so afraid of this person?"

The P cannot kill me. Cannot physically hurt me. Not going to rape me, physically torture me, or inflict any bodily harm onto me.

Could the P affect my salary? Sure, but I still have a job, I still have money coming in. After all, I'm still coming to work, I'm still performing my duties, and I'm not committing any of the major sins of my line. She could possibly set back my career for a year or so, but I'm young. I'll survive in this industry long after she does. And even if I don't, I'll branch out, or I'll jump somewhere. I will find a way to survive.

Could she destroy my pride, my ego, my dignity? Only if I let her do so.

When it comes down to it after all, the power that this person holds over me is a superficial kind of power at best. She owns neither my body nor my soul.

Why then are people so afraid of her at the workplace?

I think it's because we allow her to believe that she has control over us. When you look at it, why is it she can only threaten to extend the probation period of the person, instead of termination, or death? Because that is all there is within her power to do. And it's a weak kind of threat as well.

Admittedly, I'm in a better position than others, and there are several reasons why such a threat would not affect me as much as others.

1. I'm young. So what if my promotion is delayed by a year? I still have about 40 over years in front of me. Taken in such a perspective, a year is a pretty short time.

2. I have no dependents. My parents are still working, I'm not married and I have no kids. I don't even have a dog. :p

3. I'm pretty well educated to have other options in front of me. And to know what are the opportunities in front of me.

4. My industry constantly suffers from a lack of people. And it's not as volatile as the private sector is.

So I find it amusing that people think that I should be afraid of this one person in my life. Sticks and stones, babes, sticks and stones.

But my attitude is probably the minority. Even within my industry, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who thinks this way. I think most people will be like Reiko and advise me to toe the line, for heaven's sake.

I think this is because of the importance we place on things like job security, advancement, salary and others. Because they are important to us, we steer away from anything that threatens them. And we do all we can to protect what we have.

But does there comes a point where we overestimate the threat posed on these items? That's like when someone decides to blow up a plane with hair gel and anything of a liquid nature becomes banned from all airlines all over the world. Overreacting? Sure enough, but can we recognise it when we are doing it to ourselves?

I did speak to the threatened colleague before I even heard of this incident. I remember her views on the P, which went something like

"What can she do to me? I know I'm doing my job. I know that I'm not committing any great crime while I am doing it. Whatever I do, my conscience is clear. If she wants to fire me, so be it. I'm not cut out for this line, and I'll find something else to do."

If my conscience is clear, so be it. No one has power over me, except that which I allow them to have.

Turns out the last migraine wasn't the end of my health episodes.

One week after I went for migraine medicine, a short line of itchy rashes appeared on my throat, which also refused to go away for about a week. I was ready to put it off as a bad meeting with some mosquito at night, until my concerned colleagues advised me to go to the doctor.

And when I did, he told me it was shingles!

[summarized from wikipedia. Italics are my own crappy opinions]
Shingles - The reactivation of the chickenpox virus. Historically linked to an age-related decline in immunity, it is now thought to be linked to reduced exposure to children infected with chicken pox.

To prevent shingles in future, become nanny to chickenpox-infected children at least once in one or two weeks

One of the earliest symptoms is headache.
DAMN!


The virus is not spread through coughing, sneezing or casual contact.
Ok, you ARE safe.

Chicken pox virus can remain dormant for decades.
DAMN

Outbreaks occur for many different reasons, most of which are a result of events which decrease the immune system such as aging, severe illness, or severe emotional stress. ANOTHER thing to blame DF and the Vday fiasco for.

Shingles cannot be passed from one person to another. You guys are safe. However, the virus, that causes chickenpox, can be spread from one person to another who has not been infected with the chickenpox virus before through direct contact with the rash.
You are safe unless one of you decides to touch, strangle, or kiss my throat.

Read the full version at Wikipedia here.

On a brighter note, the March hols have started! It's one week of slacking, with maybe 2 days I gotta go back to school.... Woohoo! I'm declaring it Humanity Reclamation Week. Time to become human again instead of the role-model-figure I'm supposed to constantly maintain at work.

Frayed Nerves

I don't know whether it's workplace stress that's causing it, or all the fracas with him over Vday and CNY, but my brain finally surrendered on Monday and gave me a splitting migraine. This continued all the way to Thursday, getting sharper and more enduring, till I sucuumbed and saw a doctor on Thursday. [there goes another lindy class -_-!!!]

The diagnosis was that it was a tension headache, probably caused by accumulated stress over a period of time. Yea, and it had to hit when I was finally starting to relax... -_-!

I suppose the usual thing to do would be to try to relax more, but it's not quite so easy. Identifying stress triggers [incidents at work, wrong words from him, voice of mother] is easy. Trying to deal with it is another thing.

Like when my mom tells me to do the laundry when I am blogging. I feel myself getting irritated, short-tempered, and my heart beats faster. But what do I do about it then? Ah, not so easy to calm yourself then. Or like when he tells me I should do up my hair, or lose some weight, and I feel myself getting worried again... No way on earth to suddenly lose 10 kg on the spot before I meet his mother :p

How then? Hai...... Maybe it's because of scolding the kids, but nowadays I get more short-tempered when something goes wrong. My first instinct is to want to scold somebody, someone, something! Just to make myself feel better, I guess...

I do try to cool down, and breathe slower, but that's more like trying to alleviate the symptoms, rather than attacking the source of it. I also have the pills the doc gave me, but I'm afraid of what will happen after the medication ends and I still have the headaches. :S How then? I don't wanna be dependent on these pills everytime either.

alamak....... just typing this blog entry also making me stressed liao...........

I ended the last blog post on a pretty depressing note, so here's some cheering up.

Frankly, after all the hoo-hah on Vday, I had pretty depressing expectations for my birthday, ranging from 'He won't come out at all' to 'He'll come out, but leave straight after lunch'.

So I thought to myself, "Fine, he's not going to spend the day with me. He didn't spend V-day with me, and he's not going to spend my birthday with me. Fine. Whatever. I'll deal." [as well as I dealt with the Vday episode. X( ]

And then, what do you know, when he finally told me for real, that he could have to go home after lunch to do his project, my face pulled into a longish shape and I couldn't even bring myself to say, "Ok." or anything else to him. I didn't even want to look at him, for fear that all the negative qi that I had been carrying since Vday suddenly spilled out in his parents' car while they were driving.

So he came up with a compromise. We would meet early in the morning, at 9, and then head down to Vivo ourselves before my parents came.
( Ergh, waking up early on a public holiday )

Who'd've thunk, he actually succeeded in making it a great day and released all the negative energy I'd been carrying around for about a week.

First, the presents:

Cutesy insect bag from LeSportSac, which made me squeal just to see it. Aint' it cute???
Details on the bag. A lot of cutesy insects, flowers, rainbows, but NO dragonflies. :p


And I even got a flower! I've never gotten a flower from a guy before... *sniff sniff*

[btw it's a toy because I think plastic is too cheap, and he thinks real will die in no time]

But I'm not such a cheap whore as to be won over by semi-expensive gifts, ok? He did do other stuff on that day itself that managed to turn my heart.

For one, we stopped at the Golden village cinema while shopping, and we saw that Ghost Rider, which he wanted to watch, was showing. He then turned to me and asked, "You want to watch a movie?"

Huh? I thought you had to finish your project which deadline was in one week and which you had to piah overnight for the rest of the week for?

*Shrugs* "Well, I can't finish it tonight anyway."

But as much as I want you to spend the day with me, I really don't it to be at the cost of your project, especially since you would have to spend so much time on it.

"Look, if you want, say you want, and I'll watch the movie. If you don't want, then I'll go back home after lunch."

...... Of course I want lah.

"Then let's go buy the tickets."

(0_0)(0_0)(0_0)

Then later, after my whole family had eaten a potentially-cardiac-arresting lunch at Carnivore, [no guessing what the restaurant specialises in] my dad gave the waiter his credit card, and the waiter actually came back with DF's!!!

Who knew, but he had actually given the waiter HIS credit card halfway during the meal, and he paid for my entire family!

[No small sum either. My dad just gave me the money to pay him back, and I asked what if he doesn't want the money? Then apparently it becomes another birthday ang pow to me. >:D I'm tempted to never bring up the subject with the DF again.......]

I wonder if this is all part of the ups and downs of a relationship? There are times where I feel there's no hope for us any longer, that he doesn't care, that he's a bodoh blockhead, that it's just not worth it anymore.

And then he goes and pulls something like this, which reminds me all over again why I'm still with him. :S

*Hai*

Of course, on the subject of birthdays, many thanks of course, to all the others that brightened up my day:

The whole IJ gang, including Slayer, [ +new child Bucky] Jubilee14, schwarz_kreuz, necroz, sylveracyd, doe and Bel who camped on my floor, ate all the pizza and chicken, and watched 2 eps of Prison Break with me, and who gave me the always-welcome Kino vouchers. :D [Which are GONE already, after just one trip to Kino :s ] Also, the really cute cat frame, :D and the tie-dye shirt which I'm not sure I have the guts to wear in public :S

Juls and Quetz, who brought me to dinner at Sushi Tei, [which is my alltime favourite for SAKE...] and for the leave-in conditioner. All the sashimi, sushi that I wanted to eat, before I got too guilty about it.

EVERYONE else who sent me great SMSes and remembered the day when I stepped one year closer to 30. :) :) :) Thanks, ya all.

Maybe the time till the next birthday won't be too bad.

Valentine's day made me feel like a real humbug.

Firstly, I must say that I was prepared for a 50% chance that he would not be able to make it for that day, since his boss [from hell] was apparently planning a meeting on THAT night of all nights 0_0

Then a whole bunch of bad stuff happened at work, and at the end of it, when I asked him whether he still wanted to meet, he told me he wanted to quit and wanted to talk it over and have dinner with his parents. o_0

I read 'I want to have dinner with my parents tonight'.

WTF??? It's VALENTINE'S DAY f'godssake!!! And why on earth would you want to have dinner with your parents???

WTF about me then?

That particular one hit me hard. If I wasn't at work painting corn on walls, [long story] I think I would have just broke down on the spot then and there.

Bad enough if he wasn't able to make it [like last year] but worse still if he could make it, but would rather have dinner with his parents!!!

What about me then? I kept asking why it was I was with this guy who didn't care enough to spend V-day with me, even though he knew how important it was to me, even though he already knew I really, really wanted to meet.

I kept wondering why he couldn't care enough to do this thing on this day to make me happy at least. I knew there were tons of boyfriends out there who didn't give a fig about Vday and that they were all just out at dinner for their girlfriend's sake, but AT LEAST they bothered! They bothered enough because they knew that that was what would make their girlfriends happy, and they were willing to go through all that because they wanted her HAPPY!!!

[Not helping the situation was my various attached colleagues who had dinner engagements. -_-!!!!!]

I ended up extracting a late night supper from him, but by then I felt as if I had to manhandle him into doing something he didn't want to do and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why go through all this effort for someone who didn't really care?

In the end, I went to Jul's house for KFC with Quet, Candle, and Yenn.

I still in a pretty depressed mood the entire night though, and I very nearly broke down over Jul's sink, because by then, I had a lotta negative qi that I just had to expel, and it all came out. Jul just stood by and listened to my barely-there, almost-frayed-emotional state, and watched with eyes open as I furiously scrubbed his sink ten thousand times over.

[In this time of emotional distress, I reverted to what generations of women had done before me, and resorted to domestic chores to expel my emotions.]

In the end, he did bring up some logical points, that a guy's job was big in his life, and that if he was facing such a crisis at work, he might have had some good reasons for wanting to wanting to discuss some issues with his parents. They might have had to work out financial issues. He might have been really confused. He might have felt that he was in too sucky a mood to meet me, and spoil my valentine because he had work on his mind.

Of course, all this was in my head somehow, but in my emotionally crazed state, I think I was too hyped on hormones to think about all these.

In the end, by the time he met me, I had already expelled almost all the negative energy, and was in a much calmer mood. The rest of them by this time were also encouraging me to just make the best of what I had left of the Vday, so... like that lor.

I guess one exasperating thing about this whole episode was how 1. it always seemed as though he didn't care enough about me to do all these things for me, and 2. I was pretty tired of always having to initiate these things on my own. Why couldn't he care enough, to want to do all these things for me instead?

How come other girls have guys who fall heads over heels to do all they can to please them, and me I have to beg, plead, persuade, and demand all these things out of him?

So tired. So tired of it.

By now, though, I've already expelled 90% of the negative energy, so that's why I'm still sober enough to blog about the whole thing with another major breakdown. I will have to speak to him about it one day and let him know just how I felt on that day, but for CNY peace sake, I don't wanna bring it up yet.

However, Jul did bring up the point that although this was a definite low in the relationship, it was simply one of the highs and lows that come in a long-term relationship. I could either sell the stock immediately and relieve my portfolio, or ride out the bearish market, and see if I make even more long term gains in the future. [a financial metaphor was the best I could come up with]

So I was really almost ready to sell, but I guess...... I'm holding on to the stock for now, to see if the price rises.

One favour to all my friends who are reading this: Don't bring this up to me, unless I bring it up. It took me that much to become ok with it, and I don't wanna go through the whole tiring process again. There will be some days when I think about it again, and wanna talk about it, but for now, NO.

*Sigh* Happy Valentine's Chinese New Year then.

I always have what I call 'tipping points' in the workweek, to make the whole 5 days go by a little easier.

For example, Wednesday is a major tipping point. Once Wednesday is over means that we are onto the 2nd half of the week, also meaning that the weekend is that much closer.

Thursday is another tipping point. After dance class is over means that Friday is almost upon us. Friday means another night of dinner, drink [maybe], and debauchery.

Need I explain about Friday?

Other things serve as tipping points too. Tea time with a friend on Monday brings Tuesday that much closer. Watching a theatre production on a Wednesday brings the tipping point that much closer. These kind of tipping points are the little things that you look forward to outside of work, that make you want to live through the boring ten courses of the day just to enjoy that little morsel of dessert that you know comes at the end.

I always look forward, therefore, to my tipping points.

Lately, though, my week has been filled with so many tipping points that some weeks just fly by in a flash, and before I know it, weekends are over, and I have done nothing, achieved nothing, except use up a lot of my energy and slack time. X( I never quite realised this until this year, because nowadays everytime I go home early after work, it's simply to sleep, sleep, sleep.

My best nap record so far is on Thursday when I went home early with a throat infection, fell upon my bed, and then slept all the way till 9. -_-!!! This even though I was still thinking I could maybe wake up, go out for some dinner, head to the library, and then home. -_-!!!!! None of which I did, of course, because of my comatose manner on my blankets.

I know many people out there may see this kind of slothery as a blessed luxury, but in fact, I felt I wasted some time, and I even woke up with a splitting migraine for screwing up my sleep cycle majorly. [I'm like that] Trust me, the migraine wasn't worth it. -_-!!!!!

The 20s are, I suppose, the prime of my years, but in this way.... I dunno, is it going away too fast like this? I wonder whether I'm starting to exhaust my body past its limits. I don't wanna stay at home everyday just watching Channel U dramas [no offence to those who do] and then sleeping at 9, but neither do I wanna race past the rest of my life just like that.

Gods, I'm in my 20s and I feel like I'm already in my 50s sometimes. Maybe I am getting old.

I'm guessing that the work is partly because of it. That because I don't want to spend my life just doing my work and nothing else, I squeeze all these extra stuff in, so that my workweek goes by faster, and so that I feel that I have done something else in life other than my work. That I have a worth outside of my workplace.

The only problem is that so far, it's been going too fast. I'm starting to stuff too much stuff in, so that really, the time I get to myself, to do my own activities is declining more and more, as can be evidenced by the amount of time I spend on this blog anymore. ^_^!!! And because of that, my body is cracking down. My batteries aren't being recharged properly. And I keep having to pay Kenko crazy amounts of money to perform a rapid recharge. [a particular branch manager in the City Hall area started to recognise me by face -_-!!!]

I need to start repairing batteries. Please stay tuned even if you don't hear much from me anymore. ;)

Call me an old fogey, but I find this 'super funny' vid freezing cold.

Although if I were the 'Indian man' in the vid, I probably would have quietly taken their orders the second time, and then quietly gone to the back to call the police. Or my kakis.

Always fear the quiet ones. ;)

---

It's been a somber Friday night for me this time around, because of the time-stopping news I received that a girl my age, who used to ride the same schoolbus with me in Primary school, actually passed away due to her own circumstances.

With the news came feelings of quiet shock, that this could have happened to a person our age, sadness for the ending of all her life potential, and then, at the wake, sadness that a person at our age could have felt so utterly helpless, so utterly despaired that she saw not even a spark at the end of the tunnel.

Suddenly I feel very old. I should not be attending wakes for compadres at my age, no?

Um, I got tagged by Slayer to do a meme on favourite movies, but fact is, I've never been that much of a movie fan... :p So I can only give you some titles but not favourite scenes or lines......

1. Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet

2. Moulin Rouge

3. Jeux D'Enfants

Yes, that's a pretty bad mix of movies with unfulfilled love. -_-!!! Explains my sometimes-paranoid view on relationships.......

Well, I liked Borat too......?

Coming onto relationships though......

I woke up this morning to an SMS from the DF saying "I just went to bed. Don't know what time I'll wake up." which was received by my HP this Sun morning, 6-freaking-am in the morning -_-!

On Mons to Fris, that would be acceptable timing, but on Sundays? Just plain unholy.

Anyway, this unreasonably pisses me off for several reasons:

1. Sundays are our days, and the SMS implies that he won't be seeing me today. -_- Paranoia again, I know.

2. Why don't you just tell me you'll meet me later in the afternoon?

3. No mention of whether we are still meeting that day. Now am I supposed to make plans with someone, only to risk him waking up later? Or do I not make plans for the whole day, and wait futilely for him?

I wonder if this general blockness is just restricted to the guys I know, or is it just all guys? Cos I know Jules and Turtle are pretty much capable of the same blockness as well, just that I get more irritated at DF cos, he's the, er, DF.

The other day, Jules got Candle pretty pissed off because of the same insensitivity.

Imagine that a guy can arrange to watch a movie with a girl, and then get the movie time wrong, notify the girl too late, offer to fetch her, take back the offer too late, causing both parties to arrive late at the cinema, where he manages to exchange the tickets for the same show at a later time, [small points for trying] and then just before the movie, rushes off to meet a client and not appear till hours later in the cinema when the movie is already reaching the end legs.

And the best part of it all was that he could still insist that it was because of work, that the fault was not his, and that he tried his best.

OMG! What happened to the simple, effective method of apologising, and then making amends??? [preferably with some very good dessert] All we wanted, in this situation was to hear one simple SORRY.

MEN.

The DF was the same thing during that disastrous day of his father's baptism, when I appeared in the church in T-shirt and flip flops. I sulked for a good while before I finally got a half-hearted apology, after all the repeated insistences of "It wasn't my fault."

ACK! Isn't it pointless to insist that you aren't at fault, when you clearly were?

Let us all spit out the word again.

MEN.

When I was younger, my mom used to yell at me for my school uniform. Being in secondary meant that I went through something like 3 sets of uniforms a week, which had to be washed and ironed before the next Monday. This also included the white canvas shoes which had to be polished with white paint. At that age, I was considered old enough to do this simple task without repeated yellings from her.

When I entered university, it became the shirts and jeans that I wore to uni. Now I had something like 5 or 6 shirts after one week of school, plus about 3 or 4 jeans. The laundry load increased, and it was my fault for wearing all these clothes to school. I was already old enough to start washing and ironing my own clothes anyway. When was I going to learn to take care of myself?

Then I started buying my own clothes. She complained about the increasing load of laundry, which was funny, because I mean, no matter the number of clothes in your closet, you're only wearing about 5 or 6 per week right? I also didn't know where the extra laundry she was complaining about was coming from. I started periodically doing my own laundry.

Now I'm working, I do my own laundry on a weekly basis. On Sat or Sun mornings, after breakfast, I take down my laundry basket, wash, and hang up the clothing. At the same time, I took down the ones I washed last week.

This was what I considered a reasonable system, since now, she didn't have to wash and hang and take down my clothing anymore. However, she didn't think the same way.

Yesterday morning, when I woke up at 1330, [one of the rare times I really sleep in, to my profound bad luck] I read an SMS on my phone that said "Your clothes are in the void deck."

-_-

When I asked her about it, she yelled that my clothes had been hanging there for 2 weeks [which it had not, because I had washed them just 1 week ago] and I was forever forgetting to take them down [which I admit, I do so] and now she was going to save herself the trouble and just chuck them away. I said I had only hung them up last Saturday morning, to which she yelled something else back at me, which I forget now. [she's yelled too many things at me for me to remember, or even bother.] She then laid down the ultimatum that my clothes could stay no longer than 3 days on the laundry line, and that I had to write down on a calendar when exactly I washed them, hung down, and took them down, to leave behind a kind of physical record so to speak.

Besides some ordinary tee shirts, I also lost a B&W dress I wore on Xmas and NYE, black thai silk pants, and a pair of tailor-made pants from Vietnam. Some of the best clothing in my wardrobe, actually.

-_-

I went through an entire gamut of emotions on Sat, ranging from grief, anger and then resignation about my lost clothes. I also decided that I absolute could not live with my mom and that I had better start looking at my own property one day.

This morning, she took out a bag of clothes from the storeroom and chucked it at me. It turned out to be the clothes that I had thought I had lost. So the whole thing turned out to be a farce, to punish me for leaving my clothes 3 days too long on the laundry line.

She grumbled something about not being grateful for it. I'm wondering, should I feel grateful?

Grateful for what? For losing my clothes? For her yelling at me? For her treating my property like rubbish?

Because I don't feel grateful. In fact, I don't feel particularly respectful. To me, I have no respect for people who do not respect me in return. You can earn my resentful obedience, but you cannot earn my respect or my gratitude.

It's funny, because I learnt that lesson after teaching 30 kids for 6 months. After 26 years of living with 2 children, she still hasn't learnt it.

Which is another reason why we find ourselves at odds at our age, over all sort of petty things.

She still hasn't learnt.

2007 resolutions

Since 'tis the time, here are the resolutions:

Lose 10 kg by Dec 2007
I'm not a borderline anorexic, but I still think my weight is ballooning to alarming proportions. Before I have to do my shopping exclusively at Marks 'n Spencer's, or Dorothy Perkins, [both UK brands which stock clothes up to size 16] I think I better do something about it. And two fun ways for me to do it, is to:

Keep On Swinging
'Cos it won't mean a thing, if I ain't got that swing. And,

Take up a new dance
This is something I've been thinking of for a while now, and I think it's time I finally acted on it this year. I'm looking at either Hip Hop, or Tap, [!!] or even Salsa? Not decided yet. The only thing I know is that it can' t be on Swing nights.

I should also,

Go to the gym at least once a week
Because I think it does work. When I was doing practicuum, swing and I went to the gym once a week, I managed to lose about 2 kg after the 10 week practicuum, [even with all the crap I ate and drank] so I figure something about that combination must be working. The difficulty is always in getting my butt off the chair. [oooh, nice sofa... ] I wish I could join a fitness, or combat class, but that would require me to

Save money
The only one of my 2006 resolutions that I managed to fulfill -_-!! All thanks to a SAYE plan from POSB, I have managed to save up the recommended 3 mths of salary as a rainy day fund. The cash is partially locked up, and if I take it out earlier, I stand to lose some interest, but that's fine, as long as I know there's $$ somewhere. For those of you who have the same saving problem, I recommend the same option. It may not end u as much interest as unit trusts, but at least it gets you used to the idea of saving some of your salary every month. [and it actually ensures you save every month]

OTher emotional resolutions:

Be less demanding, less paranoid about the DF and let things take their course, except in cases of neglect, abuse or infidelity. [all of which will warrant the necessary repercussions of pestering, abuse, and castration]

Keep on thinking and never accept things as they are. To not simply accept the viewpoint as it is, but to think objectively and consider all other options. To never just give up and follow, but to grind my mind furiously to making it better for myself.

Always remember that I'm a whole lot more well off than a lot of other people, in terms of money, things and friends, and to be thankful for it, no matter the shit that comes my way.

Happy 2007 everyone.

The first day of 2006 started off with Necroz, fireworks, handphones and cameras, and a lot of crap.

Strange that the first day of 2007 almost starts off the same way.

For one, Necroz was there again, as was Kreuz, and the DF.

For another, there were fireworks galore again along the Marina waterfront.


*though I was too tired this time to try taking photos, so this photo doesn't belong to me, but to stoical on flickr.

We still had a whole nation of aspiring photographers.
Taken from last year, and still the same thing at the Esplanade waterfront this year. -_-!!


And after searching through the blog archives, I found the New Year greeting I used last year on Necroz with the dessert:


Cheesecake, for a sweet mouth when talking to others, and make it a rich one, to put richness into your life.
Iced tea for a 'liang shuang' life. [roughly meaning a light and carefree life?]
Water, to 'yin shui si yuan' and always be humble.


This year we had plenty of crap and good dessert too, in the last few hours of 2006, so I guess we more or less settled that? ;) But then those who know me know that I will never run out of crap anyway. ^_^!

Just a few things different about this New Year's:

1. That an early sleeper and riser such as DF was actually willing to stay wayyy up late to usher in the NY with me, simply 'cos I wanted to, and that he was even willing to entertain two of my friends at the same time. I like the fact that he's making me appreciate him more and more as this goes on. :)

2. 1st Jan will start off relatively mild for the afternoon and then I'll be swing-dancing at night with Quet and Goldfish! Great way to start off the dancing for the rest of the year!

3. I actually fulfilled one of the three resolutions made to myself at the start of 06 by saving more money. [I won't humiliate myself by mentioning online the ones that I didn't] I'm more specific as to my resolutions for 07 and am hoping that I actually manage the same success rate. ^_^!

Funny how things stay the same, and yet can become different at the same time. Maybe life in the long term is just like that. That the most important differences aren't necessarily the most dramatic in your life, but instead are the little bits that change from day to day, year to year. Those that you don't notice till many years later when you realise how far you've come from who you originally were.

Some of the things in my life have been precisely like that. Minor changes to character, personality, outlook, relationships, lifestyle that I don't notice till I realise one day what a difference they made.

What a difference a year made.

So to all who are reading this blog, wishing you:

Plenty of cheesecake, iced tea and water in your life for 2007. :)
Many more fulfilled resolutions.
and
All the little things to make a real difference in your life.

See you in 2008! Wonder what will remain the same, and more importantly, what will change?

X
MerrY
X'Mas
to just
about all
the peeps I
know and love
and a
happy
new year

Swing Kids

I want to find this movie now... hehehe... not least because of the dancing :p

For those of you who've always wondered what is this Lindy Hop I've been blogging about, here's something to give you an idea. While the dancing we do is a lot less dangerous and life-&-limb threatening than those in the movie, most of the basic steps can be seen in any social nite at Jitterbugs.

Would be nice to dance with Christian Bale though :p

A chalet. What is your idea of a chalet?

When people tell me that their family is having a chalet, I imagine one bungalow, or one semi-detached house, with one or two bedrooms, and a living room. I imagine adults sitting around, eating, drinking, barbequeing, and children running around amok. Maybe about 2 or 3 families.

Hence when the DF told me that his mother was having a chalet, and that we were going over, that was my idea. His mother being one heck of a socialite, I imagined maybe 5 or 6 families in a large bungalow.

I was wrong.

Firstly, what do you wear to a chalet? Tanks, halters, shorts... But on the day itself, he told me just before I left the house that his family was going to church before the chalet, and was I joining them? Ok lor... So I wear a T-shirt and jeans instead.

Then I asked him where and what time we were supposed to meet, and THEN he decides to fall asleep -_-!!!! I call him three times, SMS him 5 times, and NO REPLY.

Fine lor. I head down to J8 to our usual meeting place.

At the time we usually meet, he tells me that they were going straight to church. So from J8 now I have to dash down to the church, which is walking distance from my house. -_-!!!!!!!!!!

THEN at the church itself, he tells me there are a lot of family and friends around. Hope I wore something nice. Like hallo? No lor....

THEN he tells me oh oh... it was his dad's baptism.................. I didn't bring anything, I didn't wear anything nice, and I'm in FLIP FLOPS F'GOD'SAKES. And EVERYONE is dressed in their Sunday best.

Never have I come so close to killing him, if not for being in the house of God and all.

After the service, I then realise his mother had chartered 2 tour buses to bring all the guests to the chalet. (!!!!!!!) And I ask how many units had his mother booked?

Apparently almost 10 units....................... Plus a function room for a lengthy thanksgiving service, entirely in bahasa and of which I understood 5 words, and filled full of people I didn't know and I didn't understand a word of what they were saying. Plus apparently some of the closer ones knew me, knew what I did, knew everything about our relationship before I even knew their names. -_-!!!!!!!!!

*SIgh* At least their singing was good........

Usually our Sundays are quite relaxed, take-your-own-time affairs. Yesterday's was like a culture-and-in-law shockbomb hurled at me.

The idea of forgoing the usual wedding dinners in favour of elopement suddenly seems more tempting than before......

Naked Women!

Why do I feel this post will get more hits on the search engine than any other?

Anyway, before you start running from to the authorities, this post is about nothing pornographic. Rather it is about how old I've been feeling. Especially when I go into the locker rooms at the fitness club I've been going to.

Apparently the women in the room are pretty liberal. I, and the friends I've been there with so far, would usually go into the room, get our clothes, have a bath, change in the shower room, and then come out fully clothed.

Not some of the women there. The other day as I entered the room after class, I saw 2 women, who seemed to have just finished bathing, and were now talking to each other. The only thing being one woman had only just a towel wrapped around her waist. Leaving her breasts free for the whole locker room to see.

....................... (0_0)

And then there was the other girl, I suspect younger than me, whom I think did not want to wear her dirty clothes into the shower room. Hence, while I was sitting barely 2 metres from her, she stripped off all her clothes, giving me a full view of almost everything before putting on another set of clothes and then going into the showers.

(0_0)!!!!!

Now I really gotta wonder: Am I getting so old that the sight of women so fully willing to unclothe themselves in my presence becomes shocking?Am I becoming like this:



Either though I would rather be like this?:



Well, Candle for one thinks maybe it's just a matter of not being used to something. After all, this being common practice in Japanese and Korean bathing houses, but not in Singapore, so maybe it's just a matter of being unused to something.

At least it's not that I'm turning lesbian or worse, old. >D

Budak Pantai Unplucked!

The funniest, most hilarious and most entertaining local acapella group I have ever heard is back in concert. For 2 nights only at the Esplanade recital studio, and for $25, the music will be GOOD. Trust me. ;)

It's free seating on that night, so I'm buying my ticket early, for Friday, 29th December, at 9:30pm. If you wanna join me, buy a ticket by clicking on this link, or at any Sistic outlets.

The quintet also performs on Thursday night, 28th Dec, at 730 and 930pm, and Friday 29th, at 730pm.

There is one day in the year which makes a lot of civil servants very happy, and today it is. \($_$)/ I think I'm heading to Orchard later... ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

Other than the shopping though, it's been a b*tch trying to keep myself occupied during this December. Since I stupidly waited too long to buy airline tix, I'm stuck in Singapore while other colleagues are going to Tokyo, Hokkaido, Batam...... *cries* Must NOTNOTNOT be late for June....

So what am I left doing? Tons of reading, for one, and later on, I'm going to buy more comics. ^_^ Trying to do more art but not producing that much -_-!!! and also pulling Candle for dinner whenever I can. I've also probably watched more MTV than I've watched from Jan to Nov.

I've also gotten a 1 mth free membership from California Fitness courtesy of a colleague, so I'm actually going to the gym. (0_0) Though since I don't have to eat school food anymore, I think I'm just struggling to keep the extra cals off rather than burning off those I already have. -__-

*Sigh*

Next Dec, I will heck care and book me a trip somewhere......... I swear...........

Snoopy + Spiderman = ?????

Here's a collection of pix where Marvel Superheroes meets Peanuts...

Click Here!

*Note*

If you haven't seen the previous blog post about the video, scroll down and read it first!! Then SMS either Candle or me with your reply...

Onwards with regular blog programming......




One lesson I learnt from my mother is the power of words.

Never underestimate the power of the spoken word. Never think that what you say will have no effect on the listener whatsoever. Never dismiss the words that you speak to another.

I learn this lesson from her almost every weekend morning, when I wake up before she does. Because my morning can be going fine, all hunky-dory, I could even be in a good mood, until she wakes up.

And her first words to me are never 'Good morning' or 'Have you eaten?' but more like 'Get that room of yours tidied!' 'Bring in the laundry!' 'Always know how to enjoy yourself!'

And then, my mood for the entire day is spoiled.

What makes it worse is that my brother gets a different response from her. With him, it's 'Do you have any clothes for me to wash?' 'You want some breakfast? Eggs? Tea?' Jules says this is due to the whole NS thing, that mothers will fret about what the Army is doing to their precious offspring.

My reply to him was that that may be true enough, but it didn't exactly reduce the suckiness of the whole situation.

I'm past the point where I want a semblance of a relationship with my mother any longer. Nowadays I'm contented if she was to just leave me alone for the rest of my life. I don't want to hang out with her, I don't want to talk to her, and I don't want her to attempt to make conversation with me either.

I just want to lead my own life myself, and I don't want her to force herself into it, because the results always end in trauma for me.

Just leave me alone.

I'm wondering how many of you remember the days.

You know, the days of Uni gone by, when we had 4 hour lunches in the canteen, 12 hour project meetings, and then chucked it all out the window during the long hols from May till late July? Yea, those days.

Do you remember how it all started? How some of us stayed overnight at the Bizad faculty working on the Rag float with a huge purple genie, and hung out more and more after that? Do you remember all the things we said, the jokes we cracked?

Do you remember the holidays to Taman, KL and Redang? Do you remember the Curse of the Batcave? The shopping in KL? The toothpaste we put on the guys on the bus?

Do you remember the Promo project, and the insane hours we spent on that project in various locations, including NUS, Bishan, and Sixth Ave? Do you remember the equally [or more] insane hours we spent on that project? Do you remember the insane amount of blood bled on that project, and the Seoul Garden payoff at the end?

Do you remember Redang beach? Do you remember its white, powdery sands, its clear blue seas, and us pretending to be seaweed in the water? Do you remember the love dramas that developed plots along those trips? [and don't pretend that you don't!]

If you do, Candle and I need YOU.


We are trying to create a sort of time capsule video. The purpose of this, is twofold. One is to capture all the precious and embarrassing moments for all posterity, another is to help those who can't do so, remember. This is because we believe that such memories should not be lost. [even those that you prefer would rather be forgotten]

For this, we are trying to get all of us together at my house to interview you and tape you on everything you can remember about the shared history we've been through. Your payoff for this, would be the CD with the video on it, and as usual, lunch at my house, and Happy Hour if you so feel like it. -_-!!!

The details are as follows:

Venue: My House
Date : Dec 16 [Sat]
Time : 12pm

SMS/call Candle or I by this Friday to confirm whether you'll be able to come so that we can do the arrangements quickly as possible.

We really wanna do this, so we hope you can reply and confirm ASAP! C'mon guys!

I may just need a PDA. Several times I've thought of something blogworthy, and then because of work/play/whatever I was doing at the moment, forgotten it in the next instant. Then when I'm finally sitting in front of my laptop, I realise that I have nothing to blog about.

*Sigh*

On the bright side, school hols are upon us. *yay* The bonus for civil servants has been declared *yay* I'm thinking of [finally] going to Bangkok if I can get a flight out. *yay*

My life suddenly feels... stable, like I've finally surpassed all those of levels of Maslow and then gotten myself too comfortable at one particular level. Like a true blue cat, I've plunked my butt down and lounged languidly in the sun.





This is bad. I'm getting old. *Sigh* One day I'll wake up and find out that I:

Have a beer belly
Live on Pringles and beer
Watch endless reruns of Days of our Lives

Something like this:



But you get the idea I think. If you wake up one day and you look back at your week, and it's been nothing but work, home, work, home, friend, boy/girlfriend, work, home I think it's time you did an auditing of your life.

I realised I'm like that. Lounging around doesn't quite suit me. Sure I can pull it off for a day or half, but after that I get itching. I've tried staying home on a Sat night and I couldn't get used to it. I tried to read, but couldn't last more than 5 pages. I went online but no one was there, and I finished all the blogs. I even started pacing up and down my living room and that's when I knew sitting down for too long wasn't for me.

Even now, after my tuition has ended, and my evenings are suddenly free, I find myself at a loss as to what to do with myself come dinnertime. Home is not an option because my mother doesn't always cook. Where to go then? Friends are not always free to meet up. I can't watch movies or read every night.

*itch itch itch*

I need slightly more activity in my life, other than just going out to the libraries or the shopping centres. I need some mental and creative simulation, and actually create something rather than just admiring other people's works. I need to be more like this:


On the prowl. Rowr.

So please, if you find yourself free on a weekday for dinner, [other than Lindy Thursday] or if you find out about some exciting new thing in town, or even way out of town, and you have no one to accompany you, tell me about it. GET ME OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE.

[but please don't bust my wallet while you're at it]

The DF has finally taken a step forward and gathered up the guts to meet some of my friends!

Ok, admittedly, he met the Turtle and Jules, both of whom were already familiar to him from JC, and I had to do some pleading on my end, but I like to think he's finally taking baby steps on his own. :p

After all, how long has this friends issue been going on? Almost as long as we've been together. -_-! And he's never voluntarily met up with ANY of my friends till now, as most of you keep reminding me. -_-! It's also been a sore point with me, because

1. I could never understand what was so hard about him sitting down to have a meal n chat with my friends [all of you being the wonderful, charming, sadists that you are]

2. I had already gone out with him n his friends on several occassions, and emerged with no visible scars. What's so hard?

So granted, it's a small step, but I like to look on the bright side and think that it's a baby step in the right direction. :)

Anyway, it turned out to be so entertaining for him, what with Jules and Greg spilling out embarrassing anecdote of me one after the other. I swear, I've NEVER seen him laugh so much with his own friends yet. -_-!!!! When he heard about some of the stories, he was laughing so uncontrollably he turned speechless and his face turned red, while I was getting ready to mangle Jules for it.

So 1 point for the DF finally. :) Now to work him up to meeting the REST of my friends....... WITHOUT him getting scars.

With the end of Friday's workday, I took a deep breath, sat on my chair, and thought to myself: All done.

Over the past 5 months, I've graduated 30 lower primary children and 2 O level students. I think I can safely say that my labours for now are over, and it's time for my turn to enjoy, and reclaim whatever's left of my humanity.

The hard part is letting go. Even now, sometimes I walk by, see something, and immediately think of how I could use it in the classroom. -_-!! And not to mention there's another class and another load of students to prepare for next year. -_-!!!!!!!

But for now, I'm happy to simply look forward to my dance, my books, my comics and my life. :)

And for the work-weary out there, check out the movie A Good Year. Other than the tempting message that it would be cool to quit your job and take up a vineyard in France, there is also the wonderful footage of Provence to ogle over.




Bring me there. Now. Sigh.

Although I have to admit, Russel Crowe's character in the movie was earning disgustingly pornographic amounts of money before he made the decision to quit and move to France. Not to mention with the pound and the euro being what they are, and the distance between the countries... I suppose for us it'll be kinda like moving to a more expensive form of Malaysia. -_-!!!

But don't tell me you aren't tempted by the idea: Quit your job, take all your money, move to a breathtakingly picturesque country, and live your life there with the love of your life.

*Sigh* Excuse me while I wallow in self-pity now at my life........

lack of posts. Yea I know. Blame it on any one of the following:

1. Work
2. Tuition
3. Dance
4. Wanderlust that compels me to leave the house and go walking around the whole day
5. Fatigue from feeling compelled to blog
6. Lack of inspiration
7. Auditionsea

So aren't you glad I managed to wake up at 530 on a Saturday morning, giving me enough time to go for breakfast with the folks, and come back in time to read blogs, watch MTV, and blog before recess has even started? X( I swear, this body clock thing will kill me in the long run. It's unnatural to be waking up this early on a Saturday morning of all things!!!

*Sigh* Help me, god...

On the other hand though, it's pretty refreshing to have a Saturday where I don't have to rush out much LPs, no tuition, no Jap, just one glorious Saturday morn and aft where I can do what I want, and not be constrained by a schedule. Where I can finally just, take the day as it is, one minute at a time. Enough time to eat, blog, read email, and still go out.

Hm. Maybe I could get used to this Saturday morning thing.

There are days.

There are days where everything goes wrong.

There are days where everything seems designed to make you go insane, where even the simplest things seem beyond you, where even so, you have to grit your teeth and bear whatever nonsensical lemons life decides to throw your way, because there's nothing else you can do about it, where you go home at the end of the day, and you feel tired and drained out of all life and blood there was in you at the start of the day.

And then you meet your friend and one good line manages to lift your spirits and end your day on a good note.

Insurance agent: "Do you have any disorders or abnormalities?"

Friend: "Yes, I have an abnormality, it's just... I'm abnormally handsome. I have to go for an operation to uglify myself and make myself look more normal."

Insurance agent: ".... Wh-what?"

I'd rather not name sources on the Internet but I think most of you know there is only one guy who has the balls to come up with a line like that. ;)

This is what happened to me: I go for a long, long movie drought in which I watch NO movies at all, and then suddenly, over the weekend I catch 3 movies. -_-!!! I don't know whether you can call this a Reclamation of Life, but...

Death Note

A Shinigami [Death God] drops the Death Note onto Earth. Any names written within the book will die within 40 seconds of a heart attack. A narcisstic megalomanic genius picks up the book with intentions of killing off all the criminals in the world and creating a new world order in which he is God Supreme.

What a great plot premise, no? You really have to read the manga to appreciate the intricacies and plot twists and turns of this manga. My more barbarian friend may disagree with me, but I feel it is this which makes the manga truly stand out from the rest of those on the market, not to mention the novelty of the plot, whereby the main character is a kind of villian, rather than savior.

All this, to me, is lost in the movie.

To me, this movie is another reminder why I should never watch book-movie adaptions. [bleargh] Because in almost every movie in which I have read the book before, [most notable example being Harry Potter] I have been bitterly disappointed by the lack of depth in plot and character in a movie. Face it, a 2 1/2 hour movie is just not enough to truly do justice to a good sized book, let alone a manga whereby the storyline runs over 12 volumes!

Suddenly, the characters become more 2D, an irony since they are obviously 3D characters adapted from a 2D book. The plot becomes more shallow and brainless. There is no 'mindfuck' in watching the movie, [the term 'mindfuck' being attributed to a certain swingin' fren overseas] and hence there is no mental titillation. There was nothing to excite me about the whole plot and I ended up getting pretty bored halfway through the movie. Like, kill someone already.


Manga is better

Part of the problem is also that I've read the entire frickin' series. I know how he did all his tricks, I know how the plot will develop, I even know how the frickin' thing is gonna end. What on earth is there to look forward to for me then???

And there's a part 2 even. *swoon* I'm not sure whether I should spare myself the agony, or just watch it for closure.

The Prestige and The Departed

"Hey! I'm sorry I said Christian Bale was cuter than you, OK???"

Interestingly enough, the 2 movies that I watched with him on Sunday had the common theme of deception in their scripts.

The magicians of The Prestige are essentially liars. They make you believe that they are capable of performing amazing magic, where actually, they just rely on props and showmanship to deceive you for that moment. The policemen and gangsters in The Departed are just liars, since a mole is basically that. He lies about what he is, in order to conceal what he truly is.

To him, these were both movies that left a bad aftertaste in the mouth. [his exact words, not mine] They are not feel-good movies, and even their endings may not be pretty. I feel at least that the Prestige had a pretty good twist at the end, which somewhat acted like a sort of prestige for the film. Actually, it seems that the whole film was meant to be played sort of like a magic trick. You see an ordinary object, and then the magician does something to that object. But the part that truly amazes you, the audience, is the part at the end, where he brings the bird back from where he made it disappear, and that is the Prestige. In the same way, the twist at the end was such an unthinkable ending, that it really was a Prestige in a sense.

The Departed was based on the movie Infernal Affairs, which yes, I had watched before, but somehow I didn't suffer the same boring deja vu I had while watching Death Note. I did know how the plot was going to proceed and how it would end, but the western adaption of the film was so different from the original HK version that it became entertaining to watch on its own, if only for the colourful characters that peppered the film. It just shows, Hollywood has a certain skill in adaptation. [probably because of a lack of creative scriptwriters... hahaha]

If you have to watch them, I say go for either the Departed or the Prestige. I liked these two better, even if it didn't have the happy endings that he wanted. :p

It's almost back to hostel days, as Yenn prepares to stay over for the next 3 nights at my house, due to an inefficiency in deployment over a nationwide marking exercise. :p Currently her laptop is beside mine as she maples and I blog.

Yup, back to hostel days, except that tonight the room is much, much bigger, and the food better as we just came back from a ChompX2 dinner. :p

The break from the kids is proving good for the two of us. We were just about reaching that point when we were dragging ourselves to school and she was spamming my hp with "My life sucks"-type SMSes, so it's just about time we spent some time away from the kids before the exams started.

Man, we almost sound like a married couple in that last sentence.

The only problem now is that for some reason, the lag is much worse for her during her Mapling sessions, though my blogging and surfing sessions seem just fine. Considering her possible future [as evident in that South park episode in her blog] as a gamer though, I'd say it's just as well for her. >D

So how has life been to me so far? Other than how my kids seem to be going utterly insane towards the exams, it's good to see that some time is finally clearing up. One tuition kid has just ended his exams so I've stopped him for now, and I finally have more time on Saturday afternoons. *phew* Only 2 more kids to go for now...

The dance is going as well as before, though I haven't been able to go for a proper Fling in weeks. -_-!!! I have been to some events at the Library@esplanade and the change of venue is proving refreshing, though the faces are just the same ones transplanted from Fling. -_-!!!!! Considering another jazz dance course in Nov if I feel up to it, and not too fat... :p

And speaking of dance, who's free on Fri and Sat night?

Other than that, it's been a smooth, eventless life so far. Funny how everything just seems so... settled... right now, like, nothing happening, little hiccups here n there but nothing that is beyond my ability to handle, or chuck aside to a convenient corner of the mind....

Hopefully not the calm before the storm..........

Talking Cock In Parliament

In lieu of many blog entries not done, [life been too boring, sorry], here are some videos I found of the Talking Cock in Parliament event I attended in August. It took me one HELL of a lotta effort to make sure they published correctly, so WATCH THEM!!! Esp the Ruby Pan and Hossan Leong ones, 'cos I think they're the funniest. :p For the other, just watch it for the Candy guy making the Candy line.

TalkingCock in Parliament - Part 7

Skip this till u see the candy guy in the candy shirt... :p n check out his opening line

the mrbrown show 30Aug06:TalkingCock in Parlimen-HossanLeong

From Talking Cock in Parliament, that I watched a while back, this is the Hossan Leong song that I loved... and I managed to find it on Youtube! With lyrics to boot! A definitely more fun way of learning Singapore history :p

TalkingCock in Parliament - Part 8


Here is the Ruby Pan video on different accents in Singapore.... Also hilarious!

A White Death

With the blogging of the Bintan trip, I forgot to blog about the other disaster that struck me after I came back. [yea, not a very good week for me overall]

My Shiroi Creative Zen was playing music for me on the way to work, as usual, when suddenly it hung, and refused to go any further.

I had encountered this problem before, and luckily Creative now has a service center at Marina Sq so I headed there after work to get it fixed.

Where, I found to my profound, abject horror, that to fix the problem, the entire hard drive would have to be reformatted, resulting in the total loss of all the mp3s i had in the player.

I swear, my heart just stopped then and there when the service guy told me those fateful words. Like, the player is only about 1 year old????

Unfortunately the problem was such that there was no way to fix it without erasing everything.

And total loss? We're talking about 1068 mp3s here. [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

Hence, now I have to drag out my CD collection box by box and start retransferring them into Shiroi again, CD by CD....... -_-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh god, I feel like my baby just went to the brink of death, and was narrowly saved by a long, nerve-wracking, operation.

There's bit quite a bit of drama over these few days, so here's fodder for this dusty ol' blog.

I went to sunny Bintan over the weekend with DF and his group of friends, but even a seemingly simple trip almost didn't happened due to some stupidity on my part.

The ferry we were supposed to take on Fri was supposed to leave at 8. I left work early, went to buy some Children's Day pressies with colleagues, and then rushed home to bathe, quickly pack and then take a taxi to Bedok MRT to meet him.

At 1830, I realise that I left my passport at home.

After I made my heart start beating again, I tried calling home to see if my dad or anyone was home, but no one. I quickly ran to get a cab and rushed back home to get my passport. But sooooo many things went against me.

Rush hour traffic slowed down the cab. Mom called, only to berate me for being such an idiot. All the while I prayed fervently that I would just get through the traffic to reach the ferry in time.

Now when I'm in action, I don't think much. But when I'm not doing anything, like just sitting in a cab, I have nothing to do but fret. And I fretted all the way from Bedok to Bishan and back, almost crying in the cab, thinking of how mad he would be, thinking of how my mom was thinking of what an idiot I was, but not thinking of a way to help, thinking, thinking, thinking too much.

To cut a long story short, I didn't make it. 15mins to 8, he called me to tell me that the ferry gates were closing and that we'd have to scrap the trip.

After trying so hard, praying so hard all the way, to be told that I couldn't make it after all...... my heart sank all the way to my toes. I was that disappointed, that I couldn't make it, that I had disappointed him.

I rolled into the ferry terminal to meet him, and we took the cab back to Bishan.

To his great credit though, he was surprisingly upbeat about the whole thing. He was all normal and ok, and he said it was alright, that if I wanted to go all that much, we could just book a ferry for sat morning. I said later that I thought he'd be mad, or upset, and he said,

"It's not what you do, it's who you do it with."

When we left each other night, I looked at his receding back, and thought: That's a good man I chose.

Anyway we went down on sat morn, snorkelled a bit, lounged around, walked around, and before u know it, it was time to go back on Sun morn :p But he was talking about what we could do the next time we went down, just the 2 of us, so I'm keeping my hopes up ^_^

I feel like my stock is slowly appreciating in value, though I'm not getting much dividend returns... hahaha

Because, er, you never know what profound effects for humanity there will be, if we can make teh tarik in space. Imagine, instead of sucking up dry liquids from an airtight pack, astronauts can make fresh, floating teh tarik in zero gravity. They don't even have to aim the cups properly, just let the liquid mass bob along in space until you scoop it up in a cup. Let's all make teh tarik in space.

I caught a few opening minutes of the Singapore Biennale last night.


Firstly, a gripe. If you're advertising to the open public that the event starts from 1800h onwards, then kindly let the public see something at 6!!! I was there from 6 onwards and the only thing going on was some laundry lines with balloons on them being installed. All the main [and I'm guessing, finished] installations were kept away in a tent with entry only for VIPs and media.

Phwargh! Organization sux!

Anyway, soon enough I managed to catch this installation:

Notice the words on the front of the Supreme Court? The artist had a long list of sayings and [possibly] propaganda flashed onto the facade by a high beam.

Which creates an interesting effect doesn't it? The grandness of the project lends it a V-for-Vendetta kind of effect, its sheer magnitude somehow lending it more gravity, especially when using a solemn old building like the Supreme Court as a background. You kind of believe that there has to be some kind of truth to such large, glaring words, and that they have to have some kind of power or truth behind them. Until you read lines like this:for those who can't see clearly, it says Disorganization is a kind of anesthisea or something spelled like that

Clearly something I can identify with, considering the state of my room and my desk at work. And the next one is something interesting too:

I thought this one was interesting though. It makes you think about the words that come from important and seemingly all-knowing people and places. Do the words have more meaning and power because they are against the Supreme Court? What if they were flashed against the UOB towers instead? Or the Esplanade? And if you were standing there, reading the words against the Supreme Court, would you have more belief for these words?

In the words of goldfish, this is one mindfuck awright. :)

For more info, go to the Singapore Biennale website. The theme for this travelling exhibition is Belief, so many installations will be held at religious places all over Singapore. Check it out, take a look, and maybe open your minds a little.

Ironically, it was a few bad incidents on Teacher's Day that made me wonder why I became a teacher.

In the end, after all the trinkets, stationery, and artificial flowers received on 31st Aug, the true Teacher's Day present came this morning, the Teacher's Day school holiday which incidentally is also a prelude to the one week Sept break.

However, the body clock being accustomed already to one term of school, I woke up at abt 7, still early enough to make it down to school for flag-raising *_* Except this time, I lazed in bed about half an hour longer, then fixed breakfast, surfed some blogs, and now I have MTV on while my laptop is on my lap.

This is the real Teacher's Day :)

Later on, I'll decide what to do in the afternoon, and what to do for the rest of the week, [I might even think about some lesson plans for the next few weeks. Eek.] but for now, I'm content to laze the morning away. *Ah* Now I remember why I joined this line. :p

Work, extracurricular activities, [mine, not the kids'] and the remnants of my social life are catching up with me.

What with the tuition, and the social life, my weekdays and ends are almost always completely booked up. :( And that is not a mere brag. Some weeks I find myself running from school to home, only to bathe, and then get out again to tuition/dance/friends whatever.

I'm not complaining though. In a way, it's very satisfactory to come home, late, but psyched from getting out, sometimes, just for the sake of it. Even if it's just to laze somewhere with a cup of tea and a good book, something I could do very easily at home as well. :) If I had a wireless-enabled PDA, I'll probably be blogging and surfing the net outside as well.

I think I'm just one of those people who need to be doing something. Even if that something is not very much at all.

Anyway, the past week in brief:

Thurs: Talking cock in Parliament. An event organized by the TalkingCock people, where several friends of the founder get together to talk about their Uniquely Singaporean experiences. Witness the woman who reminisces about how going to a more privileged secondary school suddenly makes her feel ashamed of her humble upbringings. Or how the other performers jibe about MPs, Singlish and accents.

The one highlight of the night, however, had to be that gay guy who came dressed in a brightly coloured vertically-striped shirt, lamenting that it made him look like a candy store, and that "You can call me Candy. I'm always hard and you can lick me anytime."

-_-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fri: Dinner with Yenn followed by some light shopping, in which I buy a pair of great shoes, which bust on Sunday afternoon. -_-!!!!!! Later, Krynn joins us and gets so red-in-the-face by the drinks at Fish N Co that she earns sly, knowing glances from the waitresses on the way out. Heh.

I end the day with a peaceful jaunt through the books at Borders.

Sat: Womad rocked, but not as much as last year, despite the great picnic dinner with roast chicken, chip n dip, and juice. A bit too much reggae maybe? But Jimmy Cliff does some real good reggae... Full of meaningful lyrics...

Sun: The DF and I watch The Devil Wears Prada. I'm glad this was one book I never read, because I rather enjoyed the movie with the hard-as-grit Dame Bitch Miranda Priestly, and the aspiring innocent Andy. And the fashionwear in the movie is to die for.

Watching the movie did remind me of one point of myself though. I guess the whole point of the storyline was whether you were willing to sacrifice everything for what you wanted, love, life, family, everything. It reminded me again why I should never aspire to top management positions. Because I was never quite raised with that killer instinct that Miranda Priestly demonstrated so effectively in the movie. And I could never treat people with that same disdain as she did, crushing them under her feet.

However, on the flipside, you never know quite what you are capable of till you actually did it. So how would you know?

Maybe the real challenge is knowing just when it is you're getting sick of it, and want out. Something I'm glad I'm not quite feeling about my job right now. [certainly I do not have $40,000 in the bank]

What a week! Thankfully my tuition kid has cancelled for the week, and Fri's a sch holiday. *peace sign* Here's to the upcoming week........