The problem with me is that I'm the kind of person who gets affected by her emotions. So once I get too emotional over something, the rest of the things in my life get affected as well. So that's why I missed 2 GTS updates and missed a meeting with a customer from Yahoo! Auctions. Craps, I hope she doesn't rate me lower...

*Haiz* Anyway I'll be taking a break n heading over to stay with DoE over the weekend, so likely you won't hear from me till Monday afternoon. Hopefully I come back refreshed and relaxed from all the shopping and clubbing... Hehehe!

*update* and now my student just cancelled, half an hour before it was supposed to start. On the day she's supposed to pay me!!!!! *Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr* She can't make it on the Tuesday that I'm supposed to go down to her house, [this Sat morn was supposed to be a makeup for the previous Tues that she cancelled] and when I asked her when she could make it again, no reply yet! *pissed* Students have an uncanny knack of cancelling the lessons where I'm supposed to get paid, I really wonder why.......

Ohz, and I finally heard from MOE on Friday night. My interview will be this Thurs, 3pm at the MOE building in Buona Vista.

I finally found THE white shirt at Zara, so that's settled. [badgered into buying by Quet, Yen and Gamy, who were convinced that I'll never find a better shirt elsewhere. Which is somewhat true] Now for pants... hmmm...

At the thought of facing an interview after so long.............. my stomach is churning like crazy. I'm getting the jitters like never before, and my stomach feels sick whenever I think about it. I never even felt so bad during my first presentation in bizad.

Probably because there's so much resting on this interview. Not only the usual job security and salary, but also the prospect of future peace with my parents. :( If I don't get it, I can almost foresee the WW3 starting again in my household, and THAT scares me more than the potential loss of steady income.

ARGH! Whoever was the idiot who decided that certain steps in your life would determine your future forever more? That upon stepping on this road, there would be no return, nor junction for you? Did that idiot ever have a real life of his own? And why the hell did he have to convert my parents to his way of thinking??

*constraining herself from writing more lengthy rants on this blog*

Devoted Christian? On this blog? Where? Where? Where? :p

Well, as i said, i was in a writing mood at the time, and it hit me that that spinning signpost was a good metaphor for my life right now, and for a long, long time. Piscean indecisiveness. Damn the 'rents for their family planning.

One thing for sure though: My indecisiveness on the part of my career is earning me a lot of bad karma with my parents, especially my mom. Another debacle was set off again just tonight regarding this issue. Bear with me while I rant. Though then again, it is my blog so what am I apologizing for? :p

It started out with me coming home and my mom asking me for money to pay that damned cleaner woman. Me with me humongous mouth said, "I'm not paying if she's going to rearrange my things again." Which set my mother off on another menopausal fit. You never take care of your room rant rant tell you to do so many times you never do rant rant I told you this was going to happen rant rant rant.

Er, I don't wanna rant out all my dirty laundry here, so let's just say, IT WAS BAD. Strange that my mom would care so much about a room she never walks into, unless she wants to rant at me for something I did. Strange that my parents don't seem to understand why I feel so strongly against strange people moving my things around. Wouldn't they minded if I, say, moved everything on their office desk around, rendering them unable to find any important documents they wanted? But I digress.

And well... the thing about my mom is that even when you try to explain things to her, or tell her about your point of view, she rants at you again for trying to 'talk back to her' or argue with her. And after a few more times of this, I give up and sit and silently fume.

Once she starts, she cannot stop. So the irresponsibility regarding my room goes on to the irresponsibility regarding my work, too lazy to find a full-time job, too uncaring about your parents, too ungrateful rant rant rant till my brother tells her to stop it cos he's got exams coming up.

Then of course, when my mom gets upset at me, my dad feels he has to say something to me too. He calls me up to my room, says he doesn't understand what the big deal is about other people moving my things, and what a disgrace my room is and what a rubbish heap it looks like and don't I think so?

And the strange thing is, No, I don't.

Is that weird? Not really. It's like the comfy bolster or stuffed toy that you carried around, or had since you were a baby, and which you steadfastly refused to wash because there was no way in hell you could part with it for even that one hour, and because part of why you love it so much is the way it smelled, full of childhood games and tears and a myriad of other childish joys and fears and tears experienced together.

And one day your parents decide that it's a disgrace you carry around such a filthy thing around and they chuck the thing into the rubbish chute, leaving you teary-eyed while they explain once again why it is they're doing you a favour by chucking away your old lovable bolster and hence saving you from the multitude of bacteria on it and all you can think about is how you'll never see that beloved thing again, and how, dirty and flawed as it was, you loved it more than anything else in the entire world.

So yea, dirty, dusty and messy as it looked, it was MY room. And I don't see you spending a lot of quality time in it, anyway, so why are you caring so much?

Parents are like that, ya? They want you to constantly throw away the old, beloved things to make way for the new. And they complain when you buy more new stuff in.

So anyway, yea, another bad night with the 'rents. This will probably continue until I get a 9-5job, or I contract some incurable disease or get hit by a car or something. Now on one hand, I'm praying for MOE to hire me, because that will give me the financial means to stop listening to my parents so much, [and get them off my back] and also, I dread being hired because that will mean I gave in to my parents. Again.

Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Though I have to admit, my life will be infinitely more unbearable if I DON'T get the MOE job. They'll probably accuse me of jinxing my own interview to get back at them or something and rant at me for making such a pathetic excuse of my life.

NOW MY LIFE REALLY SUCKS.

Doushite watashi no sekai wa warui desu ka?
Doushite watashi wa sabishi desu ka?
Doushtie watashi wa hitori desu ka?
Watashi no kotae wa doko?
Watashi wa nani ga hoshi desu ka?

Tsukaremashitane..........

The Spinning Signpost

At last, almost at the end of her long journey, she sees a junction in the road in the distance. Myriad paths lead from its centre to widely different directions in the distance. Whither shall she follow? She decides to decide when she reaches the junction.

When she comes to it, however, she is faced by a most curious device. Indeed, there is a signpost there for the confused traveller, but it is of no help to her. For once she approaches it, the signpost starts spinning.

Round and round spin the directions on the signpost. Faster and faster they turn, till she cannot see the names on the signs as they spin. Nor does she know which direction lies the destination she seeks.

"What on..." She mutters to herself, bemusedly watching the signpost spin. What is a traveller to do in this instance? She decides to wait by the post and see whether it stops.

As she waits, another traveller walks up to the junction, and unhesitatedly walks off into one road.

"How did he...? Hie! You there!" she cries out, and the traveller stops, and turns to face her.

"How'd you know which way to go? How'd you know that was the right way?" She shouts at him.

"I just know!" he calls back, and continues.

She is left confused. How did that traveller find his direction so unhesitatedly? She looks up at the sign, still spinning wildly.

No change, she thought to herself, before sitting down again and making a sandwich.

"HO! WHAT IS THIS??" The booming voice jolts her to her feet. She is suddenly facing a stern, authoritative figure.

"DO YOU NOT HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO, THAN TO JUST SIT HERE AND EAT?" He stares down at her, making her feel like a 7-year old in school for the first time and in front of the master.

"Please, sir, the sign is spinning, and I don't know which direction to follow." She pleads meekly.

"EXCUSES!! ONE SIMPLY TAKES THE USUAL PATH!" He waves his hand at the largest, and most worn of the paths, the one that has seen the most footsteps.

She stares at him. "How can I just choose a path like that? How will I know what lies ahead in that path?"

"THAT IS NOT IMPORTANT! AT LEAST YOU KNOW THIS PATH IS SAFE! YOU KNOW THIS PATH IS WELL-TRAVELLED! EVERYONE WALKS THIS PATH AND EVERYONE ARRIVES AT THEIR DESTINATION!"

"what if I don't arrive at mine?"

"AN IMPOSSIBILITY. EVERYONE ARRIVES AT THEIR DESTINATION WITH THIS PATH!"

"Er... I think I'll wait."

"SUIT YOURSELF" He says coldly, staring down at her one last time before walking down that same well-travelled path.

She sits down again, and munches her sandwich. Peace for now, but she knows that other travellers will come again. And indeed, this time it is a young couple who do so. They walk arm in arm, giggling at secret jokes she cannot hear, and they almost fall over her in surprise, as if not seeing she was there.

"What are you doing here??" They laugh in unison.

"I'm waiting for the sign to stop spinning, so I can figure out where to go." she explains.

"And where's your companion?" They look left and right. She stares at them. Companion?

"No companion??" They cry out in horror "Who accompanies you on this journey then?"

"Er....... no one?"

"You poor thing! Well, I hope someone joins you soon!" they laugh, before falling into each other's arms and, yes, walking off into another direction again. Watching them, she feels a pang and suddenly her sandwich wasn't as tasty as before. If she had to be stuck here, it would, admittedly, be a more pleasant wait with company.

Sitting down again, she wonders why she's been destined to wait alone, while others could find someone to walk on with. Would there be someone to give her the direction she wanted? Would there be someone willing to wait there with her?

Questions, and yet, she is still there, alone.

A snowfall. Gentle snowflakes fall down, and she wraps her cloak around her for warmth. The temperature falls and she feels colder and colder. She huddles up to the spinning signpost.

"Maybe my destination will be warm." She sighs, dreamiliy visioning it in front of her. And as she dreams, her vision seems to encompass her. Ignoring the coldness seeping into her skin, she sees only the warm sunshine spreading in front of her. There, were the blue skies she wept to see. The flawless blue skies with screaming gulls across its surface. Walking into her vision, she knew this was it. This was where she wanted to go. And there were a pair of arms welcoming her in...

And slowly the wind blows the snow over her, and makes the signpost spin faster....

God save me from Zara

Note: My little tagboard may be about to permanently kick the bucket, seeing as how the website that supports it DOESN'T EVEN SEEM TO EXIST ANYMORE. *Grrrr gnash* As an alternative before I get something else up, you guys can use the comments tag at the end of each entry. Simply click on the link that says 'pieces of crap' and follow the instructions like good girls, arigatou gozaimasu...

---

The actual post:

*Warning: The following post contains references to nudity, underwear and embarrassing encounters in the female changing rooms. Red-blooded straight young males are advised to... keep it under control, since I've now undoubtedly gotten your attention.

I've been on a Quest. A quest of insurmountable odds, with foes at every corner, and numerous obstacles in my path.

The Grail at the end: A white shirt that will fit me perfectly for any impending interviews with MOE.

*Everyone reading this pengs and crashes to the ground*

HEY! It's not as easy as you think you know! Firstly, despite the White Shirt being the Classic Fashion Item, there are only SO MANY places that actually sell white shirts, for one! And to find a real Classic White Shirt, with starched collars, buttons down the front, and 3/4, half, long sleeves are even harder.

To find one that perfectly fits my size: SHEER IMPOSSIBILITY. I'd have better luck finding Atlantis, Babylon, and the Holy Grail before lunch before I'd even have a sighting of this perfect White Shirt.

My main grouse: The damned BUTTONS. Who da heck was da wise guy who dictated that button-down shirts looked professional and nothing else did? Who da heck decided that interviewees only looked presentable in button-down shirts? That person deserves to be strangled by having his shirt buttoned up to his neck so that he can't breathe.

For the buttons are the source of my despair. Because of my well-endowed assets in front, there is always that popped up space between the buttons that allow anyone standing beside me to get a sideways peek of my bra. [any woman who's gone shopping for a button-down shirt will know what popped up space I'm talking about] No way buying such shirts. The MOE interviewers will not be impressed.

But even when trying on other clothes [ok, i got distracted by the others] at Zara, I faced the same problem with my bosom. The current trend at Zara is Bohemian Chic, and oh I love it! Long-sleeved Indian-inspired shirts, with beads and sequins around the collars, long shirts which cover my unsightly waist, and yet cut to show off the female figure. *Goes gaga at the memory*

But therein lies problems. For one, most of the shirts are cut low. And I mean LOW, as in 'do not go out without wearing tube underneath, especially when going out with men who are slightly taller than I am' kind of low. *groan* Granted, as Necroz says, there is a feeling of freedom when one carries a 'see and be damned' attitude when wearing such stuff on the streets, but see, considering that my bust is like 2 sizes larger than hers is... such an attitude may bring TOO MUCH unwanted attention.

Then there was the brown long-sleeved shirt, which reached to my knees and carried hints of Indian inspiration. It had these gorgeous embroidery around the collar, and I loved the way it lightly hugged my figure and yet covered up everything else.

The problem: These little floral cut-out patterns around the collar, which was quite low, and offered anyone around me tantalizing views of what colour my bra was.

Of course, my long hair would help to cover up the holes here and there but still......? Even wearing a tube won't help much. It will still look like one's
underwear.

Or how about this cute white, long-sleeved hippie shirt? Quite cute, not too low, but terribly translucent. Wearing underwear of any colour other than white is a definite no-no-NO with that one... but I looked so cute in it.......

And Necroz wasn't much help on the matter. Her comments on all the bosom-revealing tops were along the lines of "Ask him lah! Bring him here, ask him how it looks and see his nose bleed!" -_-!!! I don't think I need to say who lah... [if you're reading this, it was my friend who said it!]

Well, at least the final saving factor for me was the price. At a starting price of $75...... I'm not too tempted to buy any of those tops now.

At least... not VERY tempted......

I officially got rid of one more student yesterday, not exactly a surprise in that particular case. I had only managed 2 lessons with him at the start of the year, before schedule conflicts prevented us from having any more lessons. Thus my income goes down again. :( :( :(

Though it really wasn't such a surprise actually, considering the mother had been cancelling lessons since Jan because of his school activities. Oh well... I'll wait till I definitely get into NIE [still crossing fingers for interview] before I decide whether I want to take up any more students.

[lesson to would-be tuition teachers: Do NOT schedule secondary school students in the afternoon. The likelihood of them not making it is very high.]

In the meantime, it leaves me Tuesdays free to do more illustrations:



This one's another 800X600 wallpaper practice, for all those who passionately sought out love, not knowing it was always right there behind them. [illustrations done in Freehand, and compiled in Photoshop.]

The wallpapers still tend to be a bit plain, cos I'm still concentrating on the illustration side, rather than the PS side. I promise to churn out better stuff next time... :p If I don't kill my PC before that...

You are a pink Haro...I
guess...you...should...be...thrilled?


What kind of Haro (Gundam) are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


*Breathes* Agenda during next chat with Mum: Bar cleaning lady from EVER touching anything in my room again. And threaten to murder said cleaning lady with broom if Kira Yamato is moved even 2cm from his current seating position.

I agree that I should have been clear from the start about just how extensive the cleaning session was meant to be. Previous cleaning ladies who came for a few times only vacuumed and mopped the place, so I guess I wasn't expected Hurricane Hattie to sweep through my room this time. *Sigh*...... In a way, it's fortunate that it happened after I graduated. Can you imagine if she'd completely rearranged my project notes and assignments??? *faints in a heap*

So at least Aki-onna ain't one pissed off onna anymore. Back to life.

Sunday was a bit more enjoyable than that testy Saturday night. I met up with the Dragonfly to go to church [twice now! Is it his lenten promise to lure this condemned soul back to the arms of God?] and then headed to the Career Fair at Suntec.

There were much less people walking around, it being the last day, and also MUCH less jobs. Where were the 10,000 or so jobs touted in the paper? Apparently 2/3 of them were being offered by Prudential, AIA, and Great Eastern Life. -_-! The moment you walk in you realise that most of the exhibition space had been given up to schools, and the actual job offerings were a paltry offering.

Which somewhat makes it the same as previous years.

As we walked further in, the poor guy got baited by a Prudential surveyor, hook line and sinker. [nice makeup, pretty eyes, fair skin, and kept trying to make friendly conversation. who can blame him?] He had to do a personality test in 10 mins, after which he was carted off to a table to sit with another guy, and I took this chance to run. [No insurance agent's gonna catch me! Bwahahahaha!]

I walk around the other side and I meet Ee Fan, ex-bizader and insurance agent made good. EF's one of the few insurance agents on this earth I'm not afraid to talk to, for the reason that he doesn't push me to buy another, never asks me to do insurance surveys, and he is able to carry on a conversation without turning it to my future financial needs, assurance for my parents, what if something happens to me blah blah blah why don't we meet over coffee this week and discuss this blah blah blah...

And being a girl, the one thing I push him for is gossip, hahaha... Too bad we didn't know too many people in common, but I did hear one interesting bit about a tall, hulky ex-bizader with curly hair who worked for one year and then quit to study at Bible College full-time???? Can't imagine that guy as Father....?? [for those who wanna know, like, MSN me or something and I'll reveal the identity of the guy] And Ee Fan has that infuriating quality of all guys, that they never know further details, like WHEN?? HOW?? WHY?? ARGH!

So I passed the time chatting to EF till DF was finally released from the clutches of Prud, and we continued walking.

BTW nothing has changed about the NUS exhibition booth. We walked over to take a look, and the NUS booth looks suspiciously the same as previous years. not to mention it has been overshadowed by the snazzier, handphone-promotion-looking SMU booth, which came in Starhub green and had soft neon light tubes. I don't know WHY they don't do a better job of rebranding and promoting themselves, since I've seen promotion management projects in Bizad that have been TONS better than what they've come up with so far. This is what happens when people with huge butts get too used to the comfy chairs they've been sitting on.

At least we managed to get freebies. [Yay for the freebies!] Cleo from Jobstreet, pen from SMU, carabina with stopwatch [cool!] from NTU, and..... a BBA magazine from NUS. -_-! Yup, serious rebranding is in order...

After that, dinner, followed by the movie Hitch.

[Guys, Hitch is hilarious! Will Smith is superbly suave in this movie, and though not drop dead gorgeous, has TONS of charm pouring out of his every pore. And yes, the way he teaches Kevin James how to chase the gorgeously unattainable goddess Allegra Cole is HILARIOUS!! The whole cinema was roaring with laughter at the hilarious duo!

That being said, I know a guy who could use the services of the Date Doctor. Hmmm....]

And by the way, getting to GV Marina is akin to walking in a deserted alley to get to the backdoor which sells porn. [ok, maybe I overdramatise...] To get to GV Marina, we had to walk through the now-deserted Marina Square, go down a staircase, which led us out into the entrance of Marina Mandarin, (!) walk past the doors, up another winding staircase, past what used to be the foodcourt, before we finally entered a small entrance that was the cinema. WTF???

And despite all that, there were still tons of people watching movies there~! Maybe they weren't aware of the topo abilities needed to get to GV Marina. One couple tried following us for a while, but kept hesitating and finally disappeared before we found the cinema. Maybe they thought we were as lost as they were.

After that, home, just in time to watch Cold Case.

Well, at least I had one good Sunday to make up for Saturday.