I left my stomach in Billy Bombers......

And indeed I did. After a dinner with the FWFCers consisting of mainly burgers and fries ( what I call an Atkins' Nightmare ) and a vanilla milkshake to boot. Uggggghhhhhhh..........

Well, if I'm suffering now from indigestion, at least I suffered for a good reason. ( Can you imagine getting indigestion from, say, too much limpy lettuce leaves?? Bad enough you have to eat those things, but that you'd get indigestion from them as well??? )

*BURP* Excuse me.......

And thank ye, for the [usual] kino vouchers and the 2 CDs. :) :) :) Your vouchers will go towards the Harry Potter 6 Fund and the Keane CD is amazing....... the lyrics are.... comfortable. The sort of songs that you make you feel like you're trapped in a lovers' caress, lying on a soft bed of grass with endless blue skies above you.

Sigh............ I miss Europe........ again........

Currently listening to: Untitled 1

A house on fire
A wall of stone
A door that once was open
An empty face and empty bones

Who ate your heart?
You're cold inside
You're not the one I hoped for
I'll see you on the other side
I'll see you on the other side

If only life was such that I could do nothing but lay in endless sleep, with this music constantly in my ears...

Life at 30

For lack of any tangible event in my life to blog about, let's try thinking of weird stuff, the kind of stuff that pops up in your head but is quickly dismissed with a thought. [If nothing, it'll help me to hone my writing skills...] Today's thought that's been floating around in my head is: What if all of us died at 30?

Firstly, let's define this more clearly. Let's take it that humans have always died at 30. Every generation since Adam dies on the last day of their 30th year on Earth. [This takes away the scenario where everyone from our generation onwards dies at the age of 30] What kind of society would have evolved from this?

Children would mature earlier, in order to lengthen the number of childbearing days they have on earth. Hence, most likely our kids would reach puberty at say, 10, giving them 20 years to give birth to and raise their kids to a suitable adult age. Early developers would reach puberty at 8.

Premarital sex would be encouraged, and approved of. Considering that each human only has on average 20 years of childbearing years, all efforts have to be undertaken in order to make sure the population maintains itself. Thus, humans will multiply like rabbits. We'd become parents at 12, grandparents at 24, and hopefully, before we die, see our great-grandchildren at 29.

Would there still be menopause? Most likely not, since it would reduce the childbearing years of a woman. [I'm assuming that the human body here dies at the peak of their physical health, rather than a rapid degeneration]

How would this affect society in general? The rate of change of society would be even higher, since new generations of humans are being produced every 12 or so years. Our values, our ideals would change at a greater rate than now. The societal structures and hierarchies we have now might not exist in such a society, since some, like the monarchy of England, have survived, well, ever since there was an England. They could do this because there was long enough time to indoctrinate an entire generation to their ideals. Here, there wouldn't be enough time, because there won't be time to properly brainwash each generation to their ideals, and the founders would die off long before they had the chance to firmly entrench their ideals.

The rate of technological innovation would not likely be high. Some of our scientific innovations took their inventors years of tireless research in order to achieve. Without the time needed to complete their research, it is likely that these scientists would not see many of their research realized. Our society may linger longer in the Middle Ages because of this lack of change.

However, at the same time, this slow rate of change would be balanced by the fast rate of change in other sectors. Since humans have a much shorter lifespan in this world, it is likely that they will go all out to achieve their dreams, since it is clear that the time they have to do so is severely limited. Children will be taught independence from an early age, and will start chasing their goals early.

Mental, intellectual and emotional development will also be accelerated. Being independent from a young age forces young kids to quickly learn to take care of themselves, and to hurriedly choose their goals in life and work towards achieving them. Life suddenly becomes all that much more precious, because of its lack of it.

Would it be a better world? Not necessarily. But it will be different.

It's getting hot in here...

I wish it was the hot as referred to in the song, but unfortunately......

Anyone notice the heat these few days? Put up all those sweaty hands, everyone. After the torrential monsoons we had in place of snow during last Dec/Jan, we now welcome the tropical version of summer.

Unfortunately, the tropics are already hot right? So what happens when you add extra heat on top of that? *pant pant pant*

For those who spend the whole day in the air-conditioned comfort of your offices ( Or alternatively, the artic wasteland of your offices ) you probably don't feel the heat as much as I do. The sun bakes me to a golden crispy brown every day I walk outside, the same crispy brown that our grass is turning into. There goes the green Singapore that the gahmen is so proud of.

As I walk to my tuition kid's house in the afternoon, I feel my skin shrivelling and cracking, each individual skin cell combusting and dying in the presence of such intense heat. And unlike Perth ( Where the Slayer arrived to 40deg heat ) the humidity just loves it. Everytime you leave the house, all those greedy little moisture molecules in the air run to you like piranhas to a leg of ham.

Air-con is no comfort. Because if you walk into aircon immediately from the heat, the sudden drop in temperature makes you reel, and gives you headaches. Ok, for me anyway. So your head throbs the whole time you're in the aircon. Then when you go out into the heat again, your skull will suddenly decide to expand and you get a bruce-banner-to-hulk headache.

And indeed in such circumstances, I feel myself undergoing a hulk-like transformation. With my afternoon kid, I'm dullish and drowsy in the heat ( "For the rest of the lesson, write your compo" ) For my evening kid, I'm snappish and irritable ( "NO! FOR CRUX'S SAKE NO! THAT'S NOT A REFLECTION!!!" ) [note: I say 'crux' because it's not nice to swear in front of kids. I leave you guys to guess what word that could be]

And when back home, it's straight to the shower. Aaaaaaaaaaa................

Ironically enough, all that heat in the afternoon means that the night is really cool, and dry, like the whole of Singapore is under airconditioning. So now I feel clean, dry and comfortable. *sigh*

Why can't it be like that in the afternoon? ( Miss London summers... )

Internet is slow....... No one's updating blogs or comics..... sigh...... Maybe the heat has sucked everyone's inspiration......

Of hearts, bouquets, and.. biscuits?

2 whole days to blog about... Phew... bear with me people...

So I think I told most of you the joke about what I was gonna do on V-day. Yes, I had a date with a guy. He's 12 and needed help in his English. :p

Then on that day itself, I GOT STOOD UP. And he had to get his MOTHER to do it for him. *tragic pose* Oh how sad my life can get... when even my tuition kid doesn't want to see me on Valentine's Day...

[Slayer's theory is that maybe the kid himself had a date, but I doubt my life has become THAT sad]

So suddenly my plans to escape all the sickly, lovey dovey on V-day with my tuition got dashed, and my night was suddenly free, and vulnerable to the innumerable roses and heart-shaped balloons crowding the streets.

I ended up in town with the Slayer first, walking and shopping, while thinking of as many songs about breakups, men-who-are-jerks, love-hurts songs we could. Instead of buying roses to console myself, I ended up with a whole buncha books instead. [unfortunately, the MPH in J8 is closing down and all their books were 30% off. There went my CNY takings.......] Most apt to the occassion was the one Slayer insisted on getting for me for my birthday:



"It's very inspirational! I swear my life was changed when I read this book!"

Uh huh. I think my friend is trying to give me some kindly advice about Dragonfly......

We shopped at Kino, borders and Times while looking for her elusive US weekly, [Times bookshop has 20% off all books for Roosters upon producing valid ID. Just digressing] so I also ended up buying a coupla books. Bleah. Call it a form of monetary consolance for V-day, and at least the books will last a lot longer than a buncha roses.

After that, was dinner with Candle [many thanks for blowing off your colleagues to meet me. Heh.] and then coffee at Coffee Bean Scotts. You'd think that in Scotts, we'd be able to avoid the throngs of dovey-eyed lovers walking up and down Orchard. NO LOR. They still entered Scotts to show off their obscene bunches of floral vaginas in our faces. [Er, if you're wondering why I wrote that, you'd really have to watch the Bachelor, the movie starring Chris O'Donnell.] I enviously watched the women walking in with their significant others, until, GOSH!

Enter: Woman with this HUGE bouquet, that was bigger than her head. And that's not an exaggeration. It was a HUGE bouquet, and had roses, lilies, and a whole lot of other flowers sticking out of a bed of baby's breath, lovingly wrapped with pink and white paper. And of course she was with a guy.

GOSH. BITCH. KONO KUSO ONNA. My grapes became so sour they shrivelled into raisins, and then internally combusted into wine. I suddenly became filled with an urge to water her roses with my double vanilla ceylon latte.

"Wait!" Candle stopped me just as I was picking up my glass "Look at the guy! He's totally NOT CUTE LOR!" And it was true. The girl was pretty. The guy...... well, she could do a whole lot better.

"Well," I shrugged "There must be something she sees in him then."

"Ya, his wallet. That kind of bouquet so big, not cheap leh!"

Hence the hypothesis was formed: That there is an inverse correlation between the size of a girl's bouquet, and the standard of looks of the guy who gave them. I.e, the uglier the guy, the bigger the bouquet of the girl.

Upon testing our hypothesis upon our sample population, [4 other couples who walked into Scotts] we nodded solemnly to each other, and agreed that the hypothesis had been proven. Significantly better-looking guys would be more likely to present women with smaller and smaller bouquets, or even a single stalk of rose.

Explanations for this could be that the less certain the guy was of impressing the girl with his looks, the more he had to make up for it through the things he could buy for her. Hence, the more gifts from a guy to a girl, the more he is uncertain of himself, and the more insecure he is of his chances that the girl with stay with him.

WELL DONE. Hypothesis proven. More research could be done with other products, say chocolates, money, sex....

Ok, let's forget about V-day now....

The next day, [or rather today] had to wake up early to send Slayer and folks to airport, and then wait for Mother to return from Australia. [thankfully, no traffic jams, road accidents, schoolkids running in front of my car, or her parents getting heart attacks in my backseat due to my driving. I even managed to open the car boot. :p]

Mother came back with a bunch of stuff and news from Australia. Grandfolks are fine and well, thank goodness, and there were some goodies passed on to me.

First came the dolphin stuff. Even though my dolphin liking was in, say JC, my mother still firmly had it fixed in her mind that when it came to jewellery, they had to get something with dolphins in it for me, and together with my grandma hunted the jewellery store from top shelf to discount bin hunting for something with dolphins in it, coming up with the following:


A dolphin brooch.


A necklace and matching bracelet.

And then the usual TIM-TAMS!!! 2 new packs of Tia Maria [Convulsing in chocolatey anticipation] and a bunch of Arnott's biscuits, the type with the cream fillings in the middle.

Plus an ang pow from Grandma to make up for the losses incurred at MPH's closing down sale. Although now that I have it, I'm tempted to go back there again. Heeeeeee.............

And other strange things: A leg of ham, for an aunt who's apparently very fond of it, [Ham! of all things!] and a carton of salted eggs for mom, made on the day that she left. [i'm surprised the eggs even made it here uncracked] Then Grandma's FRIDGE MAGNET COLLECTION of all things, because she was gonna throw them away anyway, so she gave them to mom.

And you guys saw the boots I wore for CNY to Quet's house? My mom bought cowboy-like boots there for TWICE THE PRICE. And she said it was CHEAP for those kinda boots. Good heavens...........

And typical of her, one of the first things she said upon entering the kitchen:

"Clean the sink later on! The dirt around the hole got a lot ah!"

Sigh. Welcome back, Mummy.

The Bitter Single's Guide to Vday...

All gals who are single, whether by choice or circumstance, this v-day. Don't you wish you could just crawl up and die? On this fateful feast of St Valentine's, the whole world is celebrating their joyful union with another human being... and you're like the plug that can't find a socket to fit in.

Fret and cry no more. Aki brings you her 10 ways of surviving this V-day:

1) Wear T-shirts with the slogan "80% of all new relationships lead to breakups" and "50% of all marriages end in divorce" and walk around Orchard/Suntec/other potential places where couples may hang out

2) Gather a bunch of other bitter single female friends, choose a restaurant conveniently packed with doe-eyed couples, and proceed to have a loud, rowdy conversation about the jerks that were your exes, and how all men are scum. [actually a group of us did do something like this one year at Suntec, only the conversation revolved around blood, gore and bleeding, and more of us were single then]

3) If you're in the office, and your colleagues are raving over the huge, beautiful ( And hence expensive ) bouquets being sent to them, look over the bouquets, say in a baleful tone, "That's what my ex did before I caught him with THAT SLUT!!!!!" and then start crying uncontrollably. Hopefully your excess tears will have the bonus effect of drowning all those damn roses.

4) Stay at home, watch a movie like Rambo or some action flick with plenty of blood, gore and shooting ( Alternatively, a movie like Days of the Dead may work ) and imagine the faces of happy couples interimposed on all those bodies.

5) Dress sexily, and declare yourself lesbian for this night. If you're not having any luck with the men, maybe you'd have better luck with the women.

6) Go on a shopping spree at a sex shop. If you're not having any luck with the men, maybe you'd do better with yourself. ;p

7) Form a formidable group of bitter single females, who will hog the phonelines to the radio stations the whole day, so as to make sure only breakup songs and bitter love songs will get played, instead of the usual nauseating romantic boyband crap.

8) Sell poisoned roses and laxative-filled chocolates in town and other couple waiting spots. Then cackle when you see all those hapless males waiting for ages outside the female toilets.

9) Stalk your prey at favourite waiting spots like City Hall MRT station. Once you spot a particularly nauseating couple, run up to the guy, and scream in his face, "So THIS is what you mean by working overtime at the office on Valentine's day??? YOU BASTARD!!!! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!!" And run away sobbing, hiding behind a convenient pillar so that you can watch the fun.

and the mother of them all......

10) Stand quietly in one spot until you have made sure that there are enough lovey couples around you. Then suddenly scream at the top of your lungs "ARGH!!!!! I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!" and run around bashing up the guys with the bouquets they were about to give, screaming "I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!!" Alternatively, you may bring along your own baseball bat for this purpose.

Disclaimer: The author takes no responsibility for any bitter single female that does any of the above.

Hehehe... strangely therapeutic in a way to write such an article.... :p and to attached friends: Don't worry, I won't be hanging around town today. Hahaha...

I actually went to church this Sunday with Dragonfly and despite Hellbound's warnings, NO, lightning from Heaven did not strike me for having licentious thoughts. A few interesting points:

1. I learned that possibly half my old secondary school ( and one guy from his primary school ) goes to Risen Christ. As we were walking in, it was "Hi!" "Hi!" and "Hi!" all around. Well, at least this is not the group that is likely to spread the usual "Who's that guy she's with?" stories around, look at him with curious, mischievous glances or grill him about the exact standing of our relationship. [unlike the reaction I would get from, oh say, someone named after a waxy, light-giving device?]

2. I also learned that this lenten season, the new fashion for Catholics is SIN. That's right, sin. I sin, you sin, he sins, she sins, they sin, we all sin. We are all stinkin', despicable sinners who are unworthy of the great blessings bestowed upon us. Repent now, all thee sinners, so that thou may have a chance of licking the Blessed Toenail.

Ho boy, now THAT is likely to get me struck by lightning.... but really, the sermon was a little too Old Testament for me...

3. Risen Christ has now dispensed with the usual paper books for hymns and missals, and every word during the mass is now projected upon the cathedral walls with state of the art projectors, using powerpoint slides. And, this is coming from him, mind you, in the slide used for the Holy Communion, the wafer that's supposed to represented the Body of Christ looks like a half eaten hamburger.

Keke that's all for now.... Gotta go now... will blog again if I do make it through this love-puking day.