Make Useful Stuff

Following up from the last post about how Creative Output must = Material Input, I managed to do a few more little projects with my junk, er, creative supplies. I happily cut and pasted to make some more art journal pages to my satisfaction. Then I wondered why did some of these make me feel so contented? Well, one reason of course is that I was starting to make some pages which I felt happy looking at. I liked the messages that I was writing and I liked the way it turned out so nicely.

This brought me to another thought, that when we make something creative, we should also

MAKE USEFUL STUFF

Now, some would interpret this as "It has to serve a practical purpose" but my definition is a bit wider than that. How would you know if something is useful? Ask yourself the following:

👍 Is what you made useful? Does it help you to do something or achieve a goal? 

One example of this would be the pen holders I made from old film cans. I needed something to hold small pens and the holders fit that purpose perfectly. It helped me to achieve the goals of organizing my desk, and being creative.

👍 Does it make you feel good, or 'spark joy' like what Marie Kondo describes in her book? Here as examples are 2 old art journal pages I did. They don't have any practical purpose. They don't act as storage, they're too big to use as bookmarks and too light as paperweights. I can't even write on them because they're no longer blank. Yet when I look at them, they remind me of important messages that I should carry through life. One is the obvious message that they carry and the other is that I am capable of making beautiful pieces if I just try. Certainly, when I look at them, they 'spark joy' in me. 

👍 Does it teach you something? Do you learn something out of it? This is one of my first attempts with watercolour painting:  

You can tell it's not good at all and you find any redeeming feature in it, you are a good, kind friend and I thank you. By all appearances, this particular painting does not serve any practical purpose. There's no inspirational message and in fact, it's kind of gloomy. Plus the technique really sucks.

But it did lead on to a later piece, which is this:

This is still not a fine piece of art but isn't it miles above the first in technique? That's the useful purpose of the first piece, not as a piece of art on its own, but as a stepping stone to a better piece. 

It was hard to grasp that some of the uglier stuff I did early on could serve any useful purpose at all. At times, it seemed impossible with the skills I had then that I could produce anything marginally useful. The key for me was not to dismiss my early attempts as proof that I totally sucked, but to see them as small steps to a bigger thing. Then it was easier to continue, because I saw myself en route to bigger things. 

This can be hard. Especially when you are faced with the shrapnel of all your failed attempts and a trash bin full of paper, the inspirational quotations about learning 99 ways how not to build a light bulb seem pretty shallow. Be kind to yourself and accept your own shortfalls and failures. Even if you don't churn out anything remotely useful or beautiful at the end of your life, you still would have learnt something you didn't before. That also makes it useful. 😉

Creative Output must equal Material Input

Today, I started on one of my Big Hairy Audacious Goals, which was to clear and organize the journals on my table. This was an important and urgent goal, because

1. They were a disaster waiting to happen. 
The journals were in a precarious pile on the table and every time someone breathed near them, an avalanche occurred.
2. They were not in a convenient location. 
I wanted them arranged in a more accessible way that made sense for me. They were arranged in a huge stack on top of one another, and that certainly made it 'convenient' when the one I wanted happened to be, oh, right at the bottom.
3. They were mixed up with too much other junk. 
There were other stuff mixed up with the journals which I was not using. This included stationery, stickers, random pieces of paper, name cards, other homemade journals... 

All combined, the pile was long overdue for a decluttering a la Marie Kondo. As I started to clear the pile, I uncovered even more bits of paper and trash, resulting in another small scrap heap that I had to clear other than the journals. 😖 Some were easy, like outdated insurance letters dating back from 2008. Some were more difficult, like Christmas cards from close friends. *sigh*

One thing became clear though: My creative output was not equal to the material input that I had accumulated. For all the paper, stickers and junk I had kept, how much of it had actually turned into actual artwork? I had kept a lot of paper, thinking "This would come in handy if I wanted to...*insert craft project here*" but for work or some reason or another, I never got around to doing it and the materials just stayed there. Or I would buy new materials, thinking "I can use this if I... *insert new craft idea here*" but again, the materials stayed there. 

Even the things I used were also existing in surplus. I did more journalling in 2016 so I told myself I would allow myself to use whatever I had bought, without fear of failure. I wrote on my nice notepads, I tore things out of my Flow Book for Paper Lovers, I shrugged away the numerous mistakes I made, resolving to be more careful the next time, I gleefully tore out metres and metres of washi tape. 

And I still had tons of those materials. 😱 The things in my room seem like a neverending black hole of paper, washi tape and stickers. Made even worse by my seemingly bright idea to do a couple of projects with junk paper, which meant that I had also accumulated a small stack of junk paper from work...... 

I think I'm not the only person this has happened to. How many times have we bought something with good intentions, thinking that it will come in handy, or that it will help us to achieve some goal? Hands up all the guilty ones who have books unread (me), paints unused (me), clothes unworn, exercise equipment being used as clothes hangers and other things bought with good intentions in January only to be covered in dust by March. 

For me, the bottom line is clear. I bought these supplies to be creative, so be creative I must. That is,

my CREATIVE OUTPUT must = my MATERIAL INPUT

Everything I have now must be used, used and used even for what seems like the most frivolous of reasons. It doesn't matter even if I don't churn out the Mona Lisa from my supplies, what matters is that I use them to the best of my abilities and use them to improve my creative skills in whatever way possible. That also means that I will make mistakes and end up chucking away some hard-earned material. Take it as a lesson learned rather than a wasted failure. 

The funny thing is that during this month when I was doing that, somehow I started to improve in small ways. My brush lettering improved because I now had oodles of junk paper to practise on. My journalling started to look better when I used my coloured markers to write with and my washi tape and stickers to decorate. I even found some of my markers running out of ink, which was sad yet gratifying at the same time. 

So if there's one thing you have to remember:

This can be found on my Instagram (@khelath) 

We are not put on this earth to buy and accumulate things. We are meant to DO things. So if there's something around you that's accumulating, (like my craft materials) ask yourself why, and just DO something with it to get started. We are not buyers of life, we are DOERS. 

Junk Journals Tutorial 2: Part 2: Making a Book Cover

Hi all, sorry for the long break! We've been celebrating Chinese New Year here in Singapore and now that it's nearly at an end, it's time for me to finish up this tutorial too!

Today's tutorial covers how to make a cover for your journal and is very useful when you are making journals of your own. Once you have some simple steps mastered, the technique can be applied to making any kind of journal.

Making A Book Cover

You will need:

Tools and Materials
Paper (This would become your cover)
End Paper (Any kind of coloured paper, for the inside of the cover)
Adhesive
Bookbinding stapler (Or ordinary stapler and eraser, if you are following my alternative stapling method)

Here, for this tutorial, I have chosen a page out of Frankie magazine as the paper for my cover. The paper from this magazine is quite sturdier and after the end paper is pasted, will become strong enough to act as the cover.

Step 1: Fold the top and bottom edges of the magazine page to your required size. To gauge the size, I've put the paper from Part 1 on top. Leave a few millimetres allowance at the edges.

Step 2: Fold the right side down but cut the corners away. You should have something that looks like the picture above.

Step 3: Take away the notepaper. Stick the right side down. Then do the same on the left side. 

We're almost done. By this point, the top picture shows the inside of the cover and the bottom picture shows the outside after I folded it in half. 

Step 4: Open the cover and stick the end paper of your choice on the inside. Here I chose a piece of white paper to keep a clean look. This will also cover any ugly folding marks you made.

Step 5: Open the cover and open the notepaper to the centre. Clip the notepaper to the cover as if it were a finished book. The clips will keep the paper in place and make it easier to staple.

 Step 6: Turn the whole thing over and staple the paper to the cover.

Done! Here is the finished journal when closed and the tools I used!

Like I said, this tutorial is handy for making covers for any kind of journal or notebook, so save it and keep it handy!

Reflections on December and 2016

It being the second last day of 2016, it's now or never that I finally get to writing my reflections, I guess. Like any other year, there has been ups and downs and sometimes, things start to look better in retrospect.

Family Life

After a couple of years of trying, I'm finally going to have a baby! I was pretty down in the first half of the year when the first try didn't work out but later on, it did and now I'm expecting to pop in March! I would admit that I have had slightly mixed feelings, loss of personal freedoms vs family life after hearing from so many people about how "it changes your whole life". 

But then I realized a couple of things from some mothers I follow on social media:

1. There are a lot of mothers who have continued doing what they love while having children. I follow a couple of bloggers and Instagrammers who do great writing and art and I used to think they could only do all these because they were childless. I was slightly surprised when I read that some of them had kids, 2 or more in some cases! And they could still update their blog or Instagram account or run their businesses on a regular basis! This taught me that passion helps you find a way. I may have to cut back on some personal goals (no more recitals!) or become a scheduling wizard as long as I can find some small way to do what I love. Which leads me to the next...

2. Be kind to yourself. It's ok if I screw up. It's ok if I don't reach my goals. It's ok if I don't write a new e-book every month, play the violin at Carnegie Hall, become an award-winning artist, become a famous blogger, speak fluently in French, Spanish, Italian and Japanese, raise a successful kid who can do all the above and more, and maintain a full-time job. Even if I make small steps towards just one of my goals, it's ok. No one is judging me except myself and mistakes are acceptable for anyone who is not perfect. (Preferably my mistakes should not involve death or injury though...)

3. For all the complaints I read from new mothers, no one has ever wished they never had their child. And you do hear plenty of complaints, from leaky diapers to full out explosions, screaming tantrums, nights in the hospital. Despite all this, I've not read about a single mother who would give up her child to take back her single life. This gives me hope, that while there will be plenty of crap to clean up, in the end, it's not a rose-coloured vision that everything really does work out in the end. 

So I'm going to follow no.2 when it comes to my kid and take it easy on myself and my future child. He may not become the next President's Scholar but as long as he turns out to be a kind, wise human being, (not a serial killer) that would be all I would ask for.

Blogging Life

Looking back at the posts from January till now, I'm pretty proud that I managed to revive my old blog and I did a lot more writing than I thought I was capable of. This is something new I've learned about myself. Funny thing is that I always thought I had a flair for art more than writing because I was such a visually-oriented person, but in the process of writing, I learned that actually I had more of a flair for writing. Given the right prompts, the ideas flowed more easily on the keyboard than on the drawing pad. 

I'm a bit hesitant to make plans for 2017 because of the kid coming but if there's one thing, I would like to continue blogging as much as I can. The focus may change and I may write a lot more about life with a baby, but I would still want to keep this blog alive to remind me of the writing I completed in 2016 and to spur me on to other creative projects in the future. 

Creative Life

I'm also pretty proud that I dabbled a lot more creatively this year. I did a lot more journalling and in December, I even managed to organize some material into my own e-book. I also managed to do some watercolour painting and make some journals. I also take pride in performing on stage in my first violin recital! Although I played terribly off-key, (-_-!) I take pride in actually mustering the guts to go up and do it, something I'm not sure many 5-month pregnant ladies can claim to do! In some months, I also managed to up my French by learning some grammar. I probably can't order a cup of water in France, but it's still a bit of progress from knowing nothing to knowing something.

When you read the paragraph above, it all seems pretty random but I've come to accept that that's the kind of person I am. I like a certain degree of novelty and variety so I tried several different things each month. What worked for me was listing down all the activities I wanted to try and then making some goals each month, plus making myself accountable by blogging as much as I could about the steps I made. Being a Jack of all trades seems to work better for me than being a Master of one. 

(These techniques I learned from 7 habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey and Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin.)

I also read, read and read. I had a personal goal at the start of the year to read at least one non-fiction book each month, which according to my Goodreads account, I've achieved, so yay! I didn't hit the upgraded goal I set for myself, which was 48 books, but on average, I've completed 3 books each month. I think with the baby, this could be the easier goal for me to reach next year......

With all I've done this year, I think in 2017, I would take a creative break and concentrate on how to take care of my kid. I might still do some light reading and a little bit of doodling here and there but I also think it's prudent that I don't set major goals for myself until I've settled the domestic arrangements with my in-laws and my kid. I also suspect that I may have to resume my fitness goals next year to lose all the postnatal weight! So in 2017, the focus here might be to take it easy and do it for fun till family life becomes more stable. 

In a nutshell...

I guess 2016 wasn't too bad and in retrospect, some of the things that seemed really bad at the time now look very far away. I suppose with distance and reflection, life on the whole really has a lot that we can be grateful for if we choose to see it that way. If there's anything to hope for in 2017, I can only hope that by December 2017, I can look back and see all the good stuff and be filled with the same hope for 2018! Happy new year, everyone and here's to a great 2017! 

Art Journalling - Chinese Thoughts

Recently, I have been trying out a new journal I made. With me on forced sick leave (cough, cough) and no more reruns on TV to watch, I thought I'd have a stab at filling up some of the pages with some art journalling.

Why Chinese Thoughts? There was no particular reason or rhyme to this one. I started out with the image of the mask on the left, then I thought the dragon would make a nice accompanying piece and then one thing pretty much led to another. -_-!!! Maybe chalk this one up to pure inspiration, yah? I was really just too sick to think of anything more profound than "Oh, this would look interesting like this......"

I wasn't trying to string together any profound meaning from the Chinese characters used either. The only unifying factor is probably that they all have something to do with thoughts. Thoughts that come from our dreams, from fantasies, from delusions, from other thoughts. I'm too sick to really think so I also relied on pure inspiration for this one and tried with my brush pen any character and idea that came to mind. 

Any profound thoughts? Well, that maybe I'd like to improve my Chinese brushmanship, hahaha... Some of the characters look downright ugly and clunky. My old Chinese teacher would have flunked me and made me rewrite them a hundred times. 

Also, that trying this made me think how much meaning there was in Chinese characters. A whole pantheon of cultural meaning can lie behind even one character and its placement in a piece of art. Where Western words take a few letters to be expressed, one Chinese character chosen wisely can speak volumes. All this was lost on me in my school days, of course, but now being more mature (and hopefully wiser) I can start to appreciate the finer nuances of my mother tongue. 

Experiences, not Acquisitions

Hi, I'm Aki Tan and I'm a hoarder.

I hoard books, not bears, by the way...

The above picture is a small fraction of the burgeoning collection of books and magazines that is threatening to bring down my bookshelf. I have a box of craft materials that is not very used. I have rolls and rolls of washi tape and files of scrapbooking paper. 

Why do I have so much stuff? Well, partly it's GAS = Gear Acquisition Syndrome. The term is more commonly used for tech gear but in this case, I think the same applies to the books, magazines and craft materials that I have.

Which is why I read (and re-read) the articles in Flow Issue 5 with interest. There were 2 articles which I felt spoke directly to hoarders keen for rehab. In one of the articles, "How Great Small Can Be", Alain de Botton wrote:

"Why, then, if expensive things cannot bring us remarkable joy, are we so powerfully drawn to them?... Because expensive items can feel like plausible solutions to needs we don't understand."

So it becomes easier to buy something than to do serious soul-searching to find out what is it we're missing. After all, it only takes a walk to the store and an opening of the wallet. And research has also proven before that impulse buys can indeed bring a high level of satisfaction. (A Google brings up a list of research, I have chosen to link this one: Effects of Impulse Purchases on Consumers' Affective States.) 

This is true for me, for the craft materials at least. When I moved into my new house, I had a whole room which I used as a study/studio. With all that space to play with, I suddenly found myself able to buy and store all the paper I ever wanted, and paper being paper, of course took up space. I couldn't bear to use all the stuff I bought, though, 'cause what if I wanted to use it for another project? What if I used it and it didn't turn out right?

I acquired and acquired and one day, I realized, they become 'plausible solutions to needs' that I didn't understand fully yet. I wanted to Make Good Art, and so I bought all those things thinking that I would some day. But my real need wasn't to buy materials, it was to actually do stuff with them.

It took a lot of acquiring before I realized that the only thing I was doing was collecting materials but yet I had nothing to show for all the buying I was doing. At some point, I told myself, that's it, now it's time to start making. 

And when I started making, this led to another kind of satisfaction, which was the kind that authors Botsman and Rogers (What's Mine is Yours: The Rise of Collaborative Consumption) referred to. 

"We want to fulfil our needs with the material or experience that these products offer." Yes, the experience from the products, not the products itself. 

This is a good reminder every time I am tempted by something new. I ask myself: Am I more interested in buying the book? Or reading it? Do I want to make art, or buy paint? The reminder here is that what we are really interested in is the experience that comes from the product. If the experience can be had with something already in possession, then further purchase is unnecessary. Even if acquisition is necessary, sites like Carousell can help one to buy something secondhand and usable instead of buying a new items.

Nowadays, I let myself be a bit more free when I use the materials, since it's clear that I have nearly a lifetime of craft materials hoarded away. Do I get tempted now and then? Of course I do, and I do end up buying some more stuff. The difference is now I give myself more permission to use and misuse the things I buy, so as to continue to gain the benefit of experience rather than the short-lived one of acquisition. There were times when I wasted some stuff by making some real fugly things, but I was also rewarded at many other times with something that just looked good. It is those times I look forward to, because those remind me what life's experiences are all about. They are about experiences and not products. 

 

Practising with watercolours

My very wet, very unpolished swatches of watercolour. This was a practice on blending the colours but I also added the title and scribbled some notes to, er, make it look more artistic lah... Otherwise it'd be rather boring, no?

I was thinking some thoughts as I was doing this about how little I hear of people actually doing this. I mean this as in 

1) give artistic creativity free rein without thought of future reward or consequence and 

2) actually bothering to do this rather than watch TV or Youtube. (Yes, my mind does wander even while I'm concentrating on getting the blending right) 

To the first, I suppose living in pragmatic Singapore could be part of the cause. A lot of people will not understand the point of spending/wasting time painting ugly stuff when it is pretty clear that there are no benefits to be gained. (ie, you will not be a successful painter/musician/dancer/actor) Even fewer will understand why you do it when it is painfully obvious that you have no clear talent at it. (ie, you suck lah)

A very, very, rare few will understand that it is something that is done simply because you want to do it and get better at it.

I mean, take this exercise in painting. Why am I doing this at all? It has no immediate benefit to my short term future, ie, I'm not going to sell the sketchbook page above for millions one day, nor will I be quitting my job in even the next 10 years to sell watercolour swatches for a million a piece. I'm well aware that to many Singaporeans, what I'm doing is a childish exercise. Yes, yes, very nice rectangles, just like what we did in Primary school. Now grow up and get on with life already. 

To others, it is a waste of a limited reserve of effort. Some people will say at this point, "Life is so hard, we work all day, take care of children/parents/pets at night, why would you do something as tiring and fruitless as this? Iphone/iPad/TV/Internet/Facebook is easier lah." or "I have no energy to do this after work. I'm so tired I would rather just lie on the couch with the cats."

Yes, I do have a lot of inner critics and I hear this all the time. (The only one I'd grant the excuse of tiredness is the parent. Yes, I think I would be tired too.)

Which means I also learned ways to counter them.

1) Not everything is about immediate gain and visible show of talent. True success comes also from grit and perseverance. Which is why I believe it's important that I not only show the successes on my blog, but I also show the duds, like the practice page above.

2) Equally important is also what you learn from the duds. You either learn that you suck as a loser, or that you have some stuff you need to improve. One of these lead to better mental health and I think it is clear which.

3) Spending time like this on a hobby takes sweat, grit and effort, I admit. You actually have to pay money for the paint, brushes, paper and book to learn and there have been many times when I come home exhausted, able to do nothing other than lie on my sofa with the cats and the nut. TV at that point is very tempting.

Then after a while, I realised that I wasn't achieving anything (other than a waistline). Spending my time like this, what did I have to show for in my life? What excuse did I have for all my unfulfilled hopes, dreams and aspirations?

More importantly, if I went on like this, what example would I show any future kids of mine? What do I have of me that my kids can look up to? What will people say at my funeral? "Oh, she watched a lot of Doctor Who, and maybe some CSI." That's when I cracked out the paints and the books. At the end of my life, I'd like people to talk and laugh over the millions of bad paintings I did, the horrible photos I took and the fugly craft projects I did and from there, create a picture of me as a whole person, with likes, dislikes, talents, screw-ups and all the stuff I did in my life to show for it. 

Maybe, if I'm lucky, by the end of my life, I'd even have a good number of good stuff to show for my efforts too.

Till then, I want to keep trying in every little way I can. Even baby steps will help a baby to stand up on its own one day. 

Learning to Paint

So I made myself a promise to really properly learn to paint with watercolours and to practise, practise, practise in my unused sketchbook. Unfortunately, my first attempt did not turn out well! I tried to do some highlights on the girl's hair but it started with a disaster and turned into a calamity. -_-!!!

Still, nothing is lost. I was in despair for a while, after all, not very encouraging to see your first work turn out ugly, yah? But I also thought that there were parts of the painting that I liked, so I started jotting them down. Then I thought about the ugly parts (ie the hair!) and jotted down what I thought I could do to do nicer stuff in the future.

This ties in with what I read about deliberate practice. Practising 10,000 times does not necessarily help you to improve, if you don't know what you have to do to improve in the first place. As you practise, you have to deliberately think about your strengths and flaws and ways to overcome them. You have to be aware about the end result you are trying to achieve and the steps you need to take in between to get there.

So this is what I have tried with this painting. Now I have a sense of the parts I need to do better, I can try again! Wish me luck!

Could this be better? Yes. Is this the end? No. 

Don't Give Up, There's Hope Yet

Yay, I'm done with my art journal! I was supposed to finish in March, oops, but better done than never!

Ironically, I thought of both these images at different times but somehow their messages worked well together. I did the one about Hope first, slightly inspired by my recent watercolour class and also because I'm generally feeling quite optimistic around now. I'm managing to balance work and play and most days work doesn't feel as dreadful as it did. So, a small message to myself, there is hope after all.

The one about Daydreams was just done tonight. This phrase was cut out from a desk calendar I have. Daydreams are so important and sometimes, their inherent hope is what keeps you through the day. I love the quote so much that I never wanted to do anything with that scrap of paper so why not I reiterate the message to myself in my journal? Don't ever quit your daydreams. 

And finally, the last page of my journal:

Husband is always saying I'm turning into a cat one day, why not self-fulfil his prophecy?

That's the end of my art journal for March! I'm still ploughing through my April focus of writing and so far I *think* I have a good number of posts up! Ganbatte! 

Creative Fatigue

Sometimes you think something is so difficult. And sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

Like today. I had originally intended (in good faith, I swear) to head to the gym after work. I had packed my gym gear the night before and I was even looking forward to it.

After the end of today's work, I only wanted to go to my bed. I told myself, I will just go! If I just make myself go maybe I can do it!

I managed as far as Plaza Sing, and then I headed to the foot reflexology centre where mercifully they had a space. I took it as divine intention and I enjoyed one hour having my calves kneaded.

I suppose I didn't foresee just how tired I would be. I had forgotten that I was supposed to stay back to help in a cleaning exercise and the heat of the afternoon did not help at all. I don't think I have ever refilled my waterbottle so many times in a day. Of course, by the end of the day, I would have no energy to exercise.

Even if I like to think of it as divine intention......

I took my dinner there and I went home and took a good shower. Then I went to my study and looked at my journals.

Something funny happened. I thought I was tired. I knew I was tired. I had already admitted through the act of foot reflexology that I was tired. Yet, I took up the art journal I had not finished from last month and I stared at the blank page for a while. 

And I then I drew. 

Something funny about fatigue. If you are that into something, fatigue takes a back seat and a form of creative energy seems to take over. I've encountered this before, where I became so wholly engrossed in what I was doing that by the time I finished, I was physically tired, hungry despite having not moved from my chair for the entire duration. It's like suddenly, there was a goal to reach, it was within my grasp and I knew what to do and so without thinking too much about being tired, I did it. 

Of course, once I was done I felt the exhaustion again. But at least this time, I had something to show for it at last. Besides well-kneaded calves.