What do we learn?

It's been a good long break since the last post, during which there were medical appointments and Chinese New Year preparations, so I've been busy, sorry! Now that everything is done and work is settling down, I finally found some time to do a simple book cover with a greeting card.

The process of doing this is easy enough because all you really have to do is wrap the greeting card with a cover paper of your choice, so while I was making it, I had time to do some musings over the whole idea of crafting.

This particular occasion, I remembered a line I heard a parent say to a child over the taking up of music in school:

"You don't pursue music all the way unless you want to become a musician. If you don't, then there's no point in pursuing it in school to this extent."

That made me a little sad. We don't pursue a craft just to earn money from it, surely. Yes, it would be great if we did and we could live off what we loved. But, even if we don't get to, even if we have to keep our 9-5 jobs, does that necessarily mean there is no use for the craft that we love to do? 

(Here when I write craft, I refer to a interest that we work at for a sustained period of time in order to gain mastery of it. This could include art, craft, playing an instrument, photography, writing etc...)

What then, do we take away from our craft? Do we do it so that one day we could quit our 9-5 jobs? Do we do it just for the end product, to have something pretty to hold in our hands? To have something useful that will serve a meaningful purpose in our lives? 

Then what do we gain when we don't achieve what we set out to do? When we fail at it? When we don't make money or a living out of it? Does that mean our craft becomes useless or hopeless?

Think of your craft then not in terms of the material products it produces. Think in terms of the values and skills you learn and then it becomes clearer.

Real life example: When I volunteered for the violin recital, many people thought I was nuts. Even on the day of the recital, after all the practice I did, I still played nearly half the song off key. It would seem like a total bomb, but I still took away several lessons from my recital attempt:

Persistence - To keep trying even when our first attempts bomb. I thought I knew what persistence meant till I volunteered for this and to my horror realized at the start how far out of my depth I was. I had to keep practising and practising to reach a semi-acceptable level and then I realized what real persistence meant. 

Mindfulness - To reflect on our mistakes, think of what went wrong and what to do about it in the future. Mindless practising would have seen me playing the song wrongly a hundred times a day. I have to learn deliberate practice, in which after each attempt, I thought about the parts that went wrong and concentrated on making those parts right before going on to the rest of the song. Each time I practised, I had to keep a mindful eye (or ear) out for those parts to make sure I got them right.

Ability to withstand failure - To stand with grace under pressure even amidst total failure. When I finished the recital piece, I knew it wasn't good. But more importantly, I learnt that it was ok that it wasn't good. Life still went on, my family and friends were still around me and I could still continue playing the violin (badly). Whether the rest of the audience thought it was good or not didn't matter because they were so temporary in my life, which would go on even long after they had forgotten my performance.

When I looked at my violin playing this way, then it didn't really matter how well or how badly I played. I still learnt and continued to learn these lessons, which would follow me in other areas of life. And when I looked at the rest of the crafts that I pursued, I could see other values that I had learnt:

Meticulousness - To be exact and deliberate in your activities. My first few crafting and painting attempts were very haphazardly done and it showed. Paper stuck out at the wrong angles, paint jobs were done poorly and I felt it was because I tended to rush through my actions without thought for measurement or precision. Now this works well in some instances, but since I wanted a finished job that looked close to professional, I had to learn to be more meticulous and precise in what I did. Now when I make a new journal, I have learnt to be more exact in the way I cut and paste the paper and I'm a lot more proud of the products I produce. 

Patience and self-forgiveness - Things will still go wrong, no matter how hard or often you try. Songs will still be played wrongly, paint will be applied wrongly, paper will be cut or pasted wrongly. At times like this, when I want to throw everything into the rubbish chute in despair, I learn to tell myself to cool down and more importantly, forgive myself for my mistakes. It's ok to make these kind of mistakes and there's always a way to bounce back from them if we are willing to learn. That's important because I also learnt to apply this when I mess up in other areas, like work and tell myself it's ok in the long run, I will bounce back. 

So maybe in a way, this is a practice for when my own child faces the same reactions when he wants to pursue his own craft. There will be people who will tell him there's no use or money in it and that he's better off pursuing his career or his job. When they do, I hope I will remember this blog entry so that someone will tell him, "No, there is purpose, life and love in doing what we love and this is how I learnt it."

It's May!

Time definitely flies faster when I'm back at work! Suddenly it's almost time for the holidays and there are still a million and one things that I have yet to do! So how is my progress so far on my personal goals? Time for a reflection......

1. Read the book each day
Sidetracked! I read everything except my writing book! After one trip to the library and a couple more to Kino, suddenly I have more books and magazines I need to finish! Argh!

On another note, the book I am currently reading is very interesting because it's something I can relate to:

The Late Starters Orchestra is written by Ari Goldman. At the age of 60, he decided to finally pursue his longtime dream of playing the cello. In his book, he writes about the words of his long-deceased cello teacher, Mr J, and about the openness and friendliness he encountered while joining the Late Starters Orchestra. 

The LSO is a real group of people and they believe that anyone should be allowed to play an instrument in an orchestra, regardless of skill and ability. They are a real group and you can read more about them by clicking this here link.

A very familiar scenario for me as my violin rests on the wall to my right! The book is worth a read as Goldman writes in a very easy-to-read style and I think anyone who is in the process of learning something as an adult will identify with the struggles and difficulties he faced.

(Ah ha, I think I just wrote a book review for April!)

2. Write a story from Pocket Muse every week.

I managed to write only 1 short story, which is The Loudest Person. Why did I fail so badly on this one?

I attribute it to lack of proper planning. I've been planning my personal goals by writing them on a desk calendar. However, I failed to realize just how tired I would be after school and how that would affect my creativity. On some days, even when I tried, I could only sit and stare at the book because nothing would come to mind.

This is important because if I'm that tired, it would not just affect my writing but also all those other areas I want to work on, like my art. It would also affect my violin and piano playing. (I would probably end up using the massage chair at the 'piano studio' more) So what does this tell me?

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Don't get so caught up with trying to finish all the work in school. Plan lessons and keep in mind what work I would expect to mark after lessons. Plan which I should mark on that day and which I can leave for another day. Finish all planned marking in school so that I feel fresher after school. Don't plan for too many mentally intensive activities on the same night.

That being said, I also realized that the time after dinner at home is a great time to flex creative muscle. It's peaceful and cooler and it becomes easier to relax and think. All I have to do is close myself in the study and leave the man to the TV.

3. Start Writing Project

Argh, this one also took a hit. I have to start again on this one. 

So What Now?

So there are some hits and some misses. I do realize now that if I want to focus on something for the month, I have to plan for it to actually happen. Writing in my desk calendar helps so I will continue to do so. 

Even then, there are times I will also miss out. That means that when I plan for something, I have to step into the study and start, anyway and any old how. As long as I start something or step into somewhere, I can start. 

Although, at least I have some slight achievement. I have one story, which is one more than I did before -_-!!! But I still have to continue progressing, so what am I aiming for in May?

Photography
To complete at least 2 photography ideas, whether it be doubles or other Lomographic weirdness.
Music
To practise my violin and piano at least twice a week
French
To do one section of French a day, excepting weekends. For this, I started a diary page in my journal where I will write one sentence in (badly written) French each day. 

Wish me luck! Bonne chance!

Birthday Blessings

(Of course it was originally posted on my birthday! Have edited the post slightly but the message remains the same.)

Yay, it's my birthday, a day I feel entitled to behaving like a spoiled child and getting whatever I want. Of course, this does not always happen but it feels good to carry this sense of special entitlement even for one day.

Reaching 35 for some people I know would be traumatic. But somehow, I have never worried over getting old the way some do. I know this is because I have been blessed in my life, more than a lot of people and definitely more than I deserve.

I have been blessed with a wonderful house, chockful of the stuff I love, a kitchen for me to cook in and a study with a bookshelf stuffed full of books and cameras and a desk overflowing with art and inspiration, both of which I love dearly. I am blessed to have this house for me, husband and the various cats around in stuffed, plastic and porcelain form. 

I have been blessed enough to be able to do a number of the things I love. I have been blessed to be able to afford violin lessons and reach a (though low) level of proficiency. I have been blessed enough to be surrounded by more paper, art and writing materials than I could possibly indulge my creativity in. I have been thoroughly blessed to be able to indulge in film photography and spend money and time developing film when most people would think me mad and just download them from an SD card. 

And I hate to admit this, but I am blessed to be in my job, a job that pays well enough for me to do all the above and to have fun acting as young as the children on some days. Even on the days when I feel like throwing it all in. 

I have been blessed with great friends, not in quantity but in quality. Friends that have seen me through my whole life, seen me married, come to my house for food, drinks, TV, gossip, snacks and filled it with noise, mayhem and merriment. Friends that are there, no questions asked, who welcome me into their lives with open arms and whom I'll welcome in my front door, no questions asked either, other than, "Need a drink?"

I have been blessed with a great husband. One who negotiates through the financial paperwork that I'd rather just shred, who does all the bookings online, who remembers all the nitty-gritty stuff that I will always forget, who stands by me when I'm down, calms me in my emotional maelstorms and makes effort for me just because I'm, well, me. This kind of man, who will change for you, do things for you, support you when you need it, is harder to find than anyone thinks and I'm grateful he is mine. 

Even with all the crap I've put myself through, overall, it's been a good and blessed 35 years. My wish for myself is that I always remain thankful for my blessings as they come. (And a TOTO jackpot would not hurt either) 

Practise that piano/violin/ukelele/recorder/drum/noseflute already! [originally written 13th Feb]

One of my resolutions for this year (and the year before, before, and before...) is to practice a musical instrument. I have had varying success with this on my violin and it's a great week if I managed 1 practice session before my Thursday lesson.

On top of this, I also had this bright/lame/whatwasithinking idea to restart my piano and get my diploma. After almost 20 years away from a keyboard. 

Fortunately a friend living nearby generously allowed me access to her house and piano, so that I didn't have to buy a piano of my own. If I ever get my diploma in the end, I think I should inscribe her name on the back. 

So now I have instrument and book. How to practice? Where to start? Ah ha, here's my...

Idiot's Guide to Practicing an Instrument: 

Round 1: Dexterity 

In this round, I intend to improve finger dexterity for better playing. On recommendation, I bought a book by Hanon. Hanon's book is full of finger exercises designed to train flexibility of finger and improve dexterity. I start off with 2 pages of this to loosen up fingers. This is boring playing but really helps when playing nice music later. 

Round 2: Exam pieces

Many shudder at the sight of the ABRSM books which brings bad memories. However, for anyone who wants to test their proficiency, they are a good guide. I found a best-of collection of grade 5-6 pieces, so I will play one piece from this book next. This is so that I know the standard of playing to reach. 

Round 3: Play for Pleasure

Music after all is meant to be enjoyed so I will finish off the practice with some music I like. I have been playing songs from the Les Miserables collection. I first played this book more than 20 years ago and it's amazing to see that while not perfect, my fingers still remember a lot of what they are supposed to do. Next project for pleasure: A Piano Guys collection.

This may seem like it takes a lot of time, but remember my other keyword for language learning: Keep it Easy. So I would do just 1-2 pages of dexterity practice, and play an exam piece 1 or 2 times, which is easy to do. This is the advantage that adult learners have over students. I no longer have to quickly pass my exam in a year in order to save my parents the extra lesson fees (!!) so I will aim for a standard of playing first. Then when I am able to play at least 5 exam pieces easily, I might consider going for an exam.

So my goals:
Be able to play 3 Grade 5 pieces
Be able to play 3 Grade 6 pieces
Be able to play 3 Grade 7 pieces ( Yes, I know this is getting predictable )
Be able to play 3 Grade 8 pieces and score a pass on the diploma

Will I be able to do it in a year, 2 years or will I even be able to reach my final goal before 40? Nobody knows this, not even me. But it's not just about the destination, it's also about the journey you take. So let's just see how the journey goes along and what I pick up along the way. It might just be more interesting than the destination I had in mind. ;)  

Updates: (4th April)

It's been about 2 months now since I first wrote this post so how am I doing? Is my method working for me? 

It has certainly helped in piano playing. I've almost reached my first goal of being able to play 3 Grade 5 pieces on the piano and I have one more piece to reach Grade 5. 

Having a structure in the form of the 3 rounds certainly worked. It became a routine for me and now whenever I practise, I do so knowing that there are good stuffs waiting for me at the end. The weird thing is that the pieces I play for pleasure are actually harder than the Grade 5 exam pieces I'm playing! Yet I'm willing to do so for the love of the music. 

I had some extra help along the way. I managed to show my friend what I had been doing so far and got some valuable pointers from her to improve my practices. Those I have to remember the next time I practise at her place.

Another thing that helps for instrument playing is reflective practice. I first learned this word as a policy at work, which sucked, but later I read an article that made me realize how it could improve parts of my personal life. 

When applying it to practising an instrument, I apply it in a few ways. Before I start playing, I might go over the piece to see which were the parts I had the most problems with and practise those parts first. As I play, I record the music occasionally to keep a track of my playing. I also actively think as I play, am I playing this smoothly enough? Is there enough expression? Did the volume enhance the music?

It's hard but well, thinking is free, so it certainly saves on a lot of fees.

But I could only do this on the piano, because I had already attained a certain level of proficiency. With the violin, it's an utter disaster! My sense of pitch is not good enough to tell whether I was playing off or on key so while I could finish a piece, I had this sense of stumbling through! To make it worse, my arms became tired if I practised too long and as they strained, I would unknowingly go off key and I would only find this out when I went for my next lesson!

I knew that my main problem with the violin was my sense of pitch so I needed a different strategy. I could not just play more and more and more. I had to aim for a level of accuracy instead. Instead of the practices I did with the piano, I downloaded an app that allowed me to record the music by tapping keyboard notes and then changing it to violin-like sounds. Then as I listened to it, I had a more accurate idea of what the music was supposed to sound like. 

It also helped to combat the tired arms, since now I was focusing on quality of note rather than quantity played. 

A goal for the violin then? Haha, lemme complete one more book of technique playing and then I'll decide... Maybe not all things require goals... :p