Reflections on December and 2016

It being the second last day of 2016, it's now or never that I finally get to writing my reflections, I guess. Like any other year, there has been ups and downs and sometimes, things start to look better in retrospect.

Family Life

After a couple of years of trying, I'm finally going to have a baby! I was pretty down in the first half of the year when the first try didn't work out but later on, it did and now I'm expecting to pop in March! I would admit that I have had slightly mixed feelings, loss of personal freedoms vs family life after hearing from so many people about how "it changes your whole life". 

But then I realized a couple of things from some mothers I follow on social media:

1. There are a lot of mothers who have continued doing what they love while having children. I follow a couple of bloggers and Instagrammers who do great writing and art and I used to think they could only do all these because they were childless. I was slightly surprised when I read that some of them had kids, 2 or more in some cases! And they could still update their blog or Instagram account or run their businesses on a regular basis! This taught me that passion helps you find a way. I may have to cut back on some personal goals (no more recitals!) or become a scheduling wizard as long as I can find some small way to do what I love. Which leads me to the next...

2. Be kind to yourself. It's ok if I screw up. It's ok if I don't reach my goals. It's ok if I don't write a new e-book every month, play the violin at Carnegie Hall, become an award-winning artist, become a famous blogger, speak fluently in French, Spanish, Italian and Japanese, raise a successful kid who can do all the above and more, and maintain a full-time job. Even if I make small steps towards just one of my goals, it's ok. No one is judging me except myself and mistakes are acceptable for anyone who is not perfect. (Preferably my mistakes should not involve death or injury though...)

3. For all the complaints I read from new mothers, no one has ever wished they never had their child. And you do hear plenty of complaints, from leaky diapers to full out explosions, screaming tantrums, nights in the hospital. Despite all this, I've not read about a single mother who would give up her child to take back her single life. This gives me hope, that while there will be plenty of crap to clean up, in the end, it's not a rose-coloured vision that everything really does work out in the end. 

So I'm going to follow no.2 when it comes to my kid and take it easy on myself and my future child. He may not become the next President's Scholar but as long as he turns out to be a kind, wise human being, (not a serial killer) that would be all I would ask for.

Blogging Life

Looking back at the posts from January till now, I'm pretty proud that I managed to revive my old blog and I did a lot more writing than I thought I was capable of. This is something new I've learned about myself. Funny thing is that I always thought I had a flair for art more than writing because I was such a visually-oriented person, but in the process of writing, I learned that actually I had more of a flair for writing. Given the right prompts, the ideas flowed more easily on the keyboard than on the drawing pad. 

I'm a bit hesitant to make plans for 2017 because of the kid coming but if there's one thing, I would like to continue blogging as much as I can. The focus may change and I may write a lot more about life with a baby, but I would still want to keep this blog alive to remind me of the writing I completed in 2016 and to spur me on to other creative projects in the future. 

Creative Life

I'm also pretty proud that I dabbled a lot more creatively this year. I did a lot more journalling and in December, I even managed to organize some material into my own e-book. I also managed to do some watercolour painting and make some journals. I also take pride in performing on stage in my first violin recital! Although I played terribly off-key, (-_-!) I take pride in actually mustering the guts to go up and do it, something I'm not sure many 5-month pregnant ladies can claim to do! In some months, I also managed to up my French by learning some grammar. I probably can't order a cup of water in France, but it's still a bit of progress from knowing nothing to knowing something.

When you read the paragraph above, it all seems pretty random but I've come to accept that that's the kind of person I am. I like a certain degree of novelty and variety so I tried several different things each month. What worked for me was listing down all the activities I wanted to try and then making some goals each month, plus making myself accountable by blogging as much as I could about the steps I made. Being a Jack of all trades seems to work better for me than being a Master of one. 

(These techniques I learned from 7 habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey and Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin.)

I also read, read and read. I had a personal goal at the start of the year to read at least one non-fiction book each month, which according to my Goodreads account, I've achieved, so yay! I didn't hit the upgraded goal I set for myself, which was 48 books, but on average, I've completed 3 books each month. I think with the baby, this could be the easier goal for me to reach next year......

With all I've done this year, I think in 2017, I would take a creative break and concentrate on how to take care of my kid. I might still do some light reading and a little bit of doodling here and there but I also think it's prudent that I don't set major goals for myself until I've settled the domestic arrangements with my in-laws and my kid. I also suspect that I may have to resume my fitness goals next year to lose all the postnatal weight! So in 2017, the focus here might be to take it easy and do it for fun till family life becomes more stable. 

In a nutshell...

I guess 2016 wasn't too bad and in retrospect, some of the things that seemed really bad at the time now look very far away. I suppose with distance and reflection, life on the whole really has a lot that we can be grateful for if we choose to see it that way. If there's anything to hope for in 2017, I can only hope that by December 2017, I can look back and see all the good stuff and be filled with the same hope for 2018! Happy new year, everyone and here's to a great 2017! 

Do a Little Every Day To Inch Towards a Better Tomorrow

Here is me, trying to inch my way towards meeting my writing goal this month! Whee...

Since the start of this year, I've been trying to achieve various personal creative goals. I've had varying amounts of success with them. There are some days I don't feel like doing anything productive at all, and there are some days I wonder how I managed to get so much done.

Take today, for instance. There were 3 tasks from work I had to do, 2 of them involving marking. Somehow, between the lessons and the various meetings, I managed to finish all 3 at the end of the day. After that, I practised an hour of piano before going for dinner and then went for an hour-long walk around my estate as an excuse for exercise. I'm back home, having bathed (yet still feeling hot, why???) and I'm typing a new blog entry.

This is not the first. I've had other days too when I look back and I wonder how did I do all that, when I initially thought I'd fail or end up pushing it to the next day. But actually, on reflection, I realised there were 3 principles I'd been following, that I had read from various books and FB sources.

1. Multitasking really does not work.
The research has proven it over and over again and I've discovered it for myself through real-life experience. It does not work and in fact you can be more productive if you concentrated on just one task at a time. 
Take a typical day at work. Once I start marking some worksheets, I get into a kind of groove. I can spot the mistakes and take note of common errors more easily. Then someone comes around and asks to discuss about something. My attention turns to that person and even if it is just for 5 minutes, I find my groove totally lost when I turn back to the worksheets.
It's not that I'm easily distracted (well, maybe that too) but there's tons of research done to show that what happened to me is more common than you think. Yet there are still tons of workers who think they are being productive by being able to handle all those distractors at the same time. Well, you might be one of the lucky few, but I will gratefully concede that I am not and in fact, I really did accomplish more work and marking when I just ignored the people around.

2. Even a Little Bit Helps
Remember that proverb about moving a mountain rock by rock? It turns out there's more than a pebble of truth in that after all. A more consistent practice bit by bit helps to build up huge results. $2 saved a day will earn you $60 richer in a month, and $720 richer in a year. If you think that's not much, maybe you are one of the top 1%. This does not apply just to money, but to other things as well. 10 minutes of instrument practice builds up skill. 20 minutes of brisk walking burns more calories than sitting in front of the TV. 10 minutes of blogging builds up too. I just counted the number of blog entries for April and I did 18 entries. That's an average of a post every 2 days!
So that small bit of effort doesn't seem like much to show at first, but keep it consistent and eventually it all builds up.

However, building it up leads us to the last point, which is....

3. Remember the End Goal
I learnt this from 7 Habits and it has stayed with me. Whatever you are trying to achieve, you have to keep in mind what end result you want for yourself. Then with the time remaining to yourself, you decide whether what you do leads you to that end goal.
In my case, that meant I gave up a lot of TV. I'm a total idiot when it comes to TV dramas of any kind and I only know of some vaguely because of my 8 Days habit. When I wrote down all the things I wanted to achieve, I became a bit guilty every time I sat in front of the TV. I could have been writing, I could have been reading or doing some art instead. Since TV did not feature in any of my end goals, I gave it up with no regrets. I do forget and binge watch at times and I still like to watch my crime dramas while eating but other than that, most of the time I rather do something else. 

Why do I put all this down on my blog? First, to fulfil my writing goal of course, and secondly, because actually writing down (or typing) them does help to etch them in my mind. These are principles I feel are easy enough for me to follow and can reap big rewards later on in life. I'm not sure if one day I will be a world-famous artist or a millionaire blogger by doing so but I do know that for me, it beats TV and FB and that it's good to see some of the results, no matter how small.

Do what you love? (originally published 16th Feb)

[Note: I originally wrote a version of this on 16th Feb, but upon re-reading it, have decided to edit it.] 

Today, I read an interesting article on doing what you love and doing it outside of work. The author is a Roger W. Ferguson Jr and a quick look on Linkedin says that he is CEO and president of a financial services company in the US. 

Ferguson wrote an article published on Linkedin titled "Why 'Do what you love' Matters in Life Outside Work Too." The author writes that he likes the idea of 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life', but does not agree with it. To him, his job comes under the category of 'work', separate from the other things he does, like reading and exercise.

Hmm, sounds familiar. 

Except that unlike what you may think, he actually loves his job and is satisfied with what he does. His exact quote says:

"I find that it’s helpful to see work-life not so much as separate spheres that must be “balanced,” but as a continuum, each flowing into and influencing the other. I believe that if you spend your free time doing things that nourish you physically, intellectually, and emotionally, you will be better at work, even if those pursuits have nothing to do with your actual job responsibilities."


This goes against the underlying assumption that most people see in 'Do what you love...', that we actually hate our jobs and we should switch to something that we love.

I'm sure there are many people/cubicle rats out there who agree with this and would rather be butchers, bakers or candlestick makers. To these people, I say go all out, find your passion and find a way to make it work.

But what about people who may be moderately satisfied? You're not entirely happy but you don't feel that unhappy that you would necessarily want to leave.

I can relate to this sentiment. Overall, I am satisfied with my job. There are parts I hate, there are parts that exasperate me and there are also parts I take some pride in doing. I hate paperwork with an unholy passion, especially where I see no long lasting benefit to anyone. I hate the times when the marking spills into my personal life at home and I feel robbed of my personal time. 

But I love it when the class responds well during a lesson, I feel tingles of pride when I see some improvement in a child's work or when the words I say lift the corners of their mouth into a smile. I see a lot of crap in my line, but I also see a fair amount of good as well.

Are there stuff that makes me happier? Of course there are.

Will I quit my job and pursue my passion? No, I will not, for several reasons. (Especially after the TOTO draw is over and I didn't win a thing...)

1. My job pays well.
I cannot deny that it is my job that has given me the cash to be able to pursue my passion in the first place. Can I sustain my violin lessons without fees? Will I even be able to purchase scores and materials to play? What if my violin suffers damage? Will I be able to pay for it? Maybe I can do a different job that lets me have more time to pursue my passion but what out there pays enough to let me sustain my life and also my passion?

2. My passions cannot sustain themselves. 
The most common sentiment about doing what you love is that if you throw yourself whole-heartedly into it, you will produce such good works that the monetary part will naturally follow. BUT I am well aware I am no Picasso or Shlomo Mintz. My abilities in art and music at this point are not at a level where others are willing to pay for. 

3. I have responsibilities to pay for.
If I was a fresh graduate in my 20s, I might not have minded so much about the cash, but here's a reality check. I want to start a family and I have a mortgage to pay. I have a mortgage in my name. I want to start a family. Can I responsibly do all this if I quit with no plan in sight?

4. I am darn lazy. Sometimes, working for other people is the only way to ensure I'm being a responsible adult. I'm not sure that I have the self-discipline to get my own projects done.

This is getting depressing right? After all the affirmation speeches and TED talks that exist out there.

However, it doesn't mean that it has to be like that all the time.

It simply means that I have to be a bit smarter about managing my job and my passion.

Like merging my passion and my job. I made the decision this year that I should ask to do an advanced diploma in music. If I do not get approval to do this, I should start making plans to leave for one that will give me that approval. Whether or not I end up doing this doesn't matter as much as the hope that I can. Sometimes that feeling of hope is enough to get me through a bad appraisal day.

I also made smaller decisions. That I should plan ahead and allocate time to my hobbies, like taking time to practise my piano and violin so that I may eventually pursue music teaching privately. To pursue blogging more seriously as steps to bigger things, like having a book published. To commit myself to this, I have taken up planning my activities weekly, as I read in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It works to an extent, till one day when I binged on Criminal Minds... -_-!!!

I may be tied down to my job but that doesn't mean I have to be imprisoned in it forever. A subtler revenge, I would think, would be to use it to better myself so that I do not have to be in thrall to it forever. Then I would really be able to pursue my passion and just keep my job as a sideline.

These may not be big steps, and they may not happen all at once, but small steps will do in my circumstances for now.

Till I win the lottery jackpot anyway.