To Candle: Yes, I think it's probably that time of the month again... I noticed the regularity of my neuroses too. I think the next time it comes around, I should just go eat cake at Coffee Bean or something... :p Though if it works, I'll probably end up eating cake there like, every month. Eek.

To Slayer: Nah, I don't want to do something with/2/against him, as you described. Then again, my neuroses has passed, so naturally I'm back to my stable mood. Haha... Right now it'll just be nice to sit down over a cup of coffee and have a chat. [Hey, you reading this? ;)] And yea, I read your blog and noticed that. You going through a hormonal phase like me? ;)

Oh, horror, horror

On MSN Today, Cinema's Scariest Scenes. I know I'm a total coward, but I couldn't help but check this out.

Watching the clips on the Internet though kinda takes away some of the horror of the films. It's hard to get freaked out when the Psycho clip keeps hanging and pausing while Linda Blair's in mid-scream. And also plus the fact that it ain't the whole movie but a few minutes of the scariest scene... *shrugs* Not much to get freaked out on.

The freakiest clip, though, in my opinion is the Exorcist one. It's not quite so much what is going on in the clip, but what you suddenly see while watching the clip, a demonic face that suddenly pops out for a second and makes you go, "What the hell...?" Ok, maybe that's the wrong expression for this...

I remember one WuLinDaHui when the IJGals came over to my house and decided to watch The Exorcist. Nervous at first, I decided to watch it since well, everyone was doing so [with the exception of the Slayer intent on using the Internet] and it's not that easy to get freaked out while you're in a group, right?

Wrong. Cue to one of the opening scenes, when the female lead [or was it the priest?] was walking around in a kitchen. Everything's normal, till I see a demonic face appear on one of the white kitchen cabinets.

"What the hell... Did anyone see that??"

"See what?"

"That! That demon face thingy that just appeared on the cupboard!!"

"Was there one?"

"Like yea! It popped out on a cabinet and then disappeared in a sec!"

"But... we didn't see anything."

Froze. And then ran in all my cowardly frenzy to the other room, where I remained for the remainder of the film.

What I know now, of course, is that it was a cinematic effect, purposely put in by the director to freak out his audience and lend extra freakiness to an already freaky film. After I saw the first face, the rest of them latched onto this, and from time to time, I would hear screams of "I saw it! I saw it!" coming from the living room.

Ugh. Any more films like this and I'll probably end up covering my room with crucifixes.

A whole new perspective on the love issue....

http://www.boltcity.com/copper_016_fall.htm

so damn cute... :p

Freakin' shit, can someone fly me to Minneapolis? I WANT TO GO FOR THIS!!!!

http://mcadart.com/mcart/index.cgi?ID=C1OY7E&task=show&cat=Scott+McCloud

Scott McCloud, COMIC GURU!!!!!!!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE IN SINGAPORE???? ARGH!!!

And replies to the Tags.....

Convo pix at:
http://photobucket.com/albums/v137/boredslacker/convo2004/

much apologies for the delay.......hee.....

Rdg the Jap Name Generator, I must've typed in the link wrongly.... try this:
http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/969/

Rdg Dragonfly, considering that the only way for the plot to thicken is for me to do something stupid/crazy/weird with/to/against him...... I think I'll let things be peaceful. You guys just have to wait for the action to happen on its own. :p

feel better after a day out in town, and dinner with Juls. The good thing about dinner with him is that he'll talk so much obscene crap to you, that you're more focused on vomitting out your dinner, rather than getting neurotic all over again. Thanks fren... I think...

He did tell me this enlightening story though, about the Coffee Test:

A professor brought out a beaker, several golf balls, a bucket of sand and a cup of coffee. In front of his bemused class, he put the golf balls into the beaker, filling it to the brim with the golf balls, and he asked the class, "Is there any space left in this beaker?"

The class goes no. The professor smiled knowingly at the class, and tipped the bucket of sand into the beaker. The sand filled in the spaces between the golf balls, and now the beaker was filled to the brim with sand and golf balls.

Several heads in the audience nodded. The professor now turns to the class again, "Now, is there any space left in the beaker?"

The class says no again. The professor now tips in his cup of coffee into the mixture. The sand soaks up the coffee, and turns brown. In front of the amused class, the entire cup of coffee was poured into the seemingly-full beaker.

"What's the point of this exercise? You may be asking." Says the professor.

"The golf balls represent the most important things in your life. Your friends, your family, your lover, God. These are the things that will stay solid and firm in your life, like the golf balls."

"The sand represents all the little things that fill up the rest of your life. Your work, your housework, your bills... all the little nitty gritty things you have to do, that fill up the rest of your time, much like the sand has filled up the spaces between the golf balls."

"The coffee... is to make a point. That no matter how much golf balls, how much sand in your life, there's always time... to have a cup of coffee with friends."

Cute eh? Never knew Juls was capable of such... sentimental crap.

Anyway, to clear my mind, went to the Singapore Arts Museum yesterday. ( The old SJI ) They were having a Wunderpark exhibit, which is supposed to be an interactive exhibition. They did up a couple of the galleries to look like a park, sorta, and you're encouraged to go and scribble and leave your mark on the walls.

[side: If pix take too long to load, skip it all, and click on the PhotoBucket link to the right, and go to the album named SAM]
Some pix:

Maybe these are the snapdragons? :) Little red paper dragons, suspended on poles.

Closeup.

Some secondary school had just come in for a visit while I was there. Here, one of the students leaves her marks to one of the cardboard exhibits.

Graffiti-ed walls

Who can resist an unevil bunny?

Other pix:

SAM is taken over by evil orange mutant ooze

JuMing exhibits

Juming is a Taiwanese artist, whose sculptures are currently being showcased at various locations around Singapore. If you've gone to Orchard and seen some dubious blocks of granite outside Wisma, that's his. At the SAM, they have a couple of sculptures from his Living World series and Monk series.

BTW, these are the free ones I managed to see. The others, in another gallery, I had to pay for... so I din go in... hee..

The Living World series is inspired by the sculptor's observations of the world around him. Hence, this series tends to be observations of ordinary people in their everyday lives.

Lining Up - A common sight in Singapore, especially when free things are involved.

Aunties taking a rest - Probably from all the lining up?

Monks was inspired by the Venerable Ming Yi, who has done dangerous stunts in order to raise funds for the Ren Ci hospital. The group of sculptures is done in dedication to his selfless [and reckless] spirit.


There are more sculptures to be seen in the same style outside Fullerton, along Orchard Road, and at Changi Airport.

After dinner with Juls, I also went down to the Substation for First Takes. [yes, I had a very arty-farty night] This is a program organized by the Substation for aspiring local film-makers to showcase their short films.

4 short films were shown, namely:

Under the Manhattan Bridge - An encounter between a Chinatown boy and a Manhanttan pickpocket.

Portrait of a Young Man - The story of Lawrence Leow, which turned out to be a propaganda film for Singapore Poly.

The Assassin - A funny look at the life of a local assassin. :p Very fun, and tongue-in-cheek.

And my personal favourite,
The Funeral Photo - An elderly couple go to a photo studio to have their funeral photos taken.

It was quite interesting, but the Funeral Photo was hilarious. :) Too bad the director wasn't there for the Q&A after that, it would've been interesting to hear his insights on his own film. I signed up for the mailing list too, so if I hear of any other free screenings....

Hearing the directors speak of their difficulties in the local [practically non-existent] film industry in Singapore, though, was quietly inspiring. These people were prepared to take off 3 years from their jobs in order to pursue their dreams, and see if they have any chance of making it here. The Manhattan director was an investment banker before she decided to pursue her filmmaking dream, for g'sakes. Kudos for their guts.

Interesting. When we think of the film industry, we mostly think of Hollywood, Japan, Korea, and some European, but we never think of the local ones. This little pocket of filmmakers have been quietly toiling behind the veils, waiting for their chances, and exploiting little pockets of publicity like this, all confident in their dream, and willing to make the sacrifices just so that they can tell themselves in the future, "I tried."

Why don't they succeed? Funding for one, is a big problem. The 3 directors worked on shoestring budgets, with the exception of Portrait, because it was commissioned by Singapore Poly. The Assassin was shot with one camera and edited on IMovies, which is about as low-budget as you can go. :p Just goes to prove that finance is no barrier to creativity and talent.

Then there's the problem of publicity and public opinion. Most people think of local films as "bad", "low-budget", "fake angmoh accents", and such. As such, public opinion towards most local films is biased, and we tend to think that local films revolve mainly around Jack Neo and Royston Tan, and local actors all come from Mediacorp. There's a whole bunch of talented people out there, whom we've never heard of, but who are toiling for their 15 minutes.

But which also goes to prove. Creativity can exist anywhere. Censorship and funding may limit expression, but not creativity. Creativity can always find a way around everything.

Damn, why didn't I just study the arts?

A little appetiser before the main course...

Using my first name and surname,

My japanese name is 遠藤 Endoh (distant wisteria) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

Using my chinese hanyu pinyin,

My japanese name is 中島 Nakashima (center of the island) 久美子 Kumiko (eternal beautiful child).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

So I shall combine the 2. My new Jap name is Nakashima Michiyo, 3000 generations of mine will live in the center of the island. :p So my family will live in Bishan for 3000 generations. Hahaha... Yenn and Krynn, wanna try it out before going for Jap class? ;)

Eternal Turmoil of the Neurotic Mind

There are a few things you have to understand about the Piscean mind before you can make any sense of the following entry.

1. We are sensitive. We pick up each trace of emotion on other people, like the magic brush that picks up lint from your clothing, and the lint that we pick up sticks to us. Sometimes, though, we end up thrashing the same surface over and over again, convinced that there are microbes of dust we missed, when actually there may be none there at all.

2. We live with one foot in fantasy and the other in reality. Oftentimes, the world gets too much for us, and our way of handling it is to crawl into our own fantasy cubbyhole and hide there. We hate the real world. ( This is also why Pisceans have alcoholic and drug tendencies )

3. We are imaginative. Because we live so much in fantasy, it's pretty easy for us to weave our own fantasy threads. And we can weave some pretty damn big ones at that.

All 3 options are bad enough on their own, but when you put them all together, it's a recipe for cosmic disaster, if you ask me.

I went through another insomniac night last night, tossing and turning on my bed. Somehow, my body has the idea that it is wrong to sleep before 12, and if I try to sleep any earlier than that, it protests. Either that it was fooled by the light filtering through my window. ( Ever notice how bright it is at night? What with the street lights, and the corridor lights, bouncing and reflecting all over the place, it's a wonder anyone of us gets any sleep at night. )

Or maybe it was all the rubbish that was going through my head. ( Or maybe the rubbish came up because I couldn't sleep? Chicken and egg, chicken and egg. ) Look at the palms of my hand. They're covered all over with lines, criss-crossing all over the surface of my palm. Such lines represent things worrying on the person's mind. And if that's the case, I've tons of worries. ( Probably a result of the 3 Piscean Tendencies )

One of the things on my mind was my love life. ( Gods I hope I don regret posting this up later, but it does feel better to tell someone(s) about it ) Or should I say, rather, my utter lack of it. I'm already 23 and still haven't gotten into a relationship yet. Granted that I'm mature enough ( or I like to think so anyway ) to know that it doesn't matter that I'm single, that I have other things in my life, that there will be someone out there, that my time will come, yadda yadda, still...

"Those who stand in the spotlight will never know how it feels, to stand so close to it, and yet never be in it."
~Xander, an ep of Buffy.

You see all your friends being shot down by Cupid's arrow one by one, ( some of them getting that arrow painfully wrenched out later on, and still having a broken off arrowhead stuck in their hearts ) and pretty soon you realise you're one of the few left standing. The rest are all away somewhere in that little bubble of luv that a couple builds up around itself whenever they're together. It sux even more when you're a single gal out with 2 bubbles. You feel uncomfortable, slightly ignored, and wondering whether if you were to wander off by yourself, would the bubbles even notice you were gone, and how long would it take them to look outside their bubble and realise you were gone?

( With this note, if I ever get attached, I solemnly swear that I will never do this to any of my single-at-the-time friends. If I do, may Aphrodite kick me in the butt. )

Friends give you advice, encouragement, ( for which I am eternally grateful ) but you still wonder. Is this really what God has meant for you? Maybe you can do more good to the world if you were to remain single? Maybe you're destined to be this way? On the paternal side of the family, there seems to be a 1/3 chance of getting hooked. My grandfather was the eldest of 3, and the only one to be married. My father was also the eldest of 3, and also the only to be married. My granduncle, grandaunt, uncle and aunt are all unmarried, even to this day. Maybe it's in my genes? I have a 1/3 chance of getting attached and married, which I share with my bro?

Dragonfly then enters into the neuroses. ( Er, if you're reading this... Bear with me while you can. ) Should I have tried entering into a relationship with him? Do I like him enough to start something with him? Or am I, as juls said in the Reloaded episode, more in love with the idea of love, rather than love itself? Is it fair to enter into a relationship, simply for the sake of ending the eternal loneliness? And just as importantly, do I like him?

( Sensing a lot of people reading this with bated breath )

I have a slight confession to make. *_* Some days, I walk home, wondering whether I'll meet him along the way. I have a student living at his block, and when I walk there, I wonder if I'll meet him, or whether he's home or out late, working on his ECA. Some nights, I stand at my kitchen balcony, looking over at his cluster of flats, and wondering whether he's working late tonight, or whether he's even home at all.

Does this constitute "like"? Or is it more a case of me realising I have a dragonfly and unable to ignore his presence on my shoulder? Am I noticing him because he came up like the little bleep on the radar screen? Or is it simply that the physical proximity reminds me more often of him?

*Bleep *Bleep *Bleep

Then again, what makes me think he's still my Dragonfly? Maybe he's already tired of me, flown away to another shoulder when I turned my head away for too long. Maybe he's been scared off by my neurotism and has gone away to more peaceful shores. Maybe he's just busy with work, school and life and hasn't really thought about it, unlike me.

What the hell am I thinking? What the hell do I want?

ARGH!!! I SHOULD JUST TAKE A BLOODY SLEEPING PILL THE NEXT TIME!!!

Trying to get myself to sleep, I tried instead to think of something that would relax me instead. I tried to use my Piscean imagination to put myself back on the streets of Paris, on Vauxholm. I tried to remember the spread of colours in Midsummer Stockholm. I tried to remember the rolling green fields that had no end, the impossibly blue sky, and the way the seagulls would cry, as they glided above me.

And then I entered another kind of depression, on realising that I was still in Singapore, with all the HDB blocks boxing me in. With the endless pressures and expectations of society, family, friends, and my own insecurities. That feeling of endless hope and potential was lost, and all I had left of it was a rapidly fading memory that I desperately tried to hold on to. Feathers floating off into the sky, my hand grasping desperately for one, knowing that if I caught one, everything would be all right, but still they floated elusively out of reach.

Once I dreamt that I was on holiday again, with Juls, Jordan, and Sophia. We were somewhere, I don't know where, and we were preparing to go off and explore this new city we were in. We ran off along a street, excited and happy...

And then I woke up, and I realised I was still in my bed in Singapore. No new horizons to explore. Same old dreary Singapore. Gods, now that was the most depressing wakeup ever.

I don't miss the buildings, I don't miss the attractions, I don't miss the food, I don't miss the people in Europe. What I missed most were the feelings I had through the trip. Feelings of peace, unbridled freedom, a sense of euphoria, and a heart bursting with optimism, and self-confidence, that everything in the world was truly possible and that I could, and was capable of, doing anything that I wanted. That's what I took from Europe, and that's what I missed most.

What a buncha crap. Note to self: Don't read books about paranoid-psychotic-depressive teenagers before bed, like the Moth Diaries by Rachel Klein, and don't eat garlic bread as a late night snack.

I don't know what time I finally snoozed off, but I know it was after my bro had finished his project work and came up to bed, so it must've been late. I woke up in the morning, at 730, to prepare for a 9am student, and it felt like my eyes were drooping lower than a St Bernard's, and so dry I had to keep blinking and tearing. Even now, at 2pm in the afternoon, my eyes want to sleep, even though my body and mind are wide awake. I even told Dragonfly that I thought he was embarrassed to talk to me or something, because he'd turned me down the last few times I asked him out for dinner. Great, another dumb SMS that I'll probably regret later. Groan...

The one uplifting point about today was the glorious weather on the walk home from J8. 12 in the afternoon, the sky was a clear blue and the sun was a comfortable warm temperature, like the embrace of a lover's arms. Everything was bright and sunny, and served as a reminder from God of 2 things:

1. This is why you chose to forsake the office life. This is one of the simple things in life that tell you life is worth living, and life is good.

2. Everything's good. Everything's fine. Live your life, instead of worrying about it.

Blogging over, time to leave the house, and live. =)