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Saturday, February 17, 2007

Valentine's day made me feel like a real humbug.

Firstly, I must say that I was prepared for a 50% chance that he would not be able to make it for that day, since his boss [from hell] was apparently planning a meeting on THAT night of all nights 0_0

Then a whole bunch of bad stuff happened at work, and at the end of it, when I asked him whether he still wanted to meet, he told me he wanted to quit and wanted to talk it over and have dinner with his parents. o_0

I read 'I want to have dinner with my parents tonight'.

WTF??? It's VALENTINE'S DAY f'godssake!!! And why on earth would you want to have dinner with your parents???

WTF about me then?

That particular one hit me hard. If I wasn't at work painting corn on walls, [long story] I think I would have just broke down on the spot then and there.

Bad enough if he wasn't able to make it [like last year] but worse still if he could make it, but would rather have dinner with his parents!!!

What about me then? I kept asking why it was I was with this guy who didn't care enough to spend V-day with me, even though he knew how important it was to me, even though he already knew I really, really wanted to meet.

I kept wondering why he couldn't care enough to do this thing on this day to make me happy at least. I knew there were tons of boyfriends out there who didn't give a fig about Vday and that they were all just out at dinner for their girlfriend's sake, but AT LEAST they bothered! They bothered enough because they knew that that was what would make their girlfriends happy, and they were willing to go through all that because they wanted her HAPPY!!!

[Not helping the situation was my various attached colleagues who had dinner engagements. -_-!!!!!]

I ended up extracting a late night supper from him, but by then I felt as if I had to manhandle him into doing something he didn't want to do and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why go through all this effort for someone who didn't really care?

In the end, I went to Jul's house for KFC with Quet, Candle, and Yenn.

I still in a pretty depressed mood the entire night though, and I very nearly broke down over Jul's sink, because by then, I had a lotta negative qi that I just had to expel, and it all came out. Jul just stood by and listened to my barely-there, almost-frayed-emotional state, and watched with eyes open as I furiously scrubbed his sink ten thousand times over.

[In this time of emotional distress, I reverted to what generations of women had done before me, and resorted to domestic chores to expel my emotions.]

In the end, he did bring up some logical points, that a guy's job was big in his life, and that if he was facing such a crisis at work, he might have had some good reasons for wanting to wanting to discuss some issues with his parents. They might have had to work out financial issues. He might have been really confused. He might have felt that he was in too sucky a mood to meet me, and spoil my valentine because he had work on his mind.

Of course, all this was in my head somehow, but in my emotionally crazed state, I think I was too hyped on hormones to think about all these.

In the end, by the time he met me, I had already expelled almost all the negative energy, and was in a much calmer mood. The rest of them by this time were also encouraging me to just make the best of what I had left of the Vday, so... like that lor.

I guess one exasperating thing about this whole episode was how 1. it always seemed as though he didn't care enough about me to do all these things for me, and 2. I was pretty tired of always having to initiate these things on my own. Why couldn't he care enough, to want to do all these things for me instead?

How come other girls have guys who fall heads over heels to do all they can to please them, and me I have to beg, plead, persuade, and demand all these things out of him?

So tired. So tired of it.

By now, though, I've already expelled 90% of the negative energy, so that's why I'm still sober enough to blog about the whole thing with another major breakdown. I will have to speak to him about it one day and let him know just how I felt on that day, but for CNY peace sake, I don't wanna bring it up yet.

However, Jul did bring up the point that although this was a definite low in the relationship, it was simply one of the highs and lows that come in a long-term relationship. I could either sell the stock immediately and relieve my portfolio, or ride out the bearish market, and see if I make even more long term gains in the future. [a financial metaphor was the best I could come up with]

So I was really almost ready to sell, but I guess...... I'm holding on to the stock for now, to see if the price rises.

One favour to all my friends who are reading this: Don't bring this up to me, unless I bring it up. It took me that much to become ok with it, and I don't wanna go through the whole tiring process again. There will be some days when I think about it again, and wanna talk about it, but for now, NO.

*Sigh* Happy Valentine's Chinese New Year then.

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