After banning sharp items, flammables and your 800ml bottle of shampoo on board flights, now airline authorities have a new item to consider on the list of dangerous items:

Apparently now, you can make a highly dangerous weapon using newspapers. They call it the Millwall Brick:

Newspapers were rolled up tightly to form the so-called Millwall Brick and another trick was to make a knuckleduster out of pennies held in place by a wrapped around paper. You could hardly be pulled up for having a bit of loose change in your pocket and a Daily Mirror under your arm.^[4]

Read more on Wikipedia

And here are more innocuous everyday items that are potentially life-threatening in the wrong hands:

• Clothing accessories (belts or scarves for choking, walking sticks, umbrellas, finger rings (used as knuckle-dusters), steel-toed boots, chain-wallets, spike bands. shoe laces and belts can also be used as an improvised whip, a common form of domestic abuse, unlikely, but not impossible, that one would have enough time to remove it in an actual fight)
• Musical instruments (cymbals, drum sticks, piano wires (for strangulation), guitars or any stringed instrument with a long neck)
• Cleaning and janitorial equipment (broom/mop sticks, plunger handles, dust pans, squeegees, long thick handled brushes, litter sticks

Now that I've posted this up, I hope I don't get ISA pple knocking on my door to 'politely' ask me a few questions................

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

http://boredslacker.blogspot.com is hereby rated suitable for children and adults of all ages, regardless of whether you think the author of this blog is suitable company for your kids.

The Great Greek Adventure Part 2 - Chompin' away!

Let's get down to some of what Singaporeans are most interested in when in a foreign country, namely, the food.

The food there is actually pretty healthy, what with the Greek salad and just about everything else fried and slathered generously with olive oil. [one of their main exports] In one week, I think I ate more veg than I ever did in Singapore in a month, because almost everything was so fresh and good.

This is only applicable to the real Greek food, though, and not MacDonald's, Starbucks, or other dubious Chinese restaurants on other holiday islands. [attesting to the level of openness of the Greek economy]

The ironic thing is that in Greece, the most common junk food you'll find comes from Turkey:


Meet the humble slovaki. A piece of pita bread wrapped around lettuce, tomato, chicken [or beef, or pork] and yoghurt sauce. This is the local 'junk food', as referred to by a local we asked for directions. Anyway, in Syntagma Square, this is a pretty decent place to buy some slovakis:


Yes, it even looks like a fast food chain.

The islands were where we got our taste of Greek seafood, all salted with the sea.

Some of the places we ate at:

Patmos: Pantelis Tavern



This place was recommended by Lonely Planet, and by now, my motto is "Always Listen to Lonely Planet". Because this was a great place to eat!

The food came fast, and hot and the ambience of the place was great. Patmos being a small island, the town wasn't crowded at all and we had an outdoor table. It was a great place to sit, eat, stone and wish you weren't going back to work the next week.


Ok u see these? They look good? It was salty as the sea which the octopus came from. :S I could still eat them, but I ended up downing gallons of water while doing so. -_-!! Still I ate some of the best calamari rings I ever did. :D


Athens: Diros Restaurant



We were brought here by friends, and if you're looking for authentic Greek food, this is a great place to check out.

If I remembered the address, that is. -_-!!!!!

This is my favourite dish in Athens: Moussaka. A lasagna style dish made with potatoes and eggplants. Now you all know why I like it so much. :p



Rhodes: Very Special Greek Salad

I had to type that cos I wasn't sure of the name of the place... Bleah...

On Rhodes, we had driven to Petaloudes, which was supposed to be a butterfly sanctuary, obviously to see, well, butterflies.

We ended up walking through a Bukit Timah-style trail and seeing 2 moths. -_-!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The uplifting part about it was discovering this place at the top of the sanctuary:

She was selling what she dubbed 'the best orange juice in Greece' on top of the hill, so why not buy a glass and chat with the lady? Not to mention after climbing a hill for 30 minutes, ANY orange juice would have tasted good. :p

But she did have some other good stuff there:

Our entire meal

Loumades - Doughballs covered in a sweet sauce. Great dessert.


This really is the BEST Greek salad I ate there. The sauce is perfect for dunking your bread in, and its chockful of onions and tomatoes and sprinkled generously with olive oil.

But no goat cheese for me, sorry.

Actually, if you like your seafood and your carbs, Greece could be just right for you. Every meal came with bread and olive oil, a la Cafe Cartel, [but no free flow] and the calamari rings were always cooked just right, fried nicely to a crisp. I also loved the fried potatoes, chunks of cut potato, [NOT the processed wedge or crinkle fries, REAL potatoes] fried in olive oil, which I'm pretty sure I'll never see selling anywhere in Singapore. -_-!!!!

Even the salads tasted good. I'm not sure whether its due to the olive oil, or whether the veg really tasted fresher there, [as sworn by Irene, who bought a handful of cucumbers!] but damn, I never thought I'd say this about a salad, but they were good. :p

Oh, and sorry for the lack of photos for this salivating post. We ate up a lot of meals before we realised we had to take photos. >D

Due to the bucketfuls of experiences we had over in Athens, the only way to tell you all about it is to divide it into sections, so here goes Part 1...

**WARNING: picture heavy blog post!

The Great Greek Adventure 1 - Ruin Fatigue

We touched down at Athens Airport on a bright and sunny Sunday afternoon.
Greece is famous most for the rich wealth of myth and legends it gave birth to. Lots of us would remember names like Zeus, Hera, Hercules, Icarus and so on. We also remember the historical figures like Odysseus, Homer, Socrates, Plato and so on. We also remember the Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt who made Troy famous, and the movie 300 for making Leonidas famous. :p

So in my opinion, a trip to Greece is all about its myth, its history and thus, that means scampering a bunch of rubble that used to be somebody's palace.


Marble rubble that presumably used to be something

It makes one feel like Indiana Jones. Except that I never got hit by rolling boulders or chased by angry swordsmen or Nazi soldiers. -_-!!! Which leaves me that much more time and leisure to explore the ruins left behind by the great Greek civilisation.

The most famous of all, of course, being the Parthenon, located in the middle of the Acropolis...

Now the Parthenon used to be one of the most important buildings in Athens, so in ancient civilisations, the most important buildings have to kept safe from enemies, right? And what better way to keep it safe, than to build it on the highest damn hill you can find in Athens.


Argh! Bloddy high!!

So after a gruelling half n hour trek, we finally make it up to the Acropolis.


Some of the best marble flooring you will get in Athens

Magnificent views you will get up there, though, when you finally make it up... The Parthenon itself is famous for the optical illusion employed in its construction to make it look more regal and grand than it would have been.

Notice how it seems to be leaning away from you? That's not an effect by the camera, it's partly because of the architecural illusion as well.
Damn, those ancient Greeks were blardy smart......

Another set of ruins that were interesting were those at Ephesus, in Kusadasi, Turkey.

Brief history lesson: Before the sea receded several miles inland, Ephesus was actually an important harbour town, with thousands of people living in it, temples, bathhouses, and even a grand library and theatre, where St Paul was supposed to have preached.

Which of course all disappeared when the sea went away, cause what point is a seaside town without, er, a sea?? After a long while, the town became buried in sand until rediscovered.

And what ruins they discovered!


Ancient mosaic floor
Ancient engraving, wonderfully preserved
Ancient shops, after a highly anticipated ancient sale


Our guide demonstrates the use of an ancient public toilet, not that it needed much explaining

The most magnificent structures, though, had to be the library and the theatre.
The library, or the front facade that was left. Many people complained that they weren't able to find the book they wanted.
Quetzal preaches to an enthusiastic audience in the ancient theatre

Other ruins visited were the Palace at Knossos, on Crete, and the Temple of Poseidon, on Cape Sounion, mainland Greece, but these 2 were the most remarkable of the lot, because of the cultural importance of the structure, [Parthenon, Acropolis] and the amount that has been preserved [Ephesus].

If ever you visit Greece, or Kusadasi, Turkey, I highly recommend these two to visit.

Things NOT to do when visiting ruins:

1. Smoke, use aerosol sprays, or use other ozone-unfriendly products

The Parthenon is slowly being corroded due to acid rain falling on the structure. Since presumably the ancient Greeks did not use hair spray, their structures are thus not designed to withstand such environmental corrosion. Save the Past. Be green.

2. Do some decorating of your own
You may not agree with the decor scheme of the ancients. Nevermind about it. This structure has lasted longer than 200 generations of your family. HAVE SOME RESPECT!!!

3. Block other people's photo taking.


ARGH!!! Always look around first to make sure you aren't blocking other people's cameras. Your rump isn't so photogenic that I just have to have it in my photo. -_-!!!

Ok that's all for the ruins, because towards the end of the trip, Jules and Quet declared 'Ruin Fatigue', being, the viewing of too many piles of rock already. ^_^!!! More next time on Greece if I find the time!

The Great Greek Adventure

I'm back!

The trip was great, but made us want to stay longer just to see more stuff :p Some statistics:

We saw temples, monasteries, ruins, ruins and more ruins. [Leading to Ruin Fatigue in some of us] We saw beaches made from black pebbles, a town on the top of a dormant volcano, and some of the most beautifully photogenic scenery ever.

We did tons of shopping, buying t-shirts, dresses, greek tops, bags, shoes, paintings, 'evil eyes', apple tea, beads, 1 bottle of sweet Greek wine, and were even tempted into almost buying turkish carpets, only put off by the cost.

We also almost sold Jules for 60euro to some greek guy, who in turn offered us 100euro for Quet. ^_^!!

We sat the surburban railway, the metro, buses, one cruise ship, 2 rental cars, one cable car, and a donkey at one point of time. ^_^!!!!!

We got lost numerous times, were fascinated at first by the GPS, only to become increasingly frustrated with programming the damn thing. We also near missed an entire cruise ship at 2 points of time, arriving extremely late onto the ship. ^_^!!!!!!!!

We ate bread, bread and more bread with olive oil, turkish kebabs known as souvlaki, [meat, yoghurt sauce, veg and onions all wrapped in a pita skin] greek salad with some very fresh veg and very good olive oil, great calamari, fried exactly to a crisp, moussaka, [lasagna with potatos and eggplant instead of pasta] drank some of the best orange juice in Greece, and octopus tentacles soaked in a thick, vinegary soup.

We had The Great Greek Adventure. And we won't mind doing another Adventure all over again. ^_^

[More detailed blogging and pix would have to come later. Still editing and uploading]

All my bags are packed......

At 6, to Australia
- One or two books in a small bag. [all luggage handled by parents]

At 16, package tour to Beijing
- Necessities [clothes, underwear, towel, shampoo, body foam, toothbrush and paste]
- Winter jacket
- Camera
- Few rolls of film
- Books for handluggage

At 20, Redang Island, KL and Taman Negara with friends
- Necessities [clothes, underwear, towel, shampoo, body foam, facial foam, toothbrush and paste]
- Camera
- A roll of film
- Swimsuit
- Guitar scores [Redang]
- Food and water [Taman]

At 21, across Europe [rather than carry tons of luggage around, I chose to go light]
- Necessities [clothes, underwear, towel, shampoo, body foam, facial foam, body moisturizer, toothbrush and paste, foot deodoriser, travel detergent]
- Camera
- 7 rolls of film
- Travel Journal + pens
- Medicinal pouch [po chai pills, tiger oil, plaster]
- Jacket
- Poker cards + notepad as boredom busters

Now, at 26, just before going to Athens,
- Necessities [clothes, underwear, towel, shampoo, body foam, facial foam, body moisturizer, face moisturizer, leave-in conditioner, toothbrush and paste, foot deodoriser]
- Camera kit: Camera, charger and SD card
- Travel Journal + pens
- Medicinal pouch [po chai pills, plaster]
- Jacket
- Travel pillow
- Boredom busters:
1 Lonely Planet Athens,
1 Lonely Planet Greek Islands,
101 places NOT to visit [to read],
and 1 Little Book of Sudoku
- And the poker cards
Plus:
- Umbrella [due to reports of rain]
- Flip flops [see above]
- Swimsuit [for possibility of sunshine]

And I haven't counted in the other assorted stuff I may pick up along the way -_-!!! Seems to me that as you grow older, the things in your luggage seem to increase at an exponential rate.........

ATHENS: 9th June to 16 June 2007

There is a certain beauty in impermanence, I realised.

Before you read this blog post, I want you to try a little experiment.

Take a camera, any camera. It can be film, digital or handphone. Find something interesting happening in the area around you. [or heck, if there really is nothing, focus on something trivial, like the potted plastic plant.]

Now, take a picture of that interesting thing. But at the same time that you do it, keep one eye on the viewfinder, and one eye on the actual event. Then take a picture.

Can you do it? I realised that it's very difficult to do so, because my eyes were taking in two different perspectives of the same image. The information that goes to your brain is that of 2 different things, the image of the thing itself, and the image on the viewfinder. Since your eyes usually combine information received from both eyeballs in order to process imagery, you will most likely see a jumble of 2 strangely similar, yet different images of the same thing.

Still with me so far? Good.

Why this has suddenly inspired a blog post is because of the number of pictures that I've been taking on the handphone and on Kenny. I was at the opening event of the Arts Fest, taking pictures of the acrobatics and I realised how 'bent' my vision was.

You see, although I was watching the event, I was only experiencing, in fact, a poor visual substitute of it on Kenny's LCD screen. Like, come on! This fantastic acrobatic display was happening right before my very eyes, and I was watching it through a 2.5 inch LCD screen when i could have been seeing it in real, unadulterated life!

Do you think we've become a nation of voyeurs?

This concept is not an old one, and I think it came up when the first camera handphones first came upon the market. Last time, though, people were more concerned with the potential for criminal voyeurism. [unlike the paparazzism I seem to be tending towards] Now, though, I'm concerned about another thing.

Are we so entranced with the images, that we forget about the real thing?

As an amateur photographer, I admit there's a kind of pleasure in capturing a beautiful, lasting image. Technology is getting cheaper, and more accessible to every aspiring wannabe like me, so anyone of us can claim to be an 'amateur photographer' if you have a camera with a decent number of pixels, 3X optical zoom and a good memory card. [Or even a handphone with the same features] Once you buy that shiny new toy, you wanna snap every thing in sight, and you bring it out for all kinds of events, snapping away and playing with all the features. Something that I, admit, am guilty of with Kenny as well.

But part of the thrill of photography is also the interaction with the environment around you. Perhaps this is best expressed by a sentiment I read in a photography magazine: That as children, we play with the tool. We become familiar with its technical features and we get pretty decent shots. [no more red eyes on your friends]

But to really transcend this and become a GREAT photographer, you must also have a keen awareness of the environment around you. You must know how the light falls in the evening. You must know which direction the sun will rise from. You must know the colours that are around you. You must be friendly enough with the people to get permission to take their photos.

How will you do this behind an LCD screen?

It is hard. Like all great artists, you have to drink deeply from the cup of life, before you can take truly great photos of it. Without the knowledge, and love, of your environment, it is hard to take really good shots. Perhaps you can take decent looking holiday snaps, but that is all you will ever get.

Maybe once in a while, you can just leave the memory cards at home, and the handphone in your pocket. Get a chance to really taste the life that is before you. Go out and really live in it, rather than just staying a voyeur of it. Sometimes, the true deliciousness of life comes not from viewing a poor photo of it, but from the awareness that this is all you will get, and that if you don't take in all you can of it now, you will lose it forever.

Maybe, the true beauty of life comes not from its seeming permanence, but from its fleeting moments. That the moment is made ever the more beautiful because of the possbility of it flying away forever at any moment.

This really only hit me as I was leaving the event. I left a few moments too early, and before I knew it, the first fireworks had flown into the sky, straight golden rockets that burst into huge sunflowers of lights that briefly shimmered for a while, then fell gently to earth.

My first thought at the time was to quickly switch Kenny on, and take! take! take! Then I realised, I was wasting time just trying to take him out of the case, switch him on, and changing to the fireworks setting.

I put him back into my bag, and walked backwards along that street, all the while letting the fireworks burn themselves into my eyeballs, and my memories and appreciating them all the more for it.

Amidst all the emotional hoo-haing that went on over the past few weeks, I managed to find the time, energy and ka-chings to purchase 2 very new and expensive members to my family.

First up, the extremely colourful, extremely kawaii, Amore, from the very talented Tokidoki:

I was too lazy to take a picture of my bag, so I got one off the Internet instead... :p My bag is similar to this, except that it is rounder, and has no black mesh at the side.

And yes, it is saturated in KAWAII!!!!! >D

But since the bag cost, *cough* quite a portion of my bonus, I'm currently milking its worth for every Jap lesson I've been to so far. So if you see this printed bag on a Saturday afternoon or night, yea, chances are its me. XP

Next up is my new boyfriend after DF.

I got tired of being left aside by him once he went to Indo so I met this guy outside. Juls describes him as being "a tall, strong, manly black guy with a long extendable ________" [fill in the blanks with your own word.] Ladies, and gentlemen, I introduce to you,

Kenny:

I know he's not the cute, small metrosexual guy that everyone is going for nowadays, but damn to my eye, he's gorgeous.

More shooting possibilities than with Oliver, fits nicely in the palm of my hand, a little heavy, but feels strong and secure there.

And yes, a long extendable. That extends up to 6X optically. >D Therein lies the first step to my future career as a paparazzi.

And yes, these two before my trip to Athens this Friday night.

My pictures will be great, but I'll be eating stolen hotel breakfast bread everyday. -_-!!!!

First up, sorry for lack of updates.

My life has been hitting a kind of low right now. I've had piles of dusty mites to sweep up at work, [a metaphor, and not a reference to the actual amount of dirt around] a menopausal mother at home, who created no small amount of hell for me over the weekend, and a boyfriend who has become more distant and incommunicado than he has ever been, by going on a 5 day holiday in Perth with his friends, followed by 2 weeks in Indo with his family.

Consequently, not the happiest of my days right now. For a period of time, I was yoyoing between "Why does my mother hate me?" and "Why doesn't he seem to love me?" and I freely admit, it was creating all kinds of havoc with my emotions.

I'm caught in some kind of a Ping Pong game right about now. My mother's raging makes me look for affection some where else, which makes her rage even more, cos I'm not home a lot, but because he's overseas, and also helluva block, I'm not getting the affection I want from him, and I bounce off again, and I don't know where I land up after that. Then I spend a lot of time alone, wandering, and wondering why nobody loves me. :( Drama, I know.

Strange, you'd think given my current lifestyle I should be having a lot more stability than this, but I'm not. It helps when I'm out with people, so I try to meet up with friends when we can, or I think of watching movies or shows. [I've caught Bridge to Terabithia, Priceless and Midsummer's Night Dream at Fort Canning in this way, and I can't say that I've regretted those]

Week after next, I'll be doing the Ultimate Reality Escape and flying off to Greece with 3 other friends, but the one prevailing thought on my mind is whether he'll want to meet me before I fly off or is he really that nonchalant about not seeing me for a total of 5 weekends. :(

Once again, I wonder why I have so much trouble on those fundamental relationships in one's life that others seem to have no problem with.

Talking with Jules one night made me think that I was making the same kind of mistakes with him that my mother was making with me. That we were both expecting all kinds of things from another, without that other person being aware of those expectations, or not willing to live up to those expectations. And when we don't get our expectations met, we fume and we piss and we moan and we cry.

[That could easily turn into another thing to blame my mother for, but nah... the DF will be a block regardless of my mother or not]

It turns out that the parental influences in one's lives are more influential than we give them credit for, apparently. Now the question is, how to combat this?

Very confused right now. And always wishing my life could be better.

Inspired by my friend's ever-despairing attempts at studying...........

I realised through observation that people who have serious exam studies to do go through 4 stages of Exam Grief. Yes, just like the famous 4 Stages of Grief.

1. Denial

"I'll get on with my studies just after I finish watching this/reading this/blogging this/[insert irrelevant activity of your choice]"
"I just need to finish this [irrelevant activity] before I can start my studying."

2. Anger

"ARGH!!! I don't get it!!! Why don't I get it??? Stupid textbook! Stupid lecturers! Stupid subject!!!"

3. Despair

"I'm NEVER going to get it!!! Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!"

and I know the last one is usually acceptance, but in this case, I'll substitute it with another one:

4. Delusion

"I know why I'm bad at studying."

"Why?"

"I'm getting radiation from my textbooks. It's affecting my brain every time I open them to study."
ACTUAL QUOTE HEARD from Crappiest friend on earth who shall not be named to protect identity, image and ego.

Altogether now,

FREEZE.

-_-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in a PMS mood.

1. Work has been more hectic than usual lately. Could be better.

2. I got the flu on Monday. This degenerated into the usual throat infection on Wednesday and even now on Sunday my voice still resembles that of a adolescent male's breaking voice. Sometimes I sound more masculine than either DF or Jules. :p

3. Krystal's Big Night was fantastic, despite that some photos ended up shaky, I nearly destroyed her wedding dress, [in response to which her mother nearly destroyed me] and Candle and I didn't manage to get the groom dead horizontal drunk. Oh well, at least they managed to get married. :p Well done, guys.

4. In response to No. 3 and all the other weddings that are coming this year, I'm starting to pay more attention than I really should to my own relationship. Maybe my brain has been subconsciously impaired by the sounds of all the wedding bells ringing all around me. I'm not actually thinking of hauling him into the ROM by the lapels, but I'm starting to think of our relationship in terms of the long term, you know, like are we going somewhere.......

And then I shake all the white lace out from around me, and concentrate on something more important instead, like blogging...........

On a less related note though, I realised we're at that point where our words and actions affect each other more than we think. We start to read each other more easily, we start to remember what each other said or did more acutely, and........ I'm half contented that I've reached this stage with him, and half uneasy because of all the fallout effects that could happen through one or two insensitive words on his part. Is such emotional dependence necessarily good for a person?

And then I see or think of someone's wedding and then...... it sorta feels good to know that someone's got your back, doesn't it? That you don't have to stay home alone so many times, that you don't always have to eat meals alone......... oh what am I talking about? I'm still doing both of those things anyway.........

Ok, thinking too much again...........

I found this tag on Slayer's blog so cute, I decided to try it for myself on a whim:

Using Google Image Search, choose a picture in the first 20 results for:

Your first name:


Your last name:


Your middle name:

Your age:


Your favourite colour:


Your favourite food:


One of your bad habits:
Have fun guessing some of the entries..........

I know I said I had a plan in the previous post, but events overtook me.

We had long sms exchanges with each other.

I tried to explain clearly what was it exactly that I was so upset about. [admittedly, hard to do when under emotional distress]

He didn't see what the fuss was all about. [not his exact words, but my summarization]

He didn't apologize for what he put me through.

He seemed to imply that it was partly my fault that we were like this. [Oh, excuse me for having a heart]

He picked on a detail in one of my replies and brought up an unrelated topic. [something which irritates me, cos what the heck did that have to do with this??]

I extended white flag and olive leaf. I asked if he wanted to meet and resolve. He ignored my sms, my call, until finally Jules came, and I went off with him for lunch instead.

Much later, he said, yea, we should talk, but not today, cos he didn't want to lose his temper at me and didn't want to be so agitated that it gave him a headache.

Well, EXCUSE ME for all the headache, heartache and tearache that I had been going through the whole week!

I'm fed up with this whole aspect of my life. I get enough of this kinda crap from my parents about how everything is my fault and I don't need to get it from him as well. For a change, it would be nice if someone close to me would admit that something was their fault, or that they caused it and apologize to me, instead of insisting that I should be the one feeling sorry.

I'm so fed up with him right now. All I wanted was to see, or hear, one word. Even if said grudgingly. And I couldn't even get it.

Elton John was right. It does seem to be the hardest word.

It is so touching to look at the picture of my kids, taken with my handphone and still in the memory.

For the picture, I gathered them all together at the back of the classroom, did the 'Cheese!' thing and consequently the picture has a number of them doing peace signs, rabbit ears, and putting their arms over their fellow classmates.

Children are narcissitic creatures apparently. They love it when someone is taking their picture, paying attention to them, and they get high on that attention, like someone getting intoxicated on good liquour.

I got 2 very good pictures out of that one session, the favourite one being the one where everyone went crazy and did rabbit ears and peace signs and screaming 'CHEESE!!!' at me. When I looked at the picture in the [relative] peace of the rushhour traffic, I realised how wonderful and natural their expressions were.

Each child, beaming their full grins at the camera. No sadness, no disappointment, just pure, unadulterated childish happiness.

It occurred to me then that these were 6year old kids. They were not yet old enough to experience all the bittersweetness of life. They had not yet loved, and lost. They had not experienced crushing disappointment. They had not failed, and felt utterly useless.

All they knew was how good life was to them, how loved they were, and how ready they were to rush into the future, with all their hope, promise and love. They did not yet have any concept of the unhappiness that lay before them, and they were ready to run in with their hearts full to bursting with love for anyone that was willing to accept it.

I felt tears threatening me then, and I did not know whether

They were for all the hardships that I knew they would face

They were for the innocence that would be lost

or whether

They were for all the pure joy and love that was bursting out of that photo.

Krystal's line from her blog really resonated with me:

"Isn't amazing how an emotion can cripple your soul so much, make your mind work in ways it never thought it could..."

Yea, it is amazing.

It's amazing how uplifting it is, to remember your anniversary, and the fact that you've made it this far despite all the shit you've been through.

It's amazing how much it hurts when, for example, you realise your boyfriend forgets your anniversary.

It's amazing how much it hurts when he can't even remember the correct number of years that you've been together.

It's amazing how it really hurts when he thinks that you *enjoy* having to *punish* him because he forgot.

It's amazing how it really, really hurts that he thinks it's no big deal that he doesn't remember, and that he doesn't see what the big fuss about dates is all about.

It's amazing how it kills you to think that he could be so flippant about something so important to you.

Yes, an emotion is amazing, all right.

It can cripple you, all right.

It can lift you up on high hopes, only to send you crashing to the ground in the end, your heart pierced by the extremely tall and sharp flagpole that you were so unlucky to fall on.

Why does it affect me so much? Because I don't know how else to get the measure of this man.

His way of showing he cares is not like any other guy that I've heard of, or seen.

He doesn't call me. He doesn't SMS me. He doesn't ask me out for dinner after work. Most times when I've tried to call him, I don't get an answer. Most times when I've tried to ask him out, he can't make it.

When we first started out, he didn't even bother to call me out, until I got him into the habit of going out every Sunday. Mondays to Saturdays, I don't communicate with him.

He didn't remember my birthday at first, or even care, until I grumbled about it.

Our first Valentine, he said he had to stay at work. Our second Valentine, he said he wanted to dine with his parents. This while 100s of boyfriends around the island were frantically making dinner reservations. This while I had said that we could even go to a coffeeshop, just as long as we managed to meet.

I keep telling him, I feel like a Batam wife. As if I'm some woman there for his entertainment after work, as a respite from his real wife or something. As if he's not interested in the commitment to make this relationship work. As if I'm just something to entertain himself with.

Some days, I know that what I just said was terribly unfair. Other days I wonder why I seem to be making all the effort and why can't he just do a few simple things to make me happy.

Everyday, I wish I didn't have to feel this way. That the crippling thoughts won't just crash down on me one after the other and leave me unable to think clearly and rationally.

2 months after the disaster that was Valentine's Day, I got this from him on our 2nd anniversary.

It's just so hurtful that it's not funny.

Dates are important to me. Anniversaries are important, because they remind us how it was when we got together.

It reminds us that we made a choice to get together.

It congratulates us that we've made it this far together.

He can't see why it's so important. He asked me why are they so important to me, if they are just dates?

I want to ask him, how can they be so unimportant to you?

And also, again, why can't you just remember it if it was so important to me? Is it that hard to remember a date?

*Haiz* I don't know. I don't know why I think of all these questions. I don't know why I even have to.

But before I go, I want to remind myself of the better things. The things that show he cares for me.

He still bothers to come out on Sundays for me. If he didn't want to come out, he could have just went out with his parents instead.

He NOW remembers my birthday, after mixing it with Juls' birthday, and bothers to DO something. [remember the insecty bag?]

He patiently shops around with me, and even picks out things that I might like or that might look good on me.

He goes places that he normally would not, like Sentosa, East Coast, and even West Side Story, simply because I wanted to.

Even when I made him miss a boat to Bintan with his friends, he waited for me with my luggage and made no complaint about having to go early the next day, or paying for the crazy-huge taxi bill I chalked up.

He pays for taxi rides, lunches, dinners, teas, movies and never asks for payment, but just accepts what money I remember to give him.

He remembers things that I like and do, even when he can't understand why on earth any person would be interested in it.

Even when I goof up like some plebeian in front of his parents, he still sticks up for me. [even when his mother offers me facials and slimming treatments :S ]

[I think that list was a good move. I feel better now after typing all the good stuff down]

In the end, I suppose the good stuff always comes with the bad.

Every relationship is a bed of roses. When you lie in it, you smell the sweet perfume, but you also feel the thorns.

But if we want to ever smell the perfume, then that's the price we have to pay.

*Sigh*

At least if we make it past this one, we'd be able to make it to a 3rd anniversary, which will hopefully be better.

At least whatever happens, we still choose to be with each other.

And hopefully, we'd both be stronger after it.

According to Krystal's blog, I'm supposed to write 6 weird things about myself on my blog, and then tag 6 other people to do the same thing.

Where do you want me to start? I have no idea which of my seemingly-normal habits could possibly consider me an entry into the Woodbridge chalet, but, well, here goes......

1. I started reading manga at 12, starting with Detective Conan. 14 years later, at the age of 26, I'm still reading manga, Detective Conan in particular, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, online comics like Megatokyo and Applegeeks....... Literature that is, in other words, written for an audience that is at least 10 years older than I am. And I think they're written a whole lot better than literature for people my age.

2. The most comfortable sitting position on a chair is one where I have either one or both legs on the seat of the chair, as opposed to on the floor. The back should be leaning on one of the arms, or on the back of the chair, and the entire body should assume the firmness of muah chee and simply melt into the chair. A good book should be in hand, a large glass of iced lemon tea in the other, and a large pack of potato chips on the stomach.

3. Oh yea, I'm also capable of eating nothing but a pack of Ruffles and a can of iced lemon tea for lunch on holidays when I'm too lazy to walk out.

4. I have the most eclectic mix of music I know in my MP3 player. My collection ranges from classical, to lounge, to chillout, to mandopop, to jazz, to swing, to j-pop, to rock, to well, Justin Timberlake.

5. I believe that $2000 is better spent on a ticket to London than on a LV bag. Even if I only get to stay in London for a weekend.

6. I also believe that no matter how dire the situation, there is always a way out of it, if one would only take the effort to think things through. If you are stuck in a bad job, you can make it better. If you are stuck with a bad boss, you can find ways around her, if you know what to say. If you think your life sucks, you can and should be thinking of ways to make it better. Optimism or naivete? That depends on whether you think I'm weird.

Tagging: Slayer, Quetzal, Yenn, and er, any other people who read this blog?

A recent conversation I had with Reiko made me very pissed off.

[although my short temper was also due in part to the horribly crowded NATAS fair that I trounged through in search of tickets to Athens, but that's another story...]

We were discussing our superior again, and some issue ongoing at work. [to prevent any of the people in that workplace finding this blog, no details, sorry.]

She described to me some of the things that that superior had done at work, and frankly, I was aghast. Aghast at some of the things that person had said, aghast at some of the things that person had done. I asked why hadn't anyone ever stepped forward to actually tell the superior of some of the problems going on at ground level.

"You think anyone dares? Last time, someone tried to tell her and then... [description of downfall of said person]."

"And then there was... [another description of the sad fate of another fallen soul]"

"And then..."

"Last time..."

Aiyah you get the idea lah.........

The most head-shaking part about the whole thing though, was not the fate befallen on these people, but rather the willingness of all the other sheep in the office who were simply willing to accept their lot and let it be that.

It seems that this person has created such an aura of holy terror around her, as described by said colleague, that now no one dares to touch her with a ten foot trident.

And everyone else is either willing to accept it, or leave.

An attitude I find 'typically Singaporean'.

In such a situation where things are not to our benefit, we either:

Accept it, stay in the same situation, and grumble endlessly about our hard lot in life, or
Leave the place for assumably greener grass elsewhere.

Not many people, it seems, are willing to take the calculated risk of actually doing something to improve their current situation in life.

Like this place: It is a fact that a lot of people are unhappy about the decisions made in this place. It is also a fact that people still accept the unhappy decisions, and then grumble about it to their colleagues, in a half-resigned manner, as if, "What can I do about it?"

Not many actually start thinking about what they can actually do about it.

And then things get to a stage where it becomes utterly unbearable, and then you lash out and fight, only to get knocked down.

I get irritated by this kind of attitude. Because when things don't go your way, and you don't do anything about it, your only recourse is to complain to your colleagues. Who can't do anything for you anyway, so what's the point? Other than letting off steam, that is......

*hai* The whole idea of the civil service is starting to get me down. I keep thinking that I need to start other options just in case I decide to quit, but the workload just piles on, leaving me either no time to do this, or too tired to do this.

I need a good kickstart......

Lately a friend n I, let's call her Reiko, were talking about our P.

I heard from Reiko that someone in the staff had gotten in trouble with the P for something trivial, hairstyle or shoes, I think. Duh

Apparently the P had gotten worked up enough to threaten the staff with an extended probation. "I can delay your confirmation if I want! I can extend your probation!" [I'm not sure of the exact words, having heard this from a third party, so don't quote me on this]

My friend was thus, out of concern, trying to tell me to 'take care of myself' by making sure my hair was tied during work hours, and that I was wearing the appropriate footwear and everything, lest I suffer the same fate as aforementioned colleague.

Now I'm not trying to comment on anything about the P or her abilities. What struck me was the perceived power that was held in the superior's hands.

If I could ask a question to any of the staff with the same line of thinking, I think I would ask, "Why are you so afraid of this person?"

The P cannot kill me. Cannot physically hurt me. Not going to rape me, physically torture me, or inflict any bodily harm onto me.

Could the P affect my salary? Sure, but I still have a job, I still have money coming in. After all, I'm still coming to work, I'm still performing my duties, and I'm not committing any of the major sins of my line. She could possibly set back my career for a year or so, but I'm young. I'll survive in this industry long after she does. And even if I don't, I'll branch out, or I'll jump somewhere. I will find a way to survive.

Could she destroy my pride, my ego, my dignity? Only if I let her do so.

When it comes down to it after all, the power that this person holds over me is a superficial kind of power at best. She owns neither my body nor my soul.

Why then are people so afraid of her at the workplace?

I think it's because we allow her to believe that she has control over us. When you look at it, why is it she can only threaten to extend the probation period of the person, instead of termination, or death? Because that is all there is within her power to do. And it's a weak kind of threat as well.

Admittedly, I'm in a better position than others, and there are several reasons why such a threat would not affect me as much as others.

1. I'm young. So what if my promotion is delayed by a year? I still have about 40 over years in front of me. Taken in such a perspective, a year is a pretty short time.

2. I have no dependents. My parents are still working, I'm not married and I have no kids. I don't even have a dog. :p

3. I'm pretty well educated to have other options in front of me. And to know what are the opportunities in front of me.

4. My industry constantly suffers from a lack of people. And it's not as volatile as the private sector is.

So I find it amusing that people think that I should be afraid of this one person in my life. Sticks and stones, babes, sticks and stones.

But my attitude is probably the minority. Even within my industry, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who thinks this way. I think most people will be like Reiko and advise me to toe the line, for heaven's sake.

I think this is because of the importance we place on things like job security, advancement, salary and others. Because they are important to us, we steer away from anything that threatens them. And we do all we can to protect what we have.

But does there comes a point where we overestimate the threat posed on these items? That's like when someone decides to blow up a plane with hair gel and anything of a liquid nature becomes banned from all airlines all over the world. Overreacting? Sure enough, but can we recognise it when we are doing it to ourselves?

I did speak to the threatened colleague before I even heard of this incident. I remember her views on the P, which went something like

"What can she do to me? I know I'm doing my job. I know that I'm not committing any great crime while I am doing it. Whatever I do, my conscience is clear. If she wants to fire me, so be it. I'm not cut out for this line, and I'll find something else to do."

If my conscience is clear, so be it. No one has power over me, except that which I allow them to have.

Turns out the last migraine wasn't the end of my health episodes.

One week after I went for migraine medicine, a short line of itchy rashes appeared on my throat, which also refused to go away for about a week. I was ready to put it off as a bad meeting with some mosquito at night, until my concerned colleagues advised me to go to the doctor.

And when I did, he told me it was shingles!

[summarized from wikipedia. Italics are my own crappy opinions]
Shingles - The reactivation of the chickenpox virus. Historically linked to an age-related decline in immunity, it is now thought to be linked to reduced exposure to children infected with chicken pox.

To prevent shingles in future, become nanny to chickenpox-infected children at least once in one or two weeks

One of the earliest symptoms is headache.
DAMN!


The virus is not spread through coughing, sneezing or casual contact.
Ok, you ARE safe.

Chicken pox virus can remain dormant for decades.
DAMN

Outbreaks occur for many different reasons, most of which are a result of events which decrease the immune system such as aging, severe illness, or severe emotional stress. ANOTHER thing to blame DF and the Vday fiasco for.

Shingles cannot be passed from one person to another. You guys are safe. However, the virus, that causes chickenpox, can be spread from one person to another who has not been infected with the chickenpox virus before through direct contact with the rash.
You are safe unless one of you decides to touch, strangle, or kiss my throat.

Read the full version at Wikipedia here.

On a brighter note, the March hols have started! It's one week of slacking, with maybe 2 days I gotta go back to school.... Woohoo! I'm declaring it Humanity Reclamation Week. Time to become human again instead of the role-model-figure I'm supposed to constantly maintain at work.

Frayed Nerves

I don't know whether it's workplace stress that's causing it, or all the fracas with him over Vday and CNY, but my brain finally surrendered on Monday and gave me a splitting migraine. This continued all the way to Thursday, getting sharper and more enduring, till I sucuumbed and saw a doctor on Thursday. [there goes another lindy class -_-!!!]

The diagnosis was that it was a tension headache, probably caused by accumulated stress over a period of time. Yea, and it had to hit when I was finally starting to relax... -_-!

I suppose the usual thing to do would be to try to relax more, but it's not quite so easy. Identifying stress triggers [incidents at work, wrong words from him, voice of mother] is easy. Trying to deal with it is another thing.

Like when my mom tells me to do the laundry when I am blogging. I feel myself getting irritated, short-tempered, and my heart beats faster. But what do I do about it then? Ah, not so easy to calm yourself then. Or like when he tells me I should do up my hair, or lose some weight, and I feel myself getting worried again... No way on earth to suddenly lose 10 kg on the spot before I meet his mother :p

How then? Hai...... Maybe it's because of scolding the kids, but nowadays I get more short-tempered when something goes wrong. My first instinct is to want to scold somebody, someone, something! Just to make myself feel better, I guess...

I do try to cool down, and breathe slower, but that's more like trying to alleviate the symptoms, rather than attacking the source of it. I also have the pills the doc gave me, but I'm afraid of what will happen after the medication ends and I still have the headaches. :S How then? I don't wanna be dependent on these pills everytime either.

alamak....... just typing this blog entry also making me stressed liao...........