Highly Intelligent Ways of Insulting People

As an exercise in creativity, I decided to come up with a blog post that would be highly beneficial to most of humanity. Here then are some tips on how to insult people intelligently, enough that they may even think they are being complimented.

Use scientific terms where you can

- Dig up your old biology textbook and look for the scientific terms for flora and fauna commonly used in insults. My favourite for this example is the word 'bovine'. To the unknowing, it sounds similar enough to the word 'divine'. To those in the know, it really is an adjective for 'cow'.

- Examples you can use:

"You bovine specimen." = "You cow."

"How bovine." = "Wah cow"

Other words include 'porcine' (pig), 'rectal' (anal). Choose your favourite body part or deficiency and find out the intelligent term for it.

Enlist the help of a thesaurus

- You'll be surprised that the various words that can replace a simple 'stupid'. A simple check through http://thesaurus.com will give you:

dense

dim

half-baked

moronic

nonsensical

But why stop there? Use more intelligent adjectives like:

deficient

ill-advised

inane

insensate

ludicrous

obtuse

puerile

Don't you love the sound of some of these words? Imagine:

"You are a deficient, insensate and puerile person." Wow! How poetic~!

Channel Shakespeare

If you paid any attention during your literature lessons, ( and probably you didn't, or you won't have to consult this blog entry ) you would know that the Bard was highly capable of some very sharp retorts, hidden beneath his loquacity. ( Remember, thesaurus.com is your friend! ) The key is to make it sound like a flowery compliment. If you do this correctly enough, your target won't even know what hit him, and may even thank you for the line! To do this, first start out with a sentence that is a compliment:

"You're so pretty."

Now change it into an insult:

"You're so ugly."

Now change the adjective using a thesaurus:

"You're so uninviting." ( Use the most uncommon and most positive-sounding one you can find. If you use 'grotesque', for example, you give the game away. )

If it still sounds negative, confuse further with a positive adverb:

"You're so blindingly uninviting."

This method requires some skill in fine talking. So to carry this off, you have to use a smooth tongue, your brightest smile and your most charming manners. If you do this way, your target may even thank you! Use more practise and come up with better examples, for example:

"I am astounded at the depth of reprehensibility that you show."

"My dear, you are the most bovine example of womanhood that I can think of." ( Remember point 1: Your biology textbook! )

"I can think of at least a dozen men who can testify to the depth of your prowess." = "I think you're a slut."

Exercise your creativity indeed! To end off, here are some last tips:

Check carefully the meaning of any insult you craft before use. You do not want to accidentally compliment the target instead, or come up with something too obtuse, like "You are a window."

Check grammar also. Use of wrong grammar means you're the one looking stupid, not your target. This is especially so in the 3rd method.

Practise your insults before use. When you are using these, you want a perfectly straight expression or a loving one, to send your target in the wrong direction. Remember that you are trying to make your target accept an insult as a compliment. This is better achieved when you can use the appropriate body language and tone of voice. Think Casanova.

( *End note: The Author of this blog post takes no responsibility for any lives or reputation lost as a result of the methods listed here. )

Again, another time to dust off the dusty blog... :p

It’s now fresh into 2011. What can I say was the main achievement of 2010? Oh right, I got married......

And since I’m trying to start my blogging afresh, why not I talk about married life for a while.

Ever since I got married, everyone’s one question has been “How has married life been?” ( Variations include “How’s married life?” )

Maybe I can use this chance to answer that question in more depth.

My 1st impression is that Married Life is like Living In A Hostel. ( Of course, I got other benefits that I didn’t get from my pig roommate, but that’s another thing altogether... )

I now stay in a room in a shared apartment. The room is shared between me and another party. We keep both our laptops, our clothes and our books in the room and we share a bathroom. Also we ( or rather I! ) keep the room clean by sweeping it every few days. And my iPod is playing music.

Yes, from that description alone, it is very much like Uni days all over again. :p

My general lifestyle has not changed very much. I still ( most unfortunately ) go to work, I go out to all the same places I used to, with the same people I used to, and mostly at the same times I used to as when I was single. Being married has not stopped me from socializing with any friends, or stopped me from going any places.

Well, it does mean that I do ‘report’ my whereabouts to another party, but this is not forced onto me. Rather I tell him where I go just to let him know, or to try to cadge a free ride. Heh.

If there is a disadvantage, it is that staying in such close quarters with a person also highlights each other’s flaws in glaring detail. When he leaves things in the wrong place, I notice. Or he doesn’t do something that he is supposed to. Or when I bring home new shopping. Or when I eat too much fried garlic for dinner.

I try to adopt a zen approach to all these. Let not the pebbles make you fall flat into some rocks. So if it’s a small thing, like hair on the floor, I just sudah it lah. No point I get pissed off over him over a hair. Or a pebble. I just sweep it up myself and make myself happier. Hopefully the big rocks will not come yet. Or that all this zen will prepare me for the boulders.

But as a balanced perspective, it does also highlight more good points in him. Like how he told me to stay home from school when I was sick, because he never does that himself! Or how he has just offered to send me to work. (!!) How come dating that time never so nice??

Point being, somehow being married just... made him do more good stuff for me. Gawds, should I have done this earlier??

As for me? I feel more Peace when I am in the room. It’s nice to have a room with some library books, a laptop and an iPod dock. It feels comfortable here though a bit hard to read on the bed during the day, because of the sunlight. But it’s much more quiet than in my house, without brother walking in and out, Mother yelling for you to do something... Maybe that’s why I feel more like blogging ever since, because there’s more quiet around to think and reflect. No background noise from the TV downstairs, no nagging and grumbling about how I never fulfill my daughterly duties... Just the space to be... me.

Of course, this Peace could be temporary. Who knows if we will argue till one of us breaks the cupboard door with some hard object. Or if I produce two severe ADHD offspring. Or if the Peace will start to bore me.

For now, I am content to simply enjoy the moment for what it is, and make myself happier that way.

Getting married!

Considering what a milestone this is, it seems only fitting to log it in my blog.

Finally I am getting married to the first guy I dated. After all the trials and heartache and of course plenty of good times, and all the other headaches with the preparation, it's finally going to be done.

And make no mistake about the trying times. I can't imagine how I managed to get through all the expectations and all the demands in my mind, because certainly at that time itself I was certainly upset enough over it.

Then again, I think it's something in a book I read that helped. I began to see that any unhappiness of mine, though maybe caused by other people, was also in part there because I let it be there. I was letting myself dwell in the unhappiness and so partly responsible.

Maybe in the end the lesson to derive from all this is: Look at the big picture. After all our planning, the important thing is not the church or dinner or the house or his mother's opinions. The most important thing is that we're married in the eyes of God.

Who cares if I clash with his mother? Who cares if the speech is not right? Who cares if things are not done? None of these will contribute to our future happiness. It's the way we get through all these disagreements that counts. And doing a Bridezilla will not.

So if I ever read this again, I say Let it Go. Learn to forget the unhappiness of the past, Learn from it certainly but not dwell in it. And even with all the grief from others, they have still done plenty to bless u too. And never forget that.

Ok time for this post to end, last post of my single life. Like the psalm says, put thy childish ways behind and become an adult. May God bless me (mightily) on where I am about to tread.

'Too sweet'?

I do not understand a particular combination of 2 words in the English language: 'Too' and 'sweet'. They make no sense to me.

Rubbish

This is a post about rubbish, special request by my friend Yenn:

O ye stinking heap
I gaze upon thy rotted leaves
And thy half decomposed fruit
How nature has treated thee
Once so abundantly alive
Now nothing but... Rubbish.

Dedicated to my faithful fan of poetry, Yenn.

(bows)

Resort World Sentosa

A day at Resort World Sentosa


Since someone say I never blog anymore... Here are a few iPhone shots from today's trip:


Now we know what he thinks... Or maybe that's us after being told to wait an hour for a table...



The view as we entered the hotel from the restaurant area. Such a welcoming sight......



Even Breadtalk gets in on the act...


And can you believe it, the carpark is so big we had to take a tram there...

Ok I know this is very duh from the usual diary entry but just had to do something different... Hehehe... Interesting afternoon though, felt like tourists, in Sentosa of all places...

Ps this blog entry was written on iPhone, hooray to free apps... Lemme know if something goes horribly wrong here....

Funny how social we all are as human beings. No matter how much people drive us nuts, we can't live without many of them.

We are all born to be social creatures. It is biologically hardwired into us to rely on parents when young, socialize in our teens, get a mate, reproduce, and spend the rest of your waking life taking care of that young offspring.

This biological need has been used to explain all kinds of human behaviour. For example, gossip fulfils a need to keep oneself in touch with the rest of the pack. People like to follow and keep in touch with celebrities so that they feel they are in touch with the Top Dog of the pack. [People who are more known to more people have this aura of seeming important, otherwise why would so many people know you.]

I read once that humans help each other out of an altruistic neuron in the brain. Apparently, when you do something to help other people, you get a shot of the feel-good endorphins. This is nature's way of encouraging to continue doing good stuff to help the tribesmen. So nature encourages us not just to keep in touch, but also continue to contribute to the well-being of the pack.

And this comes up time and time, under the Courtesy campaigns, and various Pay It Forward schemes. All kinds of people from Jesus to Oprah encourage you to give to your fellow man for the good feelings that you will get.

Maybe part of the reason I'm coming up with this post is that I'm starting to get bored silly while on MC. Yes, it sucks to have to go to work with laryngitis, but it also sucks a bit to be stuck at home while the only thing close to human companionship is Facebook. -_-!!! Facebook is nice, but when all the human interaction from a friend is a status update, it leaves you a little lacking. If I had to be sick, it would have been nice to be sick with people looking out for you, cooking for you and talking to you.

Perhaps that is why Facebook is so popular. It gives you that little bit of human interaction, and then leaves you hungering for more. So you do more stuff on Facebook to get closer to your friends, maybe plant a few carrots or something. Despite its shallow nature, it does help us to fulfil that much of a social need.

Then again, this could just be me lonely at home with MC. Wait till I get socially overloaded at work tomorrow and see how things turn out. -_-!!!

I've been thinking lately about women, and our obsession with our looks.

Maybe it's partly due to the influx of weight-loss advice -_-!!! I've been receiving because of the wedding. This ranges from the practical ( "eat less and exercise more" ) to downright absurd ( "5 apples a day" )

And of course, comes all the advice on clothing. This colour/style will make your butt/arms/breasts/waist look fat. This makes you look old. This is better. That is better. Wear a corset. ( Back to the Victorian pre-lib days we go! )

The advice irritated me to no end. First, slimness is not a prerequisite to happiness. Yes, being slimmer may be good for me healthwise, and would make me look better in photos, but will it make me happy? Do you mean that if I was fat on my wedding day, I would be unhappy in my marriage? That my husband would leave me at the altar?

Of course not, all these people would tell me. But it would be better for you. And healthier of course.

( The irony being that most of these people telling me this would be the ones who either eat loads of fried/grilled foods, or can't even jog 500m to save their own house burning. Me, who eats sashimi and subway sandwiches after 1.5 hours at the gym -_-!!! )

But if I scrape away the unintended advice, and my own reactionary irritation, I find something a bit more fascinating underneath all these. Namely, that women, from prehistoric to modern times, have not gotten rid of the unhealthy obsession with their bodies. We are still as preoccupied with our bodily image as ever.

Because if you listen carefully to all the advice ever dished out, you would realise that the main message being given is to slim down. All the other health risks of obesity: clogged arteries, weakened joints, etc are merely afterthoughts. ( "...and you will also get health attacks!" ) The driving point of all the advice is that I have to lose weight so that I will look slimmer and better, and also so that I will reduce my chances of heart attack etc. And definitely all the bad dietary advice I've ever received never even takes these health risks into account at all. Hardly anyone ever says, "Eat more veggies to reduce the clogging in your arteries so that you can have a healthier lifestyle." Rather it's more "Eat more veggies to reduce your weight, and your arteries will not be clogged as well."

Notice the slight difference in emphasis?

So you take all the comments people ever give you about dieting, and it comes down to this: That as a woman, you must look slimmer.

Funnily enough, despite all our advances and our supposedly modern thinking, this has not changed since caveman eras. That our outward bodily appearance is the sole deciding factor in whether we women score a date, a husband and subsequently get to reproduce our genes. You would think that given all the bras burnt, the pants worn, and the higher salaries, we would have had time to reconsider our criteria for a mate, but no, it remains woefully prehistoric.

And even this. Given our higher education, salaries, and increased women's rights, do we even need to score a husband at all??? Yes, laughable, coming from me, but surely there are tons of other stuff we could be doing, reading Shakespeare, curing cancer, saving dying dogs, other than spending the time on looking pretty for the men. Also, don't most of the dating advice out there start like this: "Love yourself first. Spend time on the things you like doing."? If he's not coming to you, and the waiting is making you miserable, then why not, instead of waiting, do tons of the other stuff that you like instead?

Our own bodily obsessions are our own undoing. We get together and gripe about the various men who have rejected us because we were the wrong size and look. But yet we also spend tons of time and money trying to get the 'right' size and look. In all this, we neglect one simple thing: If only perfect-looking women got married, then how about all the other 'imperfect' women that have gotten married over the centuries? And how about the 'perfect' women that have gotten divorced?

Ladies, it's time we stopped thinking in terms of waist size and kilogrammes. These are not prerequisites to a happy life. They are not going to open the door to Magical Happy Land, no matter how much we want them to. It's time we acknowledged that the key to our own happiness lies not in our stomachs, but in our own hearts.

What I learned from Indo:

1. I am incapable of posing for the camera. Unless it's a corny one.

2. Aunties everywhere are the same all over, they just speak different languages.

3. Always pay good money for professional work.

4. Singapore has a world class traffic system. Yes, we do.

5. People will do anything to eke out a living if they have to.

6. Humming Lady Gaga will get your mind off anything.

For more details, meet up with me over a cup of coffee... :)

It's been almost a month, so here's the Great Hamster Escape that happened just 2 days ago...

We keep 1 other hamster in the office other than Anthony, let's call her Spidey. Spidey is a hamster with the mind of a gymnast, because for entertainment, she would start climbing up the bars of her cage, and even climb upside down on the ceiling bars.

We always thought that was cute. And even on the day of the Great Escape, I was giving them breakfast at 9am, and watching her climb upside down.

Then at 11am, I went to check on them again, and I realised her cage was empty.

And the gate to the cage, on the ceiling was open.

*MAD PANIC!!!!*******

I shook the bedding in the cage in case she was hiding there. I searched the cubicles around her cage, kicking boxes hoping to frighten her out. I shook Anthony's tank and asked him "Where's she??? Did you see her???"

Obviously all did not work.

My colleague was also frantic. We tried looking around the office, kicking at boxes but damn she hid from us. My worst fear was that we'd only find her when we heard an "EEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!" from across the office and rush to see her dead under a stiletto. -_-!!!!!

Thankfully she was spotted at the end of the day. Cyn spotted her along the corridor of the cubicles and we rushed in and cornered her at (ironically) the messiest cubicle. Those in the office surrounded the cubicle SWAT-style and finally she came out and one of us scooped her up in a box and closed the cover.

*PHEW*

Here is a testament to the intelligence of hamsters. While we thought she was so cute for imitating Spidey, she was actually training her muscles to bring her to the only point of exit on her cage. Then she managed to fiddle with the latch enough for the cage door to open and for her to climb out, thereby sending all of us into a panic. -_-!!!

She has now been placed under house arrest. We tied the door and the cage down with raffia string, and I'm hoping she'll not learn how to untie knots. Now she sits forlornly in her cage in my house, perhaps dreaming of the brief foray into freedom.

Or plotting her next one.

Haven't been blogging for a while... I know... Somewhere between all the work, the friends, the man, the gym... Blogging life took a serious hit... Thank god for Twitter...

And after that hiatus now I have too much stuff that went on that I dunno what to blog about... -_-!!!

Ok I talk about weight first...

Because for the first time in a long, long while, pple have started to comment that I have lost weight.

Thus is a plus sized achievement for me. The last time anyone said that to me was at the onset of puberty. And it's been all downhill since then.

But not easy. For example, in front of me right now is a packet of freshly fried French fries from a BK meal. I finished the burger, ate some of the fries and left the rest of the packet aside.

Those of you who know me will understand what a miracle that is for me.

But came to a point where I felt things had to change. One day I looked at the weighing scale, and saw a number that I never knew I could reach. And that was after I had checked for zero error.

Sometimes , you reach that point in your life that you know it can't go on this way. And I knew I had to change.

Eating habits was one thing. I cut snacks out, and for the first time ever, made decisions to eat more greens.

Again, another miracle.

Exercise was another thing. I started going to the gym again and I changed my routine to include more strngth training. Ladies, don't worry about looking like Schwarzeneger. It helps, ok?

I'm not saying that I'm perfect. I still have to shop for sizes 14 and up, but the most important thing for me is the feeling of control.

At least I know that I am able to take the steps to (try to) bring my weight down. And that I am capable of saying no to (lovely long luscious) fries if I have to.

I also know there's lots of things more important than food. Fries and ice cream don't taste as good as when they are eaten with friends, for example. It's a double misery to be fat and alone, I think.

(which reminds me, friends must encourage each other to lose weight, ok?)

Books and TV can be enjoyed without chips or soda by the side.

My brain can still function during classes without massive amounts of food
beforehand.

And massages should be totally enjoyed without food.

I'm not perfect. If I was I would never have gotten myself into this state in the first place and I would be 20 kg lighter than I am now.

But now that I am here, the onus is on me and no other to pick me up and send me off on the right path.

I will get there! Not for my wedding, but for my long term health. Certainly I never want to be a potential contestant for The Biggest Loser.

And I definitely want to reduce jeans size.

Ganbarimashou!

I'm still not keen on the wedding.

Don't get me wrong; I want to have a marriage, yes. It is the wedding that I'm not keen about.

I'm still haven't entirely reconciled myself with having to comply with so many outside expectations regarding the wedding. Recently another aspect of the guest list popped up again which brought out all the old insecurities and fears. And I went back to zero again, after making myself ok with the local one.

It's getting easier to identify what about the overseas one is making me so worried. I roughly narrowed it down to loss of control and differences in taste.

Very little about the overseas one is decided by me. The venue was chosen w/o me, and I have an uneasy fear that the dress and makeup and hair will be decided for me, against my better judgement. I have this recurring nightmare that I will look dreadfully obiang on my wedding day and that no matter how much pple say that I look good, I will see in their eyes that they will never be caught dead in what I have on.

Terribly insecure, I know. And you may say that I think too much. But I honestly have not found a way to 'stop thinking so much'

If pple say you should lose weight, is it easy to start a new diet regime and lose 5kg by next month? If pple say that you get irritated too easily, is it so easy to restrain your anger and retain an aura of zen-like calm? Of course not. The same way, just because you tell me not to think so much... Doesn't mean that I can necessarily do it so easily at a snap of the finger.

And sometimes, to compound the problem, I won't even know the cause of the worry till much later, when
I can analyse it further. So pple wonder why I seemed
so ok about it, only to flare up again.

Put onto that the expectations of my family, in-laws, friends... It's getting exasperating. To have to do things not according to your wishes, but to everyone else's. To have to accomodate pple who want me to dress as such. To accomodate pple who want me to do as such. To risk offending friends and family because of my own fears.

Sigh... Tiring. Try to control... Get headaches. Let go of control to other people... Upsetting. How like that?

Somehow I know it inyself that I have to deal with the internal issues myself. If I don't there's no one that can help me. Identifying the fear is the first step. Now I have to repeatedly remind myself that the fear should not overcome me. That I should deal with it on my own terms and not let it take control.

Mantra: a day for a lifetime!

shitmydadsays: "I lost 20 pounds...How? I drank bear piss and took up fencing. How the fuck you think, son? I exercised."
Original Tweet: http://ping.fm/VvbkX

After my post on gym thoughts, thought this was rather funny... :p

Gym thought

Random thoughts while I was at the gym:

1. I feel more energetic after a good workout. I feel like I want to dance the lamboogie, the swing or the exotic... Anything as long as I move my body a lot.

2. I hope weight went down not due to water loss... Nobody loses over 1 kg in water loss, right?

3. Then again, my gym clothes can't be 1 kg lighter from last week's set, can they?

4. Doing weights makes me feel strong.., kinda like Xena. I feel like I can lift a kid in each arm.

5. But it can also make me feel drop dead tired. Like slop down on bed and sleep immediately kind of tired.

6. Lastly, is it time for me to get off this treadmill yet?

"Miss ---? This is Aki."

"Not feeling well today?"

"Yes, I... (voice caught off in a harsh hacking cough)"

"Ok! I get it!"

"Thanks."

I didn't go to work today.

The reason in the morning was quite genuine. A hacking cough that made my voice almost a harsh whisper. So a last minute decision to not go.

Had breakfast in an absurdly far place, then was dropped off at City Hall, supposedly to take the MRT back. Then looked around and decided, the morning was too good to waste at home.

You ever seen how peaceful every place is in the morning? I never quite realized because I was always at work ( duh ) and even during holidays when I did go out, it was in the afternoon when it was already crowded. So I looked at the streets as he drove past and I saw a different set of streets, though I had walked through them many times before.

I came out of the car and everything was peaceful. ( of course they were. Every responsible person was at work ) I walked through the street and I never knew the morning was so cooling.

I know most people in my position would have just slept, but I just had an aching feeling that the morning was too good to use on sleeping.

Maybe I haven't shaken off the holiday mood entirely. Because I felt a kind of peace with the world that I only felt... On holiday. And suddenly, I felt happy.

Yes, maybe the morning IS too good to waste on sleep. :)

The year in retrospect

For the year end blog entry, I usually take a look at the blog entry I wrote a year ago to see what has changed since then.

The funny thing is, that blog entry a year ago says exactly what I could have said about this year too!

Read:

"The party went great, thanks to all who came, saw, and demolished the turkey ;) You guys are the reason why my mom still likes to go crazy and strangle disemboweled birds every year. We had another great party, with another poor bird that got strangled, disemboweled and demolished. -_-!!

Thanks to all who played along the Twister game and for embarrassing yourselves in the name of mass entertainment. Now I know why Twister is still the classic party game. ;)Ok, this we left out, partly due to popular request... heh

Thanks to those who took the effort, and braved the Xmas crowds to buy gifts for the gift exchange. Your gladitorial bravery is commendable.Another gift exchange, but with the Secret Santa twist, more meaningful, I think. :)

And even if he doesn't read this blog, thanks to a DF who flew by and made an attempt to socialize with my friends, something that I've been bugging him since, well, the start of the relationship. :S hey, it's a start.And to my pleasure, he continued! Well done!

Thanks for the gifts, the cards and the reaffirmation of friendship, the greatest gift of all. Says it all. :)

Here's then to next year, and to more of the best, less of the rest!"

That's not to say everything remained the same as it was in 2009....

I passed my JLPT4, went on to take JLPT3. ( Still waiting for results -_-!! ) I finally took French, but only for 2 months, and now the only thing I remember from the class was a children's song. -_-!!!!!

I gained weight, lost it, and subsequently gained it back. (argh!) the good news is that I made a net loss over the year, so, one resolution slightly accomplished. -_-!!!

I spent more money than I ever did. (argh! argh!) But the more important saving, for the two of us, is going on swimmingly. I have more money in that one account than both my other accounts combined. -_-!!!!!

I did slightly more art, but I took tons of pictures. Now considering how to load everything onto photography twitter account.... [http://twitter.com/clicknsnap]

And of course the big stuff. I'm on the way to getting married. As in with the church, the white dress, and everything. Considering how the relationship was in the early stages, it's almost a miracle we got this far. But amazingly he stuck through it, met the friends, met me more, and now I have 3 photos and a ringbox on my desk that shows how much we progressed through the year.

That part... is the crazy fairy tale part... The part where I'm not sure this is even really happening.

Reflecting on the year past means acknowledging that there was a load of crap, and there was a whole bunch of good too. I suppose the luxury for me now is that I can afford to look back on all the crap stuff, and say to myself, "That sucked, but it's done and over. I have other things to look forward to now."

So... 2009... It's done and over. I have other things to look forward to now. :)

And the foetuses danced all night...

Ok obviously I don't mean that literally, but it was a thought that crossed my mind at Zirca on Ladies Night...

One night at Clarke Quay, Krystal and I did some overdue clubbing. We headed to Zirca cos none of us had been there yet since the old MOS there had closed down.

Now, the reason for the foetuses...

Maybe I haven't been in a club for ages, cos the girls and even the guys looked young. It wasn't just the physical age but the way they behaved.

For eg, shaking your body wildly with a rhythm out of sync with the music and shrieking with your group of friends. No matter how, it always sounds bimbotic...

Getting drunk or walking unsteadily with a friend propping you up. I don't care that this is a common sight at clubs but I haven't yet seen a girl that managed to make getting drunk look hot and glam.

Wearing midriff torn shirts and gyrating against the furniture and fittings in the club. Krystal said it best: and they wonder why guys think they're cheap. Hey just because I'm doing my best porn star impersonation doesn't mean I want to take it off for you. Really? Cos with you dancing like that your shirt is almost off anyway...

Of course the guys are no better. Best example is the guy who came with no date and who pretends he's hooking up the girls by dancing behind them when they can't see him. *rolls eyes* and who comes back for a second round!!

Not that im a seasoned hardcore clubber ( I swear I'm not ) but watching the wide eyed faces on the dance floor and listening to the girls giggling and encouraging their friends thrusting the fittings... I just realized how innocent they were. I wondered if they were aware of the hounds, sorry, guys who were eyeing them as sex prospects. I wondered if the girls who were cuffing the cheap vodka flavoured orange juice and subsequently getting drunk *roll eyes again* knew just how awfully unglam they looked. And I wondered if the guys knew what losers and posers they looked like to the girls.

Maybe I am getting old. I'm past the stage ( or maybe never reached it ) where I feel as if I have to act sexy to make myself feel good. And to me these antics just look like people trying too hard in a competition for a prize that's not worth it.

That being said, I think I still like to club. I like to dance, and there is always an allure in the dark smoky club room surrounded by a crowd dancing along with you that makes the dancing that little bit more on the edge.

Just... Leave the foetuses at home.

Malacca is a place with no watches, and too much food.

In just 2 days, I felt as if the point of the whole trip was really about the food. Even before I went, people didn't say, "You must see this place!" but "You must try this! You must try that! You have got to eat this or you never went to Malacca!"

So... the food. :) First signature dish: Peranakan food.

Our lunch stop was a last minute resort. We had driven all the way there, reaching there at 230pm, only to realise that most of the good places closed at 2pm for afternoon siestas. -_-!!!!! So we had no choice but to drive around till we found a place that was open.

Bayonya is a Peranakan restaurant. We ordered a few Peranakan dishes for Yenn and Candle to try. Chicken pongteh was a rich chicken stew in soy gravy [which really caught my eye because on the menu it mentioned potatoes, haha!] and buah keluak, a sort of stewed hard-shelled fruit, Yenn realised, was a taste that really had to be acquired. [I haven't acquired it either]

The food was ok, but the part that brought it down was the fish, which had been frozen, so when it came to us, the meat was hard. Note: Peranakans are picky about food, as observed when my mother complained to the staff about the state of the fish upon payment.

Our dinner place, Aunty Lee, was much better. Aunty Lee was a nondescript little restaurant a bit further from town. The towkay neo of the place was a bossy little woman, who insisted the 5 of us sit at a table for 10, despite us asking for the smaller table. Some dishes we asked for, she said, "dun have." and overall she had the impression of a rather aunty-ish mother. -_-! [Not that unlike my own mother, so I'm wondering if this is another Peranakan trait...]

But when the sambal prawn came..... Shiiioookk....

The prawns, though small, were lathered in a rich sambal sauce that looked like it would sear the tonsils off, but was actually sweet and delicious. The lemongrass chicken was tangy and juicy. The omelette and kangkong came in a huge heap upon their plates. And all this for 77RM.

When leaving, I reminded father: Put this place down on the GPS. :)

Another signature dish: Chendol.

My parents pooh-poohed the many chendol stalls around, including the supposedly famous ones, and, in the afternoon, led us down Jonker St to a little shop selling titbits, and that had a little chendol stall in the front.

I don't know if the chendol was necessarily better or worse than the famous ones, but it was slurpingly good, after walking around in the hot afternoon sun, and had one advantage over the rest.

Free flow of gula melaka!

Yes, if the coconut milk was not flavorful enough, little jars of gula melaka were sitting pretty on the table for you to scoop as much as you wanted!

Contrary to the name 'gula', it really isn't that sweet. [And no, it's not just by my standards] Gula melaka really has a particular taste, that tastes like syrup, but it isn't clingingly sweet. So when you mix it into a lot of coconut milk... shiok... :)

And last stop before heading home: Baba Charlie.

[Ya, I know. From Aunty Lee to Baba Charlie, but bear with me...]

Baba Charlie wasn't a restaurant, or a cafe. We went far out from town, drove down a nondescript little side lane, entered someone's house....

To find a kitchen cooking for an entire army barracks. [Or it seemed that way to me]

We walked into another room....

To find a huge kitchen table covered with baskets of nonya kueh. Kueh, kueh and more kueh. Yes, Baba Charlie is a wholesale supplier of nonya kueh, who opened up his kitchen for the hungry greedy hordes to come in.

We bought a number of the stuff to eat for lunch on the way back to Singapore, and then Yenn realised that she couldn't stomach them because of the generous amounts of coconut shavings in each kueh. :)

As I said, a trip characterised by food.

The interesting part about the food, though, was that due to my parents' experience, we managed to avoid most of the tourist traps, and found hidden gems like Aunty Lee or Baba Charlie, both of which we would not have found unless we were in a tour group. (ew) If we had to eat chicken rice balls and western food [?] for 2 days, I don't think that the trip would have been very interesting.

Rather it is the out of the way places that make it fun. Making you feel as if you know something that the rest of the populace doesn't. That makes you feel as if you're sneaking out of a boring party to head to where the real fun is.

And that, was the fun part of the trip. :)

[for future references, please refer to father's GPS...]

Epilogue: But after all that good food, there was still something I sorely missed, and that I just felt I had to eat before going back to Singapore......

I just couldn't resist. ^-^!!

These are the comments Yenn and I have after watching 'New Moon':

"The whole point of it is to see 6 packs."

"I heard a visible gasp through the audience when Jacob took off his shirt."

"Before the movie even started, my head was molested by someone's butt. F**K off!"

"If some guy tried those lines on me, I'd want to slap him silly."
"Stony faces. I've seen better acting by primary school kids."

"My god, did he actually say that? *Guffaws*"

and the best line of all:

"Seeing that how you already have a bunch of guys running around only in their shorts, the director had to satisfy the rest of the fans by having Edward take his off as well."

Don't get us wrong. It was a kind of entertaining movie, just probably not in the way the director or the rest of the Twihard fans would have thought. ;)

Ever since my first camera phone, I've been bit by the shutterbug.

I've always loved photos and the taking of them. I like the idea that you could capture a moment of the past and preserve it for the future, with one press of a button. Video never had the same appeal, because firstly, of technical loading issues, and secondly, because it was the very passing moment of photography that appealed to me. Video captured a few minutes of your life. Photography captured a second, reminding you that the past would never come back, and by doing so made you treasure it even more because it was lost forever.

I have had 2 digital cameras, but the most convenient for me was the camera phone. The digital camera could take some pretty breathtaking pictures on the right settings, but the camera phone won out in portability, making it easy to document every precious [and embarrassing] moment.

Of course, one of the greatest advantages of digital also turned out to be a drawback. Because you could take as many photos as you wanted, you didn't have to think about how to take a proper shot. You just snapped and snapped till you got what you wanted.

Something which I realised today to my chagrin, when I brought Kenny out to my alma mater's open house. I wanted to take good pictures. I ended up taking... a lot of mediocre ones. -_-!!!

Now I realise I may be comparing myself to the many pro photographers whose work I've seen. Lightedpixels and Mario Testino I am not, for sure. But still I can't help but look at the stuff I took, on my good Kenny, and think: This was the best I could take?

Disappointing really. I've better stuff on my camera phone. [well, too much stuff anyway. I spent over an hour backing up over 700 photos.]

Maybe good lah. This is a sort of wakeup flash. Kenny's feeling neglected, and took away my inspiration as a kind of revenge. I need to build back that creative sense again...

After the previous wedding rant... I think I somewhat cooled down. No throwing of rings and yelling "I've had enuff of this!" ( much to the relief of the DF I might add... )

I talked it over with people and in the end... I guess it's somewhat inevitable that the whole extended family tree would get involved in the wedding. In a way also better, since I'd rather not have people keep feelings simmering under the surface.

I also feel lost because advice has been coming in from everywhere. It's all good advice, but hopeless to try to follow every single one. ( example: one telling me to do things my way and another telling me to give in to relatives. !!! )

I also felt out of control because his side seemed to be doing all kinds of stuff, eg telling us which ballroom to take. I have to take back the control for some of the things I want, not for control sake, but also to make it feel like my wedding after all. If others are going to decide everything for me, then aren't I just a common Barbie doll?

So I'm going to plug for certain things. I want to decide church. I want to decide gown and shoes. I want to decide on the photographer. The things important to me, I want to have the final say. This way, I have control over the things that really matter to me. And I won't feel so like a fish out of the sea.

A day for a lifetime, a day for a lifetime...

I want to have a marriage, not a wedding.

I know this puts me squarely out of the comprehension of 99.99% of girls in Singapore. Which girl has not planned her wedding from the start of every relationship? Which girl has not dreamed of walking down the aisle dressed in a pearly white princess gown, all eyes on her and how gorgeous she looks?

Well, guess who?

Helping others in their wedding did not quite prepare me for the complexity of preparing my own. Other than the overseas factor, -_-! there are other dozens of little details that I never even imagined possible

The gown itself being one of those perplexing 'details'. I hate the whole idea of shopping at bridal studios for two reasons:

1. Sales tactics, ranging from the oily wheedling, to the army-style guerilla tactics that some salespeople will employ in order to get you to sign their package. Theirs, of course, being the cheapest, most comprehensive, most bang-for-your-buck package compared to all the other loser boutiques out there. *rolls eyes*

I hate this part of the process. This is ironic, because I love shopping. I love shopping for clothes. But I do particularly hate shopping at places where the salespeople tail you everywhere, and push stuff in your face. They either think you're about to shoplift half their entire merchandise, or that you're about to take out waddles of cash to buy half their merchandise. Irritating.

2. Size issues. Yes, size matters. I have a painful enough time trying to find shirts/pants/underwear and every other form of female apparel in my size. It sucks when they just don't have it in your size. And I don't want to extend that sucky feeling to the wedding dress. It literally fills me with dread to think of stepping into the studio, filled with gorgeous gowns, and being told that they 'don't have it in your size'. F**k to all the stupid skinny women spoiling market for me!

So I decided to custom make the gown. Then I realised I have to extend this shopping process to the designers. Then I realised I have to find an evening gown as well for the dinner.

That's 2 dresses I have to find, me who hasn't worn a skirt since JC days!!!!!

And maybe this is the key issue for me here. [Now I sound all Oprahish] I don't wear dresses PERIOD. I don't even wear a skirt. And now I have to search for one that I'm going to have to pay money for and wear for maybe 2 days in my life. *faint* And possibly pay extra in order to find the one I want in my size. *faint*

Why does everyone keep saying that I should do it because it's my special day? If it's my special day, shouldn't I be doing something I like, instead of something that I dread? I feel like some Barbie doll that's being primped and dressed for some girl's tea party. Why does the bride have to do all these things for the behalf and face of everyone else, even if it's to her own discomfort?

I always believed that the most important part of the wedding was the whole marriage that lay after that, not anything on the day itself. I always wanted a simple wedding that I could have fun in. And now I feel as if the entire affair is about to be turned into one giant circus affair, with me as the main clowning event. SIANZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

OK, I know someone is going to tell me to go into ZEN mode at this point. Everytime I feel like punching out a wedding coordinator, I'm going to think ZEN: A day for a lifetime, a day for a lifetime.

A short cartoon about the perils of love.... Tres cute!

http://ping.fm/zoA6F

Cute video.... garbage bags sing about a song about the impact of garbage on the river.... :)

http://ping.fm/ubauD

Most inappropriate Halloween costumes

You have to wonder at the kind of douches that will wear some of these costumes. 2 weeks to Halloween! 

The Most Inappropriate Halloween Costumes Possible

Sent from my iPod

If I asked you to write ddetailed character profiles about 26 people in your office, could you do it? I just did something like that in half an hour... New record in 3 years... -_-!!!

A combination of office stress and Jap tests and cravings leads to some interesting conversations between Yenn and I:

We start by walking from Orchard mrt through Ion to Borders. On the way, we pass by Bread Society and pop in to take a look:

- man, all this looks good.

- uh huh

- in fact it looks real good. I'm getting cravings for something in pastry!

- ok, out, now!

We walk to Marks and Spencers where we see more buscuits, cakes, chips.........

- oh man my craving for pastry us getting stronger ( said after looking at packs of all butter cookies with cranberries, blueberries and the dieting nightmare, chocolate )

- out, now!

- let's go to Borders. At least I won't chew on the books there.

And we head there. After I get some magazines, I realize that Yenn has picked up a cookbook titled '500 chocolate treats'

Die.

Now there's a book I may actually feel like chewing.

- out, NOW!

- hmmm, your arm is actually starting to look kind of tasty.....

- ??!!!

No books or arms were hurt in the production of this blog post.

Now where do I find me some molten potassium chlorate?

http://ping.fm/9UIKQ

( note: apparently it can also be used as a disinfectant. Now where's my bottle of chlorox...? )

Wednesday night I'm sitting with Yen on the rooftop of esplanade. We sip beer, eat chips and gaze at the hazy outline of the impending IR.

Which of course makes me want to compose bad poetry.

Now one hobby of mine that irritates the heck out of Yen is my penchant for bad poetry writing in scenic situations. Last time I gave it to her ( a musical rendition of the chuang qian ming yue guang ) I nearly got a bowl of beancurd on me for my efforts.

I suppose that would have been a better fate than the poets who drowned, were persecuted, exiled, but...

Anyway that night, I decided to try haiku.

Three towers stand tall
Blurry in the hazy fog
How foggy it is

Which got one response from her: "Argh."

How misunderstood
The poet's friend listens not
Lonely is her art

"Argh, my ears, my ears."

You see, the thing I realized that night is that my friend is a highly auditory person. So she is incapable of blocking out my voice, whether she likes my poetry or not.

Her ears tuned finely
To the lilting poetry
She takes it all in

After a while, she got into the act, because we did a poetic collaboration.

How misunderstood

"Fuck off"

The poet has no audience

"Stop it"

How lonely is she

"Argh!!!!!!"

I think it shows the poet-audience relationship sublimely, you? ;)

Why I don't work at home

This is my schedule when I do work in the office:

130pm - Leave for lunch

230pm - Finish lunch and go back to work. Start doing work.

230 - 430pm - Do main work and several items off the to-do list. Go home or for dinner without guilt.




This is my schedule when I decide to bring work home:

130pm - Leave work in order to finish work at home.

200pm - Leave coffeeshop after short gossip with colleagues.

230pm - Reach J8 and eat lunch at MOS.

315pm - Finish lunch.

345pm - Finish walking around J8 after lunch. Go to library.

415pm - Reach home after using toilet at library, switching on iPod in library, checking for Twitter and Facebook updates. Then finding out it was low in battery, and take short bus ride home.

430 - 600pm - Frantically do work. Never mind quality, get it done!!! More improvements can be added later. [interrupted by periodic curses when laptop is not working fast enough for my liking]

6pm onwards - Close up file and proceed to Facebook without guilt.

And this is why I leave work in the office. -_-!!!

Have you realized that our average attention span is getting shorter?

Consider: we divide our daily hours between our work, family, friends and four cats. But we only have 24 hours a day. So how?

Solution: multitask, the new skill of our generation. With us, it's become more socially acceptable to receive work calls while eating dinner, or read smses while at the gym.

( hmm, what effect does that have on eroding social mores? File away for another blog entry )

I, too, have noticed this shortening attention span in myself. Once I used to sit for hours and read the same book till I was done. Now, I find myself skimming text to get to the better parts.

( which reminds me, I haven't finished my library book. When is it due? Lemme check online... )

Not surprising after all. We are the generation that first grew up with SMSes and e art of squzin as mny wrds we cld in2 160 char. You could say we invented a totally new form of shorthand.

( SMS beep! Hmm, J says he'll meet me soon, where to go fir drinks...? )

The Internet served to fuel this further. Broadband taught us that information should be fast, fast, fast. Unacceptable that a website should take 5 mins to load! 10 mins for a Youtube video? Out of your mind.

2 guys then brought together the dual sins of shorthand and the want-it-now greed and came up with Twitter. Now you could have it short and sweet. And since the tweets are so short, they load fast. Voilà! The rally flag of the Net generation!

( I should tweet about this post when i'm done )

But with all this, I wonder if, as in the words if the poem, we have started to live a life full of care, but no time to stop and stare. As the vast majority of Tweets show, how is it possible to compose thoughts into a coherent line of thought when you are thinking in 5 minute bursts? There are some things, art, music, literature, heck blogging, that need periods of intense self-concentration if one is to produce anything great. ( or even worth reading ) Take away this ability and yes, you may have many writers. But how many Shakespeares? How many Beethovens? How many people, in other words, who will not settle for mediocrity and will doggedly pursue a standard of excellence?

( oooh good phrase. I should file that away)

Maybe it's time we realized... The world will recognize us more for one great work... Than for a million little tweets.

( should I write more? nah, good ending! Ok, what next? )

Two cars of which I have the longest memories are a Subaru WRX and a Kelisa Perdua. These cars belonged to Juls and Quetz respectively and both cars, for many, many times, brought the girls and I safely [or seemingly safely] home.

Especially in the case of the Kelisa. Imagine the circus act, where the absurdly small car drives into the ring, and regurgitates a seemingly infinite number of clowns from its interior. That was what the Kelisa was like when our entire girl gang, and one or two boyfriends, would crowd into the car for a lift home.

[I especially remember one time when one of the girls in the car literally regurgitated her drinks when the rest of us were inside. Ask me about it when you see me ;) ]

The white Subaru WRX also saw us home, but in a different style. The white Subaru would drive placidly most of the time, but when wilder impulses overtook it, would grind its pedal to the floor and blast to infinity and beyond. Or just to the next red traffic light.

Both cars have been safely retired from their owners. One was passed to another party and the other.... went to the Great Big Scrapyard Somewhere, bless his spoiler and his pig nose of an air vent.

Both owners also changed to European cars, with marked differences. For one, both new cars are safer than the old ones. They also boasted better sound systems, especially in the case of the Renault that replaced the Kelisa.

I started this post because of what the owner of the ex-Subaru was saying. I mentioned to him that his Subaru was so distinctive in appearance that even now, whenever I see a white car with a spoiler drive by, I turn around almost expecting to see him at the wheel.

"I know what you mean," he sighed, "The other day I saw a car that looked just like Jay [name of ex-Subaru] It looked exactly like him, and was even the exact model!"

"What did you do?"

"For a while, I cried out, 'J-a-y...' and then I knew it wasn't him." and he wiped an imaginary tear away.

Men and their cars............

But then again, it wasn't really the car that mattered. It was always the people inside. I suppose no matter what you change the car to, as long as the driver is always willing to have friends inside, as long as everyone is willing to crap together in the car, the good times will remain, whether they be in a Subaru, Kelisa, Benz, or Renault.

That said, I did think of a fitting tribute to the Subaru tonight while in the Benz. As a tribute to the old beng car, why not we girls all dress in our spaghettis and tanks, wear sunglasses, and play Juls' cantopop CD at full blast volume with the windows down? In a way, I can't think of a more fitting tribute. ;)

One bright side of insomnia: your favourite radio station playing while every inch of your skin gets to feel how soft your newly laundered bedsheet is. When I die, this just may be my version of Heaven.

It's almost 12. Stuffed with carbs and sugar I am still unable to sleep, despite an alarm set for 530am the next morning.

How screwed am I?

This is most irritating. When in this kind of situation one would usually lie in bed, toss, turn, plan your next vacation in vain attempts to fall into slumber. ( i got as far as to where to book the bus tour ) And yet science will tell me that such methods will not help. That I should try doing something else other than sleep in order to fool my brain into sleeping.

In order to sleep, therefore, one must try not too sleep. Right.

( there must be some profound philosophy in that last statement, but I'm too insomniac to think about it in depth. )

Yenn and I just had Jap class tonight. We've been taking a prepartory course for the Japanese proficiency test, only to find out the extent of our deficiency. -__-!!! The upside, though, is that ifnwe are ever stranded in Japan, we know enough to take up temp work as waitresses in a tonkatsu store or some other food. Imagine us in French maid outfits running around going, "sumimasen!"

On 2nd thought, skip that thought.

Ok I'm logging off before insomnia makes me type more crap. Till the next time I cannot sleep...

( this post is courtesy of Yenn who commented that my blog was getting dusty. How do you like them potatoes? )

My work day was spent being a dictator over lesser beings, chucking aside work that I could not do properly, and daydreaming about what to buy with my salary during a meeting.

Dang, I'm getting better at this employment-shit.

Here I am, thinking I should have done *some* work and I'm struggling to stay awake while waiting for some files to be backed up. -_-!!! Waiting for something to happen can be just as boring as having nothing happen at all!

Came home today feeling tired, the kind of tired where you feel depleted of physical energy. Also intending to do some kind of work, but procrastinated and pushed it to tomorrow. -_-!! Please to god 1) this lethargy lasts only until today 2) it's not a sign of the hini.... although if I get it, it'll probably be due to power of suggestion from last week...

Ok, too sloth to continue this post.... another time!

Would that the day would never end...

Due to privacy issues, and threats of death if I ever published photos without the consent of the subject, I can only offer a short photo diary of my 2 day weekend:

This was a more lazy weekend, one more for lazing at the park rather than any kind of frenzied activity. The weather was hot in the morning, but eased off towards the afternoon.

This was not a day for frenzied urban activity. This was a day for staying in, and reading a good book.

If the photos seem lonely, that's kind of the mood I was in during that short Saturday afternoon. Lonely not because of want of company, lonely because of a much-needed solitude after the hassles of the week before. A restful period of quiet meditation.

If only all days could be like that. Would that the day would never end...

and no, those weren't the only photos I took, but as I said, there are certain parties that would hunt me down to death if I ever published some of the photos that I took of her, so be it. :p

No need for holidays... for now

I was remarking to several friends about how the weekends have taken on the tone of a 3 day 2 night holiday.

Day 1, Friday night

- Leave airport, arrive in new country, and party the night away, reveling in newfound freedom.

instead

- Leave workplace, arrive at dinner or drinking destination, and eat, drink and make merry the whole night, reveling in newfound freedom.

Day 2, Saturday

- Eat good breakfast. Spend the day walking around, seeing the attractions, and doing some shopping.

instead

- Eat good breakfast. Spend the day walking around, seeing some friends, and doing some shopping.

Day 3, Sunday

- Pack everything to get ready to go back to home country. Shop at a few last stops before going to airport and mentally preparing one's self to get back to work.

instead

- Mentally pack everything to get ready to go back to work. Shop at a few last shops before going home and mentally preparing one's self to go back to work the next day.

See? No more need for short trips to KL, Bangkok or anywhere else. Every weekend is a staycation. ;)

I never thought I'd say this, but after 4 days of isolation, I'm missing my own little munchkins... sigh...

I'm also missing my cubicle, my laptop, and the various other books, knick-knacks and geegaws I have on my table. I miss my hugeass bag taking up half my space on my chair. I miss my chair.

And the weirdest thing is that after all this, I suspect I may be actually getting sick, but not full-blown sick. I just hope it's not the hini, but if I get 7 extra days off work, I won't be that upset. :)

Sigh..... at least on the work front, the worst of my self-inflicted crisis is over and the market is bottoming out, so to speak. I'm trying to pick myself up, and get motivated to go to work again, but it's been a bit harder this week, with the inflicted isolation and all. ( plus, my work laptop could have just crashed, but at least the data was saved )

So I have to tell myself:
Complete as many of the little things as you can, so that they don't overswarm your desk.
Take time each day to complete some of the bigger things, so that I have time to do other things, and still get things done.
Never procrastinate. Complete whatever can be done in that day.

3 years on and I still struggle in Productivity 101.... :S

Here is another conversation between Yenn and I on Wednesday. Decide for yourselves who said what. ;)

( A gesture in front of the other )

"What are you doing?"

"Sorry, accident."

"I thought you were going to touch my breasts."

"Oh yea, I'm just checking that they're still there. ( waves ) Yup, they are."

Hai, I was wrong about one thing... Working away from work doesn't make it necessarily easier. In fact in some ways, it makes it harder, because of the thousand distractions around.

I thought of doing this during June, because I was so sianz of being at work. The idea is for me to periodically take work out of the workplace and do it in a more comfy environment, so that I won't get so stressed out.

Apparently it works best for activities involving red pens. -__-!!! That was easy for me to settle outside. It does NOT work when I am desperately trying to think of some astounding new activity that will simulate their growth, their learning, their socialization skills and amaze my superior at my superior intellect.

OMG I gotta find some way to write this up and NOTHING is coming to mind................

Ok, this is mainly because I am stuck in a kind of writers' block. Being in a new environment doesn't help, since I'm in the same brainfunk I would have been in if I was at work. The only bright side is that at least if I get totally fed up with this, there's an easy place to get a milkshake............

Update:

Reading through my colleague's superior report, I noticed there were some holes in the way the activity was organized. Did I download the wrong file or something? Because how was it she could have handed this up and gotten it past but when I do something almost like that, I got shot down....?

Well, at least after the 2nd round of doing, if I still get shot, I can say, "Well, I did what you told me and looked at her report and practically copied it from her and if you still don't like it, what the heck do you want from me?"

Bollywood cures all

An explanation for the title will follow...

Today was just one of the days.... everything just started to fall around me.

This is the lesson I learnt from the day: Never clear a bunch of work appraisals, project approvals and other assignments in the same session with your supervisor. The workload that arises, plus the mental workload that arises, is just too much.

Work appraisal was what I roughly expected. The rest of the work was something else.

Project had to be rewritten [as in, totally] due to lack of substantial activity, rubrics for assessment had to be revamped [as in, totally] because of lack of substantiality, lack of organization, other work that had been done and observed could have been better.

In the end, my supervisor looked at me and asked, "Just how interested are you in your job?" or something to that effect, anyway.

Hm. How to tell her that frankly I'd be happier taking a pay cut if I never had to do all this kind of work ever again? That my one burning ambition in life is to go on contract status and leave all the paperwork crap to someone else?

Sometimes, I don't think I like being promoted very much. Others see a rise in status and a rise in pay and material benefits.

Me, I see the game getting harder the longer I play it. It's as if at the moment that I got the hang of the game, and started to figure out the rules and methods of playing, I got bumped to another level and suddenly I'm running around trying to learn everything from scratch again.

It's as if, just as I got the hang of how to do the main part of the job, other things got bumped onto me and now, having settled one part, I'm now dashing forward again, because the finish line was moved forward before I managed to reach even one foot of it.

She asked me how I considered my abilities, and whether I considered myself 'competent'. I said I still don't understand what are the standards for 'competent'. I said I still considered myself 'developing' because although I was better at some things, I couldn't consider myself 'competent' just yet. 'Competent' implies that you are fully equipped with the abilities to tackle your tasks at hand. It does not mean that you somehow get things done while running around trying to hold everything in your hands at once.

Was it my imagination, or did she had a faint "Hm, I thought so" air as she signed the rest of my appraisal form?

Looking at the stuff I had on my to-do list, the stuff that I was supposedly 'competent' to perform by now, but yet could not perform competently yet, I had to wonder if there would ever be a time that I would be 'competent' to do all this. I wondered what was it about me, that seemed to be perpetually making mistakes in places where others less experienced than me were just breezing through. What am I doing wrong, that even after the experiences I had, I still could not do some things right, while others had no problem performing the same task?

Why was it that even after I made some attempts at efficiency, even then I was still behind everyone else in work performance? [well, perchance it's because my attempts at efficiency are too feebly... inefficient.]

And if I'm stuck in this line for now, then what the heck do I do to level myself up, as they say in gamespeak? What do I do to get myself up to everyone else's standards? What should I do to finally rank among the 'competent' instead of....well, you know.

And finally, what can I do to get myself out of the game? I've learned all that I'm interested in. I've learnt all that I want to ever know. I want to play a different game. I want out.

In the end, I knew I could not answer all these questions in one night. I also knew that I was probably one step closer to hypertension if I kept pondering things that I could not easily solve soon.

I could only think of one thing to do to make myself feel a bit better.

Go for Bollywood dance class at Amore.

Jai Ho!

A Manifesto to Glass Trombones

Why does it usually take a narrow and painful brush with death for society to give us the permission slip to pursue our dreams, no matter how unconventional? Why can't we do this for people who are surviving very well physically? Was just reading an article on another cancer survivor in Reader's Digest and thinking if she was not afflicted with cancer, if she had lost all her money, or if she had failed in her venture, her story would have never been printed.

Think about it: How many stories do you see of people who are young, energetic, who forgo a real job, who put all their energies into pursuing crazy passions for, I don't know, glass trombones, and who lose all their money, their girlfriends, and end up living with their parents but yet never regret what they have lived?

Because these people we regard as failures in our sense of the word. We don't want to read or know about people who dedicate their lives to making the most elaborately sculpted glass trombones, because we don't like glass trombones. We don't want to read or know about people who lose all their money and their girlfriends and their reputations for mental sanity because in our sense of the world, they have failed. They came into their lives and left with nothing in their hands. To us, they have wasted the precious resource that is life and have left with no tangible or intangible [at least to us] gains.

We want to read about people who beat the odds and survived and nyet, flourished in what they loved to do, because that is what we want for ourselves. We like the stories about cancer/leukaemia/heart disease survivors who nearly died and because of that, spent the rest of their lives fighting for other dying people/made loads of money because that ties in so nicely with what we believe our lives should be like. And the world readily fans that by feeding us more stories of the latest person who added 10 more years to his life, because he got diagnosed with a life-threatening syndrome, so he quit his job, and spent the rest of his life cycling around the world.

1. Life is not a zero-sum game. You don't have to always get something out of it.

2. Even to fail at something grand is to achieve something out of life. A grandiose failure or a mediocre life?

3. Stop waiting for the world to give you permission to do what you want to do.

I think I also know that I'm writing this kind of post today because this is something I have to remind myself of every now and then. How easily does life suck you up in its vacuum cleaner! Only when you get stuck in there do you realise that the 'blow' button is almost unreachable. When you get caught up in the everyday scrambling for the bus, for the next paycheck, or worrying about your hospitalisation plan, too easy to forget how, if you were about to die in the next 3 months, none of this would matter anymore to you.

So I have to remind myself, to live life, to pursue lofty ideals, instead of sober realities.

1. Skip work if you have to blog.

2. Even if you have to work, surround yourself with beauty and music.

3. In a matter of time, nothing you do at the office will matter anymore.

4. And if the world laughs at you, laugh back. After a while, they will worry if they are the ones that are the really mad ones. And then you can really laugh.

Photo Diary

Before I forget myself in the drudgery of work, here's some shots of my last 2 weeks of June:



1. Went to an art exhibition where I hardly understood anything that was there. -_-! Though I did think the wall decor stickers were cute... ( 8QSam museum )



2. Laid in a womb of polysthrene furniture and imagined my whole room being like this. ( Verner Panton exhibition at National Museum )



3. Put plastic bags on my feet to prevent spread of H1N1 + Hand Foot Mouth disease.



4. Drank a lot of lychee juice with girlfriends ( with maybe 2 obligatory drops of vodka )



5. Admired some flowers.

Its been a more relaxing holiday, that I have to admit. Managed to read more, blog more, and top at least one facebook game. (Heh) And still managed to go out to some places.

I only wish it could have been longer...... but that would have to go into the bin together with my wish for striking first prize in Toto and losing 10 kg in a month. -_-!!!!!

It sucks but....... we have to grow up eventually and accept the rest of real life.

Here I go then.

There is something very twisted at the heart of the society in which we live.

Firstly, over this June period, we have seen people panic and subsequently calm down over a virus that seemed worse than it actually was. But yet the preventive measures taken have left me scratching my head at times.

For one, temperature taking as a precaution. Why are we still insisting on checking for high fevers, when the WHO has said that a high fever is NOT a symptom of H1N1? What does it matter even if you check for it anyway? The person could be riddled with the virus, and yet have a normal body temperature. By the time he shows symptoms, you would have already let him loose to spread it around.

And this preparation of closedowns of classes, levels, and schools. Is the replication rate of the virus so strong that you have to come down to that? What if your students get infected with the ordinary flu instead? Are you going to do the same?

I suppose I'm piffed at the measures because they seem so typical of the kiasee mentality, to overreact at things. What I don't like about it is the atmosphere of delusional fear that it creates. To talk to some people, you'd think that we were all going to die of the virus if we didn't walk around wearing N95 masks 24/7. And that anyone who so much as coughs in public is a socially irresponsible misfit of the highest order. [Someone should be able to identify with this, heehee]

The kiasee mentality is an offshoot of the kiasu mentality. Which is why MOE has also called for e-learning classes to take place. Never mind that the affected children could be sick with flu, and all its associated symptoms. They cannot fall back in their work! Otherwise they will fail exam at end of year! So even if you are too sick to sit up, as long as your parent can make you hold a pencil or bring the laptop to you, you should still do whatever schoolwork you can! Then go back to school will know what teacher is saying. -_-!!!!!

Of course teacher must also prepare lesson and prepare extra lessons for these kids who may not come back. Otherwise if the kid fails his exam at P1/2/3/4/5/6 his whole future will be ruined, he will be reduced to either sweeping garbage/selling pirated Blu-rays/joining gangs because you didn't put in enough effort by giving him those extra 1 or 2 measly worksheets.

And all this is ok in our society. Because we are a nation where people are so weak a single virus can wipe out our entire population. Because we are so stupid that if we even miss out one day in school we will all because retards by the time we're 50, fully dependent on social security.

*Sigh* I know I'm on the point of really ranting and I don't make a lot of sense, but sometimes I grow so sick of all of this......

Yesterday In A Nutshell

1. Mango sale: Saw a slack top that I regretfully let go last time go on sale at 50% off! Needless to say, said slack top now part of my wardrobe... :p

2. Note to Clubbers: Nobody has Ladies Night on a Thursday, so any website that tells you so is woefully outdated. -_-!!!

3. Conversation with friends will outweigh any diluted drinks the bars serve you.

4. Slept at 1am only to be waken up by some groom horning and declaring his love for his bride..... from the carpark at 7am. -_-!!! Suddenly weddings don't seem so fun.....

5. Briefly considered yelling in Hokkien for him to pipe down for people who want to sleep, but decided against the karma.....

How the truth gets distorted

"How was your trip to Hongkong?"

"Great."

"What did you do?"

"Oh... some shopping, and Jules and I went for the jacuzzi in the hotel one time."

Brain hears: Jules and Yenn shared a jacuzzi.

"Is it?? What did you wear?"

"Swimming costume and he wore trunks lor."

Brain hears: Juls and Yenn shared a jacuzzi half naked!

"How long did you stay in the jacuzzi?"

"Not long. After a while Jules found it too hot and he had to get out, so we went back to our room."

Brain concludes: Juls and Yenn shared a jacuzzi half naked, then Juls got too hot under the collar, couldn't control himself and they quickly went back to their room!!!

"Waaah!!! You two so exciting ah???!!!"

"Huh?"

And that, ladies and gents, is how you distort the truth.

[special *request* by Yenn... or maybe I'm distorting the truth too... hahaha]

Funny thing about this holidays, it's been the most amount of time I've spent at home.

I've been reading, facebooking, and er, playing a lot of online games. -_-!!! which is why for today I have to banish myself to the use of my I-touch so that I don't end up hooked to the games again.

It's something like what I read in a book: you gotta have a job or at least something to keep you getting out of bed every morning, so that you don't become a total slob and spend your entire morning trying to beat your friend's bejewelled scores. -_-!!

The challenge, of course, is finding something worthwhile doing with your time. And then trying to hang on to that something worthwhile when you have to go back to the real world and face all the crap again.

Sigh... At very least lemme try to finish my library books before I go back....

Most Strikingly Obvious Instructions for Eating

My apologies firstly for the disastrous formatting on the Time articles I posted up... I didn't realise they were going to make a mess of the tables on my blog like that... next time will be better....

Anyway, as part of my June Holiday Photo Diary, here is something I saw while out for lunch with Yenn:

MOF hands out little slips of paper together with their food, with instructions on how to maximise your enjoyment while eating them presumably. Now if it was some exotic food like fugu, maybe I can understand the need for explanations, but for salad??

Their unagi salad, and the following are the instructions for eating:

Huh????

What will they put for tempura then? "Dip in sauce and insert in mouth"?