Why my laptop can't connect

"I've been trying to connect my laptop with the LAN point in my room, but it doesn't seem to work. It doesn't even sense the LAN connection"

"Hm, I see... Lemme see now......" [does some clicking here and there] "Ah, I see the problem."

"What?"

"You've never tried to use this LAN point, have you?"

"No, why?"

"Because this isn't a real LAN port."

"What??"

"It's just a fake LAN port. A dummy port. It doesn't work. You need to get a local LAN network card to connect."

[feeling stupid and muttering some choice expletives under her breath, she trudges her way through the North and South spines to the computer shop at the other end of campus.]

"Hi, do you sell local LAN network cards for laptops?"

"Er, we're out of stock for those..." short, bespectacled guy cringes nervously around me. And I was just asking cordially. Is my teacher aura so strong already?

"Ok, are you gonna have new stock soon?"

"Er, not really..... " shuffles nervously "Nowadays, all the laptops come with inbuilt ones......" shuffle shuffle.

"..............................." Except for my almost-antique one anyway....................