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Sunday, August 14, 2005

Gimme more big talk

It's good that I never went into marketing, because I decided that I'm really tired of small talk.

"How are you?" "How's class?" "How's your projects?" "That GESL thing, sucks huh?"

Good god! I never really realised how tiring it was to keep thinking up common topics between a person I hardly know, and myself. What IS there to talk about?? The ramifications of US trade policy in the Saudi region? [and me hardly understanding the statement I just typed] Or the different graphic styles in each Sandman volume and how it affects the storyline in question? Or the Christian connotations in Angel Sanctuary?

No, it's "how are your assignments?" most of the time. Bleah.

And yet, as a form of social obligation, you have to at least make some kind of pathetic attempt, even if it's just "Hi." That way you are still "part of the community" [makes the little aprostrophe signs with her two fingers] and people still "like you" [makes the little signs again], otherwise you are "out of it" [frantically making little signs again]

What's wrong with being out of it? Sometimes, I feel it's easier on me. I come for class, I listen, I do my work, and I leave. No need to worry about what people think of me. No one to attempt to talk petty topics with other people, and no need to hear other people's sanitized comments in return.

And not only that, but at least I know that if other people come to talk to me, it's because they are genuinely interested in doing so, and not because they don't want to appear dao. I know there are people like that, but at the same time, there are people also who just talk to you on the surface, so that they can absolve themselves of the responsibility. "Well, I tried talking to her, but we didn't really click, so like that lor." That way, it sounds as if they tried, and the reason why we didn't click it off as bosom lifelong friends is entirely due to me.

It's mainly because of the 2nd group of people that I feel like branding myself the local pariah.

But yet, at the same time, you have to do group/pair work, and you have to work with others. So one has to have some kind of basic socializing. *haiz*

Being human stinks, sometimes.

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