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Friday, April 08, 2005

Curses to the Cold


Yup, the anticipated summer blockbuster I mentioned in my previous posts has finally had its grand opening. Oh me, oh my. And if that wasn't enough, this primadonna hollywood star of a cold virus had to bring his supporting actors along, like Dry Throat and Leaky Nose. Hang on while I wave them all down the red carpet.

So now, give this scriptwriter time to whine: I HATE COLDS!!! And the worse thing about the Cold is that THERE AIN'T NO CURE!!! THERE IS NO KUSO CURE TO THE KUSO COMMON COLD!!!

So all there is to help the indignant sufferer are cold RELIEF remedies, but not CURES. Something that would once and for all, stop my godforsaken nose from leaking all its fluids onto my keyboard. Oh shit, hang on, I need a tissue......

Let's start off with the highly irritating physical symptoms:

First up, we have....... Leaky Nose! Leaky Nose is a familiar supporting role to Common Cold, and the two frequently make public appearances together. Indeed, Leaky Nose has been spotted in almost all of Cold's grand premieres, and his appearance has been touted as a signal for a successful premiere for Cold.

Then we have Dry Throat, not to be confused with Deep Throat of Xfiles fame. While Leaky Nose is a frequent companion to Cold, Dry Throat appears as and when he likes. However, tabloids have found that Dry Throat most often appears whenever Leaky Nose appears with Cold in public. Might he be jealous of the close, burdgeoning relationship between the 2 physical ailments?

Of course, naturally, there are others who are Cold's detractors. These are other promising talents, [in this writer's opinion, more lauded than Cold] who are yet overshadowed by the power of her prowess, and can only do what they can to push themselves into the limelight, and Cold out of it. Sadly, their presences and gifts are usually ignored, until the public grows too weary of the presence of Cold, and then they are brought in as soothing balms to her hissy bitchy fits.

Such understated talents include:

Too Much Water - The strongest contender to Cold's everlasting presence.
Tissue Box - Always ignored, until Cold is brought into the house.
Panadol Cold Relief - This promising young talent appeared only recently, and is still trying to prove himself a worthy contender to Cold's fame.

What will happen? Will the combined efforts of Water, Tissue and Panadol manage to overthrow Cold, Throat, and Nose from their strongholds on the public health? Will new contenders show up to challenge Cold's position? Will Cold finally leave on her own accord?

All these answers, coming up afterwards...... When I finally manage to push this virus out of my system... grrrrr...................

Now excuse me while I run to the toilet. All because of too much hanging around Too Much Water.....

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