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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Pointless Nostalgic



Pointlessly nostalgic indeed... for the break that is just about almost over. :p Next week I resume my usual job and then the week after that all hell breaks loose again, like it always does.

Not that regretful over it. Well, maybe more than a little regretful. This month is always when I start making plans and when I start breaking all of them over the objective of full-time slack and nothing else. Know the feeling? When you tell yourself stuff like "When I have time I will spend more time at the gym..." "I will read more..." "I will complete that masterpiece I'm supposed to deliver to Sotheby's...." and the so on.... Then when the time is over, and you haven't done a blessed thing, you feel guilty and make more unfulfilled resolutions for the next time.

But this month I made it easier by telling myself "I will slack a lot this month." With a resolution like that, how can you go wrong??

That being said, the slacktime has been good. At the risk of incurring envious wrath amongst my working friends, I've been waking up at 9 [without an alarm!], having leisurely breakfasts, followed by peaceful readings at the library till lunch, and then going home again to read/slack/break my DJ Portable score on the PSP and going out shopping again. Yup, life has been good. :D

What I'm mostly regretful for are the myriad other directions my life could have taken if I had not walked this path. Now that I have the time look over my life properly, I realise I have friends who have opened and are aggressively marketing their own businesses. I have art projects that I should have started ages ago. I have books that should have been read months ago. In other words, now that I 'stopped' working for this time period, I have to ask myself, is this really what I want to work at for the greater majority of my life? Or do I want to do something else instead?

I have regrets that I only properly looked at when I had the energy and leisure to do so. And when you wait for too long to look back at your life and pause to think about the stuff you did, you have to ask, Is it too late??

But I know when I step through those gates again, everything else will just fall into step like it's always done before. I will go to my cubicle knowing what it is I have to do, I will again step into the rhythm of work, and strangely enough, I might just enjoy it. Because on reflection, it is not that I hate what I am doing now, it is just that I wish I could be doing other stuff as well. [the short attention span of the Gen-Ys?]

I have a year to decide the rest of the direction of my life. Do I stay at my job for the necessary monetary benefits, [which the DF reminds me, is still necessary for a lot of day to day living] or do I go back instead to my hippy tuition lifestyle [which I sorely miss] or aim for a mix of both? No matter. My ultimate goal in life is still To Die With No Regrets. Regardless of which path I take, as long as I can do that, I think I can count myself having been self-fulfilled.

1 comment:

daphie said...

refer to 15 June Sunday papers about tutors making $20k a month / earning enough to buy a sports car!