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Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love Again?

'cos a few more thoughts on love and relationships popped to mind after talking to some friends over the week.

First let me say at the outset that I'M NOT OUT TO SLAM ANYONE HERE. Anything I write on this blog is my own personal opinion, and I'm not attacking you or slamming you. Take what I say with an open mind, consider my opinions, and then slam me back in the comments if you want.

I have some friends recently who seemed to be snowballing into their relationships. Why do I say snowball?

Well, take a small snowball and place it at the top of a hill. Push said snowball down. See it roll down, getting larger and larger and larger. You get the picture.

The weird thing is that this isn't just happening to one friend. It's happening to a few. And it's left a number of people befuddled.

Maybe I tend to be cynical, but how on earth would you know that the guy/gal you're with for say 3-6 mths is the one?? The One you'll gonna stay your whole life with, the one you're gonna marry and bear children for?

I'm not even talking about friends who've known each other for years before getting attached. I mean as in you only knew the other half for a few months, before deciding that he/she was The One.

I've talked to some of these friends, and I can come up with a few reasons why I'm so cynical about the whole thing:

Not every one has a happy ending. Sure you know you're in love now, but are you certain that that feeling will continue? on both sides?

I'm asking this because for every couple who started out lovey..... i know of others who got thrashed. Bad.

Yes, you're good now. Yes you will work at being good. But how do you know that your relationship will be able to sustain the trials of time, when you haven't even had those trials of time to begin with?? When your relationship hasn't been tested by everything that life has to throw at it, how do you know that you will be able to leap those unknown obstacles?

These friends are mainly attached now, so fine, most of them know what it is like to be in a relationship. What I fear they don't know is what it means to be in a long term relationship where both parties are deeply dependent on each other materially and emotionally. Or what it means to have a sexual relationship. [Don't ANY of you try that now!] Or what it means to have dependant children, or what it may mean if you end up pregnant with a child.

As in, are you sure your boyfriend-girlfriend status can prepare you fully for a cohabitant or married status? Because each stage is totally different from the other, with its own trials and tribulations. What you experienced while you were dating can be totally different from what you experience if you're living together, or married. And that experience may not be enough to sustain you.

And no, love and determination is not enough, in my opinion.

So to me, time is needed. Time is important. It's not always a matter of the quality of the experience with him/her, it's also learning to actually live with the other party. It takes time not just to fully understand the person's character, but also to find out if your relationship is strong enough to go through all the hurdles that time and change may bring.

Sure, love is important, but dont' forget that love and character may change over time. And if it does, where does that leave you?

Yes, I sound cynical. No, it's not cos of sour grapes. No, it's not because I hate your boyfriend/girlfriend/sexual partner/whatever

I'm cynical about the whole affair because I'm worried that you're too busy staring into the other person's face to notice the potholes or lampposts ahead.

And at the end of it, I don't want that rolling snowball to crash into some hard rock at the bottom.

I'm sorry if this post may offend some of the friends whom I am obviously talking about. And I ask others not to reveal anything on this blog that may reveal their identity, if you know who I'm talking about.

But I feel... better you prepare yourself for the hard truth from me now, rather than suffer it later.

And I hope you understand where I'm coming from.


Anonymous said...

*huggies* no offences taken babe. Am just very happy that u care enuff as a fren to worry about me and keep me grounded.

Anonymous said...


i think sometimes they are too much in love..

it is part of the learning experience...