One Dumb Roach...
*Note: The post has been edited, becos I suddenly remembered another stupid thing that happened last night. Read it guys, you really have to, even if you have to scroll down the previous crap...*
Handbag for Sale
[new] My mom got this white handbag free by bargaining with the sales staff at Loreal.
"Aiyah I buy so many expensive things from you already, give me another one lah!"
It would sound funny, if not for the fact that I know my mother. And the force she can project behind her voice when she wants something done her way, like how the dishes should be stacked and how clean the table should be kept.
So anyway, she ended up with 2 white handbags and here's the auction site:
White Handbag For Sale
If anyone is interested, and especially if you have a yahoo account, put a bid on it. BUT [and this probably goes against all the rules of fair trade] if you really want it, and you're my friend, I'll sell it to you at $12. [min. price set by mum sorry guys] Ok, steps are as follows:
1. Click on the link, and log on with your Yahoo account to bid.
2. Closing price is $15, so bid for that price. The auction will automatically close itself to others.
3. IMPT: Send me an SMS telling me you closed the auction. This is to confirm that a friend of mine bought the bag.
4. Meet up with me one day and I'll pass the bag to u for $12.
5. Rate me on Yahoo, so that my rating increases by 1 point. :p Unless u think that I cheated u or something, then don't.
It's a nice, brandless bag, [no embarrassing huge Loreal name on the front] and the material is a faux leather kind, not too bad. It's about, er, the length of my arm from my elbow to my palm? So it can hold at least wallet, handphone, makeup and wateva u have. Good for office and casual use.
Interested already? Hehehe... Bid Here.
Ok here's the other stupid thing that happened last night:
I was innocently and happily strumming my guitar in my room last night, when I heard a buzz from behind me. [If you know what my room looks like, I was sitting on my bed with my back to the window] I thought, well, maybe a little bug flew in, so I ignored it and continued strumming.
Who knows, the buzz started again, and this time it was nearer to me. I turned around cautiously and GOOD BLOODY F**K IT'S A KITANAI COCKROACH!!!!!!!!!
I lunged backwards, and I think the roach was similarly startled, cos it scrambled on its dirty little legs till it reached my cupboard.
My cupboard is fixed into the wall, but there's a slight ledge where the door jutted out. So it rested itself on that ledge, and all I could see of it were its 2 little antenna poking the air in front of it. Like it was playing some dumb hide and seek with me. "You can't see me.............." I could almost hear its taunting roachy voice in my head.
Right, fly into my room will you? I grimly went downstairs to look for a broom.
Now I'm a nice, kind, peace-loving individual. [cue to vomit] Whenever bugs like this fly into my room, I don't harbour bloody murderous thoughts to kill it to bits and drink its blood. All I really want is to swat it with a soft broom till it flies out of the house and never haunts me again.
It's also because I'm too much of a pissless coward to touch the thing with my bare hands, and kill it and clean up roachkill on my bedroom floor. [Heh...roachkill. That's a good one]
But I couldn't find a dry broom in the house. All I found was a disattached broom head, and a wooden staff. So I tried joining the two together.
What do you know? My hands slipped and I jammed the wooden pole onto my fingernail.
ITAI!!!!! TOTEMO ITAI!!!!!! !@#$%^! BLARDY F**K!!! [Language in subdued tones because father was watching TV in living room]
NOW I'M PISSED. First a ROACH flies into my room, it stubbornly refuses to fly out again and leave me in peace with my guitar, and I BANG MY FINGER WITH A WOODEN POLE BECAUSE OF IT??? HE DIES I TELL YOU!!! NOW I HUNGER FOR HIS BLOOD!!!
My black face, sore finger and I go back up to my room together, where we find the dirty bugger still trying to hide at the top of my cupboard, still taunting me with those pesky feelers.
The wooden broom flies towards his malicious little cockroachy head. I wasn't sure whether I even hit him, but he was still alive, cos he managed to scurry to the other side of the cupboard. I took aim again.
It almost becomes a game. He'd scurry to one end of the cupboard, where I'd whack him, then he'd scurry to the other side again, and I'll whack him again. This went on till my father screamed.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING UPSTAIRS???" My dad finally got alarmed at the repeated sounds of violence in my room.
"THERE'S A BLOODY COCKROACH IN MY ROOM!!!" I screamed, as I aimed another whack at it.
"SO KILL IT LAH!!!"
"THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO!" I screamed as I aimed another shot at it.
"Kill it for her lah!" My brother said to my dad downstairs, as I whacked the cupboard again.
"Before she destroys half the house!"
My dad was now torn. Should he quietly lie downstairs, enjoy his beer and his documentaries, or wrench himself from his comfort zone and make the trudging journey upstairs before I broke all the furniture upstairs for one dumb roach?
The next bang apparently convinced him that I would potentially wreck my entire bedroom suite [and his] to kill that miserable insect. He goes upstairs to my room, where I'm holding the broomstick a la Kill Bill waiting for the roach to make a move.
"WHAT'S ALL THE FUSS HERE???" Moody as a grizzly awakened in the middle of hibernation.
"HE WON'T COME OUT FROM THE CUPBOARD!!!"
"AAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!!" Probably by now regretting that the expensive education he got for his daughter didn't include a module on Confrontation and Elimination of Cockroaches 1001, he grabbed the broom from my hands, swept the cockroach onto its bristles, and then in a very manly and barbaric way, grabbed the thing WITH HIS BARE HANDS. EEEEEWWWWWWWWW.
With a very moody look on his face [hoping to get back to his beer] he walks downstairs with the roach still trapped in his hands. AND THEN LETS IT GO IN THE FRONT BALCONY.
"AAARGGHH!!! WHY DID U LET IT GO THERE???" I scream.
"Why?? What's wrong?? He's out of the house what!"
My brother said it for me. "But from the front balcony...... It could fly back into her room, right?"
I slept that night with the windows closed and the broom by my bedside.
*The old post, originally posted on Wed, 3rd march...
*wryly* my little tagboard has apparently been hacked. Nur Farlyana, Sha, Yana whoever you are, that is not an IRC channel, doomo arigatou, it's a tag board for people to leave comments. This is not IRC.com, this is a blog. And btw, do I know you at all?
My blog must been getting a little bit of notoriety to attract people out of nowhere. Hehehe... The next Xiaxue in the making?? [yea right.. no way I'm turning my blog pink... ]
So continues the week of non-paid leave... From Mon to Sat, I would only have worked 2 days in the week, and spent the rest of the time blogging, surfing, and playing around with Freehand. Pray hope my dad never sees this blog and reinforce his idea that I am The Ultimate Bum.
Thus let me entertain you with funny episodes this week:
- Dad went to Johor and came back with Kill Bill 1 and 2. [pirated DVDs of course] And then spent the entire Wed night whistling some song from Vol 1 over and over again, leading me to entertain notions of hacking him up with a Hattori Hanzo while dressed in a yellow track suit.
- My mother is rather predictable in her ways. On Wed night when my tuition had been cancelled, Dad and I met her at J8 for dinner. Since there was a sale at J8, she went shopping. Since Dad is a man, and shopping is the exclusive arena of women, Dad happily left me and mom together shopping while he went home to watch Kill Bill 2.
Mom, in typical female fashion, agonized over whether to buy something at the sale, then followed me to a neighbourhood store to buy some shirts for herself, checked out prices at a shop next to it, went back to the sale, agonized further, tried it on in the dressing room [insisting I stood guard because it was one of those temporary cubicles with the drawcurtains and she was afraid somebody would suddenly draw the curtain open] came out, still deciding whether to buy, walked one round around the sale area, and finally decided to buy it.
Now I know where i inherited my shopping genes from.
After all that, naturally we're tired, so we head to Mac's to get ice-cream [and she stops at Bits N' Pieces to think about whether to buy a pair of earrings]. After getting my Coke Float, all I wanted to do was to walk home happily sipping the stuff, but she announces she's tired and wants to sit down. The last thing I wanted to do now was to sit down with my mum for one hour while she asked me inane questions about my life, like when I was going to mop the house again, so I pulled my trump card:
"American Idol's starting now."
"What??? Why didn't you tell me??" Energy from her ice cream cone suddenly surges into her legs and she hurriedly trots off in front of me, while I trail behind her with her shopping bags and her working bag.
Oh yea. I know me mum all right.