Shopper's Paradise? My foot!

I actually had the inspiration for this last Sunday, but never wrote it till now. :p

So last Sunday, I had to go shopping for my CNY clothes, and since I'd already covered Suntec area with Quet on Thurs, I decided to go Orchard this time.

And I nearly killed myself in the process.

So....... the following are my gripes about shopping in this so called "shopper's paradise" Phaw!

Please don't give me good service

You read a lot about how everybody keeps complaining about the standard of service in Singapore, about how bad service is, abt how sales pple can't be bothered to serve Asians but run to the ang mohs, abt they're rude, blah blah blah.

Well, let me be original then. I hate good service. I hate it when you walk into a shop and all the sales assistant go "HI!" or "Huan1Yin2Guang1Lin2" at you and they look at you with their beady wide eyes the moment you set one foot in their store. When they do that to me, all my hairs stand on end, and I feel like some poor piece of prey that a predator has its eyes on. Then when you glance at a item they immediately take it out for you, tell you about the wonderful fabric that came from some Nepalese mountain that went into the making of this item and it's so soft and it won't lose its colour and speaking about colour it comes in 6 different colours here let me show you!

Ok, maybe that's a bit exaggerated, but here's an example. I stepped into a shop at Far East, and here's where I should have been warned. It had been raining that afternoon so there were fewer people than usual walking around the mall. Hence there was 1 other customer in that shop and about 4 sales assistants standing at the counter. The moment I walked in, "Hi!"

Cripes. Help me now.

If I wasn't so despo that day to get something for CNY, I might've just smiled and walked hurriedly out of the shop. As it turns out, I needed something and some of the fishermen's trousers in that shop caught my eye. So I winced, and walked to the trousers that caught my eye. As soon as I took it off the rack, this sales lady came over to me, and started her pitch, "This trousers very special, hen3 du1 te4 de3. We also have in other colours, other designs, sell very well, easy to wear also. See, not bad right? I also have some of these at home, very comfortable to wear."

Me: "Er, right, can I try that on?"

Her: ( In an eager, puppy way ) "Sure! Can! No problem! You know how to wear?"

Me: "Er, yea, you put them on, fold the big leg over, tie at the waist, and fold the folds down"

Her: ( Thinks I'm a idiot who thinks I know ) "You just put on, the big leg you fold over like this, then you tie at the waist, and fold down"

Right.........................

Why do they have to treat me like some kinda idiot? Why is it the moment I walk in you have fall at my feet and start fawning me? It's not as if I'm more likely to buy something if you start getting all over me like this, I'm not a male customer at the KTV lounge ya know. When I shop, I go in, see if there's anything I want, try on what I want, and then get out, and it's kinda hard to do that with a sales asst lapping at your feet every minute. ( It dogs your steps ) I don't like excess attention given to me like that. ( Like the staff at Long John's, every time you walk out they have to shout out together, "Please come again!" Dammit! ) You won't believe how many times I just felt like railing at some sales asst "F-off already! Get off my back and lemme alone dammit! Go away! Harass some other poor soul with a bigger wallet!"

Next gripe.....

Women come in all shapes and sizes

A piece of common knowledge and common sense right? We're all made different, right? Specially moulded from God's hand and all that?

Tell that to all the @!#$% fashion designers.

To this particular *species* of people, women only come in 2 sizes: Small and Xtra small. How the bloody heck do you explain the clothes on Orchard? If you're not either of those 2 sizes, you can't get anything at a reasonable price. The cheap stuff are all made for, I donno, Lolitas, maybe, and the expensive stuff are obviously over priced. $30 for a 3/4 sleeve shirt? Watch me stuff that shirt up some unmentionable bodily crevice.

And this is not just in Far East. That place I can excuse for the weak reason that it precisely caters to pre-pubescent Lolitas whose obviously aren't old enough to have gained the feminine bodily assets that I was so endowed with. That's the market. So if they want to sell exclusively to flat-chested, twig-like, straight-as-a-rod girls, fine, that's their market. What about the other boutiques?? Obviously you're catering to women a little older and more developed right? Then why are your clothes made for the flat-twig-straight girls?? Firstly, all their sizes come in S or M, ( and I dare any sales assistant to tell me that "we don't sell clothes for ..bigger women" ) so girls like me can forget abt shopping there. Secondly, their S and Ms are overstated labels. What they mean by "s" and "m" is really "XS" and "XXS". Some of these tops, supposedly for M girls, my M frens will be hard-pressed to squeeze into them. Unless they remove a rib.

Then this leads to the next gripe.....

Changing Rooms!

These smart-ass designers must've told the interior designers before they opened shop: "Oh, btw, our clothes are only for the very small sized girls, so don't bother making the changing rooms too big. We don't want to encourage fat customers in our store. *shudder* Just give it enough room for someone to stand up in. Space to wave their arms? What for?"

I'll tell you what for, you idiot. Because when pple try on clothes, they don't just raise their arms and wait for the clothes to magically fall on them from above. We have to mess around with buttons, zips, snaps, clasps. We have to fit our arms into sleeves and raise our arms to pull the clothes down onto our bodies. In other words, we have to move. And it's pretty hard to do all that in a space that's even smaller than the toilet in your average coffeeshop. Granted, retail space in Orchard is expensive, but then again, so is customer satisfaction. It's bad enough we have to queue for ages, holding our clothes, getting knocked at by sales assistants and other customers moving in and out of the fitting rooms, but then even in the fitting rooms, you get knocked at the elbows/knees/arms/legs while trying to squirm around fitting your clothes on. Eat your heart out, Houdini.

And you know what's worse? While you're getting knocked at everywhere in the changing room, you also have to worry about whether women outside are privy to your predicament. WHy? This is cos there's this trend in Orchard to fit curtains instead of doors on the changing rooms nowadays. I figure it's cheaper to just buy cloth instead of wood for the changing room doors. And if you're not careful, the curtain at the edge can be blown easily, maybe from the sighs of impatience from all the other women waiting outside. If you don't close it properly, then the next woman in the queue gets a full blast view of your purple Triumph bra and matching undies and will probably even see what model you're wearing. ( this is why they don't allow men near the changing areas )

But then again, even vacuum-sealed steel doors are no match for the incompetence of the sales assistant or other customers to boot. That thurs nite I went shopping with Quet, we were at this shop at Citylink where the doors were see peh solid ah. Solid wood through and through, heavy as oaks, and when I tried to open one, I had to tug with all my weight. When I closed it, I heard this sucking sound, like the air was being sucked out. No worries about peepers. That changing room could've held gold safer than some bank vaults. Oh, and it was spacious enough to do so too.

So anyway, I had found something that I wanted to try, and I asked if the changing rooms were available. This sales assistant went, "Oh, let me check." and pulled open the door of one of the changing rooms, only to let both of us behold this woman in her underwear putting her leg into a pair of pants. She went, "Oops, sorry." and closed the door again.

So who's the bigger idiot here?
a) The salesgirl, who could've checked if there was anyone inside by simply knocking at the door and hollering, "Anyone inside?" but inside pulled it wide open.
b) The customer inside, who didn't even lock the door properly, perhaps trusting too much in the vacuum sealed door.

What a pig it is shopping for clothes in Singapore. This is why I prefer Borders and Kino. I don't have to worry about size when it comes to books, there's always an empty corner for you to sit or stand, and the sales people leave you alone when you're browsing their stuff. *sigh* Too bad we can't wear books.