This blog has been updated and redecorated by Aki-Onna, 2005

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Getting all the Slack she can before the Real World intrudes...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Fwd: Raise your glass if you are one

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> I've been hooked on a music rhythm game for a while now, my new guilty pleasure. It's like the classic Beatmania arcade game, but allows you to use the songs in your iPhone library to play in the game.
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> I've been so hooked that I'm obsessively playing it on periods of free time on the bus, on the train, trying to press those notes when they reach the precise part of the song. In fact, my obsession has brought me from high scores of 200K per song to 600K over per song. I only wish I had that kind of returns on stock.
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> For some songs, even, I've reached high scores of 1,000,000. Yes, I am that obsessed.
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> But after I whooped a bit, I sobered up and thought: Nobody is gonna think this is a big deal, other than me. if I told people this, most people would nod politely in my direction, and then go on talking about big, grown-up stuff like housing, most and jobs.
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> Because one of the Hard Truths Of Society is: Other people will determine your worth. They will count what you do a success insofar as you fit into their plans and rubrics, not your own.
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> Take the example of my high scores. If I told my husband and friends, they would nod politely. (hubby would then proceed to ask if I'd paid my credit card bill. -_-!!!) If I told colleagues, I'd get blank stares and the conversation would go on to projects and latest office political machinations. Tell your boss and he'd ask how this adds to his bottom line. Tell your family and they'd ask you to get a real job.
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> Life's lonely sometimes. Sigh.
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> Because your life is so unique, so different from what other people are doing, that what seems like great achievements to you only bewilder them. They cannot understand why on earth you would do this, because they would not, and thus your activity and your achievements become worthless to them. It's like the kid who drew a picture of an anaconda, carefully scrawled the lines, colored within the lines with his best crayons, brought the finished work of art beaming with pride to his parents, only to be told to concentrate on arithmetic instead.
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> (aside: I've heard that example being used in connection to children. No one ever says we should start by changing our attitude towards adults. An interesting aside for later.)
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> People judge you by what you are worth to them. Hard Truth of Society.
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> But, as I see it, not of Life. Because the Truth of Life is that there never is the one truth to follow. Just like the early Christians were persecuted and then grew to evangelistic proportions, just like early computer nerds were persecuted in high school, and then grew to become Silicon Valley millionaires. Whatever people perceive as the truth in that one moment is fallible and vulnerable to changes.
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> In that vein, so what if people don't see the worth in what you do now? Them jocks persecuting the nerds at first thought they were damned right. They thought there was the One Way Right that was theirs and look at them now, working for the nerds.
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> Also as you grow up, you realize and acknowledge that the worth of person can be weighed in so many ways, that it's pointless to stick to a standard set of measurements for all. My boss judges my worth to her based on the teaching I do and the documents I write for her. She judges me as a failure by her standards, by her One Way Right. She's not caring about whether I have a happy marriage or if I spend time with my parents or if I'm a caring and considerate citizen, as long as I bring in the results for her.
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> If I followed her One Way Right, then by all measurements, I am a failure.
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> Which is why you cannot ever follow what is set down by other people. For one, those rules can change. For another, you are so different that other people can never see the whole worth of you. If you use just their judgements, then you are setting yourself up for failure, depression and therapy when you can't live up to those standards.
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> Then how? Accept that you are different. Accept that no one will ever truly understand you, accept that there will be people who will look down you, call you loser. And laugh in those fuckwad's faces. You have your own truth to follow. Play by your own rules. Judge yourself by your own standards. Decide for yourself.
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> And in the words of one of my favorite songs in the game:
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> Raise your glass if you are wrong
> In all the right ways
> All my underdogs
> We will never be, never be
> Anything but loud
> And nitty gritty
> Dirty little freaks
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> Proud to be Freaks!!
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> And damned proud of my 1,000,000 scores. ;)
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> Sent from my iPad

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