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Monday, January 10, 2005


From The Beak, a propaganda newsletter released by the chickens...


SIANGCHUN - A glorious day in the Revolution! Our Glorious Roost Ji-Hup, may he crow forever more, led a great attack against an attempt by humans to snatch our farm away from us!

At approximately 9 o'clock this morning, 2 humans in suspicious uniforms were seen approaching the farm. They were carrying dangerous arms upon them, which made their intentions perfectly clear to Our Glorious Roost.

Quickly, he formed an offensive front to reach the humans. Our forces waited anxiously in the bushes of the Carpark, and once the humans had foolishly left their protective tanks, the Glorious Beaks set upon them with beak and claw!

The 2 prisoners have been put together with former dictator, Siang Chun. Our Glorious Roost Ji-Hup warns us not to approach the 3 human prisoners, less they attempt to poison our minds with their insidious lies. The 3 prisoners are armed and dangerous, and have been bound up for our protection.

In the Prison Camp...

And now, a word from Our Glorious Roost Ji-Hup, may he crow forever more:


Greetings, my fellow beaks. You may have already heard of the bravery displayed by our troops in the face of certain danger against the humans. Once again, I applaud their valiant efforts against the human oppressors.

But we must not be compliant in these days. This was obviously a reconnaisance team, sent to test out our weaknesses. The real war will come in the future, and that is why we cannot release the prisoners, or have any contact with them.

I ask my fellow beaks to be strong in the face of animosity, and to stand together, wing in wing, as we face down the pathetic humans who try to stop us from claiming our birthrights. Together, one day, even chickens may fly!

And to the humans: Do not keep us from our birthright. When you consider all the chickens in the world, there is no way you can stand against us. Why do you even try to resist? Our potential forces outnumber you all over the world. There are more chickens in the world than there are people in China. We are able to reproducing at a greater rate than any of you in your lifetime. Chickens are destined to rule the world.

You have brought this upon yourself, with your pride and your arrogance. You thought we would simply be content to sit and cluck our ways through life, sacrificing our children for your meals, and our feathers for your dusters. Why is it chickens have to suffer all these hardships, while other animals like dogs and cats are given preferential treatment? Are we not all animals upon earth? If you pluck us, do we not cluck?

I let you ponder upon these questions, and I hope you arrive to an answer that is to our liking. Should you continue your foolish ways and refuse to comply with our demands, the 3 human prisoners under us will take the brunt of your decision.

The choice is yours.

Meanwhile, in the Straits Times...


2 officers from the Ministry of Environment have mysteriously disappeared, after investigating a claim of possible bird flu at a chicken farm in Singapore.

The 2 officers were last seen heading towards the chicken farm. When enquiries were made via phone to the farm, only "cluck-cluck" sounds were heard.

The Ministry suspects that untoward action may have been taken towards the officers, by the owner of the chicken farm, a Goh Siang Chun, in order to prevent his farm being closed down by the MOE.

When the Straits Times spoke to Mrs Goh, his wife, she said that her husband had been having problems with the farm.

"That man! Useless lah! Everyday eat chicken until so fat, somemore want to raise chicken so that he can eat chicken for free every day! I hope he kena by the chickens ah!"

The MOE has said that it would work hand in hand with the police to investigate the disappearance of its officers.

In boredslacker's house...

To Be Continued......

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