Reflections on September/October

I had to put these 2 months together for this reflective post, because I realized October just whizzed away under my nose just like that. 

What caused it, I suppose, was exam season, and the vague feeling that there were a lot of stuff I should be doing to be more responsible. So I buried myself in my work for those 2 months. 

What resulted was that I totally forgot that I had to be responsible to myself. I brought work home at night, over the weekend, and generally neglected my own plans and self-development over that period. I managed to read but journalling and everything else pretty much took a back seat.

Some would say that was necessary, in order to well, get the work done, that one has to put one's nose to the grinder. 

I would say it became a soul-killer and I really questioned myself many times about whether this pile and pile of paper was really what I wanted to be doing for the rest of my life. 

From reflecting on the past, I would say this year I was lucky. I caught myself in October and started journalling a bit more, which helped. I made a couple more journals for the fun of it and I also wrote more inside my existing ones. That made me realize that while responsibility was necessary, it also didn't mean that it had to take over the whole of my life. That even if a few minutes to do one journal page was all I had, then even those few minutes were enough to restore my humanity once again.

One good thing was that I love to read, so I read. I managed to stick to my habit of reading a couple of pages of any book before I slept so there were stuff I still managed to learn. This proves that this habit is a real keeper.

I guess this point about self-reflection is becoming a bit more poignant, because with the baby coming next March, I'm not sure just how much time I will have for myself anymore. I have more than enough reading material for whatever free time I can snatch during my maternity but beyond that, when I go back to work and it's back to the grind...? 

That's why self-love is necessary on a regular basis, I suppose. To remind ourselves that other than the various roles we play through life of spouse, partner, employee, mother, daughter, there's one role that underpins them all, which is that of Me. That our character and personality are the foundations of all that we do and if the role of Me is flourished with love, then that love can only spread to all the other roles we play.