No English? No Problem!

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

2 features today: A link on whether Jesus might be gay, (?) and a lengthy complaint about Light Years. I don't usually hate shows so much, but this one has earned the honour.

Jesus May Be Gay?

This was originally sent in an email to me by Tenderheart, but hee..... it's so interesting I just have to share it.... before the lightning comes down and strikes me anyway.... Anyone out there more religious than I am... please tell me how much of this could be truth or not....

Was Jesus Gay?

As a sample, the authors note this fragment from the Bible:
"And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God".

Your Pain On 5

Pain. Hurt. Anguish. Agony. Just a sample of what I went through tonight. And I have only one thing to blame for it.

CHANNEL 5 PROGRAMMES ON A TUES NITE

My family and I were watching the TV while eating our nasi lemak dinner. First on was Tan Kheng Hua and some show on food. Not too bad. Tan is very vibrant, very bouncy and looks very natural while doing so. A talent that sadly, something like 90% of the actors ( and actresses ) in TCS lack. ( That was just a general estimate by the way. Actual figures may be closer to 99.9999% )

Then came Phua Chu Kang. A lot of lame, slapstick kinda humour, ( One of the blur workers thought he had breast cancer because he felt a lump on his chest and ended up being dragged for a mammogram by the 2 women of the household ) but we expect it. After all, it's Phua Chu Kang, him of the perms-mole-boots getup for heaven's sake. Anything else from this show would've been like asking Mr Bean to perform Cirque Du Soleil.

After that, however.....

Oh Carol! came on. ( for some reason, my mom suddenly felt like doing the laundry ) I don't know if it was intentional or not, but apparently there was a technical error, so we didn't get any of the canned laughter that usually came on during these shows. That's what I first thought. Later on, I was getting to be of the opinion that the laughter didn't come on because there was nothing funny in the show. She screams at co-workers. She suffers pre-marital anxiety and cancels her wedding to Utt. ( which probably brought sighs of relief to female MTV fans all over Singapore ) Oh well, ho hum. Pass the samosas.

The really painful part came on during Light Years. Harken this name, all intelligent beings, and be wary of it. It is awful, the characters are totally fake, utterly unbelievable and extremely childish. Not only that, but the entire plot is so predictable, you start feeling clairvoyant. Let me give a good example of bad scriptwriting from the show:

( background: in case you didn't know, Light Years is about a group of students in Poly and their experiences. Good, now forget it, because it's not worth knowing )

One of the opening scenes feature this girl, a student, let's call her A, and B, a guy, getting into a cab at the exact same time, and telling the cab driver the same address. ( some fictitious poly ) Then when they become aware of the other person's presence, they start arguing about who got into the cab first, how rude the other party is, and will you please get out of the cab.

Of course, the "twist" at the end is that A finds out that B is her new lecturer, and the school term starts off on a fine new note for her.

Now, let's get one thing straight. I've never watched Light Years when it first came out, so I never had any strong opinions on it before. Hence I decided to watch it tonight and see what it was all about. And OMG, it was about the worst pukeworthy crap I had ever seen in my life.

Let's start attacking the opening scene. Firstly, what the Hell are the chances of 2 people walking into a cab at the same time? Won't they have seen each other before then? They couldn't have been standing next to each other and not being aware of each other now, couldn't they? Fine, let's give them the benefit of the doubt. They only saw a cab and were so blur they were totally unaware of their surroundings. Which makes them pretty clever creatures for being able to hail a cab in the first place.

Secondly, they proceed to argue with each other, and A demands that B gets out of the cab, and doesn't see why she has to share the cab with him. I'll tell you why, honey, so that you can SHARE CAB FARE. You two are going to the same place, hence you can split the fare 50-50, and pay cheaper fare! A simple, obvious fact which was pointed out by the cab driver, but she still put on that arrogant-piss-ass style and said she didn't see why she had to share a cab with him. OMG! How did this girl have the brains to supposedly rise to 3rd year in Poly? I can't figure out how she even got past Primary 6 if she couldn't even see such a simple logic on her own. And although B was supposed to be a Poly lecturer, he was also stupid enough to argue with someone obviously lacking in her intellectual faculties. That's like fighting with a donkey over a carrot, and a rotten one at that. He didn't even see that they could share the cab fare and reasonably point it out to her.

There is a fine line between stubbornness and downright stupidity. These folks ran all the way past it and jumped headfirst into the Point of No Brains, all the while arguing with each other about who should jump first.

Thirdly, the rest of the cast act so childishly, you'll think you were watching Moulmein High instead of Light Years. At least in MH, they were supposed to play sec. sch students. A certain level of immaturity is expected. But surely not of 3rd year poly students! This guy, whose character came back from a student exchange trip in Japan, kept going on throughout about how he was so cool in Japan, how the girls loved him in Japan, and how cool he thought he was. Newsflash: Did you happen to miss, say, Changi Airport on the way here? Did you fail to realise that you were in Singapore, and not Japan? Or were you just wondering why everyone was suddenly speaking English around you?

Fourthly, the cast, as poly students, are more fake than an LV bag bought off the street markets of China. Did the scriptwriters actually think that Singaporean youths speak like that? That fake, pseudo-American accent became so yesterday, like.... yesterday. This Speak Good English movement has a lot to answer for, if you ask me. And the lines are so bad, they made me cringe, literally. The actors sound, at times, like those wooden dolls that go "Mama!" when you pull a string at the back. Wooden lines, wooden accents.

This show is not just BAD it's pukeworthy. No, scratch that, I won't even want to puke on it. It's trash, rubbish, bollocks, bullshit, and I'm pretty certain if you watch it enough, your IQ will drop till you consider Forrest Gump to be the pinnacle of human intellect. Do NOT watch it even if you have time to waste. I feel sorry for the campus that lent itself to the shooting of this show, because now everyone who watches it will think their students are childish, argumentative, stupid, fake, egoistical lowlives like certain TCS actors.

And as a note, all this rubbish happened in the first 15 minutes of the show. I switched channels because I was starting to feel pain just watching it.

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