Bored Skater, and No Love on her Hands

She still stands in the middle of the crowd, with the dragonfly still perched somewhere on her back. No matter what she does, it refuses to move from its perch, hidden from her sight.

She wonders at its motives. Why does it stay there? Why does it not fly away? Why does it not make an attempt to become human?

Even as she asks the questions, it still does not answer her. There is a slight flutter of wings, but she is not sure whether that was supposed to be an answer, or merely a reaction to the wind.

Then the answer strikes her.

Why does it stay there? It is comfortable. Why forsake its current security for the wild unknown?

Why does it not try to be human again? It is too used to being a dragonfly.

Existing as a dragonfly for too long, the memories of being human become dimmer and dimmer, and the consciousness of a dragonfly takes over. After all, she is not going anywhere. She is not with anyone. There is no threat to its security.


Why change the status quo?


Fine, she says, You may remain a dragonfly if you wish to.

You may perch on my shoulder if you want to, and there will always be space for you.

But I will not wait for you to turn human.

The power to turn you back into a human is not within me, it is within you. The burden of proof lies within you and not within me. It is not up to me to turn you into a human, but up to you to prove to me you can be human.

So you may take your time to decide, but I will not wait.

And if I find someone else, I hope you, little dragonfly, will be able to fly freely to another shoulder to perch.

Having finished, she looks at the crowd around her.

Teeming, moving, masses of humans, walking in their own directions, parting around her as she stands in the middle of them. Part of them, and yet apart from them. Someday, someone will notice and wonder why there is a space within this crowd of people, become curious, and walk into her space. He might walk with her, he might not. Till then...

She turns and starts walking, the crowd making way for her unconsciously as she does.

Melodramatic no? I feel as if I've run the entire gamut of emotions of a relationship without having exactly started one in the past 4 weeks. Weird, how can one even feel like one has broken up, without having started anything in the first place?

But anyway, the above italics more or less sum up what I feel about the whole Dragonfly situation I guess. Read into it what you guys will. And if the Dragonfly who knows who he is happens to read this, and wants a better explanation, call me up and let's talk.

Got a bit depressed last nite thinking about it though. [could have been due in part to the 2 Long Island Teas I had at the Village with the Lib Exco that day.] Had Bridget-Jones-style anxiety attacks about being a single, old virgin and having the police find my 1-month-old decomposed corpse in my small, pathetic, cat-filled one room flat.

Ok, not exactly that lah, but about potentially being single for an extremely, extremely long period of my life, and always wondering, What's wrong with me, what's wrong with me.

But after a midnight teh session with jcsz, my mind cleared up and brightened up a bit. I have many things in my life I can be thankful for, patient friends willing to read my crappy blog being one of them, and there is nothing [thankfully] wrong with me, ie I don't give guys the impression that I'm a les.

Hence, this personal ad, inspired by jcsz:

Friendly, easygoing girl seeks amiable company. Loves manga, anime, and most things to do with art. Loves to read fantasy and crime novels, and any other books or graphic novels that catches her interest. Learning Japanese, Malay, and hopes to take up French in the near future. Trying to take up rollerblading again. Also an avid blogger.

Needs freedom in her life. Don't try to tie her down to a 9 to 5 job or you'll kill her. Willing to take lower pay in order to enjoy the pleasure of waking up at 9 and taking in the sunshine and air, and crispy prata for breakfast. Don't insist that she stay at home and do all the housework too, because she has dreams, and being your domestic help is not one of them.

Strengths include an easygoing, "chin-chai" personality, a lesser emphasis on material belongings, and also a "cheap" nature. This means that she'll rather eat at coffeeshops or fast food than fancy restaurants most of the time, and that she'll balk at the idea of you spending too much money on her. Also doesn't worry too much about "face" value, so will not insist you do things like dress up, or treat all her friends to dinner, just to give her "face". She thinks that's nuts. Also has a wide open sense of humour and will laugh at most things other girls think are disgusting or uncivilised. Just make sure they're not malicious strikes at her friends or family or she will crush you beneath her Converse sandals.

Her main weakness is she does not doll up. Forget about her always togged in the latest fashions or always looking hot. To her, she'd rather be comfortable, so you're most likely to see her in T-shirts, or tanks and jeans most of the time. Her fashion sense is about 2 seasons out of date. Her makeup is non-existent, her face is clogged up with blackheads and oil, her nails are horrifying long, and she could stand to lose about 5 kg. She has terrible posture, her shoulders slouch, she has no grace when she walks, and at home, has a habit of propping one foot up on the chair like some kopitiam beng. She also eats too much fast food and she loves fries.

If you think you are willing to accept all the above, and love and cherish her to the end of days, please make contact for a screening test and interview session. What, you think it's gonna be that easy? She doesn't just pick up any old joe from the street you know.


A bit ego, but a bit gratifying too.


And to all who are disappointed in love, I can now tell you that the best solution is to go rollerblading. Yes, rollerblading. After the teh session, I woke up this morning at an abominable time and without clocking enough hours of sleep. Damn internal clock. Putting in mind what jcsz said about throwing things behind me, I went for a morning blading session to take my mind off things a while.

Damn, it worked. After a while, you're too busy concentrating on keeping your balance, making turns and avoiding the crowd of people in the park to worry about anything else in your life. That's why blading is good therapy. It forces you to think about other stuff, mainly not slipping and falling on your butt big time.

Which incidentally is what happened to me. I lost my balance at one stage, my skates flew out from under me and I landed on my butt so hard, I felt the impact on my ass.

Then up my spine.

Then to my lower teeth.

Lower teeth chattered and hit upper teeth.

Impact from upper teeth travelled over skull.

From skull travelled down spine again.

Then to ass.

Where it become one hell of an ass-ache. Bloody, bloody hell. And all that happened within the space of half a second. I had to sit there in the middle of the path for a while, to get my bearings back again, and I realised how apathetic Singaporeans are, because I sat there for a few minutes, and like 3 or 4 people went by me, before a lady took pity on me, and asked me if I was all right. Geez.

But the fall was actually in a weird, sado-masochistic sense, good for me, because after the fall, I had to heave myself up on my skates again, and continue skating. And shouldn't life be like that? We fall, we hurt, but we still have to get up again and continue the ride. And what a ride it was. Once I got my sense of balance again, I was happily whizzing down the paths, feeling the wind in my face, and flying free again.

The secret of life in a pair of blades. Who'd've thunk? Forget all those expensive therapy bills and Valium pills. Invest in a good pair of skates, learn, and everytime you think life sucks, go out and blade. Trust me, it's good for you.

Though not necessarily for your ass.

Thanks for bearing with me till now. As a prize, here's something I saw on the Net about How Singapore May Have Been.

A Whoozy Week

Meow meow meow...

It's been a whoozy of a week this week. Seem to be meeting different pple every day:

Mon - CJC Lib with Matt and Jeff. ( See previous post on damaged light switch )

Tues - Dinner with Necroz in town. Much complaining about work, PMS-ing bosses and non-existent dragonflies.

Wed - Swimming date with Quet suddenly changed to shopping trip for her long overdue birthday present. Followed by...

Comedy night at Bar None

I happened to see an ad about this in the papers and since it was $10, asked Quet along for a go.

First off, BN's location is one of the shadiest-looking ones. You walk down the road between Scotts shopping centre and the Marriot and there's a sign that discreetly states its presence. Then you walk down a winding flight of stairs to the basement before you come to the bar itself. All they needed were the 2 red lanterns hanging at the entrance.

And because it was sponsored by Guinness, everything everywhere was guinness, guinness, guinness... and neither of us drank beer. Boink. Ended up ordering Absolut Sin n Absolut Stress, between the 2 of us. Some girl in a huge guinness hat also tried to "tneh" us to buy some Guinness cocktails. Sorry girl, the cutesy trick is lost on us. Try some other horny Caucasian.

The main act for the night was supposed to be the Canadian Improv Theatre. Now why I was interested in it, was that the concept seemed to be exactly like Whose Line Is It Anyway. A bunch of actors on stage, and acting out scenes on request from the audience. Hey that sounds cool, since I love WLIIA.

Unfortunately....

I dunno whether it was to do with the sound system there, or the actors themselves, but most of the jokes were just lost on me and Quet. Half the time, we were wondering what the games were about, and when they started talking, we couldn't even catch what they were saying. And when we did, we were like, "Huh? Was that funny?"

Damn. Let-down.

Thank goodness for Selena Tan's opening act on Sex in the Lion City. That was hilarious, and she had us red in the face, laughing like maniacs before the drinks even arrived. So essentially I guess we paid $10 to see a Selena Tan skit? Sigh... Time to leave...

Thurs - Indian buffet lunch with Jubilee14 and DoE at Excelsior.

I never even knew this place existed. It serves a vegetarian Indian buffet lunch and is located on the 2nd floor of the shopping area next to Excelsior Hotel. And the best part of this is?

You can pay any price you want.

No shit. Pay Your Own Price. For all the food you think you ate.

My first thought on hearing it was: "How the heck did they survive?" Well apparently they could. It seems to be run by some sort of Indian charity organization, so there's a slight guilt factor working here, ie if you don't pay fairly, someone won't have enough rice to eat. I think most of the proceeds go to charity or something, so that explains it.

Then all the food is vegetarian also. If you guys are wondering how is it I, a confirmed carnivore, managed to go for a vegetarian buffet and stand it, well they have the most amazing spiced potatoes! Mwahahahaha! Plus the naan and chappatti dipped in yoghurt sauce is really good! Mmmmm.......

The minus point of it was that with all that carbo loaded up in us, and the yoghurt lassi drinks as well, me and Jubilee14 were later walking around with boulders in our stomachs. Oh good god...... and we didn't even eat more than 2 servings each. I swear!

Atkins-ers, stay away.

Friday - Today! After I finish this post, I'm going back for a full reunion at the CJC library this time. No more damaged property this time I hope.

And incidentally, Prof Lye of Bizad Pub actually remembers my no. and called me up asking me to go for a reunion of Bizad marketing students. Considering that I'm close to like, none of them? Not going... Would rather go for tuition and earn some money. Hee.

Unfortunately, it also turns out that Prof Lye is now a financial planner hawking some unheard-of endowment plan and pushed me to meet him one day so that he could tell me all about it. Urgh. Despite me pushing him my best and most valid excuse ["I'm a tuition teacher, I earn $15 an hour, I sure as hell DON'T have enough money to invest in anything right now!"] he still insisted on meeting up. ["I know you definitely don't have the income to invest in this, but I think this is something I should tell you about."]

Groan. I forgot how pushy Prof could be when he really wants to accomplish something. Lesson learned: Never ask a financial planner to elaborate about their jobs.

So now I'm meeting him Mon to "talk" about this. This job was so made for him.

Last week I was whining about not having anything to do. This week my schedule suddenly piled up. Bleah. Is this called getting more than you reckoned for?

And I'm starting to realise that my memory could need some help. There have been several occassions where for eg, I planned to meet up with A on Mon, and then a week later, I tell B that Mon's fine to meet. Then later the horrible realization of my boo-boo strikes me, and I have to make frantic calls to re-schedule. Sorry, sorry, sorry to anyone affected......

It's not just about the books

Just yesterday I went down to the CJC library once again, with Matt, Jeff, and one of my great-grand-juniors. [unfortunately I forgot the name] Our year's library exco really should be given a long service award by CJC for coming back every year to visit and help out in the library. It's been 5 years since we graduated and we're still coming back to visit and help out. [though all visits mean that we will end up helping one way or another]

It's almost like going to NS for 2 years, and then coming back to camp every year for reservist, just that here we work in an air-conditioned environment and get the occassional curry chicken lunch in the lib. [well, of course we aren't gonna eat canteen food!]

This time me, Matt and Jeff ended up shifting these brown shelves all the way from behind the computer terminals, to a seminar room outside the library, that I didn't even know existed. To those that remember the layout of the CJC library, this means that we heaved them onto trolleys, pushed them through the staff-only area behind the counter, through the literature books, and then to this blue door at the corner of the library. Open the door, and there's a long corridor that goes all the way to a hidden seminar room. Then heave the shelves onto the floor, go back out and get another shelf.

There's a lot of muscle in Jeff's body that's probably aching like crazy right now.

And then when we were shifting a shelf, the thing nearly toppled over! First it nearly toppled onto me, but thankfully Matt was nearby to help me balance it back. [goddammit that shelf was heavy!] Then lately while we were pushing it through the door, the trolley sorta tripped on a crack on the floor and it fell against the wall! And when we put it back on the trolley again, we found out that it had smashed a light switch!

You know, I really thought those things were stronger than that...

So now Jeff has to buy a new cover for that light switch and screw it back on on Friday and hope Madam or Mrs Ng doesn't notice in the meantime. They're really particular about preserving things in a useful condition, [explains why they're librarian staff] even to the point of keeping old slides and even microfilm. I never even knew we still had microfilm in the library. All on subjects ranging from King Lear to Statistics and Probability. Good god. I tried to persuade them into throwing it away [who uses microfilm these days in school??] but they insisted on keeping it, and so hence the 3 of us had to shift these things to the seminar room along with the shelves. Damn.

Funny thing about us is that our 98/99 exco is the exco with the most number of people who are willing to come back and help out Madam and Mrs Ng. Wonder why it's just our exco. Previous excoes did visit but I don't think they came back for as many years as we did. Our juniors, faleron's batch, do come back, but not in the same numbers as us, and of Matt's batch, [our grand-juniors] only he ever bothers to come back.

The number of people joining the library has also decreased. My batch had about 18 people as librarians. This year the intake was only 8. Bleah. No wonder Madam [the Malay lady] had to call us back to help out. And with the ECA points needed for entry into Uni, it's no surprise. There isn't any competitions or stuff for you to earn extra points in the library society, so as an ECA advantage, it lags behind the sports and other societies. Not to mention the work and the hours you had to log in as well, and for a measly 2 ECA points out of 2 years in CJC.

I mentioned this to Jeff while we were sitting in the little library office, eating our KFC lunch. [yes, ex-librarians DO get the privilege of eating in the library.] I said that with the Uni entry requirements changing to put more importance on ECA points, most students would rather join a society that allowed them to earn as many points as possible in order to better their chances for Uni.

He frowned. "That's true, but..."

"But?"

"But joining an ECA isn't always about the points what. It's also about the people."

Such a simple, true statement. Somewhere along the lines, we forgot that the purpose of joining any new club or society was to "make new friends" and simply to enjoy yourself. ECAs weren't just another way of getting yourself into Uni. They were also a way for you to take a break from school, and hang out with a bunch of people with the same love and interests as yourself, and generally have a good time. And ironically, the fact that they look a bit more closely at your ECA record now has resulted in these objectives being thrown to the back, and made ECA just like another academic subject you had to pass.

I remember joining the library on a sort of whim, because I like books and I wanted to see what working in a library, surrounded by them, would be like. I never thought of getting into exco, I never thought of ECA points, I just did it for the sake of doing it. And the returns I got back were so much more than what I put in. Friends, [who bother to keep contact] memories, a lot of outings after graduation, BBQs, and curry chicken in the library.

Memories:
Of me voting Jeff for President, before I even knew who he was
Deb: Hey hey hey, let's all sabo Jeff and put his name down as President.
Me: Oh, ok. Later thinks: Who's Jeff?

Of me, continually at verbal swordpoint with Jeff, even to this very day.

Me fencing with DMT, kefling and whoever stood in my way, with the newspaper sticks we used for orientation games with the juniors.

Me and fid sitting at a computer, giggling at the atrocious fantasy story I was writing about the members of the exco, while Steven and DMT wondered what the heck we 2 girls were getting up to. [boy, that story was a bomb. Wonder what happened to it?]

How can you put a price to these kind of memories and experiences? How many points can you allocate to friendships and bonds? To even put a price on it, would be to cheapen them, and to make me into some kinda ECA-whore, getting points for the points alone.

What motivation theory was that, that said that if you let someone do something they like, they will happily do it without expecting payment. However, if you start to pay them for doing it, they will lose the motivation to do it? That theory could be all so true.

Oh wellz, to friends, memories, and many more curry chicken lunches in the library. ;)

I am Jell-O

Reading through Xiaxue's blog entry on Sat about guys preferring "shu nus" [chinese. Shu4 Nu3. I tink that's how it goes] struck a chord in me. Seeing her words, her ravings, minus [most of] the fucks...... those could have been my words. My thoughts. Although I donno if they would have been ravingly blurted out on a website like that, I recognise the sentiments behind them.

Quoted:
Because you know what? Gentle, sweet, irritatingly perfect "creme brulee" Cameron Diaz got the man instead of arrogent, confident "jell-o" Julia Roberts. And no matter what Roberts says about how her character is unique, distinct and true, she can jolly well fuck herself because the guy making love to Diaz (thats right, its the flighty nitwits), not her.
~Xiaxue

You hear the same advice repeated over and over from tons of different friends. There will be someone out there for you. Be patient. Wait and the goods will come to you. [and just as Xiaxue said, the advice mostly came from friends who were happily attached at the moment. No offence guys, but...] Well, I've waited 23 years [technically er, about 10 years, since I started puberty?] and I'm still single. For all my uniqueness, my distinctness, and my trueness, I'm still pretty wandering the earth by my lonesome.

The feeling is worse when you're around people, ironically, because it just highlights how by yourself you are. After Dragonfly and I parted on Sat and I went down to the Science Centre, this feeling struck me again.

Standing in the middle of a huge crowd of people, walking their own directions. Most of them with someone else. And everyone moves to avoid you, unconsciously, as if they barely noticed you, as if you were just a lamppost in the road.

Even when you stand in the middle of all of humanity, you manage to maintain a space, a boundary around you that no one feels compelled to enter.

And the one thing that managed to fly in, above the uncaring crowd, landed on your back, where you couldn't notice it, though you felt its presence. You know it's there, you want to make contact, but it remains perched on your back, and for reasons unknown, it refuses to move.

Not even to look face to face with you.

Melodramatic, yes. The sentiments have rubbed off on me. I'm going to escape up to my room now and lose myelf in a book.

Leastways that way I avoid having to think any more deeper about this.

On a happier sidenote, Carl Jensen's "I have seen the world begun" is a most engaging read. The book is a series of thoughts and essays that he wrote while travelling in China, Cambodia and Vietnam, and his viewpoint on things is... penetrating? Insightful? I donno how to describe it well. Just to say that he doesn't just describe the physical of what he sees, but also the thoughts, the ideas, the Soul behind the places and people he sees. [my methods of expression are really horrendous and lacking. this is what happens when you don't stimulate your mind. argh.] This is the kind of tourist-writer that I won't mind becoming.

That way I won't just go to a place and later proclaim "there's nothing to see". :p *friendly jibe*

Commenting on the Bird Park, Comets and Dragonflies

I really should consider buying a data cable to transfer pix from my phone directly to the PC. Right now I use the PC a lot more than I use my laptop, so the savings in terms of time would definitely be better. On the other hand, the cable costs $88 so the savings in terms of money......

Oh, to win the lottery......

Anyway, the reason why I'm really considering this now is that I'd some pix in my phone that I wanted to show but to do that, I'd have to infra it to my laptop one by one, which is really irritating. Especially when I get the really loud BEEP! for a failed transfer and I have to press the button SEND over and over again until the damn thing gets through.

Oh well, but I will (hopefullyX3) get a digicam next week! I'm gonna get the Canon all-weather model, 3MPX, 3X Op for $299! Plus the 5000 petrol points that my dad's never used. :p

"You do realise, though, that I will not be able to pay you back till I come back from Europe?"

Dad: "That's ok. I'll just chalk it up to the huge pile of debt that you still owe me. *smile*" Dang.

Speak and be read

Do you guys see a Comments link at the end of the entry?

No? Damn, I did something wrong. Try clicking on the little link at the bottom of the entry that has the time. You'll come onto the archived version of that entry. Scroll to the bottom and there should be a Comments link there. If not, well, the tagboard's still there.......

Yes, blogger now comes with Comments, so if you're divinely inspired to say something about what I wrote, you don't have to scroll to the top, but you can just click on the link. Or rather I hope it works. I actually got a Comment from an Isshan, dunno who he is, dunno where he came from, saying that I could do better in choosing a favourite fantasy writer other than Eddings. ( ??? ) Well, if you are reading my blog, all I can say is that I like Eddings' brand of sarcastic, dry humour, that I haven't really found anywhere else. I don't think about whether the characters are cardboard, [though I would agree the ones in Redemption of Athalus is] and whether the plot is standard. To apply an age-old generic argument: "To each his own." :p

I'm kinda bemused, actually, at 1) the Comments working, because when I first tried to activate them, I ran into problems and they told them Comments Not Working or something to that effect. And then suddenly I realise they could work. And 2) that this guy has popped out of the blue to comment on my choice of favourite writer. Like, where the freak did you come from??? Did you google me or something?? Do I know you at all?

Yes, yes, I know. It's the Internet after all......

Leave it to the birds

Visit to the Birdpark wasn't too bad. The one thing that struck me was the sheer colour of all the birds around. Most of the birds you see in everyday life come in black, brown, white, but these birds were a multitude of rainbow colours! The ones that greeted us at the entrance was the famous red-blue-yellow macaw that we see on all the colouring pencil boxes, and gods, their colours look soooo much better in real life than on the boxes.

And I saw a Hedwig! Real life snowy owl, in a special enclosure that had hardly any light in it at all, and was dedicated to birds that lived in the dark. It was so pretty, but in terms of majesty, couldn't beat the Eurasian owl. [I swear I got that name wrong, but anyhow...] This owl is huge, must've been about knee height and the wing span was fantastically long... *Sigh*

Bird show was ok, your usual bubbly-over-the-top host showing off the birds doing their little circus act, but the Birds of Prey show is mucho better. Before the show starts, you're warned to keep all food away, lest something snatches it out from midair. Then when the birds come, whoa...... the birds of prey have a sheer majesty about them that the other birds in the park just don't have. As they stretch their wings, as they glide in midair a hair's breath away from your head, suddenly, you feel like prey. You feel vulnerable below these magnificent creatures, and you are aweful of them for that. How to describe the feeling you get when you see a creature so much more powerful and free than you are?

Then at a point of the show, they asked a 10 year old girl on stage, to hold a plate with a strip of meat on it, while the kites flying overhead would swoop down onto the plate and snatch the piece of meat away. Damn, they're fast. Before he even finished explaining it to her, one kite had already swooped down, gulped the meat down and flew off. And how do they feed these birds in the air? 2 keepers stand with slingshots and sling the meat into the air, where the kites would fly swiftly towards it and catch it deftly in their beaks, all in midair! Dang!

The funny part was when he suggested he put the meat on her hand instead. (!!) The look of consternation on her face was soooo hilarious... hee... And when he asked the audience Who wants to see them take the meat from her hand? she went Nooooooo and had this Oh God don't do this to me look on her face. Hee.

Well of course he didn't do it! I don't think the Bird Park is ready to be sued for a kite biting the hair off her scalp!

OK, I definitely the birds of prey to anything else in the park. Hee. The rest of the birds are unique because of their colour and plumage. The bird of paradise, for example, has a tail so long and fine, it looks like hair. Pure white hair cascading from its butt. :p The scarlet ibises are, well, scarlet, and there were tons of other small birds in the walkthrough aviaries in tons of different colours. A feathery kaleidoscope of colour. A flash of blue in the greenery. A spot of yellow flying before your eyes.

But I think the real masters are still the Predators. I still prefer majesty over colour. I think the sight of a pair of powerful wings, spreading itself wide, and strong, hooked talons are infinitely more awe-inspiring than a cute bird with pretty colours. Don't get me wrong, the cute birds are cute, but given the choice... make me an strong, large hunting bird. And carnivorous.

Hmmmm..... Meat......

Well, Newbie had to leave after that and because I don't like the idea of staying at home on a Sat night, I made my way to see...

Comets!

Though unfortunately, I didn't see any at all because tonight was too cloudy. Bleah.

Anywayz, the Science Centre has been advertising the appearance of Comet NEAT and Comet LINEAR for this week and next week. So on the 20 and 21 of May, they'd be opening later than usual [till 2130] so that people can come in and see the comets. [if they're lucky]Since I had nothing to do for the rest of the night, I stopped off at Jurong East to go there.

And half the folks there are... kids. You notice this the moment you walk in because of the reverse bungee that had been set up near the entrance, with a line of kids eagerly waiting their turn to be catapulted into the air and have their stomachs turned upside down. Dragged down by their parents in the name of scientific interest, and hoping their kids will develop a healthy interest in a subject that will prove of utmost importance in shaping their academic career. Ok, I digress.

Then, you notice... Gandalf???? Promoters for the LOTR exhibition, dressed as Frodo, [reminded me of keng leong for some reason. dunno why.] Gandalf, Arwen, and a Ringwraith, giving out pamphlets for the exhibition, and taking advantage of the added crowds coming to see the comet.

Over near Mac's, they put up a screen to show a movie that would add to the atmosphere. Mind you, this is a comet viewing, right? So what did they show? Deep Impact. Hm, I wonder at the irony. You're there to promote astronomy, by inviting people to view 2 comets in your place, and you show a movie about a comet potentially blasting the Earth apart. Er, whatever... Kinda like a butcher showing "Babe" at his meat stall.

Movie was boring, so after a while, I made my way to the observatory, and came out to see a sky full of... clouds. Argh! Where's the stars?? Where's the moon?? Where's the comet??? Dammit. Feels like a kid all hyped up to go to the amusement park, only to find all the rides suck.

On the other hand, though, kudos to the staff for making the night a bit more interesting. How do you entertain a bunch of restless kids, all clamouring for something to happen? You show off a $2000 laser. A mean piece of apparatus that shone all the way to the sky, and you hear all the kids go, "Waaaaa......" Then you fire a couple of rockets into the air, asking them to count "5....4....3....2....1! Blast off!" and as the little rocket shoots off, you hear them go, "Waaaa......" again. It doesn't take very much to entertain kids, it seems. Once you manage to tear them away from the TV, computer, and Playstation anyway.

But after that, I looked at the sky, and decided that with all the clouds in the air, I wasn't gonna see any comets tonight. I made my way back to the garden where they were showing the movie and played with some of the exhibits there. One was a big red round hear with a large black round nose. Think of a Mr Men character. What you do is you turn the nose 6 times very quickly, say something into the mouth, and later on, it repeats it back at you. The thing must have a child filter though. When I said "Lah" and "Wah lau why like that?" it repeated it to me. When I said "Stupid thing" and "Oh shit" it didn't. Humph. Should've tried f**k or something.

Then there's the pulley. Think of the rope climbing frames we had in school. Now think of a giant weight attached to the bottom of that rope, and a sophisticated pulley device at the top of the frame. What you do, is stand on the weight, and pull yourself up using the rope, while standing on the weight. So you're lifting yourself up while standing on the weight. Trust me, but standing there trying to pull yourself up really works as a motivator to lose weight. :p Especially when you have to lift yourself up somewhere.

What an educational day. Afternoon in the Bird park and evening in the Science Centre.

A dragonfly tale

This is a story based on the Dragonfly on the Shoulder story I wrote a while back. [start browsing, people...] However, the only scene that's been flashed in my mind so far, is the following scene. :p Maybe next I'll flesh out the story and people as I go along.

Or maybe I'll just continue from here. I don't know.


She holds her hand up to her shoulder, and the little dragonfly that was perching there all along walks onto it. She then lifts it up to her face, so that it's facing her.

What are you thinking? She wonders silently to herself.

Why are you content to simply stay there on my shoulder? Don't you want to fly? Don't you want to be human? Why do you prefer to just stay there and do nothing?

She receives no answer from the dragonfly. It looks at her with beady, unreadable insectile eyes. Its wings quiver slightly, as if contemplating an answer, but nothing comes to her. Then it flies off and lands lightly on her shoulder. Out of her sight, she only knows its there because she feels the slight weight on it, and the flutter of its wings.

Other than that, it does nothing.

It's amazing what a day of shopping and hanging with the girls can do for your mental stimulation. For starters, we watched...

Facing Windows

I'm starting to be of the opinion that any film out of Hollywood is good. Take this Italian film for example.

Giovanna is wife to Flippo, and faces all the problems that inevitably comes with marriage. Her husband doesn't listen, her kids don't obey, and her job sucks, though she hangs on for the money. With all the disappointment and discontent going on in her life, it's no wonder she starts to notice the cute Lorenzo, staying conveniently in the building across the street from her. From her kitchen window, she has a perfect view of the going-ons in Lorenzo's life. Does anyone think she's doing it because she has no TV? :)

So one day Giovanna and Flippo run into an old man in the streets, who's completely lost his memory, and mutters the name, "Simone" to them. They take him home, much to Giovanna's chagrin and care for him, while waiting for the police to notify them on any news. While she's totally irritated by the appearance of a stranger-potential-psycho-maniac and hence potential threat to her children, she slowly develops concern for the old man and even becomes friends with him in the end. Through the show, Simone also teaches her the value of life, to cherish what you have and hold no regrets.

Oh, and of course she meets and falls in love and tries to sleep with Lorenzo. :p

One of the things I like about foreign films is that unencumbered by Hollywood standards, they tend to have more originality, and rely more on talent, rather than big names to lure the audiences into the theatres. This is no exception. The age-old story of adultery has been given a few twists here and the ending is not exactly the typical happily-ever-after. [can't give it away. go watch it.] Though the adultery between her and Lorenzo and the old man Simone seem unconnected at first, it turns out that their stories are much more similiar than they thought, and everything is weaved out evenly in the end.

I also liked the parts where the amnesiac Simone appears to encounter spectres from his past as he traipses around in the real world. As he walks through a street, a woman would run to him, imploring him to help save her babies. As he dances with Giovanna, he is transported back in time to another flat, to another person, though he is still dancing with Giovanna. Past and present intertwine in an impossible dance.

Also remarkable is the main soundtrack of the movie, "Historia De Un Amor". [yes, we stayed back long enough to see the title on the credits] How can I describe the strains of the violin? As I sit here, I hear it in my mind once again, that simple refrain, the bow being pulled smoothly across the strings, a passion demanding for release. *sigh* I might just buy the VCD when it comes out just to hear that song again and again. And when accompanied by a very modern, trance beat.... *double sigh*

Without you
The red is not as red
the sky is not as blue


For the incurable romantic, or the hardened heart.

Women and Shopping

Might as well have titled this Fish and Water. Humans and Air. Simon and Garfunkel.

A current Newsweek article has printed an article on women, girlfriends and the bonding hormone once again, oxytocin.

3 cheers for oxytocin. Without it, we'd have no friends, no kakis, and a general collapse of the retail economy in general. Yes, women need shopping. And we need to shop with friends.

Here is the part where all the bemused men need to start reading. Why is it women love to shop? And why must they shop with friends?? Well, 1) Women are genetically engineered to be social creatures. Scientists believe that this is because unlike men, who generally compete for mating rights, [hey I have a BMW. Wanna f**k?] women have to be social creatures in order to make sure their offspring survive. Y'see, once the men've had their screw, they're basically off looking for the next screw, and so it's up to the woman to raise and take care of the child. [boy, this sounds sooooo familiar....] So in order to make sure their offspring survive, women have to band together in groups to take care of all the kids. [think soccer moms...]

2) Face it, there will always be more women than men. It's a genetic necessity in order to facilitate the survival of any species. Hence, in order to attract better mates, the women have to put in more effort in their appearances in order to look more alluring, more sexy, and general more willing to screw. Hahaha, just kidding...... But basically, most of women's fashion and cosmetics is designed to show off the parts of a woman's body that shows off her fertility, ie boobs, butt, stomach.... rouge for the lips, blush for the cheeks... Women need to look good to ensure future reproduction.

Put these 2 factors together and TA-DAH! This is where Taka, Wisma, and all the other shopping centres come to mind.

But other than these, there are definite advantages to shopping with your friends that you can't enjoy while shopping with strange females or guys. [boyfriends included. sorry guys...] For one, because they're friends, they'll choose stuff that'll look good on you, even if you don't think so at first. Common refrain: "Oh God, this will look great on you! Try it! Try it!" The last 2 phrases being punctuated in shrieks. They'll also pick out stuff that you won't normally wear, and encourage you to try new designs. "Oh c'mon! You're always wearing black. Try this shade for a change!" and they can instinctly pick out what they know you'll like. "Hey! They have it in your colour!"

Sound familiar? Read on...

Also, they're your best allies in the dreaded fitting rooms. If it doesn't fit, if the colour sucks, and if the back of your bra can be seen in that backless dress you're wearing, they don't care. The fitting rooms are where the final barriers come down. Even though in front of the rest of the world, you have to make sure your appearance is flawless at all times, in the fitting room, you are vulnerable in a state of half-dress, and naturally your close gal friends are the only ones you're gonna give a view of your unsightly stomach bulge in that shirt you're wearing. [boyfriends and husbands excluded, because most fitting rooms don't allow any men in at all.] Cheers to friends who can look at you honestly and give you truthful, constructive criticism, and who can accept you, bulges and all, in the fitting room!

Side: Though I have to admit, it galls me to have to shop in Singapore where everything to geared to the petite form. I mean dammit! Half the stuff I tried on, I couldn't even pull down past my chest! So while I can take comfort in the fact that I have broad shoulders, and that my waist isn't my biggest problem area, I have to also accept that, like one salesgirl wryly remarked, I am a very wei3 da4 woman. Bleah.

But I did manage to find another pair of XL Thai fishermen pants. Yay! Love those cos they're so casual and slack [hence suiting my present state of mind] and they're cheap and different from the jeans everyone else is wearing, and they're freakin' $10! Mwahahaha... wanted to buy some long-sleeved hippie shirts, but Quetz and Candle pulled me away in time. Phew...

And then later in the night, with Yenn, we found this shop in the Heeren that was having a sale, and everything was $10, and I bought this blue and white hawaiian-flower top. *sparkles in eyes* haha, Quetz, Candle, we should have shopped at Heeren. The Annex is undergoing renovation, so that shop had a sale, and there were some new shops in there as well. Nearly bought more cosmetic jewellery and hairbands, [blue camouflage!] and once again, my bank account was saved by Yenn......

New pants, and new top. Ah, life is good......

Apologies for the infrequent updates. My mind has been dulled lately, spammed with books, dragonflies, kids' exams, salaries, Europe expenses....... Argh! Not much in the way of intellectual activity there! Thankfully after a while, I managed to write a little piece about school and life in general. Scroll down...

Incidentally, last nite while at TP with Necroz, I saw something totally cool, it was a MINI POOL TABLE!!! Courts is selling a mini pool table, and it's not some cheap plastic thing, it's like made of the same materials for an actual pool table, so the balls are damn solid and the cue is wood! AARGH!!! I WANT! But it's $60!!! *cries* I found it so freakin' cute, I actually played on it for a while, despite Necroz's profound embarrassment. She said I was like some big kid playing with the table, but I repeat: IT"S FREAKIN" CUTE!!!

For Slayer's interest, DoE and I went to Sylveracyd's house for dinner last Sat. Now, the interesting thing about this visit is that Sylveracyd is currently studying in Adelaide, and her parents were nice enuff to have me n DoE over for curry chicken dinner. *Smackeroos!* Afterwhich, they set up the webcam, and let us see Sylver online through the cam, and even talk to her on their handphones. *2 thumbs up* to these parents. But is it any wonder, considering they've known DoE since she was like, 2? :p

Sylver looks much the same, though she's BORED STIFF OUT OF HER MIND over there. Can you blame her? Put a vivacious, party animal in a place like Adelaide, and no wonder she feels restless. Krystal, do you get the same way sometimes? ;p We spent the time chatting, making stupid faces in front of the webcam, insulting her stuffed fish, [ok, that last one was me, and resulted in me getting whacked with a stuffed pea by DoE] and she showed her some pix of her and her bf too.

Sylver> Hey hey lemme show you something
*Pic of her n BF appears on screen

[note: Her family doesn't know of BF]

Khel> Eh the screen just froze

[sometimes due to connection probs the frame will hang, and the scene be stuck there for a while]

Sylver> Wat??

Khel> Yah the pic's stuck there, and your mom's coming out of the kitchen

Sylver> OH NO!!!!!

Boing. Nah, the screen unhung itself b4 her mom came out, so it was fine after all. :p

Otherwise the past week, I've been hopping from house to house for tuition as usual, and then coming home and reading. At the house of my O' Level English student, I realised that an awareness of current affairs could be severely lacking in our youth. [or at least the one I'm teaching anyway] So onto the essay proper...

School of Life

This actually happened during a recent lesson with my O' LEvel English student:

Me: Ok, I want you to write an essay saying whether you agree with this phrase, ["Spare the rod, spoil the child"] and make references to the Nan Chiau incident.

Student: What's Nan Chiau?

Me: *blink blink* Did I pronounce that wrong? Nah-n Cha-o? Nah-n Qia-o?

Student: Oh, that sounds familiar, is that the one where the guy committed suicide?

Me: ?????????????????

What the freakin' heck???? This topic has been making the rounds of the newspapers, the TV, the Internet forums, and all the kopitiams around Singapore, and you have no idea what it is about??? What insulated, plexi-glass dome have you been living in the past few weeks??? Good God!!!

Everytime I encounter a student with problems in English, [or current affairs]I make the sincere vow that I will teach my kids to READ, read as if your LIFE and SOUL depended on it. Ye Gods! I'm not gonna let them out into the world with bad English, bad writing and total ignorance of the world outside the entertainment sphere!

In fact, wonder whether you think we learned the really important stuff in school after all. I mean, we pay all that money in school fees, uniforms, books and stationery, and all they teach you are some stupid Grammar, maths and science concepts, half of which we don't even use once we're out in the real world. And then lessons like Civics and Moral ed, they pass you over to bored, uninterested [and hence uninteresting] teachers and give you dumb exam questions, like one that popped out in my Sec 3 exam:

If you see a wallet on the road, do you:
a) Pick it up and keep the money?
b) Pick it up and give the money to a charity?
c) Pass the wallet over to a policeman?
d) Leave it there?

Like PUH-LEEZE LOR. What kinda dumbasses do you take us for?

But then again, I didn't really attend ANY civics and moral ed lesson throughout sec sch and JC, not becos I'm a moral-less being, but because being from a convent school and later a Catholic JC, and a Catholic [on paper anyway], you get sent to the Cathecism lessons, which are mainly about God, the Bible, and why you should do what He says.

Ok, but the point of this post is not about whether kids should receive religious education or not in schools. The point is that they spend so much time trying to cram all these so-called useful facts to us in school, and hammer us about how important our exams and studies are, they forget just how short a period these things are in our lives.

Consider this: If you learn algebra in school, for eg, ( X + Y ) * 2 = ?, the concept is useful to you as long as you're learning Maths. This could start in Pri 6, all the way up to Uni, if you're taking Maths or Engine or something like that. The life expectancy of a human is about 100 years, [if you believe the Five for Fighting song] and throughout those 100 years, the concept of Mathematics is only useful for about 10-12 of those years. [John Nash-wannabes excluded]

So essentially, the concept of Maths is only useful for about 10% of our entire lives! Why do they continually drill it into our minds that it has the power to shape our entire future? Because it doesn't! The knowledge is only good for about 10-12 years!

Why don't schools teach you more about stuff that's gonna affect you the WHOLE of your lives? Why can't they teach you stuff with more long term value, like:

- Love. How to handle falling in love? How do you know you're in love? What should you do to get the girl/guy of your dreams? What should a love relationship be about? How do you tell a girl that you love her?

- Heartbreak. How much it hurts to have your heart broken. What should you do? How can you handle it? How do you walk away from it?

- Ethics. What exactly is right and wrong? Why is there NO right and wrong? What should we do in grey areas? How come it's ok for the President to bomb and kill innocents, but not other people?

and generally, How To Be A Person? How To Live Life? What To Expect? How Will It All Turn Out?

You know what's the common feature of the 3 points I mentioned above? If you were a secondary school student, about to burst into adulthood, but still hazy about the details, mind pumped full of media trash, and you asked any respectable adult questions about those, most likely, the answer would be:

"You're still young. Don't worry about these, just concentrate on your studies."

Don't worry about these? OF COURSE I have to worry about these! Why should I put aside my 90 years of future happiness for these 10 years of Maths that I have to study in school?? I want to know about Love, Sex, Drugs and Rock N' Roll! [ok, scratch the last one]

The Govt still wondering why we don't have enough babies? There you go, INSUFFICIENT EDUCATION. Teaching kids the biology of things ain't enough, they need to know REAL stuff, like how do you know who is the one you want to marry? What is it like to raise a kid, for real? What do you have to expect? F'God's sakes, these things aren't instinctual in us, like birds you know, we have to be taught! And as long as you keep emphasising the 10 years of Maths over the 90 years of life, this is what you can expect.

Anyway, as an aside, you know the most likely theory why the adults just tell us to concentrate on our studies? The big secret is that THEY DON'T KNOW SHIT! They don't know themselves WHAT the answers are, and to save themselves the embarrassment of admitting this, they just brush our questions aside and tell us to concentrate on our studies. Actually, they totally don't have the answers, because their parents screwed up with them, and so when we try to find the answers ourselves, they get pissed with us for knowing something special that they don't, but which they should.

So hence, the one lifeline of parents:

"Just concentrate on your studies"

Note: The date of my Convo is out! I will doing the hat-n-gown on the 13th July 2004, Tuesday. Not sure of the timing yet, but most likely around 3pm. Venue is University Cultural Centre, NUS. [thank goodness it's after Europe. Phew!] If yr interested to come, [and hence see me in full graduation regalia] drop me a note, k? ;)

Back to the zoo!

Blogger has a new look. The blog looks the same, but the publishing desktop has totally changed. Hm.

Yes, I went to the zoo on Friday 7th May, with Newbie. Have to admit, when you're perpetually living in an urban concrete jungle, it's a great change to go back to nature, so to speak. When we took the bus into Upper Thomson Road, you could feel the change in the air, there was less people, more greenery, and no buildings in sight. Then when you changed to another bus to get into Mandai Road, it's even more deserted. We passed by Pierce Reservoir, and everything was so calm and peaceful, it didn't seem like Singapore at all.

Note to all out there: If you ever want a break from work/home/unemployment, take the trip up there, or check out the reservoirs. Very calming.

When we first arrived, I tot the zoo had undergone a complete revamp at first. The entrance was totally unlike what I had remembered it to be. Then again, the last time I'd gone to the zoo, I was something like half my present size, as I told Newbie, so this explains it. Turns out it was only the front entrance that had been revamped, and all the exhibits stayed mainly in the same place, so we didn't get too lost inside, hahaha.

Or maybe something did change from the last time I went. Everything seemed.... smaller. The amphitheatre with the animal shows, the cages, the enclosures, everything that seemed huge and imposing then, now seemed so much smaller when I looked at it through adult eyes. Even the elephants they used for the elephant rides didn't seemed so tall and grand as it used to be. Sad, when you revisit scenes from your childhood and you realise how much has changed, and how much time has gone by.

Anyway, it was fun, :). We managed to catch some of the animals feedings so we could stand there, watch them being fed and listen to the zookeepers' commentaries on the animals. The jaguar, especially, was a most amazing animal. Its closed cage may seem imprisoning at first, until the zookeeper tells you that it climbs, swims, and runs better than any human, and that it could jump to a height of 5m. Yikes. "Maybe in a worse case scenario, you could swim across the reservoir," Newbie jokes. "Yeah right, you'd drown before you even got halfway there." I retort.

And I managed to feed an arapaima! This is the largest freshwater fish in the world, and they were kept in a moat surrounding a monkey enclosure. The zookeeper first sticks a fish onto a bamboo rod, and then you hold it slightly above the water surface. And you know what? I didn't even get to see the fish, cos when it came, all I saw was this gigantic *SPLASH* and that was it. Bleah. Newbie's reaction was funnier, he said, "I saw this giant jaw coming out of the water, and I went WTF??" and he jumped back even further than I did! Hahaha! Later on,

"C'mon, try it! It's nothing! There's a stick for you!"

"No way."

"Or would you rather try it with your hands instead?"

"No WAY i'm trying it!"

Darn. No fun. :p

He did remark later, after dinner, that I didn't seem to be scared of animals when they came near me. I guess I was just brought up that way? No, that's not the reason either, cos my family doesn't keep animals. Maybe it's cos I was taught to handle them, to understand their thinking, and that's why I don't cringe and scream when a butterfly flies too near to my hair, like one Jap girl did at a walk-through exhibit. Sheesh. *Rolls eyes at ceiling* When you realise that they're much more afraid of you than you are of them... well, there ain't much to be afraid of I guess. Of course it also helps that most of the large, carnivorous or poisonous animals are either separated from us by a large moat, or by secure enclosures. Everything else was ok. :p

So that's my day at the zoo. Will be going to the Birdpark next, cos we bought saver tickets. :p so watch out for that one!

Interestingly a dragonfly landed on my shoulder on that day as well, a small, meek little thing that I didn't notice for a while, till he came into sight. I didn't wanna smack it, so I'm carrying it around for a while. See what happens next lah. ;)

Macy gray, Exams, Convo and Sat Nites Out

So.... what's a cantor? I don't really know either but I'm guessing it involves singing.... :p which I can't do much of these days, 'cos my old Macy Gray cough has come back again. The same old phlegm in the throat that enabled me to successfully imitate her rough, grating voice to a T. Most of it has cleared by now, so I can still speak and sing somewhat normally, though subject to sudden coughing attacks at times. Lao Mao Ping by now lah, so I just drink tons of water and honey nowadays. Can't even be bothered to go to the doc's anymore.

The irony about it is that fried food for some reason makes it better. I donno why, but when I eat soupy stuff and hot liquids that's supposed to help me, I still end up coughing loads. But when I eat a BK meal, after downing the whole cup of ice lemon tea, I feel better, and my throat feels slightly cleared. Weird......

Anyway, the coughing mostly affects me when I'm teaching, cos when I start talking for too long, *HACK HACK HACK* Not only that, but all my kids are entering into Mid-Year Mode, which sort of is like a performance appraisal for me once their results come out.

"Miss Tan... I see X has improved by 5 marks in his English... how come only like that?"

"Er, um, er...."

"And his Maths marks stayed the same. Hmmm..."

*Squirms uneasily*

"Hmmm.... We'll call you after June if we still want you."

Ok, so thank goodness the above conversation hasn't taken place yet with any of my students, though I have to keep in mind the possibility that I may lose a few students ( if not all ) after I come back from Europe. The funny thing is that now as soon as I get bad feelings about a student, I lose that student after the one-month trial period. I have no idea whether my instincts are that strong, or is the power of suggestion really that powerful. Hm.

Most of my kids are doing ok, but others....... I really gotta pray. This one kid, I was supposed to be teaching him P6 Eng and Math, and suddenly the mom is asking me to tutor him in Sci as well?? Bad thing about this job is that there's no contract. "Mrs Yeoh, it is clearly stated in my employment contract that I am to tutor your son in the following subjects for the price of $XXX and if you wish to add another subject you have to raise my rate by the following: [$XXX * ( X + Y/2 )]/ ( XY ) and as you can see, after I have done all the calculations, you should be paying me an extra $XXXX for 3 subjects."

Bleah. I wish. Anyway, some kids I just gotta hope and see lor. I don't think you should except miracles from me if I've only taught your son for about 2 months before his exams anyway. If I was that good, you won't be paying me that little already. I just hope those parents understand that and keep me around after the exams and after I come back. Otherwise I'd be totally jobless after my holiday. Argh!

Sigh. Never thought I'd be experiencing exam stress again after graduating from NUS.

Oh, and incidentally my convo is supposed to take place the same week I come back from Europe. Holy cow. I hope I make it back in time. After all the shit I went through NUS, I may as well have the fun of going for convo, enjoying the free snack buffet, and wearing my jeans and sandals underneath my convo gown to collect my degree. Hee. Sorely tempted to do the last option, if not for potential shame on family name.

Japanese also starts again this Sat, after a one week break. Ii-desu-ne! Nuahing for 2 saturday nites at home is enough for me. Flipping through the remote last Sat with my mom, I realised just how deadly boring saturday nite tv was.

Mom: "Forget it lah! There's nothing on TV on Sat nite one!"
Me: "Wait! Let me check Central! Maybe there's something!"
Mom: "Central the whole nite is Indian movies lah!"
Me: "The whole night?? Indian workers don't go out on Sat nite meh??"
Mom: "They don't wat! That's why!"

So my mom ended up watching some docu on CNA about bittergourds' healing properties, [bleah] and I escaped to my room to lose myself in a good book. This sat, Yenn, DEFINITELY have to go out somewhere! Even if we end up nuahing at Esplanade again!

And LINKIN PARK is coming to Singapore on the 22nd of June, when I'M IN FREAKIN' EUROPE!!! ARGH!!!!! LINKIN PARK!!!! *Wheeze wheeze hack cough POOI!* why why WHY!!!!!

Oooo, long entry up ahead.

Slayer, the -1 tracks are of some pretty common pop songs, like Unchained Melody by Gareth Gates, and hey hey, This is the Night, by Clay, and Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. It's called Sing Ballads, and i think it's being released in conjunction with the upcoming Singapore Idol.

Krystal, -1 tracks are essentially karaoke tracks. They're the accompanying music to the song, but with the voice of the singer missing.

From The Food Quiz. Italics are obviously my comments.

My Results
You are friendly and easygoing. Why gee! Thanks! People feel comfortable around you so it is not a surprise that many friends surround you.Looks around wildly. Where?? Where?? just kidding guys. :p You have high self-esteem and will not let anyone get you down.Er, yea, I stomp on like, the faces of those who oppose me.

You're very careful and circumspect in all matters but you won't face any problems until they actually happen. Because by then, they're staring you in the face so hard you have no choice but to slap them back Also you're a kind and sensitive person.Awwww....

You think positively about the people around you and are never prejudiced. Yea! You're all cool! This means others see you as a kind and gentle person..Awwww....again They enjoy listening to what you have to say because they respect you.You do?

You are logical, smart and inventive. Hee... oh stop it...Sometimes you are too cold and selfish.Man, you really stopped it

Luther

So I watched this movie with newbie on Friday night. It's basically about Martin Luther, the guy who broke away from the Catholic church in the mid 1500s [i'm bad with dates. sorry.] to start the Protestant movement.

So what's the difference between Protestants and Catholics? For one thing, Catholics regard the Pope as their spiritual leader, the Great Shepherd of All Them Sheep, while Luther's Protestant movement was a breakaway movement from the leadership of the Vatican at the time. Why was that? Well, according to the movie, the Vatican was.... well, one hell of a shithole at that period of time. See the scenes where peddlers hawk statues and medals of saints in the streets, the predecessor to the modern day religious salesman. See the 'indulgences' being sold.

What are indulgences? Well, at that time, you paid the Church some money, and they give you a piece of paper, which states that the Bearer of this Certificate wilt have access into Heaven upon death, bypassing Purgatory, or spend 500 less days in Purgatory or something like that. It's sort of like a Monopoly card that says go straight to the Go square, and collect $200 on the way. In the movie, that was one of the Church's main sources of revenue, the selling of these little Certificates of Faith.

What got Luther into trouble with the Vatican at the time was that he specifically spoke out against the selling of indulgences, and saintly relics. [examples of saintly relics: bones of the Apostles, a hair from St Peter's head, a fingernail of Mary etc etc...] Naturally Pope Leo at the time [did i get the name right? I hope I did] got irritated, 'cos he wanted to build his spanking new St Peter's Basilica and there was this irritating little priest helping to reduce his main source of revenue. What a pest. Please excommunicate him now and let's get on with the Basilica.

[Sidenote: The St Peter's Basilica still stands today, over what is believed to be the actual remains of St Peter himself. However, because of that building, the Vatican was officially made bankrupt.]

But then again, the Holy Father Pope Leo wasn't exactly the paradigm of faith. Hello, what pope has gold gilded bird cages? The Vatican was a cesspit of corruption and politics, and this spread to the area outside. In the movie, Luther remarks that there are whores specially for the priests. Ironic considering that Jesus originally threw the moneylenders out of the temple.

The movie shows how Luther was disgusted by all this corruption, and wrote his books, deriding the selling of indulgences and saintly relics. This got him into serious shit with the Vatican and he was excommunicated. [one of the ironies of the film is that later on, he marries Catherine Dubray, a runaway nun. Excommunicated priest and runaway nun. Hm.] However, his popularity was immense, and spread as a holy fire throughout Europe at the time. At the height of the Reformation, practically the whole of Europe turned Protestant, with the exception of France and Italy. Catholics everywhere became persecuted and hunted down. Churches were looted and their stained glass windows destroyed. [the Protestants believed they were destroying graven images of Christ]

Which is sad and ironic, because at heart, Luther is shown to be a theologian, a scholar at heart, and a reluctant warrior of faith. Indeed, he stands before a raving mob in one scene, and cries out that "This is NOT what I taught!" With the strength of his words, he manages to stay the mob and prevent them from destroying the church.

Overall, a rather interesting movie. The story of Luther is well told and engaging. Unlike the Passion, the director here has chosen good old fashioned storytelling techniques, which engages the crowd, rather than alienate it.

Aside, there seems to be a trend of historical and religious films these days. Before the Passion there was the Gospel of John, then now Luther, and Troy opens next week here too. Gee, what's up?

Also, I just remembered a little story I read in an email before:

The Dragonfly on the Shoulder

Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman and they loved each other very much. They had met as friends, and after a long and happy friendship, they advanced to the relationship stage. Everyone remarked how happy and compatible they were, and it was no surprise when they eventually got married.

What was a big surprise, however, was that a few months after they'd gotten married, they found out that the man had cancer. It was a particularly vicious cancer, and the man soon passed away, leaving his heartbroken wife behind.

In Heaven, the man pined after his wife, and he asked God, "Is there a way for me to see her again?"

God replied, "When she dies, and comes to Heaven, then you will see her again."

"I can't wait that long. Please let me go down to Earth and see her."

God was silent a while. "I cannot let you go down as a human, because you have already died. If I let you down there, it will be as some other animal."

The man paused when he heard this.

"However," God continued, "If you can make her recognise you, and fall in love with you again, I will turn you back into a human, so that you may enjoy the rest of your lives together."

The man was overjoyed, because now he had a chance to be with his love once again. Thus, of all the animals in the world, he went back as a dragonfly. This was because he remembered telling his lady love that if he ever died before her, he would come back as a dragonfly and sit on her shoulder. He was thus sure that in this form, she would recognise who he was and they would be together once again.

[I'm taking some creative liberty here, because my memory of the story's patchy. Bear with me guys.]

So he went back as a dragonfly, and he swooped around, looking for his love. To his joy, he found her sitting in the park where they used to sit while courting, and next to her was the doctor who had treated him. He flew near her, eagerly trying to get her attention, but she didn't seem to realise he was there. Indeed, he even got swiped at a few times!

Maybe she can't see that it's a dragonfly, he thought, I should try letting her see me. So he flew to where she could see him.

He flew near enough to finally hear the conversation between her and the doctor.

"He's been dead so long. You have to accept that he's never coming back."

"I know, but, it feels like I'm betraying him this way."

"He would have wanted you to be happy too, and I... I would make you happy. You know that."

"Yes, I..do."

As their faces drew closer, the poor little dragonfly was aghast. He tried flying around their faces, but they were ignorant to the world outside of themselves. Finally, as they kissed, the little dragonfly felt his heart break. He even managed to perch himself on her shoulder, but they were too otherwise engaged to notice him there. He sat on her shoulder, utterly miserable.

"I'm sorry about this." came the gentle voice of God.

"I understand. And in a way, the doctor was right. I would have wanted her to be happy. I just wish..."

"What?"

"I just wished it could have been with me, that's all."

"Do you want to come back to Heaven, as a man again?"

"I think... no. Please. Let me be a dragonfly the rest of my life. I cannot go through the same pain I went through as a man. Let me be a dragonfly here on Earth."

"As you wish."

So what is the moral of the story? It asks us to see if there are any dragonflies on our shoulders? Is there someone there who cares for us, but have never been noticed? Please be gentle to the little dragonfly, and take a care not to blindly swat him.

Hope you guys liked the story. :)

a bunch of jiapalang

or rather, a bunch of misc stuff.

note to Slayer: Auditions for Singapore Idol are in Jun, u keen? :) No sight of your MOAM yet, and the DVDs you asked for, but they're released a compilation of pop songs with -1 tracks, for the budding Idol-wannabe. Can check it out when you're back in Spore. J8's also going through major renovation, as in addition of more shopping floors, so can expect more shops when you get back.

firstly, a link to some stunning sidewalk art. I received these pix in an email from Sylveracyd, and Slayer and they're really good! [slayer: Why you fwded me an email which Sylver already sent to me is beyond me] Taken from the right angle, the pictures look amazingly lifelike. [plus the laptop one looks like my laptop. :p]

Sidewalk art

secondly, this was taken in the room of one of my P4 tuit kid's:



Slayer, meet one of Singapore's youngest Claymates :p

thirdly, guess what?

A urinal in the ladies' toilet. Who'd've thunk? And no, I wasn't crazy enough to sneak into the men's toilets. Can anyone guess what this urinal is for?

Now the longer entries....

Kill Bill......Finally

And with Vol 2 comes a sense of closure, finally, on the Kill Bill movies. Caught this movie on a Thurs, cos kena play out by a friend of mine. Supposed to watch with me and then end up going with other people. Grrrr......

So what's different about this from Vol. 1? Well, more on the stories behind the characters, and less of the... cheesy blood splattering. Hee. At this point of time the Bride has only 2 people left to kill, so there is the bitchfight between her and Elle Driver [Darryl Hannah] and then Bill. Frankly the fight between her and Bill is a bit disappointing, compared to the Elle one. They exchange a few blows, she presses some of the vital points on his system, and he falls down dead. Hm.

In this movie, more emphasis is placed on the characters, and finally we understand a bit more of the character of the Bride, her relationship with Bill, and all the other emotional stuff that was lacking in the first movie. Kinda balances out the 2 movies in a way I guess.

If you knew a bit of what went on in the first movie, you would be able to catch what's going on in this one, so even if you haven't watched Vol. 1, you should be able to follow the action. Just that you'll see less blood and action in this one. :p Watch out for the funny bits, like when with Pai Mei [Gordon Liu] suddenly talks in Cantonese and calls the Bride an American dog or something to that effect.

Spare the Rod...

A rejoinder to all those who have ever asked me why I never signed up with NIE to become a teacher. [merlin, are you seeing this? :p]

Preserve the dignity of teachers

This pretty much ties in with the scandal over the resigning of the Nan Chiau principal. Seriously, I don't see why on earth he has to resign over a little thing like this, and I don't see what's the big fuss about him hitting that girl. Goodness sake, it was a soft cover book lor. There's no lasting physical damage to the girl, apart from her dignity, and a repeat offender like the girl sometimes is just asking for it sooner or later.

Why do some parents want to pamper their kids to such an extent? Is it guilt, for not spending enough time with them? Is it over-protectiveness? A lack of faith in the resilience of children? Did the complainant in the Nan Chiau case think that whacking the girl with a book would inflict untold irreversible damage on the girl's psyche, and is in fact complaining because of the future psychiatric costs the family would have to foot for her future therapy?

Come on lah. Some of these kids are hardier than some adults. Last time when blading at Bishan Park with Quet and my dad, we saw a bunch of kids chasing each other on blades, [as naturally kids would do] and crashing into one another several times. Sooner or later, there was a multiple pile up on the skating area, where a few kids were piled up on top of one another and other kids decided to join in the piling by crashing into the pile. Then what did they all do after that? Get up, dust themselves off, and continue laughing and chasing each other, gleefully ignoring their parents' scoldings.

If some buffalo like my dad crashed into another adult like that, I'd probably start worrying about hip fractures.

Could that be the cause of overprotectiveness? Strangely enough, adults are in some ways physically weaker and less resilient than children, because adults' bones have stopped growing, and the body systems have started to slow down. Because we as adults grow weaker, we tend to be more careful when we walk [or blade] around. So then this tendency for safety extends to our kids, although we're the ones that need more protection!

How strange parents are huh? They want kids to experience life, but only after putting on knee, elbow, wrist guards, chest guards, helmuts and all the other chiapalang. By the time we deem our kids ready to go, they can hardly waddle out the door after all that weight. This is what we want to teach our kids? No wonder we're having problems with creative thinking and all that. We don't allow our kids to explore, we don't allow them to learn life's lessons, we don't allow them to live. And we push them to get paper after paper, thinking that that's the only guarantee of success for our kids.

When can we say that we have truly lived?

Weird Eggs, No Ham

Krystal thou hast only one task for thy quest... To bring home safely a bottle of Absolut Vanilla... Do not fret over the gin... I drink too much anyway...

Sad to say, the next major drama event in my life was my breakfast. :p I had this brainwave to make a pirated deli-potato, since my mom had baked potatoes in the fridge, and there were eggs and mayo at home. I started out by plopping the eggs in boiling water and waiting for them to, well, boil.

Now the last time I tried to make soft-boiled eggs, I actually left them too long in the water, so in the end they became hard-boiled eggs, much to my chagrin. This time, however, I left them too short a time a time in the water, so my intended hard-boiled eggs turned out to be perfect soft-boiled eggs. Bleah. Thank goodness I only cracked one at the time, so I just plopped the other one back into the water and turned on the heat to sauna-fy that bugger.

Who knows, suddenly there was a "POOIIIFFF!" from the kettle [i swear, it reallly did make that sound] and the kettle regurgitated some boiling water onto my stove. "Oh shit, oh shit" as I go over to the kettle, and open to see if some dead chick had hatched from my egg or something. [hey, you never know one day] My egg seemed to be fine, though, but there were pieces of cooked egg swirling around the water, so I quickly took it out, cracked it, and well... it was some strange hybrid between a hard and a soft boiled egg. My poor mutant scrambled egg. I should have never brought you into this world.

When you're hungry, you don't care anyway. So I had a plate of soft boiled, with soy sauce and pepper, bread, 2 baked potatoes and egg mayo for breakfast. What do I do? I heck care with the whole thing, throw everything into one plate, mix it all up and eat it as it is. My potato-egg-salad with soy sauce and pepper. Jamie Oliver eat your heart out, or rather puke your lungs out.

As some of you know, I have one of the strangest eating habits in the world.

Ok, before you guys all puke your lungs out... here's some pix...


Sunset walking home from mrt.


I really like this one, it's a gecko that was hanging on these grilles they've put up along the MRT tracks. This little bugger managed to climb way up high.

And finally,
Nocturne was done long time ago, when I was alone on a Sat night and wondering around town. Hope you guys like the pix. The one of Wheelock at the end is my fave.

Beli beli good, Krystal shalt get me a bottle of Absolut Vanilla and Quet shalt hand over custody of a bottle of gin to me. I shalt be a beli, beli, happy drunk.

Me no nothing to blog now, side from recent bout of fever/flu/god-only-knows-wat-germ-hit-me and cramps on Sunday, resulting in cancellation of one tuition class. Thankfully me managed to survive, after much, much sleep and cups of hot tea. Me not sorry to cancel tuition class because that one Mother scares me. That Mother damn damn hostile on phone. Talk like going to scold me for something, anything. Don't like talking to that Mother. Strangely Daughter don't really need tuition. Has 60, 70 marks for past exams. Typical kiasu mum. Easy money if not that Mother seem so grumpy round me.

In end me change to today. Now me have 4 students to gao ding in one day. Me would stand in middle of Bishan junction and wait for car to impose sudden death, if not for fact that me want to fly to Europe soon. Thought of holiday keeping me alive and earning money.

Me no feel like blogging much now. Me will wait for next momentous occassion to happen in me's life before me write it down. Hopefully, this would happen before me is 90 and dying. Me life not beli exciting right now. Me will see you guys later.

a new way to get drunk on the cheap

Friday night, after dinner. Krynn already left, leaving me, Quet, and Yenn to hang around aimlessly in Orchard. All 3 of us, Aimless Wanderers, suffering from inertia of some kind. Finally we make our way to the 5th floor at Lido, where at least there is free seating and entertainment from the trailer screen and the oddballs hanging around the area.

One oddball we noticed was the Tout. This was a guy hanging around the start of the ticket queue. He had a bunch of tickets in his hand, and anytime someone walked towards the ticket queue, he'd approach them, talk to them, and apparently try to sell his tickets to them. Curiosity strikes, we debate as to what the Tout is there for. Theories range from the innocent [his friends couldn't make it at the last minute, and now he has to sell them off] to the criminal. [he's trying to swindle people by selling them fake tickets. Before the show starts, he will run out of the cinema] I'm tempted to call the guy over just to ask him what the heck was he doing exactly, but before I work up the guts to do so, he runs off. Maybe he was swindling people after all.

The object of curiosity having disappeared, we focus now on our drinks. This is like the cheapest Happy Hour any of us have ever had. Yenn had a bottle of gin conveniently at hand, and we decided to make our own cocktails there and there at Lido. The gin was left over from the Nuah Day at my place, and I met her that night to return it to her, albeit much reluctance to do so. [btw Krystal, i still want a bottle of gin. Hee.] We get a medium Pepsi at KFC, yes, because it's refillable and we lace the bugger with about 2 inches of gin.

Yes, we got high. What'd u expect? We even had 2 cups of the stuff, cos we finished the first one rather, er, quickly, between me n Yenn. Damn, but gin tastes good. And where else are u gonna get drinks like that for $2? By the time I happily helped Yenn finish up the gin Pepsi, I was high enough to be spewing out Japanese expletives for the world to hear. Yes, I still managed to walk to the bus stop and take the bus home. I was high, not drunk. But I really, really hope there weren't any Japs in Lido that night who heard me go kono saitei yariman...

Krystal: GIN! GIN! I WANT GIN!!! :p Rdgs SnP site, why not just leave it? Or pass the account to me devious hands? heh heh heh...

And yes I tried to sell the vouchers off to tons of people at the time, but nobody was interested. They were 3 $50 [total $150] Nike vouchers, to be used at NIKE Bird stores at Wheelock and Suntec, no expiry date. Since no one was interested, I just hung on to them till I decided to get a pair of shoes for myself.

The browsers are also all magically back to normal. [Sigh...] Someone in my family must've gone "what the heck...?" and just changed it back. Either that or I have pixel fairies in my com. Hm.

Opportunities in Education:
If anyone wants to make serious bucks in education, I suggest writing a book on how to tackle PSLE cloze passage. This is the part of the PSLE that murders students all around Singapore every year, and yet when I go to Popular, there's only 1 book there that really guides you through the cloze passage. Everything else is assessments. [probably cos assessments are much easier to write] I know this personally because all my students have trouble with cloze passage one way or another. One parent also told me that was what her kid's form teacher said during a PTM. Hey... market potential here... :p

[Tenderheart you might be interested] The last time I spoke to Dr Foo, he was also commenting that most of the business books out there tend to be written by people who just want to express their own opinions and experiences, [case in point Robert Kiyosaki] and there aren't many books out there to make academic research accessible to the masses. [only case in point being Harvard Business Review, which isn't exactly that mass-friendly either] So why not a book/quarterly/magazine to express heavy cheemo academic research into reader-friendly terms? [although the copyrights would probably be so sky-high as to reach the level of God, think of all the grateful uni students all over the world who'd be willing to subscribe.]

A few more add-ons to the boyfriend-shoe thing:

1. Just like men, shoes are made for women to walk on. [in, on... whatever]

2. There is always the choice between the ugly, clumpy thing that's comfortable and will last you donkey years, and the stylish, graceful heel that'll kill your feet and break the moment you step into a drain. Stylish, yet comfortable and long-lasting shoes are rare.

Now tell me honestly, how many of you guys out there have bought a brand-new pair of Nike shoes for less than $10?

100% real, original Nike shoes, from the Nike store at Wheelock. Not from the neighbourhood pasar malam.

Less than $10. $6.45 to be exact.

BECAUSE I DID!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[this is the kinda dumb thing only girls like to brag about. Bear with me guys]

Last time, long ago when I first bought my handphone, the deal came with Nike vouchers. Today I finally decided to use the vouchers and now I have a new pair of track shoes. *evil wide cheshire grin*

Even buying the shoes were an act of fate. I walked into the store, and lo and behold, just almost at my eye level were THE pair of shoes. Like, the kinda shoes where I look at it, and I go "They're mine. I'm buying them." and I don't even bother to look at the other models on display. I tried on for size and after that, everything is moot.

I love destiny when she smiles my way.

As an aside though, it inspired this:
[krystal you can copy and paste this into SnP if you like]

Why Shopping for Shoes is like Finding a Boyfriend

1. Firstly, you have to decide the type of shoe you want. Playful? Sporty? Formal? Work?

2. Then, you select the shop to find the shoes you want. Eg, if you want the sporty type, don't look at Charles n Keith. Wrong products. If you want a homeboy to raise your kids, don't look in Coyote Ugly.

3. After that, glance at all the models on display and select the ones that take your fancy.

4. Just like in real life, there will be tons of other women fighting for the same model that you want. This is especially so in stores with sales, where the women outnumber the men, er shoes, 10 to 1.

5. Try on all the shoes you want before you find one that you like. [for men, remember to always play it safe. you know what I mean] But remember to always try on sizes that fit you. [shoes, ladies, i'm talking about shoes]

6. Don't be afraid to walk around in them. Before you invest in a long term relationship with your shoes, you must see whether you're comfortable walking around with them. If there is anything wrong with the shoes before you even buy them, or if they hurt you in painful and unnatural ways, return to shop assistant immediately, no matter how good or how cheap the shoes are.

7. Don't waste money on shoes [men?] like stilettoes. They may look fabulously good, and make you look/feel fabulously sexy, but they'll slowly kill your feet the longer you wear them and give you athritis in the long run. Avoid stiletto men, I mean shoes.

8. Don't overpay for shoes. However, always pay for quality. Good, well-cut, comfortable shoes will last you a long time. Once you recognise quality, don't hesitate to foot the initial investment. The returns you get back [feet that look n feel good?] will last you a lifetime.

9. Sometimes you walk into a store and you see the pair of shoes you know you'll love. You can't explain why, but you fell in love with the shoe at first sight and you absolutely have to have them. [this happened with my Nikes]

and finally,
10. The first time you wear your new pair of shoes, it's bound to give you blisters and aches all over. [god knows this happened with my leather sandals] Don't forget that with a new pair of shoes, slight blisters in the beginning are inevitable. However, the longer and more often you wear them, the more the shoes will stretch to fit your foot, and in the end, you'll have a happy, comfortable relationship with your shoes.

Too bad I seem to have better luck with shoes than men. :p

I did a silly thing.

I accidentally slammed a couple of keys on the keyboard at the same time.

Now my taskbar [below] has completely disappeared and only reappears when I move the mouse down there, which is a totally irritating thing to me.

Then the menu bar [above] has flattened, from its usual 3 rows to everything squeezed onto one row.

I'm now suffering from windows disorientation.

Can anyone [if you know what I'm talking about] tell me just how to adjust this stupid thing??


As to the Europe trip, hm, donno.... Guess that our 'vision' here is for the whole group to enjoy ourselves as a group as much as poss so as far as possible, we try to do things together, and that's how the planning for the whole thing proceeded along. But anyway despite the size, the only ones making decisions [and objections] are essentially me, Turtle, and Juls. So all this ruckus is really just the discussion between 3 pple. Ironic huh? The other 3 more or less left power of attorney to Turtle and Juls.


The NKF bit I wrote sparked more tags than I tot too. I think it's about high time those people started issuing statement of accounts, just to inform the public exactly where all that money is going to, and whether there're people dying because of that. Luv 'em or hate 'em, you just gotta concede to their marketing prowess. They know what they want, and they're aggressive and pretty original in getting it.



Have you all heard about the collapse of the Nicoll highway? They were on a construction site for the new MRT Circle line along Nicoll Highway behind Golden Mile and then BANG! The whole thing caved in. Statistics currently stand at 1 dead, 3 hurt and 3 missing. Suntec City suffered a complete blackout, of which KR is grateful for, considering he had an early day off from work, but unfortunately Yenn didn't. :p The entire road is also completely impassable and will be so for months.

There were worries about the entire road caving in, rather than just that section, and that it might pull down Golden Mile and the Concourse with it, and then there were worries of a gas leak which could really overboil the soup. Imagine, road collapse and then gas explosion, good god. I think Candle's transport by bus to Suntec has also been completely wiped out. On the radio, I heard that buses like 10, 70, and 14 were re-routed, so Candle, you're out of luck there.

My thought is that somebody in the archi dept is really gonna lose his career for this. I mean, how could you make such a bad mistake in your calculations, resulting in this kinda accident? It's not the kind of thing you can recover from easily. You file something wrongly, slap on the wrist. You misplace documents, slap on the wrist. You forget to email a client, stern warning. You cause a road collapse of one of Singapore's major roads, resulting in 1D, 3H, 3M, and power blackouts throughout the city area including Suntec City, Marina Square, Esplanade.......

Pity the guy. If he gets designated as the scapegoat, the only thing he'll be doing in an archi firm from then on is pouring tea.

To Slayer: Er, so flying to a country you hate for the 3rd time is preferable to staying in Singapore? :p Even if it is semi-free? What's the logic in paying, even a subsidisied price, to go all the way to a place that you hate? Where nobody speaks the language that you do and in desperation you call someone in Singapore just to speak English to them? :p :p Wahahaha...

So either you have to find something you haven't seen in that country, or just don't go lah! Go somewhere else that ain't too expensive, like Thailand or something... Why do you keep going to a place you hate?

Krystal I'll take you up on your offer........ If I wasn't so damn broke at this point of time. *hangs head* Haiz... But KL maybe I'm alright for a weekend, and I know the place a little too. Hee... Might have to wait till I come back from my trip though, cos all my reserves are tied to that.

Almost a month and a half before I fly off, and there are still disagreements within the group about where to go. The LON/PAR part of the journey is set, but it's where we go after that that's causing us the problems. Gotta find some budget flight from PAR to either Copenhagen/Brussels/Stockholm and see where we end up by then. Turtle wants to go to Brussels, because he's been to Cop [lucky devil him *sulks*], Me and Julian were thinking of Cop, of which neither of us have been to, and wherever we go, we wanna try to end up in Stockholm. Then there's the matter of transport and accomo booking. Argh. Argh. Argh.

Am tempted again to do the Piscean thing and curl up in a shell somewhere, and hang a sign on the entrance that says "F**K off, World".

So... here's another of my literary contributions to the world:

Charity starts at... the Purse

The S11 at Bishan was abuzz with activity last Sunday night. This was not due in any part to a wonderful new hawker stall opening, but rather due to the NKF stunt about to be performed. For those who didn't watch/hear about it, the stunt was performed at the block just next to the CPF building and the coffeeshop. 6 stars [I donno who] lowered themselves from the 10th floor to the 6th, where they performed some aerial acrobatics. Like, "1...2....3....Go!" and the 6 people who were hanging in a row would transform themselves into a pyramid. Today in the newspapers, we read that the NKF has earned almost $2m from the 2 shows held over 2 weekends.

These few days, local charities have come under a most uncomfortable scrutiny, in light of the Joachim-Kang controversy. [the priest that allegedly embezzled church funds to pay for his 'goddaughters' computers and condominiums] So suddenly, a lot of people are interested in what happens to the money. What the average man in the street wants to know is, is the money I donate going to pay for meals for poor folks, or the priest's new handphone?

And is it any wonder that they wonder so? Take a walk down Orchard one Saturday afternoon, and you may be accosted in the face by more than 5 different charities, all asking for funds to various needy and worthy causes. [btw that no wasn't chosen arbitrarily. that was the no that accosted me one Saturday afternoon] There are so many people out there that need your money, who will starve if you don't give, who will die if you don't give, quick empty your wallet into my box now or this old lady will die, take off your clothes now because there's a family who needs it more than you, and hey, they need your shoes too.

No wonder people feel so stressed, what with all the guilt being thrust in their faces. The NKF uses this tactic to its deadly fullest in its show. They show clips of kidney patients crying into the camera, stars crying into the camera, asking for funds to keep them alive and on dialysis. Naturally you feel guilty and reach for the phone.

Then one day, 3 strikes. One, it's made public that the NKF has almost $180m in reserves, sitting in the bank. Everyone's like WTF?? They had so much money in the bank and they still want more from me??

Second, Joachim Kang becomes news. Every charity comes under scrutiny, and none more glaring than the one on the richest local charity around.

Third, the gold taps in the CEO's toilet, although admittedly, this probably won't cause such a huge ruckus as the above 2.

But it's true that people nowadays are more wary of the money they give, and who exactly is receiving it and what they're doing with it. If I give you $2, I give it to you in the faith that this money will help someone out there. I give part of the money I earned to someone, because I think he needs it and I want to give it to him. I don't give it to him so that he can upgrade to the latest model, or so that your CEO can buy that new BMW or build that new extension to his house. With all this charitable controversy going around, people are getting more wary about who exactly is receiving the money and what's going to be done with it.

Then further muddying the waters are the 'paid social workers', the kids who get a commission off each ticket they sell. Whether this is moral or not is a moot issue. There will be some for, there will be some against, and it's pointless facing each one off the other. The part I want to highlight here is the behaviour of some of these kids, who sometimes act more ruthlessly than some of the more experienced MLM, insurance or property agents. Maybe they think they have an added advantage by tugging at the heartstrings and hereby letting loose the knots on the purse strings. All they did was piss off a whole buncha people and getting themselves, and other reputable charities, in the same stereotype as MLM, insurance and property agents.

And who are the losers of all these tactics? Only the people who are most in need of the money. They put their faith and hope in an organisation to help them, and when this organisation, or its appointed representatives, acts poorly...... the nearest comparison would be to a lawyer who screams to a presiding judge, "Godammit!!!! Are you blind or what? Can't you see he's innocent???"

Charity organisations have to be more careful than anyone else in the handling of funds. No one gets morally outraged when the CEO of an MNC is caught embezzling funds from his own company. In a weird sense, we aren't so surprised because in business, the first principle is that of self-interest. Look out for your own arses first. People [especially employees, of course] will get pissed off if the CEO has his own Boeing jet or gold plated toilets, but they expect that, because he's the ultimo supremo, the boss of the entire company. Nobody's fooled into thinking he's some philantrophic soul, because if he has to, we know he'll fire our asses off in a minute. Anyway, he's also the one signing our paycheques.

But when we're doing the giving instead of the receiving, we naturally have an interest in what the charity is doing with our cash. I give money so that some family out there will have rice to eat. I don't give so that the CEO can have abalone for dinner. Charities have to make sure that their representatives act responsibly and morally. They also have to keep their slate clean of any speck of dirt that may affect their reputation.

Otherwise what's the cost? Ultimately and ironically, it's always to the people that need the money most in the end.

as an aside, I would like to say that I fully disapprove of guilt marketing. This is when the organization makes you feel guilty for not contributing, ie "If you don't give, they will die" "He died for you, what can you do for him?" and is extensively used by NKF in the former, and Christian groups in the latter. These people wanna make you think that charity is an obligation, which goes against the whole concept of charity itself. If I had an obligation to all the charities out in Singapore alone, I'd be in serious need of charity myself. By using the "If you don't give, they will die" line, they make it sound as if this man's life was in my hands, and that I have the power to let him live, or die. This is not true. As much as I'd like to think so, I'm just not that powerful. My money might help him live for a while, but it's certainly not the be-all and end-all. The more you throw this into people's faces, the more hardened and bitter they will be as a result, like moi here. If I earned my own money, I have a right to decide how to spend it. The more you force this supposed obligation onto me, the more I'm just gonna refuse. If you let me be, you'd have a better chance of getting my money.