The FilmOut Camera

This, my dear readers, is a FilmOut Camera:

Ok, to clarify, I gave it that name because I didn't know what it was called. I went to my usual photolab to develop some shots as usual and I noticed a new toy camera they had.

Not only that, but the box showed that the roll of film was exposed?? 

(Note: Usually when a film negative is exposed to light, it becomes overexposed and everything on the negative turns white. So when doing film photography, exposing the film negative entirely is a strict no-no.)

I asked to take a look and when they took it out of the box, the film roll was indeed exposed! The key design feature that made this possible was the closeness of the camera to the slit in the roll where the film would exit. The design made it such that the film roll would sit right next to the camera so that the film would be wound from the roll to the other side of the camera (the side of the astronaut in my picture) 

I couldn't help it, I just had to give it a try for $20. 

Lo and Behold, it works!

There were caveats, of course:

The camera should be used where there is strong light, or a source of strong light. Such cameras are typical point-and-shoots and they don't have additional features like flashes or light meters to allow you to take nice pictures in dark rooms or at night. 

The pictures appear in a continuous panorama. Perhaps because the film wasn't wound enough into the camera, the lab couldn't figure out where to cut the negatives. So you might notice parts of an earlier shot spilling into the next shot, like the 6th shot of the woman at Starbucks.

There are light leaks in each one because I didn't set the film firmly against the camera. That's why you see little stalagmites of light in each shot.

Still it is a unique collector's piece! I still want to bring it out to try again! Bonne chance!

Women: New Portraits by Annie Leibovitz

Today (Sunday, May 8) I went to the Annie Leibovitz photo exhibition at the Tanjong Pagar Railway Station. Since one of my personal goals is to improve my photography, I thought it would be worthwhile to learn from a master, oops, mistress of the craft.

I was only armed with a humble iPhone and my lacklustre skill, so no comparisons hor...

 The exhibition was sponsored by UBS and it's a world tour which began in London in January. Other countries on the world tour include New York, Zurich, Tokyo and Hongkong.

The Exhibition Hall

While walking, I notice some light and movement inside the old ticket counter. What the...?

When I walked in, I realized they had created a reading nook inside. There were chairs and sofas and photography books from a wide variety of photographers for you to browse through.

While the area looked tempting, I couldn't stay for more than 5 minutes because it was just too hot! There were 2 reading nooks and both only had the standing air con unit for ventilation so the room became very stuffy and humid very quickly. 

This is the book which you can find her works from the exhibition as well as many more. I think I would rather browse it at Kino......

The print photographs displayed were of various well-known female figures from politics and the arts and others. I don't know if I can accurate pinpoint or describe the Leibovitz style but there were 2 points that struck me in the photos I saw:

She took photos of her subjects in their own comfort zones.
Adele was taken while seated at a piano, a prominent historian was taken while in her study, and a US ambassador in her office. The subjects weren't always the major focus of the photo and they were placed in a setting that expanded our understanding of them. So for example, in the photo of Adele, we do not see her just as Adele, we would see her as Adele, the Musician.

This is interesting because when we think of portrait photography, we always think that we should focus on the person and the face. Most commonly, we think of the studio shot, shot against a plain background. Leibovitz shows that a portrait can be taken out of the studio in order to show more of the character behind the face.

Her subjects show strength and vulnerability at the same time
I'm not sure if this was because of the rapport between the photographer and the subject or because of the subject chosen. Most of the women in the photos seem to show this contrasting dichotomy. Could it be because as working women, we are expected to be strong but yet we still have an inherent softness? Ah, I'll let my feminist friends argue that point out... 

Most striking were the 2 photos of Yoko Ono. One was a Rolling Stones cover which showed her and John Lennon in the same bed. The other was a close up of Yoko Ono's face. There seemed to be years of difference between the two but the captions will tell you that the photos were taken only 1 year apart. A few hours after the Rolling Stones cover photo was taken, Lennon was shot. And the grief and misery was clearly apparent on Yoko's 2nd photo.

All in all, I liked the exhibition though I wish that more photos were displayed and that they had better ventilation! If you want to visit, the exhibition is on till 22 May. Read more about the exhibition by clicking on these little highlighted words.

It's May!

Time definitely flies faster when I'm back at work! Suddenly it's almost time for the holidays and there are still a million and one things that I have yet to do! So how is my progress so far on my personal goals? Time for a reflection......

1. Read the book each day
Sidetracked! I read everything except my writing book! After one trip to the library and a couple more to Kino, suddenly I have more books and magazines I need to finish! Argh!

On another note, the book I am currently reading is very interesting because it's something I can relate to:

The Late Starters Orchestra is written by Ari Goldman. At the age of 60, he decided to finally pursue his longtime dream of playing the cello. In his book, he writes about the words of his long-deceased cello teacher, Mr J, and about the openness and friendliness he encountered while joining the Late Starters Orchestra. 

The LSO is a real group of people and they believe that anyone should be allowed to play an instrument in an orchestra, regardless of skill and ability. They are a real group and you can read more about them by clicking this here link.

A very familiar scenario for me as my violin rests on the wall to my right! The book is worth a read as Goldman writes in a very easy-to-read style and I think anyone who is in the process of learning something as an adult will identify with the struggles and difficulties he faced.

(Ah ha, I think I just wrote a book review for April!)

2. Write a story from Pocket Muse every week.

I managed to write only 1 short story, which is The Loudest Person. Why did I fail so badly on this one?

I attribute it to lack of proper planning. I've been planning my personal goals by writing them on a desk calendar. However, I failed to realize just how tired I would be after school and how that would affect my creativity. On some days, even when I tried, I could only sit and stare at the book because nothing would come to mind.

This is important because if I'm that tired, it would not just affect my writing but also all those other areas I want to work on, like my art. It would also affect my violin and piano playing. (I would probably end up using the massage chair at the 'piano studio' more) So what does this tell me?

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.

Don't get so caught up with trying to finish all the work in school. Plan lessons and keep in mind what work I would expect to mark after lessons. Plan which I should mark on that day and which I can leave for another day. Finish all planned marking in school so that I feel fresher after school. Don't plan for too many mentally intensive activities on the same night.

That being said, I also realized that the time after dinner at home is a great time to flex creative muscle. It's peaceful and cooler and it becomes easier to relax and think. All I have to do is close myself in the study and leave the man to the TV.

3. Start Writing Project

Argh, this one also took a hit. I have to start again on this one. 

So What Now?

So there are some hits and some misses. I do realize now that if I want to focus on something for the month, I have to plan for it to actually happen. Writing in my desk calendar helps so I will continue to do so. 

Even then, there are times I will also miss out. That means that when I plan for something, I have to step into the study and start, anyway and any old how. As long as I start something or step into somewhere, I can start. 

Although, at least I have some slight achievement. I have one story, which is one more than I did before -_-!!! But I still have to continue progressing, so what am I aiming for in May?

Photography
To complete at least 2 photography ideas, whether it be doubles or other Lomographic weirdness.
Music
To practise my violin and piano at least twice a week
French
To do one section of French a day, excepting weekends. For this, I started a diary page in my journal where I will write one sentence in (badly written) French each day. 

Wish me luck! Bonne chance!

My Blog is a Tween! + Was I ever that young?

I recently wrote a small piece on my other blog comparing how I was as a fresh grad and the changes I had observed after 10 years in the industry. After writing that, I became curious about this blog and searched through the dusty blog archives for the very first entry I did.

Lo, I realized that this blog was born on 16th October, 2003. It turns 13 this year! It's a tweenager! 

Even when I read the words from that first entry, I felt old! The style of writing seemed so immature and full of teenage spunk. [I don't want to elaborate on what that shows of me from my writing now...] They seemed to come from someone else entirely and if it wasn't for the fact that I remember typing them down in the university computer lab, I might have never recognized them as my own.

Anyway, here they are, with my older, wiser *ahem* thoughts in between:

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Out of curiosity, and the plain fact that I do not want to start working on any of my schoolwork anytime soon, I've decided to start this blog. If nothing, it'll save me from writing all those lengthy emails to pple ( when I actually do it, that is ) and give my friends the option of choosing to read my crap or not. What a nice person I am. :p

Nowadays, with FB, my friends have no option but to read the crap I post. Sorry, guys.


Anyway, quick intro: 22 year old *still* student at NUS, fac of bizad, school of management, 

Damn! Was I ever 22??? I can hardly remember what that feels like!]


or [my favourite] School of Biz [SOB. who the heck was the one who thought that up??] 

And now my employer shares the same acronym as the bartender from the Simpsons. Who was the one who thought that one up?


I'm graduating in Dec, so will officially join the ranks of the unemployed on Jan 2004, wondering exactly what it is I paid NUS so much for. Will become wandering spirit by that time, the Fool of the Tarot, going where the wind blows me to and hopin' I don end up in some rubbish heap.

Thankfully, not still unemployed. Honestly, in retrospect, that was a pretty uncertain time, living literally paycheck to paycheck teaching tuition. I wouldn't have done [or bought] most of the things I have now with that lifestyle and I do have some gratitude for the paycheck I earn now. Yet, I can't deny there are aspects about it that still appeal to me and I do still have a longing to become that Fool of the Tarot.


My big dream is to strike 1st prize in 4D one day, become disgustingly, filthily, rich and live off the proceeds for the rest of my life without having to work.

Obviously, this still has not happened.


Since the chances of that happening is [nil], I would also like to work in the creative arts industry in some way. If I ever get my Illustrator down, I'd like to become a freelance graphic designer. Until then, I'd be teaching tuition for a living, until the day I die of a heart attack in a pool of my own blood in some kid's house.

Oh, this is one of the parts I miss so much about being in university. The thought that the world was still open to you and your dreams and you could still be anything you wanted to be. Instead, I'm still in danger of dying of a heart attack in a pool of my own blood in school. 

How does this happen to us? How do we lose our dreams and the capacity to dream somewhere in those 10 years?


Ok, too much info for now. Me gotta go do some actual work, you know, the kind that justifies your place in society and that most parental and educational units look favourable upon. See ya.

Yes, I did manage to find some actual work to justify my place in society and be looked favourably upon by parental and educational units. I'm still deciding whether that's a good thing or not.

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Seeing my 22-year old thoughts and my 36-year-old ones together brought home the idea of aging far more vividly than I thought. My 22-year-old self sounded a lot spunkier than I remember at the time and more sarcastic as well. Yet, I can't deny that my older self has some wisdom *ahem* that my 22-year-old one did not have and that certainly, I wouldn't have wanted to live with the salary that I was earning as a tuition teacher for the rest of my life. 

Maybe the key here is to be aware of and grateful for what age can bring you. My 22-year-old self would not have been able to travel to the number of countries that I did in my 30s. My 22-year-old self would have still been sharing the family computer and living with her parents, instead of typing these words in her own study in her own house. My 22-year-old self was very much single with no hope of getting attached. So indeed my older self has a lot more that my 22-year-old self would have looked enviously at.

Still, you do have to raise a toast to younger days. To dreams unfulfilled and dreams yet to be.

Do a Little Every Day To Inch Towards a Better Tomorrow

Here is me, trying to inch my way towards meeting my writing goal this month! Whee...

Since the start of this year, I've been trying to achieve various personal creative goals. I've had varying amounts of success with them. There are some days I don't feel like doing anything productive at all, and there are some days I wonder how I managed to get so much done.

Take today, for instance. There were 3 tasks from work I had to do, 2 of them involving marking. Somehow, between the lessons and the various meetings, I managed to finish all 3 at the end of the day. After that, I practised an hour of piano before going for dinner and then went for an hour-long walk around my estate as an excuse for exercise. I'm back home, having bathed (yet still feeling hot, why???) and I'm typing a new blog entry.

This is not the first. I've had other days too when I look back and I wonder how did I do all that, when I initially thought I'd fail or end up pushing it to the next day. But actually, on reflection, I realised there were 3 principles I'd been following, that I had read from various books and FB sources.

1. Multitasking really does not work.
The research has proven it over and over again and I've discovered it for myself through real-life experience. It does not work and in fact you can be more productive if you concentrated on just one task at a time. 
Take a typical day at work. Once I start marking some worksheets, I get into a kind of groove. I can spot the mistakes and take note of common errors more easily. Then someone comes around and asks to discuss about something. My attention turns to that person and even if it is just for 5 minutes, I find my groove totally lost when I turn back to the worksheets.
It's not that I'm easily distracted (well, maybe that too) but there's tons of research done to show that what happened to me is more common than you think. Yet there are still tons of workers who think they are being productive by being able to handle all those distractors at the same time. Well, you might be one of the lucky few, but I will gratefully concede that I am not and in fact, I really did accomplish more work and marking when I just ignored the people around.

2. Even a Little Bit Helps
Remember that proverb about moving a mountain rock by rock? It turns out there's more than a pebble of truth in that after all. A more consistent practice bit by bit helps to build up huge results. $2 saved a day will earn you $60 richer in a month, and $720 richer in a year. If you think that's not much, maybe you are one of the top 1%. This does not apply just to money, but to other things as well. 10 minutes of instrument practice builds up skill. 20 minutes of brisk walking burns more calories than sitting in front of the TV. 10 minutes of blogging builds up too. I just counted the number of blog entries for April and I did 18 entries. That's an average of a post every 2 days!
So that small bit of effort doesn't seem like much to show at first, but keep it consistent and eventually it all builds up.

However, building it up leads us to the last point, which is....

3. Remember the End Goal
I learnt this from 7 Habits and it has stayed with me. Whatever you are trying to achieve, you have to keep in mind what end result you want for yourself. Then with the time remaining to yourself, you decide whether what you do leads you to that end goal.
In my case, that meant I gave up a lot of TV. I'm a total idiot when it comes to TV dramas of any kind and I only know of some vaguely because of my 8 Days habit. When I wrote down all the things I wanted to achieve, I became a bit guilty every time I sat in front of the TV. I could have been writing, I could have been reading or doing some art instead. Since TV did not feature in any of my end goals, I gave it up with no regrets. I do forget and binge watch at times and I still like to watch my crime dramas while eating but other than that, most of the time I rather do something else. 

Why do I put all this down on my blog? First, to fulfil my writing goal of course, and secondly, because actually writing down (or typing) them does help to etch them in my mind. These are principles I feel are easy enough for me to follow and can reap big rewards later on in life. I'm not sure if one day I will be a world-famous artist or a millionaire blogger by doing so but I do know that for me, it beats TV and FB and that it's good to see some of the results, no matter how small.

Planner Art

From this blog, you can see that I'm interested in a lot of things. (Curiosity could kill the cat indeed) I get interested in a lot but I don't always have the commitment to brush my knowledge up to a level that I want. For eg, the violin. I like the challenge of playing it, despite how bad I am, but I don't feel I practise enough to reach a level that I am satisfied with. Why don't I do so? Numerous distractions abound, but Facebook and TV spring to mind first... 

This year, I pledged to achieve more of my personal goals instead of just letting them languish holiday after holiday. I've used this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to me and to my friends, but I cannot use it on a daily basis. I don't like looking at screens all the time, my battery will run flat several times a day and more importantly, I can do more pretty things on paper than on the phone, heh. 

So I've been keeping an informal planner to help me keep track of my personal goals and to help me plan my week and this is the planner page I've done for the week 18-24 April:

There's very little content because I never meant it to be a daily diary, just a simple one to note when I did something relating to my personal goals. I do keep one thing constant though, which is to note Gratitude, Focus and Goals.

For Gratitude, I note one thing in the day I'm grateful for. This reminds me that life is not all bad, even on its worst days and reminds me to see the good as well. Sometimes there's one big thing I'm grateful for, sometimes it's small, like a quiet cup of tea. It all works to the same effect.

For Focus, I note what I did to achieve my Focus for the month. This month, my focus is on Writing, so I might note whether I blogged in this blog, or others. 

For Goals, I note which of my other goals I managed to achieved, like practising the piano or exercising. Again, the success of this varies. Some days I did it, some days, I rediscover the joys of TV...... 

Why do I have two separate yet alike sounding themes like Focus and Goals? There is a slight difference for me. Because there's so much stuff that catches my attention, I want to focus on one a month and take that month to go more indepth into the subject. So for my Focus on writing, I might read up more on writing skills and techniques and (try to) blog more frequently. Hopefully, after the month of focus is up, some habits and knowledge become more ingrained.

However, other than writing, there are other stuff I like to do and I feel are important enough to continue doing. Exercise is one, so it becomes a goal. I continue doing it but I don't bring all my focus onto it and exercise 5 days a week at the gym. That for me is the difference.

It's not a perfect system of course, and I'm not all that disciplined in carrying out all my goals, but I do feel that there's a difference when things are jotted down on paper. You feel that much accountable to yourself and I also make more of an effort to reach them. Even if I don't reach all my goals, it feels good to know there is some progress still, better than nothing. 

And of course it always feels good as well to look at a pretty planner page, haha...

So I'm going to continue with this habit for a while. It's a simple way to exercise creativity in both art and writing and also to keep track of my goals. At the same time, I can also exercise mindfulness and gratitude for the little blessings that make my life a bit easier. It requires little effort, does no harm and I end up with a pretty little page at the end. Why not?

I've been featured!

After hanging up the lenses for a while, suddenly two of my photos got featured in public arenas! I'm alternating between feeling happy and feeling some slight panic of the impostor-syndrome kind: What if I can't live up to the online fame? What if this is the best I'll ever do? What if I never take good photos again?

What if I just get on with my life, eh? 

It does make me feel slightly wistful though, looking back at the album. The last photo I posted on my Lomohome was in March. After that I was busy at work in April, I was also trying to concentrate on my writing and somehow the film got neglected. It's nice to have been featured but at the same time I know my skill is nowhere near some others I know. There have also been tricks of the trade I've been thinking of trying but they have still remained as ideas in my journal.

Hm, is it time for a monthly focus on photography?

Staycation! Hotel Intercontinental, April 2016

Almost at the last minute, the hub decided to book a staycation at a hotel I'd been eyeing for a staycation. (I think he's been too stressed) So just this last weekend, we spent the night at the Hotel Intercontinental at Bugis.

I wasn't sure why I was thinking of the Intercon in particular but when we went into the hotel, that much became clear. For one, consider too that the hotel is right next to Bugis Junction, which makes it very convenient for dinner. You don't have to feel stuck in the hotel, unlike Shangri-La. We were able to walk to Suntec to shop at the Public Garden flea market, have dinner at Marina Square, and then walk back.

Next, is the decor. The feel is that of the British colonial era, peppered with Asian influences in the painting and the furniture. 

Despite being right next to the mall, the lounge area is very quiet and on Saturday night, there was a lady singing Jazz classics. Bring out the cheongsams and the embroidered fans already! I really want to have high tea there one day, cheongsam not necessary.

One unexpected perk, they upgraded our room to a Heritage room! The room is bigger in size and also comes with TWG tea and a Nespresso machine. The decor is also nicer, following the theme of the hotel.

How do hotels always keep their beds so soft and fluffy?? I badly want this bed in my own bedroom! 

Koolpoof and I agree, the bathroom with its double vanity and wide showerhead is a pretty shiok place to hang out in. Where too can I get a shower gel that smells as heavenly as their lemon verbena one?

Another weakness of mine: Hotel breakfasts. I love them. 

2 things I learned from their breakfast buffet: Warm maple syrup is tons better than room temperature, and honeydew-rockmelon juice is great when squeezed from a slow juicer!

I left the room with a sigh, thinking of that bed and I definitely won't mind coming here for another staycation! Till then, it's back to making my own bed......

Earth Day

At work this week, there was a presentation about waste minimization. Among the facts, one that stood out for me was about the amount of food waste incurred. If we went on throwing away food the way we did, our landfill island, Pulau Semakau will be filled within our lifetime. Ok, now I'm a bit more guilty about throwing away that leek that was going bad...

However, as I went about my day, I also realised just how much trash I threw as an individual consumer. I bought a drink, trashed the drink packet. I received junk mail, trashed it. I bought toiletries, trashed the packaging. I marked some worksheets done badly, trashed... just kidding. ;p

My house is full of incidental trash. This includes trash that I created in consuming another good, sometimes a necessity. For example, I bought shampoo, which resulted in a plastic bottle becoming trash. I bought sanitary napkins, resulting in the packaging becoming plastic trash. Plastic is also difficult for me to upcycle. With varying success, I can turn paper into various things but plastic is difficult to bend and mold into shape.

Incidental trash also comes in other forms that comes to me unasked for. I might receive gifts from a friend. Sometimes, I can upcycle the packaging, sometimes I cannot. I forget to bring recycle bags to the supermarket and I end up with more plastic bags than I can handle. Junk mail comes, totally unasked for. I receive free gifts in the forms of stationery sometimes at work and I now have enough notebooks to record my memoirs and maybe those of my future children. Sometimes, these free gifts come in plastic packaging, you guessed it - Trash.

I try to make my small way about recycling and reusing. I bring lunch to work in my electric lunchbox instead of disposable containers. I refuse plastic bags. I try to salvage paper products into other stuff. But yet I feel like the onslaught continues. 

Which is why I salute people like Lauren Singer. She is a 23 year old singer in NYC whose trash in 4 months equals to the volume of a jam jar! I found her in a magazine which led me to her blog Trash is for Tossers. (I do doubt the true impact of her actions, though, because while you may not produce that much trash personally, the pursuit of your career may produce more trash than you think. But to each his own.) 

When I read her efforts, I look around my overstuffed bookshelf and I feel very guilty. Maybe I shouldn't have bought that last bout of stationery......

She does make a point that I can resonate with. That we should evaluate our lives and think of how much and what we really need to be happy with. It brought me back to the days of holiday. I had the time to cook at home, saving on outside meals. I borrowed books from the library, I did art at home, I refused to add more art materials and instead raided my existing supplies. I decided not to throw away magazines but sold them to others, giving them another lease of life and earning some money as well.

That's when I realised that, to be truly contented, everything I needed was already around me. I had to see it for myself and tell myself to do it, rather than thinking I always needed to buy something new.

Realization is the first step. Action is the second and hardest step to do. Again, though, start easy, start small and remember that even the smallest actions do more good than doing nothing at all.

Do what you love? (originally published 16th Feb)

[Note: I originally wrote a version of this on 16th Feb, but upon re-reading it, have decided to edit it.] 

Today, I read an interesting article on doing what you love and doing it outside of work. The author is a Roger W. Ferguson Jr and a quick look on Linkedin says that he is CEO and president of a financial services company in the US. 

Ferguson wrote an article published on Linkedin titled "Why 'Do what you love' Matters in Life Outside Work Too." The author writes that he likes the idea of 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life', but does not agree with it. To him, his job comes under the category of 'work', separate from the other things he does, like reading and exercise.

Hmm, sounds familiar. 

Except that unlike what you may think, he actually loves his job and is satisfied with what he does. His exact quote says:

"I find that it’s helpful to see work-life not so much as separate spheres that must be “balanced,” but as a continuum, each flowing into and influencing the other. I believe that if you spend your free time doing things that nourish you physically, intellectually, and emotionally, you will be better at work, even if those pursuits have nothing to do with your actual job responsibilities."


This goes against the underlying assumption that most people see in 'Do what you love...', that we actually hate our jobs and we should switch to something that we love.

I'm sure there are many people/cubicle rats out there who agree with this and would rather be butchers, bakers or candlestick makers. To these people, I say go all out, find your passion and find a way to make it work.

But what about people who may be moderately satisfied? You're not entirely happy but you don't feel that unhappy that you would necessarily want to leave.

I can relate to this sentiment. Overall, I am satisfied with my job. There are parts I hate, there are parts that exasperate me and there are also parts I take some pride in doing. I hate paperwork with an unholy passion, especially where I see no long lasting benefit to anyone. I hate the times when the marking spills into my personal life at home and I feel robbed of my personal time. 

But I love it when the class responds well during a lesson, I feel tingles of pride when I see some improvement in a child's work or when the words I say lift the corners of their mouth into a smile. I see a lot of crap in my line, but I also see a fair amount of good as well.

Are there stuff that makes me happier? Of course there are.

Will I quit my job and pursue my passion? No, I will not, for several reasons. (Especially after the TOTO draw is over and I didn't win a thing...)

1. My job pays well.
I cannot deny that it is my job that has given me the cash to be able to pursue my passion in the first place. Can I sustain my violin lessons without fees? Will I even be able to purchase scores and materials to play? What if my violin suffers damage? Will I be able to pay for it? Maybe I can do a different job that lets me have more time to pursue my passion but what out there pays enough to let me sustain my life and also my passion?

2. My passions cannot sustain themselves. 
The most common sentiment about doing what you love is that if you throw yourself whole-heartedly into it, you will produce such good works that the monetary part will naturally follow. BUT I am well aware I am no Picasso or Shlomo Mintz. My abilities in art and music at this point are not at a level where others are willing to pay for. 

3. I have responsibilities to pay for.
If I was a fresh graduate in my 20s, I might not have minded so much about the cash, but here's a reality check. I want to start a family and I have a mortgage to pay. I have a mortgage in my name. I want to start a family. Can I responsibly do all this if I quit with no plan in sight?

4. I am darn lazy. Sometimes, working for other people is the only way to ensure I'm being a responsible adult. I'm not sure that I have the self-discipline to get my own projects done.

This is getting depressing right? After all the affirmation speeches and TED talks that exist out there.

However, it doesn't mean that it has to be like that all the time.

It simply means that I have to be a bit smarter about managing my job and my passion.

Like merging my passion and my job. I made the decision this year that I should ask to do an advanced diploma in music. If I do not get approval to do this, I should start making plans to leave for one that will give me that approval. Whether or not I end up doing this doesn't matter as much as the hope that I can. Sometimes that feeling of hope is enough to get me through a bad appraisal day.

I also made smaller decisions. That I should plan ahead and allocate time to my hobbies, like taking time to practise my piano and violin so that I may eventually pursue music teaching privately. To pursue blogging more seriously as steps to bigger things, like having a book published. To commit myself to this, I have taken up planning my activities weekly, as I read in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It works to an extent, till one day when I binged on Criminal Minds... -_-!!!

I may be tied down to my job but that doesn't mean I have to be imprisoned in it forever. A subtler revenge, I would think, would be to use it to better myself so that I do not have to be in thrall to it forever. Then I would really be able to pursue my passion and just keep my job as a sideline.

These may not be big steps, and they may not happen all at once, but small steps will do in my circumstances for now.

Till I win the lottery jackpot anyway. 

Upcycled Journal Box

I have a problem with hoarding paper and journals. The potential for great works in a blank notebook always seems slightly hedonistic to me. Because of this, I have small piles of notebooks on my desk that can avalanche at any minute. I force myself to purge and organize at particularly threatening times but there are some that have to stay on my desk for easy access when I'm scrapping or crafting. 

Rather than let them pile up and fall, I decided to make something that would let them all sit nicely on my desk. A friend of mine recently gave me a gift from her holiday which I loved, but when I saw the box it came in, ideas sprung to me.

(Another problem with me: I see all kinds of potential in things people would just throw to the karang guni man. I like to pick them up. -_-!!)

Here's my craft project then, the upcycled journal box.

Sidetrack: here's the cute gift that was in the box, a colour-changing Snoopy mug! ( I finally got a dog present! )

Upcycled Journal Box

Materials needed:
- Box
- Decorative paper (mine came from an issue of Flow Book for Paper Lovers. I highly recommend the magazine if you like cutting and pasting paper. Check them out. It's also available at Kinokuniya and Allscript. )
- Pencil
- Scissors
- Glue
- Stickers (optional) 

Steps
1. Cut away the portions of the box you don't need. I wanted a curved opening so I drew one on the box and cut it away. I also cut away the side flaps. 

2. Place the box on the back side of the decorative paper. Trace out its shape. 

If you cut a curve like I did, I recommend leaving roughly an inch allowance. See where my finger is pointing?

3. Along the curve, cut slits so that it looks like you have little bricks all along the curve. 

4. Place glue all along the back side of the paper, especially the parts along the lines. Then press the box onto the paper. The front half of your box is now complete.

Here is why I cut the little 'bricks' for the curve. You will find it easier to press down the paper onto the box if you do so.

5. Repeat the same steps 1-4 for the back of the box and you are done!

Tadah!!! Completed box!

6. (Optional) I pasted some stickers from my Flow Book for Paper Lovers as decorations.

Here is the finished box, sitting prettily on my desk with my small journals inside. 

 

It's telling me that no matter how much clutter I have, it's gonna be okay. :) 

Don't Give Up, There's Hope Yet

Yay, I'm done with my art journal! I was supposed to finish in March, oops, but better done than never!

Ironically, I thought of both these images at different times but somehow their messages worked well together. I did the one about Hope first, slightly inspired by my recent watercolour class and also because I'm generally feeling quite optimistic around now. I'm managing to balance work and play and most days work doesn't feel as dreadful as it did. So, a small message to myself, there is hope after all.

The one about Daydreams was just done tonight. This phrase was cut out from a desk calendar I have. Daydreams are so important and sometimes, their inherent hope is what keeps you through the day. I love the quote so much that I never wanted to do anything with that scrap of paper so why not I reiterate the message to myself in my journal? Don't ever quit your daydreams. 

And finally, the last page of my journal:

Husband is always saying I'm turning into a cat one day, why not self-fulfil his prophecy?

That's the end of my art journal for March! I'm still ploughing through my April focus of writing and so far I *think* I have a good number of posts up! Ganbatte! 

The Loudest Person

"HARLOW, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"I NEED A TAXI, LOCATION IS TOA PAYOH LORONG 1 BLOCK 238."

"THANK YOU!"

The taxi arrived in due course. He yanked open the door and threw his laptop case and backpack inside, then almost threw himself into the seat in his hurry to get to work. 

"SHENTON WAY, GO BY CTE!"

The driver started but before they managed to reach the CTE, they were already caught in the usual bottleneck of massive traffic trying to reach the same destination as them. The taxi driver sighed and settled in for the wait. To kill the time, he said to the passenger behind him, 

"Sorry, sir, this road always sees jam."

"WAH LAU of all the BLARDY DAYS!"

Did the driver get thrown forward by the braking and jerking of the taxi or by his back passenger's voluminous rant? He wasn't sure.

"SOMEMORE TODAY I HAVE PRESENTATION! PRESENTATION TO THE BOSS!! Better call the office... HARLOW? SUSAN?"

He tried subtly turning up the volume of the radio, but it was a morning talk show and no match for the civilised yelling from behind. He sighed and tried leaning his head on his hand, hoping the passenger wouldn't notice that he was putting one finger into his ear.

By the time they reached Shenton Way, the driver was almost certain he had lost half his hearing. 

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU! KEEP THE CHANGE!"

Well, he may be loud, but at least he was generous, the driver thought, wincing as his passenger slammed the door shut with more force than necessary.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he appeared in the office, Susan braced herself. 

"WAH LAU EH I'M SO LATE!!! WHERE'S THE BOSS?? WHERE???"

She felt as if she had been thrown back by a hurricane. "He's in the meeting room. Don't worry, I already told him you were caught in a very bad jam. He's not angry, apparently you're not the only one in the office who were caught too."

"HENG AH!!!!! OK I'M GOING TO FIND HIM NOW! BOSS!!" 

Susan sighed as he went off. He wasn't too bad a person, did good work too, just too bad for that scary voice of his. It's a wonder he never got a sore throat.

                             ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Cheng was aware of the good work his subordinate did, and the wonders he managed to pull with the projects to get them to finish on time. But being well aware of his employee's shortcoming, he made sure the ear buds were securely in his ear before he came in.

"BOSS! I HAVE THE PRESENTATION HERE! WORKED ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT!!!!!"

Even with the ear buds, he still felt the force of his volume. Were these really professional safety ear buds like the man in the shop said? They seemed to have no effect. He quickly collected the thumb drive from him, promising to look through it and give his feedback by email. Yes, email was safer and quieter when dealing with him.

"OK BOSS! LET ME IF ANYTHING MUST BE CHANGED! HOPEFULLY NOT, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

Gods, the laughter was worse.

                                                           ------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the day, he hollered a GOODBYE to all his colleagues. Everyone jumped and there were a series of small accidents like spilt water and emails typed wrongly. The usual affairs that happened when he left.

He took the train home this time, startling a whole carriage of passengers when he went WAHAHAHAHAHA maniacally at a video on his iPhone. 

Finally he reached home. He was about to wrench the door open when he suddenly checked himself. Instead, he opened the door excruciatingly slowly, in case there was a creak.

After taking off his shoes, he tiptoed into the house, gingerly placing his bag on the floor, and went into the bedroom.

As he thought, his wife was there, asleep on the bed. Leaving her there, he went instead to the pink crib and gazed lovingly at his baby daughter, blissfully asleep with that angelically innocent look that only she had.

"hello, baby girl, Daddy's home," he whispered to her, so softly that the rustling of the leaves outside sounded louder.

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The prompt this time from Pocket Muse:

"People at the bitter end of any continuum invite trouble. Begin with an extreme end and see what happens."

From the way the prompt was written, the idea seems to be for a thoroughly unpleasant person who gets into trouble. I think that with some people, their character flaws don't always have to be their sole defining feature and they don't necessary have to show the character in a bad light either. With this, I thought of the idea of a man with a flaw that was clearly at one end of the continuum, ie his loud hollering voice. The people around him are obviously bothered by it but decide that this is outweighed by his good points. 

What might make such a man change his behaviour on his own? It must be a compelling reason and what more compelling than his first born child? ;p 

Initially, I only used caps for his speech, but I didn't think that was enough to show his speaking volume. So, I also tried to play around with font size instead. I like the way it turned out and it adds a certain aesthetic as well. :)  

Well, that's 2 stories from Pocket Muse so far. 2 more at least to go for the month of April...