My Blog is a Tween! + Was I ever that young?

I recently wrote a small piece on my other blog comparing how I was as a fresh grad and the changes I had observed after 10 years in the industry. After writing that, I became curious about this blog and searched through the dusty blog archives for the very first entry I did.

Lo, I realized that this blog was born on 16th October, 2003. It turns 13 this year! It's a tweenager! 

Even when I read the words from that first entry, I felt old! The style of writing seemed so immature and full of teenage spunk. [I don't want to elaborate on what that shows of me from my writing now...] They seemed to come from someone else entirely and if it wasn't for the fact that I remember typing them down in the university computer lab, I might have never recognized them as my own.

Anyway, here they are, with my older, wiser *ahem* thoughts in between:

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Out of curiosity, and the plain fact that I do not want to start working on any of my schoolwork anytime soon, I've decided to start this blog. If nothing, it'll save me from writing all those lengthy emails to pple ( when I actually do it, that is ) and give my friends the option of choosing to read my crap or not. What a nice person I am. :p

Nowadays, with FB, my friends have no option but to read the crap I post. Sorry, guys.


Anyway, quick intro: 22 year old *still* student at NUS, fac of bizad, school of management, 

Damn! Was I ever 22??? I can hardly remember what that feels like!]


or [my favourite] School of Biz [SOB. who the heck was the one who thought that up??] 

And now my employer shares the same acronym as the bartender from the Simpsons. Who was the one who thought that one up?


I'm graduating in Dec, so will officially join the ranks of the unemployed on Jan 2004, wondering exactly what it is I paid NUS so much for. Will become wandering spirit by that time, the Fool of the Tarot, going where the wind blows me to and hopin' I don end up in some rubbish heap.

Thankfully, not still unemployed. Honestly, in retrospect, that was a pretty uncertain time, living literally paycheck to paycheck teaching tuition. I wouldn't have done [or bought] most of the things I have now with that lifestyle and I do have some gratitude for the paycheck I earn now. Yet, I can't deny there are aspects about it that still appeal to me and I do still have a longing to become that Fool of the Tarot.


My big dream is to strike 1st prize in 4D one day, become disgustingly, filthily, rich and live off the proceeds for the rest of my life without having to work.

Obviously, this still has not happened.


Since the chances of that happening is [nil], I would also like to work in the creative arts industry in some way. If I ever get my Illustrator down, I'd like to become a freelance graphic designer. Until then, I'd be teaching tuition for a living, until the day I die of a heart attack in a pool of my own blood in some kid's house.

Oh, this is one of the parts I miss so much about being in university. The thought that the world was still open to you and your dreams and you could still be anything you wanted to be. Instead, I'm still in danger of dying of a heart attack in a pool of my own blood in school. 

How does this happen to us? How do we lose our dreams and the capacity to dream somewhere in those 10 years?


Ok, too much info for now. Me gotta go do some actual work, you know, the kind that justifies your place in society and that most parental and educational units look favourable upon. See ya.

Yes, I did manage to find some actual work to justify my place in society and be looked favourably upon by parental and educational units. I'm still deciding whether that's a good thing or not.

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Seeing my 22-year old thoughts and my 36-year-old ones together brought home the idea of aging far more vividly than I thought. My 22-year-old self sounded a lot spunkier than I remember at the time and more sarcastic as well. Yet, I can't deny that my older self has some wisdom *ahem* that my 22-year-old one did not have and that certainly, I wouldn't have wanted to live with the salary that I was earning as a tuition teacher for the rest of my life. 

Maybe the key here is to be aware of and grateful for what age can bring you. My 22-year-old self would not have been able to travel to the number of countries that I did in my 30s. My 22-year-old self would have still been sharing the family computer and living with her parents, instead of typing these words in her own study in her own house. My 22-year-old self was very much single with no hope of getting attached. So indeed my older self has a lot more that my 22-year-old self would have looked enviously at.

Still, you do have to raise a toast to younger days. To dreams unfulfilled and dreams yet to be.

Do a Little Every Day To Inch Towards a Better Tomorrow

Here is me, trying to inch my way towards meeting my writing goal this month! Whee...

Since the start of this year, I've been trying to achieve various personal creative goals. I've had varying amounts of success with them. There are some days I don't feel like doing anything productive at all, and there are some days I wonder how I managed to get so much done.

Take today, for instance. There were 3 tasks from work I had to do, 2 of them involving marking. Somehow, between the lessons and the various meetings, I managed to finish all 3 at the end of the day. After that, I practised an hour of piano before going for dinner and then went for an hour-long walk around my estate as an excuse for exercise. I'm back home, having bathed (yet still feeling hot, why???) and I'm typing a new blog entry.

This is not the first. I've had other days too when I look back and I wonder how did I do all that, when I initially thought I'd fail or end up pushing it to the next day. But actually, on reflection, I realised there were 3 principles I'd been following, that I had read from various books and FB sources.

1. Multitasking really does not work.
The research has proven it over and over again and I've discovered it for myself through real-life experience. It does not work and in fact you can be more productive if you concentrated on just one task at a time. 
Take a typical day at work. Once I start marking some worksheets, I get into a kind of groove. I can spot the mistakes and take note of common errors more easily. Then someone comes around and asks to discuss about something. My attention turns to that person and even if it is just for 5 minutes, I find my groove totally lost when I turn back to the worksheets.
It's not that I'm easily distracted (well, maybe that too) but there's tons of research done to show that what happened to me is more common than you think. Yet there are still tons of workers who think they are being productive by being able to handle all those distractors at the same time. Well, you might be one of the lucky few, but I will gratefully concede that I am not and in fact, I really did accomplish more work and marking when I just ignored the people around.

2. Even a Little Bit Helps
Remember that proverb about moving a mountain rock by rock? It turns out there's more than a pebble of truth in that after all. A more consistent practice bit by bit helps to build up huge results. $2 saved a day will earn you $60 richer in a month, and $720 richer in a year. If you think that's not much, maybe you are one of the top 1%. This does not apply just to money, but to other things as well. 10 minutes of instrument practice builds up skill. 20 minutes of brisk walking burns more calories than sitting in front of the TV. 10 minutes of blogging builds up too. I just counted the number of blog entries for April and I did 18 entries. That's an average of a post every 2 days!
So that small bit of effort doesn't seem like much to show at first, but keep it consistent and eventually it all builds up.

However, building it up leads us to the last point, which is....

3. Remember the End Goal
I learnt this from 7 Habits and it has stayed with me. Whatever you are trying to achieve, you have to keep in mind what end result you want for yourself. Then with the time remaining to yourself, you decide whether what you do leads you to that end goal.
In my case, that meant I gave up a lot of TV. I'm a total idiot when it comes to TV dramas of any kind and I only know of some vaguely because of my 8 Days habit. When I wrote down all the things I wanted to achieve, I became a bit guilty every time I sat in front of the TV. I could have been writing, I could have been reading or doing some art instead. Since TV did not feature in any of my end goals, I gave it up with no regrets. I do forget and binge watch at times and I still like to watch my crime dramas while eating but other than that, most of the time I rather do something else. 

Why do I put all this down on my blog? First, to fulfil my writing goal of course, and secondly, because actually writing down (or typing) them does help to etch them in my mind. These are principles I feel are easy enough for me to follow and can reap big rewards later on in life. I'm not sure if one day I will be a world-famous artist or a millionaire blogger by doing so but I do know that for me, it beats TV and FB and that it's good to see some of the results, no matter how small.

Planner Art

From this blog, you can see that I'm interested in a lot of things. (Curiosity could kill the cat indeed) I get interested in a lot but I don't always have the commitment to brush my knowledge up to a level that I want. For eg, the violin. I like the challenge of playing it, despite how bad I am, but I don't feel I practise enough to reach a level that I am satisfied with. Why don't I do so? Numerous distractions abound, but Facebook and TV spring to mind first... 

This year, I pledged to achieve more of my personal goals instead of just letting them languish holiday after holiday. I've used this blog as a way to keep myself accountable to me and to my friends, but I cannot use it on a daily basis. I don't like looking at screens all the time, my battery will run flat several times a day and more importantly, I can do more pretty things on paper than on the phone, heh. 

So I've been keeping an informal planner to help me keep track of my personal goals and to help me plan my week and this is the planner page I've done for the week 18-24 April:

There's very little content because I never meant it to be a daily diary, just a simple one to note when I did something relating to my personal goals. I do keep one thing constant though, which is to note Gratitude, Focus and Goals.

For Gratitude, I note one thing in the day I'm grateful for. This reminds me that life is not all bad, even on its worst days and reminds me to see the good as well. Sometimes there's one big thing I'm grateful for, sometimes it's small, like a quiet cup of tea. It all works to the same effect.

For Focus, I note what I did to achieve my Focus for the month. This month, my focus is on Writing, so I might note whether I blogged in this blog, or others. 

For Goals, I note which of my other goals I managed to achieved, like practising the piano or exercising. Again, the success of this varies. Some days I did it, some days, I rediscover the joys of TV...... 

Why do I have two separate yet alike sounding themes like Focus and Goals? There is a slight difference for me. Because there's so much stuff that catches my attention, I want to focus on one a month and take that month to go more indepth into the subject. So for my Focus on writing, I might read up more on writing skills and techniques and (try to) blog more frequently. Hopefully, after the month of focus is up, some habits and knowledge become more ingrained.

However, other than writing, there are other stuff I like to do and I feel are important enough to continue doing. Exercise is one, so it becomes a goal. I continue doing it but I don't bring all my focus onto it and exercise 5 days a week at the gym. That for me is the difference.

It's not a perfect system of course, and I'm not all that disciplined in carrying out all my goals, but I do feel that there's a difference when things are jotted down on paper. You feel that much accountable to yourself and I also make more of an effort to reach them. Even if I don't reach all my goals, it feels good to know there is some progress still, better than nothing. 

And of course it always feels good as well to look at a pretty planner page, haha...

So I'm going to continue with this habit for a while. It's a simple way to exercise creativity in both art and writing and also to keep track of my goals. At the same time, I can also exercise mindfulness and gratitude for the little blessings that make my life a bit easier. It requires little effort, does no harm and I end up with a pretty little page at the end. Why not?

I've been featured!

After hanging up the lenses for a while, suddenly two of my photos got featured in public arenas! I'm alternating between feeling happy and feeling some slight panic of the impostor-syndrome kind: What if I can't live up to the online fame? What if this is the best I'll ever do? What if I never take good photos again?

What if I just get on with my life, eh? 

It does make me feel slightly wistful though, looking back at the album. The last photo I posted on my Lomohome was in March. After that I was busy at work in April, I was also trying to concentrate on my writing and somehow the film got neglected. It's nice to have been featured but at the same time I know my skill is nowhere near some others I know. There have also been tricks of the trade I've been thinking of trying but they have still remained as ideas in my journal.

Hm, is it time for a monthly focus on photography?

Staycation! Hotel Intercontinental, April 2016

Almost at the last minute, the hub decided to book a staycation at a hotel I'd been eyeing for a staycation. (I think he's been too stressed) So just this last weekend, we spent the night at the Hotel Intercontinental at Bugis.

I wasn't sure why I was thinking of the Intercon in particular but when we went into the hotel, that much became clear. For one, consider too that the hotel is right next to Bugis Junction, which makes it very convenient for dinner. You don't have to feel stuck in the hotel, unlike Shangri-La. We were able to walk to Suntec to shop at the Public Garden flea market, have dinner at Marina Square, and then walk back.

Next, is the decor. The feel is that of the British colonial era, peppered with Asian influences in the painting and the furniture. 

Despite being right next to the mall, the lounge area is very quiet and on Saturday night, there was a lady singing Jazz classics. Bring out the cheongsams and the embroidered fans already! I really want to have high tea there one day, cheongsam not necessary.

One unexpected perk, they upgraded our room to a Heritage room! The room is bigger in size and also comes with TWG tea and a Nespresso machine. The decor is also nicer, following the theme of the hotel.

How do hotels always keep their beds so soft and fluffy?? I badly want this bed in my own bedroom! 

Koolpoof and I agree, the bathroom with its double vanity and wide showerhead is a pretty shiok place to hang out in. Where too can I get a shower gel that smells as heavenly as their lemon verbena one?

Another weakness of mine: Hotel breakfasts. I love them. 

2 things I learned from their breakfast buffet: Warm maple syrup is tons better than room temperature, and honeydew-rockmelon juice is great when squeezed from a slow juicer!

I left the room with a sigh, thinking of that bed and I definitely won't mind coming here for another staycation! Till then, it's back to making my own bed......

Earth Day

At work this week, there was a presentation about waste minimization. Among the facts, one that stood out for me was about the amount of food waste incurred. If we went on throwing away food the way we did, our landfill island, Pulau Semakau will be filled within our lifetime. Ok, now I'm a bit more guilty about throwing away that leek that was going bad...

However, as I went about my day, I also realised just how much trash I threw as an individual consumer. I bought a drink, trashed the drink packet. I received junk mail, trashed it. I bought toiletries, trashed the packaging. I marked some worksheets done badly, trashed... just kidding. ;p

My house is full of incidental trash. This includes trash that I created in consuming another good, sometimes a necessity. For example, I bought shampoo, which resulted in a plastic bottle becoming trash. I bought sanitary napkins, resulting in the packaging becoming plastic trash. Plastic is also difficult for me to upcycle. With varying success, I can turn paper into various things but plastic is difficult to bend and mold into shape.

Incidental trash also comes in other forms that comes to me unasked for. I might receive gifts from a friend. Sometimes, I can upcycle the packaging, sometimes I cannot. I forget to bring recycle bags to the supermarket and I end up with more plastic bags than I can handle. Junk mail comes, totally unasked for. I receive free gifts in the forms of stationery sometimes at work and I now have enough notebooks to record my memoirs and maybe those of my future children. Sometimes, these free gifts come in plastic packaging, you guessed it - Trash.

I try to make my small way about recycling and reusing. I bring lunch to work in my electric lunchbox instead of disposable containers. I refuse plastic bags. I try to salvage paper products into other stuff. But yet I feel like the onslaught continues. 

Which is why I salute people like Lauren Singer. She is a 23 year old singer in NYC whose trash in 4 months equals to the volume of a jam jar! I found her in a magazine which led me to her blog Trash is for Tossers. (I do doubt the true impact of her actions, though, because while you may not produce that much trash personally, the pursuit of your career may produce more trash than you think. But to each his own.) 

When I read her efforts, I look around my overstuffed bookshelf and I feel very guilty. Maybe I shouldn't have bought that last bout of stationery......

She does make a point that I can resonate with. That we should evaluate our lives and think of how much and what we really need to be happy with. It brought me back to the days of holiday. I had the time to cook at home, saving on outside meals. I borrowed books from the library, I did art at home, I refused to add more art materials and instead raided my existing supplies. I decided not to throw away magazines but sold them to others, giving them another lease of life and earning some money as well.

That's when I realised that, to be truly contented, everything I needed was already around me. I had to see it for myself and tell myself to do it, rather than thinking I always needed to buy something new.

Realization is the first step. Action is the second and hardest step to do. Again, though, start easy, start small and remember that even the smallest actions do more good than doing nothing at all.

Do what you love? (originally published 16th Feb)

[Note: I originally wrote a version of this on 16th Feb, but upon re-reading it, have decided to edit it.] 

Today, I read an interesting article on doing what you love and doing it outside of work. The author is a Roger W. Ferguson Jr and a quick look on Linkedin says that he is CEO and president of a financial services company in the US. 

Ferguson wrote an article published on Linkedin titled "Why 'Do what you love' Matters in Life Outside Work Too." The author writes that he likes the idea of 'Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life', but does not agree with it. To him, his job comes under the category of 'work', separate from the other things he does, like reading and exercise.

Hmm, sounds familiar. 

Except that unlike what you may think, he actually loves his job and is satisfied with what he does. His exact quote says:

"I find that it’s helpful to see work-life not so much as separate spheres that must be “balanced,” but as a continuum, each flowing into and influencing the other. I believe that if you spend your free time doing things that nourish you physically, intellectually, and emotionally, you will be better at work, even if those pursuits have nothing to do with your actual job responsibilities."


This goes against the underlying assumption that most people see in 'Do what you love...', that we actually hate our jobs and we should switch to something that we love.

I'm sure there are many people/cubicle rats out there who agree with this and would rather be butchers, bakers or candlestick makers. To these people, I say go all out, find your passion and find a way to make it work.

But what about people who may be moderately satisfied? You're not entirely happy but you don't feel that unhappy that you would necessarily want to leave.

I can relate to this sentiment. Overall, I am satisfied with my job. There are parts I hate, there are parts that exasperate me and there are also parts I take some pride in doing. I hate paperwork with an unholy passion, especially where I see no long lasting benefit to anyone. I hate the times when the marking spills into my personal life at home and I feel robbed of my personal time. 

But I love it when the class responds well during a lesson, I feel tingles of pride when I see some improvement in a child's work or when the words I say lift the corners of their mouth into a smile. I see a lot of crap in my line, but I also see a fair amount of good as well.

Are there stuff that makes me happier? Of course there are.

Will I quit my job and pursue my passion? No, I will not, for several reasons. (Especially after the TOTO draw is over and I didn't win a thing...)

1. My job pays well.
I cannot deny that it is my job that has given me the cash to be able to pursue my passion in the first place. Can I sustain my violin lessons without fees? Will I even be able to purchase scores and materials to play? What if my violin suffers damage? Will I be able to pay for it? Maybe I can do a different job that lets me have more time to pursue my passion but what out there pays enough to let me sustain my life and also my passion?

2. My passions cannot sustain themselves. 
The most common sentiment about doing what you love is that if you throw yourself whole-heartedly into it, you will produce such good works that the monetary part will naturally follow. BUT I am well aware I am no Picasso or Shlomo Mintz. My abilities in art and music at this point are not at a level where others are willing to pay for. 

3. I have responsibilities to pay for.
If I was a fresh graduate in my 20s, I might not have minded so much about the cash, but here's a reality check. I want to start a family and I have a mortgage to pay. I have a mortgage in my name. I want to start a family. Can I responsibly do all this if I quit with no plan in sight?

4. I am darn lazy. Sometimes, working for other people is the only way to ensure I'm being a responsible adult. I'm not sure that I have the self-discipline to get my own projects done.

This is getting depressing right? After all the affirmation speeches and TED talks that exist out there.

However, it doesn't mean that it has to be like that all the time.

It simply means that I have to be a bit smarter about managing my job and my passion.

Like merging my passion and my job. I made the decision this year that I should ask to do an advanced diploma in music. If I do not get approval to do this, I should start making plans to leave for one that will give me that approval. Whether or not I end up doing this doesn't matter as much as the hope that I can. Sometimes that feeling of hope is enough to get me through a bad appraisal day.

I also made smaller decisions. That I should plan ahead and allocate time to my hobbies, like taking time to practise my piano and violin so that I may eventually pursue music teaching privately. To pursue blogging more seriously as steps to bigger things, like having a book published. To commit myself to this, I have taken up planning my activities weekly, as I read in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It works to an extent, till one day when I binged on Criminal Minds... -_-!!!

I may be tied down to my job but that doesn't mean I have to be imprisoned in it forever. A subtler revenge, I would think, would be to use it to better myself so that I do not have to be in thrall to it forever. Then I would really be able to pursue my passion and just keep my job as a sideline.

These may not be big steps, and they may not happen all at once, but small steps will do in my circumstances for now.

Till I win the lottery jackpot anyway. 

Upcycled Journal Box

I have a problem with hoarding paper and journals. The potential for great works in a blank notebook always seems slightly hedonistic to me. Because of this, I have small piles of notebooks on my desk that can avalanche at any minute. I force myself to purge and organize at particularly threatening times but there are some that have to stay on my desk for easy access when I'm scrapping or crafting. 

Rather than let them pile up and fall, I decided to make something that would let them all sit nicely on my desk. A friend of mine recently gave me a gift from her holiday which I loved, but when I saw the box it came in, ideas sprung to me.

(Another problem with me: I see all kinds of potential in things people would just throw to the karang guni man. I like to pick them up. -_-!!)

Here's my craft project then, the upcycled journal box.

Sidetrack: here's the cute gift that was in the box, a colour-changing Snoopy mug! ( I finally got a dog present! )

Upcycled Journal Box

Materials needed:
- Box
- Decorative paper (mine came from an issue of Flow Book for Paper Lovers. I highly recommend the magazine if you like cutting and pasting paper. Check them out. It's also available at Kinokuniya and Allscript. )
- Pencil
- Scissors
- Glue
- Stickers (optional) 

Steps
1. Cut away the portions of the box you don't need. I wanted a curved opening so I drew one on the box and cut it away. I also cut away the side flaps. 

2. Place the box on the back side of the decorative paper. Trace out its shape. 

If you cut a curve like I did, I recommend leaving roughly an inch allowance. See where my finger is pointing?

3. Along the curve, cut slits so that it looks like you have little bricks all along the curve. 

4. Place glue all along the back side of the paper, especially the parts along the lines. Then press the box onto the paper. The front half of your box is now complete.

Here is why I cut the little 'bricks' for the curve. You will find it easier to press down the paper onto the box if you do so.

5. Repeat the same steps 1-4 for the back of the box and you are done!

Tadah!!! Completed box!

6. (Optional) I pasted some stickers from my Flow Book for Paper Lovers as decorations.

Here is the finished box, sitting prettily on my desk with my small journals inside. 

 

It's telling me that no matter how much clutter I have, it's gonna be okay. :) 

Don't Give Up, There's Hope Yet

Yay, I'm done with my art journal! I was supposed to finish in March, oops, but better done than never!

Ironically, I thought of both these images at different times but somehow their messages worked well together. I did the one about Hope first, slightly inspired by my recent watercolour class and also because I'm generally feeling quite optimistic around now. I'm managing to balance work and play and most days work doesn't feel as dreadful as it did. So, a small message to myself, there is hope after all.

The one about Daydreams was just done tonight. This phrase was cut out from a desk calendar I have. Daydreams are so important and sometimes, their inherent hope is what keeps you through the day. I love the quote so much that I never wanted to do anything with that scrap of paper so why not I reiterate the message to myself in my journal? Don't ever quit your daydreams. 

And finally, the last page of my journal:

Husband is always saying I'm turning into a cat one day, why not self-fulfil his prophecy?

That's the end of my art journal for March! I'm still ploughing through my April focus of writing and so far I *think* I have a good number of posts up! Ganbatte! 

The Loudest Person

"HARLOW, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"I NEED A TAXI, LOCATION IS TOA PAYOH LORONG 1 BLOCK 238."

"THANK YOU!"

The taxi arrived in due course. He yanked open the door and threw his laptop case and backpack inside, then almost threw himself into the seat in his hurry to get to work. 

"SHENTON WAY, GO BY CTE!"

The driver started but before they managed to reach the CTE, they were already caught in the usual bottleneck of massive traffic trying to reach the same destination as them. The taxi driver sighed and settled in for the wait. To kill the time, he said to the passenger behind him, 

"Sorry, sir, this road always sees jam."

"WAH LAU of all the BLARDY DAYS!"

Did the driver get thrown forward by the braking and jerking of the taxi or by his back passenger's voluminous rant? He wasn't sure.

"SOMEMORE TODAY I HAVE PRESENTATION! PRESENTATION TO THE BOSS!! Better call the office... HARLOW? SUSAN?"

He tried subtly turning up the volume of the radio, but it was a morning talk show and no match for the civilised yelling from behind. He sighed and tried leaning his head on his hand, hoping the passenger wouldn't notice that he was putting one finger into his ear.

By the time they reached Shenton Way, the driver was almost certain he had lost half his hearing. 

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU! KEEP THE CHANGE!"

Well, he may be loud, but at least he was generous, the driver thought, wincing as his passenger slammed the door shut with more force than necessary.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

When he appeared in the office, Susan braced herself. 

"WAH LAU EH I'M SO LATE!!! WHERE'S THE BOSS?? WHERE???"

She felt as if she had been thrown back by a hurricane. "He's in the meeting room. Don't worry, I already told him you were caught in a very bad jam. He's not angry, apparently you're not the only one in the office who were caught too."

"HENG AH!!!!! OK I'M GOING TO FIND HIM NOW! BOSS!!" 

Susan sighed as he went off. He wasn't too bad a person, did good work too, just too bad for that scary voice of his. It's a wonder he never got a sore throat.

                             ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mr Cheng was aware of the good work his subordinate did, and the wonders he managed to pull with the projects to get them to finish on time. But being well aware of his employee's shortcoming, he made sure the ear buds were securely in his ear before he came in.

"BOSS! I HAVE THE PRESENTATION HERE! WORKED ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT!!!!!"

Even with the ear buds, he still felt the force of his volume. Were these really professional safety ear buds like the man in the shop said? They seemed to have no effect. He quickly collected the thumb drive from him, promising to look through it and give his feedback by email. Yes, email was safer and quieter when dealing with him.

"OK BOSS! LET ME IF ANYTHING MUST BE CHANGED! HOPEFULLY NOT, HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"

Gods, the laughter was worse.

                                                           ------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of the day, he hollered a GOODBYE to all his colleagues. Everyone jumped and there were a series of small accidents like spilt water and emails typed wrongly. The usual affairs that happened when he left.

He took the train home this time, startling a whole carriage of passengers when he went WAHAHAHAHAHA maniacally at a video on his iPhone. 

Finally he reached home. He was about to wrench the door open when he suddenly checked himself. Instead, he opened the door excruciatingly slowly, in case there was a creak.

After taking off his shoes, he tiptoed into the house, gingerly placing his bag on the floor, and went into the bedroom.

As he thought, his wife was there, asleep on the bed. Leaving her there, he went instead to the pink crib and gazed lovingly at his baby daughter, blissfully asleep with that angelically innocent look that only she had.

"hello, baby girl, Daddy's home," he whispered to her, so softly that the rustling of the leaves outside sounded louder.

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The prompt this time from Pocket Muse:

"People at the bitter end of any continuum invite trouble. Begin with an extreme end and see what happens."

From the way the prompt was written, the idea seems to be for a thoroughly unpleasant person who gets into trouble. I think that with some people, their character flaws don't always have to be their sole defining feature and they don't necessary have to show the character in a bad light either. With this, I thought of the idea of a man with a flaw that was clearly at one end of the continuum, ie his loud hollering voice. The people around him are obviously bothered by it but decide that this is outweighed by his good points. 

What might make such a man change his behaviour on his own? It must be a compelling reason and what more compelling than his first born child? ;p 

Initially, I only used caps for his speech, but I didn't think that was enough to show his speaking volume. So, I also tried to play around with font size instead. I like the way it turned out and it adds a certain aesthetic as well. :)  

Well, that's 2 stories from Pocket Muse so far. 2 more at least to go for the month of April...

Getting Crafty: No Sew Pen Holder

It has been a lazy weekend. I fell asleep both on Saturday and Sunday afternoon and now I have a FOMO feeling of missing out on stuff! Well, at least before I napped I managed some craftiness this weekend and I made this pen holder:

It's a no-sew project so I used cardboard, fabric and glue.

 The project is a simple open pouch, quite like the kind you put sunglasses in. First, I had to cut the cardboard to the size and shape I wanted. Then I used the glue to glue it to the fabric. 

I wanted to give it a little bit of leeway so that the pens don't pull apart the bottom, so I folded a small piece of fabric and pasted it to the bottom. This acted as a pocket. Then I put glue on both sides and the bottom and closed the pouch.

This is the final product with the pens inside. Hopefully it motivates me to write more! 

Cost of holder, not including scissors and glue = $2 from Daiso. The cardboard was the piece used in the packaging. Long live Daiso. :p

BTW I didn't think of this myself, but got inspiration from a tutorial at the instructables website. You can go there and search for all kinds of tutorials.

Birthday Blessings

(Of course it was originally posted on my birthday! Have edited the post slightly but the message remains the same.)

Yay, it's my birthday, a day I feel entitled to behaving like a spoiled child and getting whatever I want. Of course, this does not always happen but it feels good to carry this sense of special entitlement even for one day.

Reaching 35 for some people I know would be traumatic. But somehow, I have never worried over getting old the way some do. I know this is because I have been blessed in my life, more than a lot of people and definitely more than I deserve.

I have been blessed with a wonderful house, chockful of the stuff I love, a kitchen for me to cook in and a study with a bookshelf stuffed full of books and cameras and a desk overflowing with art and inspiration, both of which I love dearly. I am blessed to have this house for me, husband and the various cats around in stuffed, plastic and porcelain form. 

I have been blessed enough to be able to do a number of the things I love. I have been blessed to be able to afford violin lessons and reach a (though low) level of proficiency. I have been blessed enough to be surrounded by more paper, art and writing materials than I could possibly indulge my creativity in. I have been thoroughly blessed to be able to indulge in film photography and spend money and time developing film when most people would think me mad and just download them from an SD card. 

And I hate to admit this, but I am blessed to be in my job, a job that pays well enough for me to do all the above and to have fun acting as young as the children on some days. Even on the days when I feel like throwing it all in. 

I have been blessed with great friends, not in quantity but in quality. Friends that have seen me through my whole life, seen me married, come to my house for food, drinks, TV, gossip, snacks and filled it with noise, mayhem and merriment. Friends that are there, no questions asked, who welcome me into their lives with open arms and whom I'll welcome in my front door, no questions asked either, other than, "Need a drink?"

I have been blessed with a great husband. One who negotiates through the financial paperwork that I'd rather just shred, who does all the bookings online, who remembers all the nitty-gritty stuff that I will always forget, who stands by me when I'm down, calms me in my emotional maelstorms and makes effort for me just because I'm, well, me. This kind of man, who will change for you, do things for you, support you when you need it, is harder to find than anyone thinks and I'm grateful he is mine. 

Even with all the crap I've put myself through, overall, it's been a good and blessed 35 years. My wish for myself is that I always remain thankful for my blessings as they come. (And a TOTO jackpot would not hurt either) 

Already Know and Want to Know

This month's focus for me is writing. Sadly, I haven't been as persistent at this goal as I wanted to be, blame it on work and all the other things I wanted to do as well. (sigh) Gladly, however, I have seen some progress, however little it is, and that gently nudges me to keep it up. 

From another page in the Pocket Muse, I was prompted to make 2 lists: One of what I knew about a subject, and another of what I wanted to know. Below is the list I made in my planner:

Those in the same industry as me would recognize this as part of a strategy called KWL, standing for what I KNOW, what I WANT to do and what I LEARNT. I learnt to use it to teach non-fiction texts, but never had I thought about using it as a self-reflective tool. 

So how do we use this?

Think first about the subject you want to know about. For me, this would be writing on a professional basis and publishing.

In one column, write down everything you know about your subject. I knew that I had the ability to form sentences in English (duh) and that given a good enough prompt, I would be able to spin a small tale. 

In the 2nd column, which is the more important one, list down everything you WANT to know. Here, it is easier to refer to the 1st column to see what else could be added to complete my knowledge. So I knew I could write in English, but I also felt that my current ability wasn't good enough for publishing, maybe just good enough to write a blog and hope some people outside of my circle of friends and family would read it. This tells me I needed to know what made a good story. I also needed to know other things like how to add enough detail to make a good story, how much characterization and plot development I needed. 

What would be the next step for me? Find material and ideas to tackle the items in the 2nd column. Take notes, references and practise this on a regular basis. 

This method turned out to be more useful than I thought. I realised that in writing, even with the skill I had, there was still so much I had to learn and now I desperately want to go to a bookshop to find books to read on this. Not only that, I'm wondering now about doing this for everything I want to learn and improve in. 

Pitfalls? Of course, the most major one being the difference between an intention and an action. It's not enough for me just to know my shortfalls, if I don't do anything about them! Then for the rest of my life, all I would learn from the list is how I'm not good enough yet and I would never see the improvement I want.  

So next steps: Go find a good reference material I can work with and read comfortably. Buy it, keep it and read it regularly over the course of my life. Practise, practise, practise what I read.

And one day, hopefully you see me announcing my new novel! (or blog entry......)

Creative Fatigue

Sometimes you think something is so difficult. And sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't.

Like today. I had originally intended (in good faith, I swear) to head to the gym after work. I had packed my gym gear the night before and I was even looking forward to it.

After the end of today's work, I only wanted to go to my bed. I told myself, I will just go! If I just make myself go maybe I can do it!

I managed as far as Plaza Sing, and then I headed to the foot reflexology centre where mercifully they had a space. I took it as divine intention and I enjoyed one hour having my calves kneaded.

I suppose I didn't foresee just how tired I would be. I had forgotten that I was supposed to stay back to help in a cleaning exercise and the heat of the afternoon did not help at all. I don't think I have ever refilled my waterbottle so many times in a day. Of course, by the end of the day, I would have no energy to exercise.

Even if I like to think of it as divine intention......

I took my dinner there and I went home and took a good shower. Then I went to my study and looked at my journals.

Something funny happened. I thought I was tired. I knew I was tired. I had already admitted through the act of foot reflexology that I was tired. Yet, I took up the art journal I had not finished from last month and I stared at the blank page for a while. 

And I then I drew. 

Something funny about fatigue. If you are that into something, fatigue takes a back seat and a form of creative energy seems to take over. I've encountered this before, where I became so wholly engrossed in what I was doing that by the time I finished, I was physically tired, hungry despite having not moved from my chair for the entire duration. It's like suddenly, there was a goal to reach, it was within my grasp and I knew what to do and so without thinking too much about being tired, I did it. 

Of course, once I was done I felt the exhaustion again. But at least this time, I had something to show for it at last. Besides well-kneaded calves.

That which gives pain, also dishes out pleasure [originally published 14 Feb]

This thought came to me during my session at the gym today. I've been trying a new fitness app I downloaded which plays fitness routines at set intervals for you to follow. After such a long fitness hiatus, however, I was feeling plenty of pain. The wall squats I held for 40 seconds made my thighs burn and so did the regular squats. The push-ups made my triceps and biceps scream in collective agony. At the end of 15 minutes, I had to seriously evaluate if I was going to have a heart attack right there in the gym. 

Yet exercise, strangely, also gives me a kind of pleasure. A weird, sick, twisted one, to be sure, but exercise properly done makes me feel stronger instantly. (This is before the muscular aches begin) Regular exercise over time makes me better able to walk up stairs, carry heavy loads and prevents me from getting sick often. Thus, I may have suffered 15 minutes worth of pain, but it also gives me a longer-lasting kind of pleasure, as I am more fit to do all the other activities that I love.

We rightly associate pain with something gone wrong in our body. Migraines, chest pains and stomachaches, to name a few obvious ones, can be signs that something is wrong in the body and needs to be rectified. However, the pain I speak of is something different. This kind of pain can make you uncomfortable, frustrated or even cause murderous and destructive urges but at the end of it, transmutes into overwhelming pride.

One venture that serves as a good example of this are the times I tried sewing. Being plus-plus-sized and alarmed at the dwindling amount of XL clothing being sold in shops, I felt it prudent to learn some sewing techniques. (I believe that there is an ongoing conspiracy in which all clothing manufacturers have decided that only the skinny people have any money to buy their clothing) I went for a round of classes at Spotlight and I also experimented with some smaller projects on my own. 

Once I started, I realised that sewing required a delicacy that I had very little of. It's a very good hobby for women with dainty little fingers, but with fat chops like mine, threading the needle was like playing darts with a very, very tiny dartboard and at times resulted in tears. Even when the needle was finally threaded, my troubles did not stop. Sometimes, the machine jammed. I don't know why, maybe I forgot to offer dead scraps of cloth to some deity of sewing. A few times, I threaded it wrongly so that after stitching one seam, one gentle yank was all it took to rip out the entire piece of thread from the fabric, thus wasting a whole afternoon's work. 

(Here, contemplate smashing the sewing machine with my bare fist.)

So I can say that the process held a fair bit of pain for me, and that some of it I almost inflicted on myself willingly.

Yet, after all the pain was over, the amount of satisfaction and pride I held on seeing the finished product was immeasurable. That is a beauty unique to sewing, that after you are done, you can have an item of practical value.

I guess here's the thing: Pain is almost always part of the process in creating something grand. As long as I keep at doing it, learning from mistakes, learning better ways to do things, (use a threader to thread needles, for one) my reward will include not just the satisfaction of the finished product, but also immense gratification at the result that finally comes out of all my pain.