According to Krystal's blog, I'm supposed to write 6 weird things about myself on my blog, and then tag 6 other people to do the same thing.
Where do you want me to start? I have no idea which of my seemingly-normal habits could possibly consider me an entry into the Woodbridge chalet, but, well, here goes......
1. I started reading manga at 12, starting with Detective Conan. 14 years later, at the age of 26, I'm still reading manga, Detective Conan in particular, Harry Potter, Artemis Fowl, online comics like Megatokyo and Applegeeks....... Literature that is, in other words, written for an audience that is at least 10 years older than I am. And I think they're written a whole lot better than literature for people my age.
2. The most comfortable sitting position on a chair is one where I have either one or both legs on the seat of the chair, as opposed to on the floor. The back should be leaning on one of the arms, or on the back of the chair, and the entire body should assume the firmness of muah chee and simply melt into the chair. A good book should be in hand, a large glass of iced lemon tea in the other, and a large pack of potato chips on the stomach.
3. Oh yea, I'm also capable of eating nothing but a pack of Ruffles and a can of iced lemon tea for lunch on holidays when I'm too lazy to walk out.
4. I have the most eclectic mix of music I know in my MP3 player. My collection ranges from classical, to lounge, to chillout, to mandopop, to jazz, to swing, to j-pop, to rock, to well, Justin Timberlake.
5. I believe that $2000 is better spent on a ticket to London than on a LV bag. Even if I only get to stay in London for a weekend.
6. I also believe that no matter how dire the situation, there is always a way out of it, if one would only take the effort to think things through. If you are stuck in a bad job, you can make it better. If you are stuck with a bad boss, you can find ways around her, if you know what to say. If you think your life sucks, you can and should be thinking of ways to make it better. Optimism or naivete? That depends on whether you think I'm weird.
Tagging: Slayer, Quetzal, Yenn, and er, any other people who read this blog?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
A recent conversation I had with Reiko made me very pissed off.
[although my short temper was also due in part to the horribly crowded NATAS fair that I trounged through in search of tickets to Athens, but that's another story...]
We were discussing our superior again, and some issue ongoing at work. [to prevent any of the people in that workplace finding this blog, no details, sorry.]
She described to me some of the things that that superior had done at work, and frankly, I was aghast. Aghast at some of the things that person had said, aghast at some of the things that person had done. I asked why hadn't anyone ever stepped forward to actually tell the superior of some of the problems going on at ground level.
"You think anyone dares? Last time, someone tried to tell her and then... [description of downfall of said person]."
"And then there was... [another description of the sad fate of another fallen soul]"
"And then..."
"Last time..."
Aiyah you get the idea lah.........
The most head-shaking part about the whole thing though, was not the fate befallen on these people, but rather the willingness of all the other sheep in the office who were simply willing to accept their lot and let it be that.
It seems that this person has created such an aura of holy terror around her, as described by said colleague, that now no one dares to touch her with a ten foot trident.
And everyone else is either willing to accept it, or leave.
An attitude I find 'typically Singaporean'.
In such a situation where things are not to our benefit, we either:
Accept it, stay in the same situation, and grumble endlessly about our hard lot in life, or
Leave the place for assumably greener grass elsewhere.
Not many people, it seems, are willing to take the calculated risk of actually doing something to improve their current situation in life.
Like this place: It is a fact that a lot of people are unhappy about the decisions made in this place. It is also a fact that people still accept the unhappy decisions, and then grumble about it to their colleagues, in a half-resigned manner, as if, "What can I do about it?"
Not many actually start thinking about what they can actually do about it.
And then things get to a stage where it becomes utterly unbearable, and then you lash out and fight, only to get knocked down.
I get irritated by this kind of attitude. Because when things don't go your way, and you don't do anything about it, your only recourse is to complain to your colleagues. Who can't do anything for you anyway, so what's the point? Other than letting off steam, that is......
*hai* The whole idea of the civil service is starting to get me down. I keep thinking that I need to start other options just in case I decide to quit, but the workload just piles on, leaving me either no time to do this, or too tired to do this.
I need a good kickstart......
[although my short temper was also due in part to the horribly crowded NATAS fair that I trounged through in search of tickets to Athens, but that's another story...]
We were discussing our superior again, and some issue ongoing at work. [to prevent any of the people in that workplace finding this blog, no details, sorry.]
She described to me some of the things that that superior had done at work, and frankly, I was aghast. Aghast at some of the things that person had said, aghast at some of the things that person had done. I asked why hadn't anyone ever stepped forward to actually tell the superior of some of the problems going on at ground level.
"You think anyone dares? Last time, someone tried to tell her and then... [description of downfall of said person]."
"And then there was... [another description of the sad fate of another fallen soul]"
"And then..."
"Last time..."
Aiyah you get the idea lah.........
The most head-shaking part about the whole thing though, was not the fate befallen on these people, but rather the willingness of all the other sheep in the office who were simply willing to accept their lot and let it be that.
It seems that this person has created such an aura of holy terror around her, as described by said colleague, that now no one dares to touch her with a ten foot trident.
And everyone else is either willing to accept it, or leave.
An attitude I find 'typically Singaporean'.
In such a situation where things are not to our benefit, we either:
Accept it, stay in the same situation, and grumble endlessly about our hard lot in life, or
Leave the place for assumably greener grass elsewhere.
Not many people, it seems, are willing to take the calculated risk of actually doing something to improve their current situation in life.
Like this place: It is a fact that a lot of people are unhappy about the decisions made in this place. It is also a fact that people still accept the unhappy decisions, and then grumble about it to their colleagues, in a half-resigned manner, as if, "What can I do about it?"
Not many actually start thinking about what they can actually do about it.
And then things get to a stage where it becomes utterly unbearable, and then you lash out and fight, only to get knocked down.
I get irritated by this kind of attitude. Because when things don't go your way, and you don't do anything about it, your only recourse is to complain to your colleagues. Who can't do anything for you anyway, so what's the point? Other than letting off steam, that is......
*hai* The whole idea of the civil service is starting to get me down. I keep thinking that I need to start other options just in case I decide to quit, but the workload just piles on, leaving me either no time to do this, or too tired to do this.
I need a good kickstart......
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Lately a friend n I, let's call her Reiko, were talking about our P.
I heard from Reiko that someone in the staff had gotten in trouble with the P for something trivial, hairstyle or shoes, I think. Duh
Apparently the P had gotten worked up enough to threaten the staff with an extended probation. "I can delay your confirmation if I want! I can extend your probation!" [I'm not sure of the exact words, having heard this from a third party, so don't quote me on this]
My friend was thus, out of concern, trying to tell me to 'take care of myself' by making sure my hair was tied during work hours, and that I was wearing the appropriate footwear and everything, lest I suffer the same fate as aforementioned colleague.
Now I'm not trying to comment on anything about the P or her abilities. What struck me was the perceived power that was held in the superior's hands.
If I could ask a question to any of the staff with the same line of thinking, I think I would ask, "Why are you so afraid of this person?"
The P cannot kill me. Cannot physically hurt me. Not going to rape me, physically torture me, or inflict any bodily harm onto me.
Could the P affect my salary? Sure, but I still have a job, I still have money coming in. After all, I'm still coming to work, I'm still performing my duties, and I'm not committing any of the major sins of my line. She could possibly set back my career for a year or so, but I'm young. I'll survive in this industry long after she does. And even if I don't, I'll branch out, or I'll jump somewhere. I will find a way to survive.
Could she destroy my pride, my ego, my dignity? Only if I let her do so.
When it comes down to it after all, the power that this person holds over me is a superficial kind of power at best. She owns neither my body nor my soul.
Why then are people so afraid of her at the workplace?
I think it's because we allow her to believe that she has control over us. When you look at it, why is it she can only threaten to extend the probation period of the person, instead of termination, or death? Because that is all there is within her power to do. And it's a weak kind of threat as well.
Admittedly, I'm in a better position than others, and there are several reasons why such a threat would not affect me as much as others.
1. I'm young. So what if my promotion is delayed by a year? I still have about 40 over years in front of me. Taken in such a perspective, a year is a pretty short time.
2. I have no dependents. My parents are still working, I'm not married and I have no kids. I don't even have a dog. :p
3. I'm pretty well educated to have other options in front of me. And to know what are the opportunities in front of me.
4. My industry constantly suffers from a lack of people. And it's not as volatile as the private sector is.
So I find it amusing that people think that I should be afraid of this one person in my life. Sticks and stones, babes, sticks and stones.
But my attitude is probably the minority. Even within my industry, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who thinks this way. I think most people will be like Reiko and advise me to toe the line, for heaven's sake.
I think this is because of the importance we place on things like job security, advancement, salary and others. Because they are important to us, we steer away from anything that threatens them. And we do all we can to protect what we have.
But does there comes a point where we overestimate the threat posed on these items? That's like when someone decides to blow up a plane with hair gel and anything of a liquid nature becomes banned from all airlines all over the world. Overreacting? Sure enough, but can we recognise it when we are doing it to ourselves?
I did speak to the threatened colleague before I even heard of this incident. I remember her views on the P, which went something like
"What can she do to me? I know I'm doing my job. I know that I'm not committing any great crime while I am doing it. Whatever I do, my conscience is clear. If she wants to fire me, so be it. I'm not cut out for this line, and I'll find something else to do."
If my conscience is clear, so be it. No one has power over me, except that which I allow them to have.
I heard from Reiko that someone in the staff had gotten in trouble with the P for something trivial, hairstyle or shoes, I think. Duh
Apparently the P had gotten worked up enough to threaten the staff with an extended probation. "I can delay your confirmation if I want! I can extend your probation!" [I'm not sure of the exact words, having heard this from a third party, so don't quote me on this]
My friend was thus, out of concern, trying to tell me to 'take care of myself' by making sure my hair was tied during work hours, and that I was wearing the appropriate footwear and everything, lest I suffer the same fate as aforementioned colleague.
Now I'm not trying to comment on anything about the P or her abilities. What struck me was the perceived power that was held in the superior's hands.
If I could ask a question to any of the staff with the same line of thinking, I think I would ask, "Why are you so afraid of this person?"
The P cannot kill me. Cannot physically hurt me. Not going to rape me, physically torture me, or inflict any bodily harm onto me.
Could the P affect my salary? Sure, but I still have a job, I still have money coming in. After all, I'm still coming to work, I'm still performing my duties, and I'm not committing any of the major sins of my line. She could possibly set back my career for a year or so, but I'm young. I'll survive in this industry long after she does. And even if I don't, I'll branch out, or I'll jump somewhere. I will find a way to survive.
Could she destroy my pride, my ego, my dignity? Only if I let her do so.
When it comes down to it after all, the power that this person holds over me is a superficial kind of power at best. She owns neither my body nor my soul.
Why then are people so afraid of her at the workplace?
I think it's because we allow her to believe that she has control over us. When you look at it, why is it she can only threaten to extend the probation period of the person, instead of termination, or death? Because that is all there is within her power to do. And it's a weak kind of threat as well.
Admittedly, I'm in a better position than others, and there are several reasons why such a threat would not affect me as much as others.
1. I'm young. So what if my promotion is delayed by a year? I still have about 40 over years in front of me. Taken in such a perspective, a year is a pretty short time.
2. I have no dependents. My parents are still working, I'm not married and I have no kids. I don't even have a dog. :p
3. I'm pretty well educated to have other options in front of me. And to know what are the opportunities in front of me.
4. My industry constantly suffers from a lack of people. And it's not as volatile as the private sector is.
So I find it amusing that people think that I should be afraid of this one person in my life. Sticks and stones, babes, sticks and stones.
But my attitude is probably the minority. Even within my industry, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who thinks this way. I think most people will be like Reiko and advise me to toe the line, for heaven's sake.
I think this is because of the importance we place on things like job security, advancement, salary and others. Because they are important to us, we steer away from anything that threatens them. And we do all we can to protect what we have.
But does there comes a point where we overestimate the threat posed on these items? That's like when someone decides to blow up a plane with hair gel and anything of a liquid nature becomes banned from all airlines all over the world. Overreacting? Sure enough, but can we recognise it when we are doing it to ourselves?
I did speak to the threatened colleague before I even heard of this incident. I remember her views on the P, which went something like
"What can she do to me? I know I'm doing my job. I know that I'm not committing any great crime while I am doing it. Whatever I do, my conscience is clear. If she wants to fire me, so be it. I'm not cut out for this line, and I'll find something else to do."
If my conscience is clear, so be it. No one has power over me, except that which I allow them to have.
Monday, March 12, 2007
Turns out the last migraine wasn't the end of my health episodes.
One week after I went for migraine medicine, a short line of itchy rashes appeared on my throat, which also refused to go away for about a week. I was ready to put it off as a bad meeting with some mosquito at night, until my concerned colleagues advised me to go to the doctor.
And when I did, he told me it was shingles!
[summarized from wikipedia. Italics are my own crappy opinions]
Shingles - The reactivation of the chickenpox virus. Historically linked to an age-related decline in immunity, it is now thought to be linked to reduced exposure to children infected with chicken pox.
To prevent shingles in future, become nanny to chickenpox-infected children at least once in one or two weeks
One of the earliest symptoms is headache.
DAMN!
The virus is not spread through coughing, sneezing or casual contact.
Ok, you ARE safe.
Chicken pox virus can remain dormant for decades.
DAMN
Outbreaks occur for many different reasons, most of which are a result of events which decrease the immune system such as aging, severe illness, or severe emotional stress. ANOTHER thing to blame DF and the Vday fiasco for.
Shingles cannot be passed from one person to another. You guys are safe. However, the virus, that causes chickenpox, can be spread from one person to another who has not been infected with the chickenpox virus before through direct contact with the rash.
You are safe unless one of you decides to touch, strangle, or kiss my throat.
Read the full version at Wikipedia here.
On a brighter note, the March hols have started! It's one week of slacking, with maybe 2 days I gotta go back to school.... Woohoo! I'm declaring it Humanity Reclamation Week. Time to become human again instead of the role-model-figure I'm supposed to constantly maintain at work.
One week after I went for migraine medicine, a short line of itchy rashes appeared on my throat, which also refused to go away for about a week. I was ready to put it off as a bad meeting with some mosquito at night, until my concerned colleagues advised me to go to the doctor.
And when I did, he told me it was shingles!
[summarized from wikipedia. Italics are my own crappy opinions]
Shingles - The reactivation of the chickenpox virus. Historically linked to an age-related decline in immunity, it is now thought to be linked to reduced exposure to children infected with chicken pox.
To prevent shingles in future, become nanny to chickenpox-infected children at least once in one or two weeks
One of the earliest symptoms is headache.
DAMN!
The virus is not spread through coughing, sneezing or casual contact.
Ok, you ARE safe.
Chicken pox virus can remain dormant for decades.
DAMN
Outbreaks occur for many different reasons, most of which are a result of events which decrease the immune system such as aging, severe illness, or severe emotional stress. ANOTHER thing to blame DF and the Vday fiasco for.
Shingles cannot be passed from one person to another. You guys are safe. However, the virus, that causes chickenpox, can be spread from one person to another who has not been infected with the chickenpox virus before through direct contact with the rash.
You are safe unless one of you decides to touch, strangle, or kiss my throat.
Read the full version at Wikipedia here.
On a brighter note, the March hols have started! It's one week of slacking, with maybe 2 days I gotta go back to school.... Woohoo! I'm declaring it Humanity Reclamation Week. Time to become human again instead of the role-model-figure I'm supposed to constantly maintain at work.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Frayed Nerves
I don't know whether it's workplace stress that's causing it, or all the fracas with him over Vday and CNY, but my brain finally surrendered on Monday and gave me a splitting migraine. This continued all the way to Thursday, getting sharper and more enduring, till I sucuumbed and saw a doctor on Thursday. [there goes another lindy class -_-!!!]
The diagnosis was that it was a tension headache, probably caused by accumulated stress over a period of time. Yea, and it had to hit when I was finally starting to relax... -_-!
I suppose the usual thing to do would be to try to relax more, but it's not quite so easy. Identifying stress triggers [incidents at work, wrong words from him, voice of mother] is easy. Trying to deal with it is another thing.
Like when my mom tells me to do the laundry when I am blogging. I feel myself getting irritated, short-tempered, and my heart beats faster. But what do I do about it then? Ah, not so easy to calm yourself then. Or like when he tells me I should do up my hair, or lose some weight, and I feel myself getting worried again... No way on earth to suddenly lose 10 kg on the spot before I meet his mother :p
How then? Hai...... Maybe it's because of scolding the kids, but nowadays I get more short-tempered when something goes wrong. My first instinct is to want to scold somebody, someone, something! Just to make myself feel better, I guess...
I do try to cool down, and breathe slower, but that's more like trying to alleviate the symptoms, rather than attacking the source of it. I also have the pills the doc gave me, but I'm afraid of what will happen after the medication ends and I still have the headaches. :S How then? I don't wanna be dependent on these pills everytime either.
alamak....... just typing this blog entry also making me stressed liao...........
I don't know whether it's workplace stress that's causing it, or all the fracas with him over Vday and CNY, but my brain finally surrendered on Monday and gave me a splitting migraine. This continued all the way to Thursday, getting sharper and more enduring, till I sucuumbed and saw a doctor on Thursday. [there goes another lindy class -_-!!!]
The diagnosis was that it was a tension headache, probably caused by accumulated stress over a period of time. Yea, and it had to hit when I was finally starting to relax... -_-!
I suppose the usual thing to do would be to try to relax more, but it's not quite so easy. Identifying stress triggers [incidents at work, wrong words from him, voice of mother] is easy. Trying to deal with it is another thing.
Like when my mom tells me to do the laundry when I am blogging. I feel myself getting irritated, short-tempered, and my heart beats faster. But what do I do about it then? Ah, not so easy to calm yourself then. Or like when he tells me I should do up my hair, or lose some weight, and I feel myself getting worried again... No way on earth to suddenly lose 10 kg on the spot before I meet his mother :p
How then? Hai...... Maybe it's because of scolding the kids, but nowadays I get more short-tempered when something goes wrong. My first instinct is to want to scold somebody, someone, something! Just to make myself feel better, I guess...
I do try to cool down, and breathe slower, but that's more like trying to alleviate the symptoms, rather than attacking the source of it. I also have the pills the doc gave me, but I'm afraid of what will happen after the medication ends and I still have the headaches. :S How then? I don't wanna be dependent on these pills everytime either.
alamak....... just typing this blog entry also making me stressed liao...........
Monday, February 26, 2007
I ended the last blog post on a pretty depressing note, so here's some cheering up.
Frankly, after all the hoo-hah on Vday, I had pretty depressing expectations for my birthday, ranging from 'He won't come out at all' to 'He'll come out, but leave straight after lunch'.
So I thought to myself, "Fine, he's not going to spend the day with me. He didn't spend V-day with me, and he's not going to spend my birthday with me. Fine. Whatever. I'll deal." [as well as I dealt with the Vday episode. X( ]
And then, what do you know, when he finally told me for real, that he could have to go home after lunch to do his project, my face pulled into a longish shape and I couldn't even bring myself to say, "Ok." or anything else to him. I didn't even want to look at him, for fear that all the negative qi that I had been carrying since Vday suddenly spilled out in his parents' car while they were driving.
So he came up with a compromise. We would meet early in the morning, at 9, and then head down to Vivo ourselves before my parents came.
( Ergh, waking up early on a public holiday )
Who'd've thunk, he actually succeeded in making it a great day and released all the negative energy I'd been carrying around for about a week.
First, the presents:
Cutesy insect bag from LeSportSac, which made me squeal just to see it. Aint' it cute???
Details on the bag. A lot of cutesy insects, flowers, rainbows, but NO dragonflies. :p
And I even got a flower! I've never gotten a flower from a guy before... *sniff sniff*
[btw it's a toy because I think plastic is too cheap, and he thinks real will die in no time]
But I'm not such a cheap whore as to be won over by semi-expensive gifts, ok? He did do other stuff on that day itself that managed to turn my heart.
For one, we stopped at the Golden village cinema while shopping, and we saw that Ghost Rider, which he wanted to watch, was showing. He then turned to me and asked, "You want to watch a movie?"
Huh? I thought you had to finish your project which deadline was in one week and which you had to piah overnight for the rest of the week for?
*Shrugs* "Well, I can't finish it tonight anyway."
But as much as I want you to spend the day with me, I really don't it to be at the cost of your project, especially since you would have to spend so much time on it.
"Look, if you want, say you want, and I'll watch the movie. If you don't want, then I'll go back home after lunch."
...... Of course I want lah.
"Then let's go buy the tickets."
(0_0)(0_0)(0_0)
Then later, after my whole family had eaten a potentially-cardiac-arresting lunch at Carnivore, [no guessing what the restaurant specialises in] my dad gave the waiter his credit card, and the waiter actually came back with DF's!!!
Who knew, but he had actually given the waiter HIS credit card halfway during the meal, and he paid for my entire family!
[No small sum either. My dad just gave me the money to pay him back, and I asked what if he doesn't want the money? Then apparently it becomes another birthday ang pow to me. >:D I'm tempted to never bring up the subject with the DF again.......]
I wonder if this is all part of the ups and downs of a relationship? There are times where I feel there's no hope for us any longer, that he doesn't care, that he's a bodoh blockhead, that it's just not worth it anymore.
And then he goes and pulls something like this, which reminds me all over again why I'm still with him. :S
*Hai*
Of course, on the subject of birthdays, many thanks of course, to all the others that brightened up my day:
The whole IJ gang, including Slayer, [ +new child Bucky] Jubilee14, schwarz_kreuz, necroz, sylveracyd, doe and Bel who camped on my floor, ate all the pizza and chicken, and watched 2 eps of Prison Break with me, and who gave me the always-welcome Kino vouchers. :D [Which are GONE already, after just one trip to Kino :s ] Also, the really cute cat frame, :D and the tie-dye shirt which I'm not sure I have the guts to wear in public :S
Juls and Quetz, who brought me to dinner at Sushi Tei, [which is my alltime favourite for SAKE...] and for the leave-in conditioner. All the sashimi, sushi that I wanted to eat, before I got too guilty about it.
EVERYONE else who sent me great SMSes and remembered the day when I stepped one year closer to 30. :) :) :) Thanks, ya all.
Maybe the time till the next birthday won't be too bad.
Frankly, after all the hoo-hah on Vday, I had pretty depressing expectations for my birthday, ranging from 'He won't come out at all' to 'He'll come out, but leave straight after lunch'.
So I thought to myself, "Fine, he's not going to spend the day with me. He didn't spend V-day with me, and he's not going to spend my birthday with me. Fine. Whatever. I'll deal." [as well as I dealt with the Vday episode. X( ]
And then, what do you know, when he finally told me for real, that he could have to go home after lunch to do his project, my face pulled into a longish shape and I couldn't even bring myself to say, "Ok." or anything else to him. I didn't even want to look at him, for fear that all the negative qi that I had been carrying since Vday suddenly spilled out in his parents' car while they were driving.
So he came up with a compromise. We would meet early in the morning, at 9, and then head down to Vivo ourselves before my parents came.
( Ergh, waking up early on a public holiday )
Who'd've thunk, he actually succeeded in making it a great day and released all the negative energy I'd been carrying around for about a week.
First, the presents:
Cutesy insect bag from LeSportSac, which made me squeal just to see it. Aint' it cute???
Details on the bag. A lot of cutesy insects, flowers, rainbows, but NO dragonflies. :p
And I even got a flower! I've never gotten a flower from a guy before... *sniff sniff*
[btw it's a toy because I think plastic is too cheap, and he thinks real will die in no time]
But I'm not such a cheap whore as to be won over by semi-expensive gifts, ok? He did do other stuff on that day itself that managed to turn my heart.
For one, we stopped at the Golden village cinema while shopping, and we saw that Ghost Rider, which he wanted to watch, was showing. He then turned to me and asked, "You want to watch a movie?"
Huh? I thought you had to finish your project which deadline was in one week and which you had to piah overnight for the rest of the week for?
*Shrugs* "Well, I can't finish it tonight anyway."
But as much as I want you to spend the day with me, I really don't it to be at the cost of your project, especially since you would have to spend so much time on it.
"Look, if you want, say you want, and I'll watch the movie. If you don't want, then I'll go back home after lunch."
...... Of course I want lah.
"Then let's go buy the tickets."
(0_0)(0_0)(0_0)
Then later, after my whole family had eaten a potentially-cardiac-arresting lunch at Carnivore, [no guessing what the restaurant specialises in] my dad gave the waiter his credit card, and the waiter actually came back with DF's!!!
Who knew, but he had actually given the waiter HIS credit card halfway during the meal, and he paid for my entire family!
[No small sum either. My dad just gave me the money to pay him back, and I asked what if he doesn't want the money? Then apparently it becomes another birthday ang pow to me. >:D I'm tempted to never bring up the subject with the DF again.......]
I wonder if this is all part of the ups and downs of a relationship? There are times where I feel there's no hope for us any longer, that he doesn't care, that he's a bodoh blockhead, that it's just not worth it anymore.
And then he goes and pulls something like this, which reminds me all over again why I'm still with him. :S
*Hai*
Of course, on the subject of birthdays, many thanks of course, to all the others that brightened up my day:
The whole IJ gang, including Slayer, [ +new child Bucky] Jubilee14, schwarz_kreuz, necroz, sylveracyd, doe and Bel who camped on my floor, ate all the pizza and chicken, and watched 2 eps of Prison Break with me, and who gave me the always-welcome Kino vouchers. :D [Which are GONE already, after just one trip to Kino :s ] Also, the really cute cat frame, :D and the tie-dye shirt which I'm not sure I have the guts to wear in public :S
Juls and Quetz, who brought me to dinner at Sushi Tei, [which is my alltime favourite for SAKE...] and for the leave-in conditioner. All the sashimi, sushi that I wanted to eat, before I got too guilty about it.
EVERYONE else who sent me great SMSes and remembered the day when I stepped one year closer to 30. :) :) :) Thanks, ya all.
Maybe the time till the next birthday won't be too bad.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Valentine's day made me feel like a real humbug.
Firstly, I must say that I was prepared for a 50% chance that he would not be able to make it for that day, since his boss [from hell] was apparently planning a meeting on THAT night of all nights 0_0
Then a whole bunch of bad stuff happened at work, and at the end of it, when I asked him whether he still wanted to meet, he told me he wanted to quit and wanted to talk it over and have dinner with his parents. o_0
I read 'I want to have dinner with my parents tonight'.
WTF??? It's VALENTINE'S DAY f'godssake!!! And why on earth would you want to have dinner with your parents???
WTF about me then?
That particular one hit me hard. If I wasn't at work painting corn on walls, [long story] I think I would have just broke down on the spot then and there.
Bad enough if he wasn't able to make it [like last year] but worse still if he could make it, but would rather have dinner with his parents!!!
What about me then? I kept asking why it was I was with this guy who didn't care enough to spend V-day with me, even though he knew how important it was to me, even though he already knew I really, really wanted to meet.
I kept wondering why he couldn't care enough to do this thing on this day to make me happy at least. I knew there were tons of boyfriends out there who didn't give a fig about Vday and that they were all just out at dinner for their girlfriend's sake, but AT LEAST they bothered! They bothered enough because they knew that that was what would make their girlfriends happy, and they were willing to go through all that because they wanted her HAPPY!!!
[Not helping the situation was my various attached colleagues who had dinner engagements. -_-!!!!!]
I ended up extracting a late night supper from him, but by then I felt as if I had to manhandle him into doing something he didn't want to do and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why go through all this effort for someone who didn't really care?
In the end, I went to Jul's house for KFC with Quet, Candle, and Yenn.
I still in a pretty depressed mood the entire night though, and I very nearly broke down over Jul's sink, because by then, I had a lotta negative qi that I just had to expel, and it all came out. Jul just stood by and listened to my barely-there, almost-frayed-emotional state, and watched with eyes open as I furiously scrubbed his sink ten thousand times over.
[In this time of emotional distress, I reverted to what generations of women had done before me, and resorted to domestic chores to expel my emotions.]
In the end, he did bring up some logical points, that a guy's job was big in his life, and that if he was facing such a crisis at work, he might have had some good reasons for wanting to wanting to discuss some issues with his parents. They might have had to work out financial issues. He might have been really confused. He might have felt that he was in too sucky a mood to meet me, and spoil my valentine because he had work on his mind.
Of course, all this was in my head somehow, but in my emotionally crazed state, I think I was too hyped on hormones to think about all these.
In the end, by the time he met me, I had already expelled almost all the negative energy, and was in a much calmer mood. The rest of them by this time were also encouraging me to just make the best of what I had left of the Vday, so... like that lor.
I guess one exasperating thing about this whole episode was how 1. it always seemed as though he didn't care enough about me to do all these things for me, and 2. I was pretty tired of always having to initiate these things on my own. Why couldn't he care enough, to want to do all these things for me instead?
How come other girls have guys who fall heads over heels to do all they can to please them, and me I have to beg, plead, persuade, and demand all these things out of him?
So tired. So tired of it.
By now, though, I've already expelled 90% of the negative energy, so that's why I'm still sober enough to blog about the whole thing with another major breakdown. I will have to speak to him about it one day and let him know just how I felt on that day, but for CNY peace sake, I don't wanna bring it up yet.
However, Jul did bring up the point that although this was a definite low in the relationship, it was simply one of the highs and lows that come in a long-term relationship. I could either sell the stock immediately and relieve my portfolio, or ride out the bearish market, and see if I make even more long term gains in the future. [a financial metaphor was the best I could come up with]
So I was really almost ready to sell, but I guess...... I'm holding on to the stock for now, to see if the price rises.
One favour to all my friends who are reading this: Don't bring this up to me, unless I bring it up. It took me that much to become ok with it, and I don't wanna go through the whole tiring process again. There will be some days when I think about it again, and wanna talk about it, but for now, NO.
*Sigh* HappyValentine's Chinese New Year then.
Firstly, I must say that I was prepared for a 50% chance that he would not be able to make it for that day, since his boss [from hell] was apparently planning a meeting on THAT night of all nights 0_0
Then a whole bunch of bad stuff happened at work, and at the end of it, when I asked him whether he still wanted to meet, he told me he wanted to quit and wanted to talk it over and have dinner with his parents. o_0
I read 'I want to have dinner with my parents tonight'.
WTF??? It's VALENTINE'S DAY f'godssake!!! And why on earth would you want to have dinner with your parents???
WTF about me then?
That particular one hit me hard. If I wasn't at work painting corn on walls, [long story] I think I would have just broke down on the spot then and there.
Bad enough if he wasn't able to make it [like last year] but worse still if he could make it, but would rather have dinner with his parents!!!
What about me then? I kept asking why it was I was with this guy who didn't care enough to spend V-day with me, even though he knew how important it was to me, even though he already knew I really, really wanted to meet.
I kept wondering why he couldn't care enough to do this thing on this day to make me happy at least. I knew there were tons of boyfriends out there who didn't give a fig about Vday and that they were all just out at dinner for their girlfriend's sake, but AT LEAST they bothered! They bothered enough because they knew that that was what would make their girlfriends happy, and they were willing to go through all that because they wanted her HAPPY!!!
[Not helping the situation was my various attached colleagues who had dinner engagements. -_-!!!!!]
I ended up extracting a late night supper from him, but by then I felt as if I had to manhandle him into doing something he didn't want to do and it left a sour taste in my mouth. Why go through all this effort for someone who didn't really care?
In the end, I went to Jul's house for KFC with Quet, Candle, and Yenn.
I still in a pretty depressed mood the entire night though, and I very nearly broke down over Jul's sink, because by then, I had a lotta negative qi that I just had to expel, and it all came out. Jul just stood by and listened to my barely-there, almost-frayed-emotional state, and watched with eyes open as I furiously scrubbed his sink ten thousand times over.
[In this time of emotional distress, I reverted to what generations of women had done before me, and resorted to domestic chores to expel my emotions.]
In the end, he did bring up some logical points, that a guy's job was big in his life, and that if he was facing such a crisis at work, he might have had some good reasons for wanting to wanting to discuss some issues with his parents. They might have had to work out financial issues. He might have been really confused. He might have felt that he was in too sucky a mood to meet me, and spoil my valentine because he had work on his mind.
Of course, all this was in my head somehow, but in my emotionally crazed state, I think I was too hyped on hormones to think about all these.
In the end, by the time he met me, I had already expelled almost all the negative energy, and was in a much calmer mood. The rest of them by this time were also encouraging me to just make the best of what I had left of the Vday, so... like that lor.
I guess one exasperating thing about this whole episode was how 1. it always seemed as though he didn't care enough about me to do all these things for me, and 2. I was pretty tired of always having to initiate these things on my own. Why couldn't he care enough, to want to do all these things for me instead?
How come other girls have guys who fall heads over heels to do all they can to please them, and me I have to beg, plead, persuade, and demand all these things out of him?
So tired. So tired of it.
By now, though, I've already expelled 90% of the negative energy, so that's why I'm still sober enough to blog about the whole thing with another major breakdown. I will have to speak to him about it one day and let him know just how I felt on that day, but for CNY peace sake, I don't wanna bring it up yet.
However, Jul did bring up the point that although this was a definite low in the relationship, it was simply one of the highs and lows that come in a long-term relationship. I could either sell the stock immediately and relieve my portfolio, or ride out the bearish market, and see if I make even more long term gains in the future. [a financial metaphor was the best I could come up with]
So I was really almost ready to sell, but I guess...... I'm holding on to the stock for now, to see if the price rises.
One favour to all my friends who are reading this: Don't bring this up to me, unless I bring it up. It took me that much to become ok with it, and I don't wanna go through the whole tiring process again. There will be some days when I think about it again, and wanna talk about it, but for now, NO.
*Sigh* Happy
Saturday, February 10, 2007
I always have what I call 'tipping points' in the workweek, to make the whole 5 days go by a little easier.
For example, Wednesday is a major tipping point. Once Wednesday is over means that we are onto the 2nd half of the week, also meaning that the weekend is that much closer.
Thursday is another tipping point. After dance class is over means that Friday is almost upon us. Friday means another night of dinner, drink [maybe], and debauchery.
Need I explain about Friday?
Other things serve as tipping points too. Tea time with a friend on Monday brings Tuesday that much closer. Watching a theatre production on a Wednesday brings the tipping point that much closer. These kind of tipping points are the little things that you look forward to outside of work, that make you want to live through the boring ten courses of the day just to enjoy that little morsel of dessert that you know comes at the end.
I always look forward, therefore, to my tipping points.
Lately, though, my week has been filled with so many tipping points that some weeks just fly by in a flash, and before I know it, weekends are over, and I have done nothing, achieved nothing, except use up a lot of my energy and slack time. X( I never quite realised this until this year, because nowadays everytime I go home early after work, it's simply to sleep, sleep, sleep.
My best nap record so far is on Thursday when I went home early with a throat infection, fell upon my bed, and then slept all the way till 9. -_-!!! This even though I was still thinking I could maybe wake up, go out for some dinner, head to the library, and then home. -_-!!!!! None of which I did, of course, because of my comatose manner on my blankets.
I know many people out there may see this kind of slothery as a blessed luxury, but in fact, I felt I wasted some time, and I even woke up with a splitting migraine for screwing up my sleep cycle majorly. [I'm like that] Trust me, the migraine wasn't worth it. -_-!!!!!
The 20s are, I suppose, the prime of my years, but in this way.... I dunno, is it going away too fast like this? I wonder whether I'm starting to exhaust my body past its limits. I don't wanna stay at home everyday just watching Channel U dramas [no offence to those who do] and then sleeping at 9, but neither do I wanna race past the rest of my life just like that.
Gods, I'm in my 20s and I feel like I'm already in my 50s sometimes. Maybe I am getting old.
I'm guessing that the work is partly because of it. That because I don't want to spend my life just doing my work and nothing else, I squeeze all these extra stuff in, so that my workweek goes by faster, and so that I feel that I have done something else in life other than my work. That I have a worth outside of my workplace.
The only problem is that so far, it's been going too fast. I'm starting to stuff too much stuff in, so that really, the time I get to myself, to do my own activities is declining more and more, as can be evidenced by the amount of time I spend on this blog anymore. ^_^!!! And because of that, my body is cracking down. My batteries aren't being recharged properly. And I keep having to pay Kenko crazy amounts of money to perform a rapid recharge. [a particular branch manager in the City Hall area started to recognise me by face -_-!!!]
I need to start repairing batteries. Please stay tuned even if you don't hear much from me anymore. ;)
For example, Wednesday is a major tipping point. Once Wednesday is over means that we are onto the 2nd half of the week, also meaning that the weekend is that much closer.
Thursday is another tipping point. After dance class is over means that Friday is almost upon us. Friday means another night of dinner, drink [maybe], and debauchery.
Need I explain about Friday?
Other things serve as tipping points too. Tea time with a friend on Monday brings Tuesday that much closer. Watching a theatre production on a Wednesday brings the tipping point that much closer. These kind of tipping points are the little things that you look forward to outside of work, that make you want to live through the boring ten courses of the day just to enjoy that little morsel of dessert that you know comes at the end.
I always look forward, therefore, to my tipping points.
Lately, though, my week has been filled with so many tipping points that some weeks just fly by in a flash, and before I know it, weekends are over, and I have done nothing, achieved nothing, except use up a lot of my energy and slack time. X( I never quite realised this until this year, because nowadays everytime I go home early after work, it's simply to sleep, sleep, sleep.
My best nap record so far is on Thursday when I went home early with a throat infection, fell upon my bed, and then slept all the way till 9. -_-!!! This even though I was still thinking I could maybe wake up, go out for some dinner, head to the library, and then home. -_-!!!!! None of which I did, of course, because of my comatose manner on my blankets.
I know many people out there may see this kind of slothery as a blessed luxury, but in fact, I felt I wasted some time, and I even woke up with a splitting migraine for screwing up my sleep cycle majorly. [I'm like that] Trust me, the migraine wasn't worth it. -_-!!!!!
The 20s are, I suppose, the prime of my years, but in this way.... I dunno, is it going away too fast like this? I wonder whether I'm starting to exhaust my body past its limits. I don't wanna stay at home everyday just watching Channel U dramas [no offence to those who do] and then sleeping at 9, but neither do I wanna race past the rest of my life just like that.
Gods, I'm in my 20s and I feel like I'm already in my 50s sometimes. Maybe I am getting old.
I'm guessing that the work is partly because of it. That because I don't want to spend my life just doing my work and nothing else, I squeeze all these extra stuff in, so that my workweek goes by faster, and so that I feel that I have done something else in life other than my work. That I have a worth outside of my workplace.
The only problem is that so far, it's been going too fast. I'm starting to stuff too much stuff in, so that really, the time I get to myself, to do my own activities is declining more and more, as can be evidenced by the amount of time I spend on this blog anymore. ^_^!!! And because of that, my body is cracking down. My batteries aren't being recharged properly. And I keep having to pay Kenko crazy amounts of money to perform a rapid recharge. [a particular branch manager in the City Hall area started to recognise me by face -_-!!!]
I need to start repairing batteries. Please stay tuned even if you don't hear much from me anymore. ;)
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Call me an old fogey, but I find this 'super funny' vid freezing cold.
Although if I were the 'Indian man' in the vid, I probably would have quietly taken their orders the second time, and then quietly gone to the back to call the police. Or my kakis.
Always fear the quiet ones. ;)
It's been a somber Friday night for me this time around, because of the time-stopping news I received that a girl my age, who used to ride the same schoolbus with me in Primary school, actually passed away due to her own circumstances.
With the news came feelings of quiet shock, that this could have happened to a person our age, sadness for the ending of all her life potential, and then, at the wake, sadness that a person at our age could have felt so utterly helpless, so utterly despaired that she saw not even a spark at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly I feel very old. I should not be attending wakes for compadres at my age, no?
Although if I were the 'Indian man' in the vid, I probably would have quietly taken their orders the second time, and then quietly gone to the back to call the police. Or my kakis.
Always fear the quiet ones. ;)
It's been a somber Friday night for me this time around, because of the time-stopping news I received that a girl my age, who used to ride the same schoolbus with me in Primary school, actually passed away due to her own circumstances.
With the news came feelings of quiet shock, that this could have happened to a person our age, sadness for the ending of all her life potential, and then, at the wake, sadness that a person at our age could have felt so utterly helpless, so utterly despaired that she saw not even a spark at the end of the tunnel.
Suddenly I feel very old. I should not be attending wakes for compadres at my age, no?
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Um, I got tagged by Slayer to do a meme on favourite movies, but fact is, I've never been that much of a movie fan... :p So I can only give you some titles but not favourite scenes or lines......
1. Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet
2. Moulin Rouge
3. Jeux D'Enfants
Yes, that's a pretty bad mix of movies with unfulfilled love. -_-!!! Explains my sometimes-paranoid view on relationships.......
Well, I liked Borat too......?
Coming onto relationships though......
I woke up this morning to an SMS from the DF saying "I just went to bed. Don't know what time I'll wake up." which was received by my HP this Sun morning, 6-freaking-am in the morning -_-!
On Mons to Fris, that would be acceptable timing, but on Sundays? Just plain unholy.
Anyway, this unreasonably pisses me off for several reasons:
1. Sundays are our days, and the SMS implies that he won't be seeing me today. -_- Paranoia again, I know.
2. Why don't you just tell me you'll meet me later in the afternoon?
3. No mention of whether we are still meeting that day. Now am I supposed to make plans with someone, only to risk him waking up later? Or do I not make plans for the whole day, and wait futilely for him?
I wonder if this general blockness is just restricted to the guys I know, or is it just all guys? Cos I know Jules and Turtle are pretty much capable of the same blockness as well, just that I get more irritated at DF cos, he's the, er, DF.
The other day, Jules got Candle pretty pissed off because of the same insensitivity.
Imagine that a guy can arrange to watch a movie with a girl, and then get the movie time wrong, notify the girl too late, offer to fetch her, take back the offer too late, causing both parties to arrive late at the cinema, where he manages to exchange the tickets for the same show at a later time, [small points for trying] and then just before the movie, rushes off to meet a client and not appear till hours later in the cinema when the movie is already reaching the end legs.
And the best part of it all was that he could still insist that it was because of work, that the fault was not his, and that he tried his best.
OMG! What happened to the simple, effective method of apologising, and then making amends??? [preferably with some very good dessert] All we wanted, in this situation was to hear one simple SORRY.
MEN.
The DF was the same thing during that disastrous day of his father's baptism, when I appeared in the church in T-shirt and flip flops. I sulked for a good while before I finally got a half-hearted apology, after all the repeated insistences of "It wasn't my fault."
ACK! Isn't it pointless to insist that you aren't at fault, when you clearly were?
Let us all spit out the word again.
MEN.
1. Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet
2. Moulin Rouge
3. Jeux D'Enfants
Yes, that's a pretty bad mix of movies with unfulfilled love. -_-!!! Explains my sometimes-paranoid view on relationships.......
Well, I liked Borat too......?
Coming onto relationships though......
I woke up this morning to an SMS from the DF saying "I just went to bed. Don't know what time I'll wake up." which was received by my HP this Sun morning, 6-freaking-am in the morning -_-!
On Mons to Fris, that would be acceptable timing, but on Sundays? Just plain unholy.
Anyway, this unreasonably pisses me off for several reasons:
1. Sundays are our days, and the SMS implies that he won't be seeing me today. -_- Paranoia again, I know.
2. Why don't you just tell me you'll meet me later in the afternoon?
3. No mention of whether we are still meeting that day. Now am I supposed to make plans with someone, only to risk him waking up later? Or do I not make plans for the whole day, and wait futilely for him?
I wonder if this general blockness is just restricted to the guys I know, or is it just all guys? Cos I know Jules and Turtle are pretty much capable of the same blockness as well, just that I get more irritated at DF cos, he's the, er, DF.
The other day, Jules got Candle pretty pissed off because of the same insensitivity.
Imagine that a guy can arrange to watch a movie with a girl, and then get the movie time wrong, notify the girl too late, offer to fetch her, take back the offer too late, causing both parties to arrive late at the cinema, where he manages to exchange the tickets for the same show at a later time, [small points for trying] and then just before the movie, rushes off to meet a client and not appear till hours later in the cinema when the movie is already reaching the end legs.
And the best part of it all was that he could still insist that it was because of work, that the fault was not his, and that he tried his best.
OMG! What happened to the simple, effective method of apologising, and then making amends??? [preferably with some very good dessert] All we wanted, in this situation was to hear one simple SORRY.
MEN.
The DF was the same thing during that disastrous day of his father's baptism, when I appeared in the church in T-shirt and flip flops. I sulked for a good while before I finally got a half-hearted apology, after all the repeated insistences of "It wasn't my fault."
ACK! Isn't it pointless to insist that you aren't at fault, when you clearly were?
Let us all spit out the word again.
MEN.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
When I was younger, my mom used to yell at me for my school uniform. Being in secondary meant that I went through something like 3 sets of uniforms a week, which had to be washed and ironed before the next Monday. This also included the white canvas shoes which had to be polished with white paint. At that age, I was considered old enough to do this simple task without repeated yellings from her.
When I entered university, it became the shirts and jeans that I wore to uni. Now I had something like 5 or 6 shirts after one week of school, plus about 3 or 4 jeans. The laundry load increased, and it was my fault for wearing all these clothes to school. I was already old enough to start washing and ironing my own clothes anyway. When was I going to learn to take care of myself?
Then I started buying my own clothes. She complained about the increasing load of laundry, which was funny, because I mean, no matter the number of clothes in your closet, you're only wearing about 5 or 6 per week right? I also didn't know where the extra laundry she was complaining about was coming from. I started periodically doing my own laundry.
Now I'm working, I do my own laundry on a weekly basis. On Sat or Sun mornings, after breakfast, I take down my laundry basket, wash, and hang up the clothing. At the same time, I took down the ones I washed last week.
This was what I considered a reasonable system, since now, she didn't have to wash and hang and take down my clothing anymore. However, she didn't think the same way.
Yesterday morning, when I woke up at 1330, [one of the rare times I really sleep in, to my profound bad luck] I read an SMS on my phone that said "Your clothes are in the void deck."
-_-
When I asked her about it, she yelled that my clothes had been hanging there for 2 weeks [which it had not, because I had washed them just 1 week ago] and I was forever forgetting to take them down [which I admit, I do so] and now she was going to save herself the trouble and just chuck them away. I said I had only hung them up last Saturday morning, to which she yelled something else back at me, which I forget now. [she's yelled too many things at me for me to remember, or even bother.] She then laid down the ultimatum that my clothes could stay no longer than 3 days on the laundry line, and that I had to write down on a calendar when exactly I washed them, hung down, and took them down, to leave behind a kind of physical record so to speak.
Besides some ordinary tee shirts, I also lost a B&W dress I wore on Xmas and NYE, black thai silk pants, and a pair of tailor-made pants from Vietnam. Some of the best clothing in my wardrobe, actually.
-_-
I went through an entire gamut of emotions on Sat, ranging from grief, anger and then resignation about my lost clothes. I also decided that I absolute could not live with my mom and that I had better start looking at my own property one day.
This morning, she took out a bag of clothes from the storeroom and chucked it at me. It turned out to be the clothes that I had thought I had lost. So the whole thing turned out to be a farce, to punish me for leaving my clothes 3 days too long on the laundry line.
She grumbled something about not being grateful for it. I'm wondering, should I feel grateful?
Grateful for what? For losing my clothes? For her yelling at me? For her treating my property like rubbish?
Because I don't feel grateful. In fact, I don't feel particularly respectful. To me, I have no respect for people who do not respect me in return. You can earn my resentful obedience, but you cannot earn my respect or my gratitude.
It's funny, because I learnt that lesson after teaching 30 kids for 6 months. After 26 years of living with 2 children, she still hasn't learnt it.
Which is another reason why we find ourselves at odds at our age, over all sort of petty things.
She still hasn't learnt.
When I entered university, it became the shirts and jeans that I wore to uni. Now I had something like 5 or 6 shirts after one week of school, plus about 3 or 4 jeans. The laundry load increased, and it was my fault for wearing all these clothes to school. I was already old enough to start washing and ironing my own clothes anyway. When was I going to learn to take care of myself?
Then I started buying my own clothes. She complained about the increasing load of laundry, which was funny, because I mean, no matter the number of clothes in your closet, you're only wearing about 5 or 6 per week right? I also didn't know where the extra laundry she was complaining about was coming from. I started periodically doing my own laundry.
Now I'm working, I do my own laundry on a weekly basis. On Sat or Sun mornings, after breakfast, I take down my laundry basket, wash, and hang up the clothing. At the same time, I took down the ones I washed last week.
This was what I considered a reasonable system, since now, she didn't have to wash and hang and take down my clothing anymore. However, she didn't think the same way.
Yesterday morning, when I woke up at 1330, [one of the rare times I really sleep in, to my profound bad luck] I read an SMS on my phone that said "Your clothes are in the void deck."
-_-
When I asked her about it, she yelled that my clothes had been hanging there for 2 weeks [which it had not, because I had washed them just 1 week ago] and I was forever forgetting to take them down [which I admit, I do so] and now she was going to save herself the trouble and just chuck them away. I said I had only hung them up last Saturday morning, to which she yelled something else back at me, which I forget now. [she's yelled too many things at me for me to remember, or even bother.] She then laid down the ultimatum that my clothes could stay no longer than 3 days on the laundry line, and that I had to write down on a calendar when exactly I washed them, hung down, and took them down, to leave behind a kind of physical record so to speak.
Besides some ordinary tee shirts, I also lost a B&W dress I wore on Xmas and NYE, black thai silk pants, and a pair of tailor-made pants from Vietnam. Some of the best clothing in my wardrobe, actually.
-_-
I went through an entire gamut of emotions on Sat, ranging from grief, anger and then resignation about my lost clothes. I also decided that I absolute could not live with my mom and that I had better start looking at my own property one day.
This morning, she took out a bag of clothes from the storeroom and chucked it at me. It turned out to be the clothes that I had thought I had lost. So the whole thing turned out to be a farce, to punish me for leaving my clothes 3 days too long on the laundry line.
She grumbled something about not being grateful for it. I'm wondering, should I feel grateful?
Grateful for what? For losing my clothes? For her yelling at me? For her treating my property like rubbish?
Because I don't feel grateful. In fact, I don't feel particularly respectful. To me, I have no respect for people who do not respect me in return. You can earn my resentful obedience, but you cannot earn my respect or my gratitude.
It's funny, because I learnt that lesson after teaching 30 kids for 6 months. After 26 years of living with 2 children, she still hasn't learnt it.
Which is another reason why we find ourselves at odds at our age, over all sort of petty things.
She still hasn't learnt.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
2007 resolutions
Since 'tis the time, here are the resolutions:
Lose 10 kg by Dec 2007
I'm not a borderline anorexic, but I still think my weight is ballooning to alarming proportions. Before I have to do my shopping exclusively at Marks 'n Spencer's, or Dorothy Perkins, [both UK brands which stock clothes up to size 16] I think I better do something about it. And two fun ways for me to do it, is to:
Keep On Swinging
'Cos it won't mean a thing, if I ain't got that swing. And,
Take up a new dance
This is something I've been thinking of for a while now, and I think it's time I finally acted on it this year. I'm looking at either Hip Hop, or Tap, [!!] or even Salsa? Not decided yet. The only thing I know is that it can' t be on Swing nights.
I should also,
Go to the gym at least once a week
Because I think it does work. When I was doing practicuum, swing and I went to the gym once a week, I managed to lose about 2 kg after the 10 week practicuum, [even with all the crap I ate and drank] so I figure something about that combination must be working. The difficulty is always in getting my butt off the chair. [oooh, nice sofa... ] I wish I could join a fitness, or combat class, but that would require me to
Save money
The only one of my 2006 resolutions that I managed to fulfill -_-!! All thanks to a SAYE plan from POSB, I have managed to save up the recommended 3 mths of salary as a rainy day fund. The cash is partially locked up, and if I take it out earlier, I stand to lose some interest, but that's fine, as long as I know there's $$ somewhere. For those of you who have the same saving problem, I recommend the same option. It may not end u as much interest as unit trusts, but at least it gets you used to the idea of saving some of your salary every month. [and it actually ensures you save every month]
OTher emotional resolutions:
Be less demanding, less paranoid about the DF and let things take their course, except in cases of neglect, abuse or infidelity. [all of which will warrant the necessary repercussions of pestering, abuse, and castration]
Keep on thinking and never accept things as they are. To not simply accept the viewpoint as it is, but to think objectively and consider all other options. To never just give up and follow, but to grind my mind furiously to making it better for myself.
Always remember that I'm a whole lot more well off than a lot of other people, in terms of money, things and friends, and to be thankful for it, no matter the shit that comes my way.
Happy 2007 everyone.
Monday, January 01, 2007
The first day of 2006 started off with Necroz, fireworks, handphones and cameras, and a lot of crap.
Strange that the first day of 2007 almost starts off the same way.
For one, Necroz was there again, as was Kreuz, and the DF.
For another, there were fireworks galore again along the Marina waterfront.
*though I was too tired this time to try taking photos, so this photo doesn't belong to me, but to stoical on flickr.
We still had a whole nation of aspiring photographers.
Taken from last year, and still the same thing at the Esplanade waterfront this year. -_-!!
And after searching through the blog archives, I found the New Year greeting I used last year on Necroz with the dessert:
Cheesecake, for a sweet mouth when talking to others, and make it a rich one, to put richness into your life.
Iced tea for a 'liang shuang' life. [roughly meaning a light and carefree life?]
Water, to 'yin shui si yuan' and always be humble.
This year we had plenty of crap and good dessert too, in the last few hours of 2006, so I guess we more or less settled that? ;) But then those who know me know that I will never run out of crap anyway. ^_^!
Just a few things different about this New Year's:
1. That an early sleeper and riser such as DF was actually willing to stay wayyy up late to usher in the NY with me, simply 'cos I wanted to, and that he was even willing to entertain two of my friends at the same time. I like the fact that he's making me appreciate him more and more as this goes on. :)
2. 1st Jan will start off relatively mild for the afternoon and then I'll be swing-dancing at night with Quet and Goldfish! Great way to start off the dancing for the rest of the year!
3. I actually fulfilled one of the three resolutions made to myself at the start of 06 by saving more money. [I won't humiliate myself by mentioning online the ones that I didn't] I'm more specific as to my resolutions for 07 and am hoping that I actually manage the same success rate. ^_^!
Funny how things stay the same, and yet can become different at the same time. Maybe life in the long term is just like that. That the most important differences aren't necessarily the most dramatic in your life, but instead are the little bits that change from day to day, year to year. Those that you don't notice till many years later when you realise how far you've come from who you originally were.
Some of the things in my life have been precisely like that. Minor changes to character, personality, outlook, relationships, lifestyle that I don't notice till I realise one day what a difference they made.
What a difference a year made.
So to all who are reading this blog, wishing you:
Plenty of cheesecake, iced tea and water in your life for 2007. :)
Many more fulfilled resolutions.
and
All the little things to make a real difference in your life.
See you in 2008! Wonder what will remain the same, and more importantly, what will change?
Strange that the first day of 2007 almost starts off the same way.
For one, Necroz was there again, as was Kreuz, and the DF.
For another, there were fireworks galore again along the Marina waterfront.
*though I was too tired this time to try taking photos, so this photo doesn't belong to me, but to stoical on flickr.
We still had a whole nation of aspiring photographers.
Taken from last year, and still the same thing at the Esplanade waterfront this year. -_-!!And after searching through the blog archives, I found the New Year greeting I used last year on Necroz with the dessert:
Cheesecake, for a sweet mouth when talking to others, and make it a rich one, to put richness into your life.
Iced tea for a 'liang shuang' life. [roughly meaning a light and carefree life?]
Water, to 'yin shui si yuan' and always be humble.
This year we had plenty of crap and good dessert too, in the last few hours of 2006, so I guess we more or less settled that? ;) But then those who know me know that I will never run out of crap anyway. ^_^!
Just a few things different about this New Year's:
1. That an early sleeper and riser such as DF was actually willing to stay wayyy up late to usher in the NY with me, simply 'cos I wanted to, and that he was even willing to entertain two of my friends at the same time. I like the fact that he's making me appreciate him more and more as this goes on. :)
2. 1st Jan will start off relatively mild for the afternoon and then I'll be swing-dancing at night with Quet and Goldfish! Great way to start off the dancing for the rest of the year!
3. I actually fulfilled one of the three resolutions made to myself at the start of 06 by saving more money. [I won't humiliate myself by mentioning online the ones that I didn't] I'm more specific as to my resolutions for 07 and am hoping that I actually manage the same success rate. ^_^!
Funny how things stay the same, and yet can become different at the same time. Maybe life in the long term is just like that. That the most important differences aren't necessarily the most dramatic in your life, but instead are the little bits that change from day to day, year to year. Those that you don't notice till many years later when you realise how far you've come from who you originally were.
Some of the things in my life have been precisely like that. Minor changes to character, personality, outlook, relationships, lifestyle that I don't notice till I realise one day what a difference they made.
What a difference a year made.
So to all who are reading this blog, wishing you:
Plenty of cheesecake, iced tea and water in your life for 2007. :)
Many more fulfilled resolutions.
and
All the little things to make a real difference in your life.
See you in 2008! Wonder what will remain the same, and more importantly, what will change?
Monday, December 25, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
Swing Kids
I want to find this movie now... hehehe... not least because of the dancing :p
For those of you who've always wondered what is this Lindy Hop I've been blogging about, here's something to give you an idea. While the dancing we do is a lot less dangerous and life-&-limb threatening than those in the movie, most of the basic steps can be seen in any social nite at Jitterbugs.
Would be nice to dance with Christian Bale though :p
Monday, December 18, 2006
A chalet. What is your idea of a chalet?
When people tell me that their family is having a chalet, I imagine one bungalow, or one semi-detached house, with one or two bedrooms, and a living room. I imagine adults sitting around, eating, drinking, barbequeing, and children running around amok. Maybe about 2 or 3 families.
Hence when the DF told me that his mother was having a chalet, and that we were going over, that was my idea. His mother being one heck of a socialite, I imagined maybe 5 or 6 families in a large bungalow.
I was wrong.
Firstly, what do you wear to a chalet? Tanks, halters, shorts... But on the day itself, he told me just before I left the house that his family was going to church before the chalet, and was I joining them? Ok lor... So I wear a T-shirt and jeans instead.
Then I asked him where and what time we were supposed to meet, and THEN he decides to fall asleep -_-!!!! I call him three times, SMS him 5 times, and NO REPLY.
Fine lor. I head down to J8 to our usual meeting place.
At the time we usually meet, he tells me that they were going straight to church. So from J8 now I have to dash down to the church, which is walking distance from my house. -_-!!!!!!!!!!
THEN at the church itself, he tells me there are a lot of family and friends around. Hope I wore something nice. Like hallo? No lor....
THEN he tells me oh oh... it was his dad's baptism.................. I didn't bring anything, I didn't wear anything nice, and I'm in FLIP FLOPS F'GOD'SAKES. And EVERYONE is dressed in their Sunday best.
Never have I come so close to killing him, if not for being in the house of God and all.
After the service, I then realise his mother had chartered 2 tour buses to bring all the guests to the chalet. (!!!!!!!) And I ask how many units had his mother booked?
Apparently almost 10 units....................... Plus a function room for a lengthy thanksgiving service, entirely in bahasa and of which I understood 5 words, and filled full of people I didn't know and I didn't understand a word of what they were saying. Plus apparently some of the closer ones knew me, knew what I did, knew everything about our relationship before I even knew their names. -_-!!!!!!!!!
*SIgh* At least their singing was good........
Usually our Sundays are quite relaxed, take-your-own-time affairs. Yesterday's was like a culture-and-in-law shockbomb hurled at me.
The idea of forgoing the usual wedding dinners in favour of elopement suddenly seems more tempting than before......
When people tell me that their family is having a chalet, I imagine one bungalow, or one semi-detached house, with one or two bedrooms, and a living room. I imagine adults sitting around, eating, drinking, barbequeing, and children running around amok. Maybe about 2 or 3 families.
Hence when the DF told me that his mother was having a chalet, and that we were going over, that was my idea. His mother being one heck of a socialite, I imagined maybe 5 or 6 families in a large bungalow.
I was wrong.
Firstly, what do you wear to a chalet? Tanks, halters, shorts... But on the day itself, he told me just before I left the house that his family was going to church before the chalet, and was I joining them? Ok lor... So I wear a T-shirt and jeans instead.
Then I asked him where and what time we were supposed to meet, and THEN he decides to fall asleep -_-!!!! I call him three times, SMS him 5 times, and NO REPLY.
Fine lor. I head down to J8 to our usual meeting place.
At the time we usually meet, he tells me that they were going straight to church. So from J8 now I have to dash down to the church, which is walking distance from my house. -_-!!!!!!!!!!
THEN at the church itself, he tells me there are a lot of family and friends around. Hope I wore something nice. Like hallo? No lor....
THEN he tells me oh oh... it was his dad's baptism.................. I didn't bring anything, I didn't wear anything nice, and I'm in FLIP FLOPS F'GOD'SAKES. And EVERYONE is dressed in their Sunday best.
Never have I come so close to killing him, if not for being in the house of God and all.
After the service, I then realise his mother had chartered 2 tour buses to bring all the guests to the chalet. (!!!!!!!) And I ask how many units had his mother booked?
Apparently almost 10 units....................... Plus a function room for a lengthy thanksgiving service, entirely in bahasa and of which I understood 5 words, and filled full of people I didn't know and I didn't understand a word of what they were saying. Plus apparently some of the closer ones knew me, knew what I did, knew everything about our relationship before I even knew their names. -_-!!!!!!!!!
*SIgh* At least their singing was good........
Usually our Sundays are quite relaxed, take-your-own-time affairs. Yesterday's was like a culture-and-in-law shockbomb hurled at me.
The idea of forgoing the usual wedding dinners in favour of elopement suddenly seems more tempting than before......
Friday, December 15, 2006
Naked Women!
Why do I feel this post will get more hits on the search engine than any other?
Anyway, before you start running from to the authorities, this post is about nothing pornographic. Rather it is about how old I've been feeling. Especially when I go into the locker rooms at the fitness club I've been going to.
Apparently the women in the room are pretty liberal. I, and the friends I've been there with so far, would usually go into the room, get our clothes, have a bath, change in the shower room, and then come out fully clothed.
Not some of the women there. The other day as I entered the room after class, I saw 2 women, who seemed to have just finished bathing, and were now talking to each other. The only thing being one woman had only just a towel wrapped around her waist. Leaving her breasts free for the whole locker room to see.
....................... (0_0)
And then there was the other girl, I suspect younger than me, whom I think did not want to wear her dirty clothes into the shower room. Hence, while I was sitting barely 2 metres from her, she stripped off all her clothes, giving me a full view of almost everything before putting on another set of clothes and then going into the showers.
(0_0)!!!!!
Now I really gotta wonder: Am I getting so old that the sight of women so fully willing to unclothe themselves in my presence becomes shocking?Am I becoming like this:
Either though I would rather be like this?:
Well, Candle for one thinks maybe it's just a matter of not being used to something. After all, this being common practice in Japanese and Korean bathing houses, but not in Singapore, so maybe it's just a matter of being unused to something.
At least it's not that I'm turning lesbian or worse, old. >D
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Budak Pantai Unplucked!
The funniest, most hilarious and most entertaining local acapella group I have ever heard is back in concert. For 2 nights only at the Esplanade recital studio, and for $25, the music will be GOOD. Trust me. ;)
It's free seating on that night, so I'm buying my ticket early, for Friday, 29th December, at 9:30pm. If you wanna join me, buy a ticket by clicking on this link, or at any Sistic outlets.
The quintet also performs on Thursday night, 28th Dec, at 730 and 930pm, and Friday 29th, at 730pm.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
There is one day in the year which makes a lot of civil servants very happy, and today it is. \($_$)/ I think I'm heading to Orchard later... ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
Other than the shopping though, it's been a b*tch trying to keep myself occupied during this December. Since I stupidly waited too long to buy airline tix, I'm stuck in Singapore while other colleagues are going to Tokyo, Hokkaido, Batam...... *cries* Must NOTNOTNOT be late for June....
So what am I left doing? Tons of reading, for one, and later on, I'm going to buy more comics. ^_^ Trying to do more art but not producing that much -_-!!! and also pulling Candle for dinner whenever I can. I've also probably watched more MTV than I've watched from Jan to Nov.
I've also gotten a 1 mth free membership from California Fitness courtesy of a colleague, so I'm actually going to the gym. (0_0) Though since I don't have to eat school food anymore, I think I'm just struggling to keep the extra cals off rather than burning off those I already have. -__-
*Sigh*
Next Dec, I will heck care and book me a trip somewhere......... I swear...........
Other than the shopping though, it's been a b*tch trying to keep myself occupied during this December. Since I stupidly waited too long to buy airline tix, I'm stuck in Singapore while other colleagues are going to Tokyo, Hokkaido, Batam...... *cries* Must NOTNOTNOT be late for June....
So what am I left doing? Tons of reading, for one, and later on, I'm going to buy more comics. ^_^ Trying to do more art but not producing that much -_-!!! and also pulling Candle for dinner whenever I can. I've also probably watched more MTV than I've watched from Jan to Nov.
I've also gotten a 1 mth free membership from California Fitness courtesy of a colleague, so I'm actually going to the gym. (0_0) Though since I don't have to eat school food anymore, I think I'm just struggling to keep the extra cals off rather than burning off those I already have. -__-
*Sigh*
Next Dec, I will heck care and book me a trip somewhere......... I swear...........
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Snoopy + Spiderman = ?????
Here's a collection of pix where Marvel Superheroes meets Peanuts...
Click Here!
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